Chapter 9
Severus Snape woke up on Boxing Day with the joyous knowledge that he would not have to get out of bed for a couple more hours. He wrapped the blankets more tightly around himself, eyes grimly kept shut, trying to hold on to those precious few seconds between sleep and waking where you just don't know why you don't want to wake up in the first place.
He couldn't go back to sleep, and his mind had enough time to separate his dreams from the actual reality of the night before. He groaned and rolled over in bed, succeeding in getting thoroughly tangled in the sheets.
Finally, he opened his eyes, but they were covered by a tangled mess of black hair. He cursed inwardly, tumbled out of bed and made his miserable way to the bathroom.
Standing under the hot water of the shower, he wondered what exactly was going to happen. Would Dumbledore throw him out? No. He was sure of that now, Dumbledore was always so understanding, if he could have stood there and not blast Snape to a million pieces after he had confessed to being a Death Eater, then surely this wouldn't cost him his job.
A sudden thought occurred to him. Hadn't she kissed him back? He was sure that she had . . . touched him. Touched his hair, moaned against his lips. Hadn't she been staring at him all through dinner as well?
That doesn't matter, he told himself. It wouldn't have even mattered if she had been the one to kiss you. Fact is, you were all over a student in the hallway.
He shook some water out of his eyes and started to lather up, scrubbing a lot harder than necessary until his skin was a bit reddish. The hot water was starting to burn, but he ignored it and scoured his flesh, trying to remove the guilt with physical pain.
The school was uncharacteristically quiet that morning, and Viola took advantage of the peace to retreat to the Head Girl's Bathroom. Her Christmas presents had arrived that morning at breakfast, forwarded to the school by Randy when he realized that she had disappeared from the building. Attached to the sack of gifts was a note from him, with a quick apology and his concerns for her well being. He had sent her a couple grams of marijuana as well, and she sat on the sill of the tall window smoking some of it, listening to Sublime and finding it harder and harder to concentrate on what she had gone there to think about.
Randy. She had been thinking about Randy. That was right, wasn't it? No, she had been thinking about Snape. Severus Anthony Gordon Snape. Her mind tripped over the words slightly, but she forced herself to focus nonetheless.
Gods, you're stoned Vi, She giggled to herself, and decided that she was cut off for the rest of the day. Randy had always saved his best weed for her. What a sweetheart. The stone walls appeared to be moving ever so slightly, which gave her the distinct impression that the weed was dusted with something much, much better.
She carefully put the drugs away, vowing not to have any more. She languidly got undressed, jumped into the tub and relaxed in the hot water to think about . . . Snape. Right.
Instead though, she found herself picturing Brandon. Pretty Brandon, but scary Brandon. Oh, he wouldn't be happy if he found out about what happened, with Randy or with Snape. No, he'd probably be really angry.
A warm shiver reverberated through her body as she remembered the moment when Snape had kissed her in the hallway. She wondered if he was going to get into any trouble over that. That thought sobered her slightly, and she firmly decided that she would definitely not tell anyone. Not even Gwenny, as hard as that would be. She knew that something bad would happen if anyone found out. It was like some nagging sensation in the back of her mind, almost like deja vu for some reason, like someone had told her before that there would be conflict here. She was too stoned to remember when, though.
**************************
The Carter House was a mile or two outside of London, wedged into the countryside for over a hundred years. All covered in snow, it looked like a castle out of a storybook. It wasn't an especially large home, but big enough to house a large family and servants.
The beauty of the winter morning was lost completely on Brandon, who was brooding in his room. In the corner of the vast bedroom stood a broomstick, a Firebolt, given generously by a rather fond uncle, but Brandon wasn't interested in the gift. Being born to a wealthy wizard family always meant the best of everything, but it was starting to bore the young man. He could only think of one thing.
Viola. Always Viola.
The boy was worried about another thing, as well. His father had come home Christmas eve in a terrible state, shaking and cringing and muttering to himself. Brandon's mother had tried to console him, but it was no use. The man hadn't gotten out of bed since then.
Brandon shivered at the thought. As much as he was looking forward to his initiation, he was beginning to feel nervousness tug at his insides at the knowledge of what he was going to be facing, not from the enemies of the Dark Lord, but from Voldemort himself.
Brandon had been brought up knowing that his father was a Death Eater, and his parents had made it seem, to an impressionable child, that his father's loyalties lied in the correct place. Brandon had never questioned his father's morality, and therefore had inherited it.
But there was still Viola. He still didn't understand what it was about her that made him need her so badly. He knew she was muggle born, and it disgusted him that he could fall in love with something so filthy, but it couldn't be helped.
It was infuriating, really, how great she was. No matter what wrong she could possibly do, all the drugs, rule breaking, any sins of any sort, she was still so pure and good. Where that virtuousness could have been a lifeline to someone like Brandon, destined to serve evil for the rest of his life, it was like a motivation to destroy it. He knew that he had lost the childlike innocence that she possessed when he was young, and could never touch it again, and the fact that he knew her innocence would never leave made him angry.
He wanted her so badly, and it was vile. Sometimes it took all his willpower to not just take that lovely neck between his hands and destroy her, just so he wouldn't have to feel the guilt of loving a mudblood. It ate away at his mind, until all he cold see was her sparkling brown eyes. His raw desire, his unforgivable sin. So innocent. Gods, he needed that. He wanted her innocence.
He would take it.
**********************
Strange, really, how one thing can lead to another, so quickly sometimes that it feels like the end result was exactly what Severus was going for in the first place. He had just wanted a word with Lupin, really, not to be dragged into the unbearable purgatory of 'a few drinks with the guys.'
Despite his hatred of Sirius Black and James Potter, Snape had never really had a problem getting along with Remus Lupin. The two men were far from being friends, but they frequently found contentment in each other's company when it became impossible to pace one's office any longer.
What had started as idle conversation with the intent of getting Snape's mind of his upcoming punishment for indiscretion had alarmingly grew into a boxing day celebration, complete with Jack Daniel's, uproar, the entire male faculty of Hogwarts and a good many residents of Hogsmeade.
The pub was crowded, noisy, and very, very annoying to poor Severus. His head was pounding already, as if the drinks he had consumed had skipped intoxicating him and got right onto the hangover.
Remus was sitting across from his at their table, looking sympathetic. The werewolf appeared terribly fatigued, with limp greying hair and drooping eyes. The recent full moon had taken it's usual toll on the man, and Severus inwardly reminded himself to try and develop a version of wolfsbane with less inhibiting side-affects.
Remus made a tired smile. "What's bothering you, Severus?"
Snape looked sour, sipping reflectively at his drink. "Nothing I want to talk about with you."
Remus laughed, and the gesture took years off his face. "Didn't Father Christmas bring you anything good?"
"You have no idea." he replied harshly.
Remus was intrigued. "Oh? No details for your old friend?"
He sneered. "Of course not. Not here, anyway."
A flicker of understanding crossed over Lupin's eyes, but then he looked confused again. He didn't press for any more information, however. He just sat back, sipping his drink and looking speculative.
"Let's go outside then." he suggested.
Severus gave him a dirty look. "Fine."
The weather had calmed down a bit, but the cold still bit through Lupin's tattered robes as if he weren't wearing anything. He hugged himself tightly, watching Severus in disbelief because he seemed so unaffected, standing uncompromising and unmoving, leaning against the window of the pub.
"I haven't seen you like this before, Severus." Remus looked concerned. "What's going on?"
"I think . . ." Lupin had never heard the Potions Master at a loss for words. "I think I made a rather large mistake last night."
The werewolf gave him a cold stare, so rare on his kind face. "Like what, Severus?"
"I, um, made an advance on someone I probably shouldn't have."
He understood right away. "Was this . . ." it was Lupin's turn to search for words. "This advance, was it unwelcome?"
Severus was silent for a moment. Finally, he spoke, and his voice was full of resignation. "It had to have been. It's me, Remus, there's no way it was welcome."
"Did she do anything?"
Self consciously, Snape tucked his hair behind his ear. A flush crept up his face, tinging his cheekbones pink.
Remus smiled. "So you kissed her, and she didn't do anything?"
He shook his head. "She . . ." more blushing. "She touched my hair."
The werewolf laughed, earning a glare form the very embarrassed Potions Master. "So, you kissed some girl, and she didn't scream, slap you, vomit or protest in any way. On the contrary, she touched your hair?"
"Yes, but - "
"But nothing." Remus was positively giggling now. "You left her standing there didn't you? Because you thought she would disapprove, even after she made no demonstration of aversion."
"Now you're just making me seem stupid."
"You know Severus," Lupin placed a hand on the other man's shoulder. "I never understood, why you're the only person in the world who isn't allowed to be happy."
With a last, somewhat sad smile, Remus Lupin turned and went back into the pub, leaving Severus alone with his jumbled thoughts.
****************************
Dear Viola
Randy told me and Gwen what happened, are you alright? As if your parents did that to you, that's awful! I'm guessing you're at Hogwarts now, glad you made it there okay, the storm that night was pretty bad how did you manage to get there? Anyway, I hope you had a merry Christmas. By the way, make sure Brandon never finds out about what Randy tried with you, okay? I don't care how much you stick up for that guy, he's got a screw lose.
Love Brianna, Dec 26th
Dear Brianna
Yes, I'm at Hogwarts, safe and sound, I suppose. I did have a good Christmas, but strange. Sorry, but I can't tell you why, please don't ask. Did you like the gift I sent you? I love the one you sent me! And don't say that about Brandon. Really, he would never hurt anybody.
Love Viola, Dec 28th Ps, tell Randy to send you some of the weed he sent me.
Dear Brandon,
Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I'm at school now instead of at home, just in case you wanted to write me a letter. Thanks for the gift, they're beautiful, but my ears aren't pierced. I'll have to get it done in Hogsmeade later or something.
See you in a week,
Love Viola, Dec 28th
My Dear Randy,
Merry Christmas! Randy, have you noticed anything strange with Vi? I mean, besides all that crap with that asshole Brandon, but I mean just lately? Like how she suddenly appears at Hogwarts and WONT TELL US HOW SHE GOT THERE? It's just weird! I've never seen her act like this! I'm a bit worried, one of us should try to talk to Brandon, you know? None of us really knows him that well, and he'll probably know why she's acting like this. Maybe we're totally misinterpreting the entire thing?
Love Brianna, Jan 1st ps, send me some of that weed you sent Viola.
Brandon Carter,
Hey man, I hope you had a good holiday. I know I don't know you that well, but I'm a very good friend of Viola's. I was just wondering, well, actually, we were all wondering what's been going on with her lately. Do you know what I mean? She's been acting strange, almost depressed, ever since you two got together.
Randy, Jan 2nd
Randy,
You're right, you don't know me that well. I don't know what you're implying, but I'm not doing anything to Viola. If she's depressed, it's because of something else, and I don't give a shit. Besides, I know you've had a little crush on my girlfriend for a while now, so I'm going to give you some honest advice: stay away from her. I'm sick of her running away from me to go and hang out with you and your friends, leave her alone.
Brandon Carter, Jan 4th
My Favourite Randy,
Hey, it's been a while since I've heard from you! School starts soon, so I guess I'll see you then, right? Gwen and Brianna are still begging me to tell them how I got to school on Christmas eve, funny eh? Anyway, just write back!
Love Viola, Jan 6th
Randy?
Where are you man? I haven't heard from you in a while now, are you mad at me or something?
Love Viola, Jan 7th
Dear Randy.
Fine, be a child and give me your stupid silent treatment. I thought you could just forget about what happened in the store, but if you want to be a juvenile and stop talking to me, then go ahead. I'll miss you.
Viola.
******************************
Randy sat in his room, holding his last letter from his best friend in his hand, wanting desperately to tell her that he wasn't ignoring her letters. Brandon's threat was still strong in his mind, and he was afraid of what Carter was capable of. School would be starting in two days, and he would have to see her in the hallways, and during meals and in Divination class, and he wouldn't be able to talk to her. The worst part, he knew, would be seeing her with Brandon, just because he knew, now, that it was anything but a good relationship for Viola.
******************************
For many reasons, Severus Snape was overjoyed to see the end of the holidays. He now had no time to visit his family, so the guilt about not doing so was finally gone. Another reason was the return of the students meant the return of the general chaos of Hogwarts, which would give Dumbledore more things to worry about then Snape's error.
Strangely, the Headmaster seemed completely in the dark about the entire thing. Severus would have sworn that the old man just didn't know, but it seemed impossible. Albus Dumbledore knew everything that went on within his school and beyond, nothing escaped his wisdom. Except . . .
It seemed very unlikely that he would say nothing to Severus about kissing a student. It was strictly against the rules, very taboo and he would have most likely lost his job, or at least been suspended from teaching for a very long time.
Pushing these worries into the back of his mind, Snape set himself to the task of preparing for his classes in the next morning. He meticulously carved ingredients, bottling and labelling, organizing his stores immaculately.
He had not even glimpsed Viola since that bittersweet night, and he wasn't sure if he should be happy or sad about that fact. Part of him was disgusted that he had acted so primarily on his own lust, but another part of him, ruled by the Y chromosomes, was cheering that at least she hadn't rejected him.
********************************
This was fun! I liked writing all the letters. I'd seen it done in a few other stories, and decided to try it . . . oh yeah, did you all like Brandon's perspective? I almost had him reciting those famous lines from Lolita, but then decided it would be better all around if I didn't. Around this time, I would usually be reporting on the Leafs progress in the playoffs, but you know what? The Leafs are dead to me.
thank you for reviewing and reading, I love you all, really. I'm not just saying that.
Jeni