Beyond Essence: Part One, Chapter Two
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Riku
Those first few nights with Ansem I would dream of him. Sora. He'd be looking at me with one of those playful smiles of his--the ones that he used to give me when offering or accepting a challenge back home. His eyes were so blue and clear...and he'd always be so happy... But whenever I tried to touch him, the dream would end and he would disappear, fading into the soft black that I'd come to know as my unconscious mind.
When I cried out his name...the only answer I ever received was Ansem's arms encircling my waist and pulling me into his solid chest, reaching up to stroke my hair and petting me while I was only half-awake. My cries turned to pleads, and then whimpers, and after that they would just die down completely and I would start to murmur Ansem's name instead. That was how it always went.
I don't know why my dreams began to focus back on Sora after Ansem found me, or maybe I always had been dreaming of him but could never remember it by the time that I woke up. I wanted Sora, I knew, but when I couldn't have him...I guess I just went for the next best thing...
Ansem. Somewhere...far back in the corner of my mind...I knew that I shouldn't have gone to him... I knew it was wrong, yet...there was just something so...compelling...about him. Something so powerful, so...dominating...and for the first time in my life, I think I liked being the submissive one... I was actually glad for somebody who could take care of me and hold me when I was scared. I didn't have to play brave anymore. I didn't have to be the fearless leader. I could just...be what I really was... A kid who needed somebody to hold onto...to love him... And it was perfectly okay.
When he hugged me like that after one of my dreams, I think my need for comfort just increased. I wanted comfort. Ansem was comfort. I wanted Ansem. And that was it.
He was there and he was there for me, and in my eyes...he was the way to forget the past and erase all of the memories. He was Ansem and he was perfect. He was everything. It didn't take long until I became addicted to this man and his incredible aura, and he became my world...my lifeline...my support... I needed him with everything that I had, and I couldn't let him go.
I guess that's what led me to fall in love with him...or perhaps...it wasn't even love... Lust, maybe, or just my burning desire to be with him. I don't know... Maybe I didn't even know what love was. I was only a kid, after all, as much as I hated to admit it. Did I love Sora? Maybe... I think I did, but...is it really love when you just have a crush on somebody who doesn't even like you back? Is that really love, or is it just...a crush? A want for something that you know you'll never get? Is that love?
I was beginning to think that it wasn't...
And that's where the story begins.
I don't know how long it'd been since Ansem rescued me that night in the rundown building... All I know was that it'd been a while...a long while...and I was really beginning to crave him. I wanted something from him that he hadn't given me yet. His signature...his brand... I wanted his word to become more than a promise. When he told me that he loved me, I wanted to know that he wasn't just saying it for the sake of saying it. I wanted to know that he meant it. Reassurance...I wanted reassurance... I wanted the final sealing. And I wanted it badly.
I don't think I could describe the sudden feelings that came over me. It was weird...like...I just wanted...to do it...you know? I'd never done it before, and I'd never really thought about it until now. I mean, I'd fantasized before, dreaming about it or even...imagining it...but that was different. Now I really wanted. Really badly. And I wanted it from Ansem. I wanted him to give it to me, too, whereas in the past I would always see myself as the one giving...
I was stupid, maybe, yes, but I couldn't control myself. It was such a strong desire... I needed it fulfilled. I felt like I had a...void...something missing... Maybe if he gave that to me, it would disappear. I don't know. There's a lot of things that I don't know...
But I know I wanted him. If I know anything, then I know that was definitely what I wanted. Ansem. Satisfaction. If he could give that to me...I felt like then, maybe, everything would just go away for good...
Who knew how wrong I would turn out to be...?
But at the moment, all I knew was that I wanted him. I wanted sex. I wanted to feel that feeling that was supposedly...euphoria. Or the ultimate pleasure. Whatever. I just wanted it, and most of all...I wanted to make sure that when he said that he loved me he was telling the truth. If I had that then I figured I had everything. I wanted everything. I wanted just that. And I wanted to forget.
So I guess you can say that I wanted a lot of things...which is true... I was the type of person who doubted a lot. I hated it when I doubted things. I liked to question. I liked the word 'why'. And when I doubted his love and wanted to know if it was really true, I thought that sex would be the best way to find out.
Mad sex. Was it hormones? Could've been, but I think, like I said before, it was just him. Ansem screams sex. It's kind of hard to understand if you've never been around him, but...really...that's probably the best definition I can give him, as bad as it may sound.
Whenever I was around him...he just seemed to have this crazy...power...over me... It was the strangest thing. By just being himself...he could pretty much get me to do anything... And that brings me back to the question of if I really loved him or not?
I still don't know the answer. It may have seemed like that, but as you read on...and you hear of everything that happened later...you may find yourself agreeing with my thinking.
I have to start at the beginning, though.
So like I was saying, something about him just seemed to have such a control over me... When I saw him, sometimes it would even get to the point where I would have to look away, because just the sight of him made my body overwhelm itself with pre-sexual symptoms. And sometimes it got really bad. One time I even began to feel dizzy, no exaggeration.
Obviously I was dying to sleep with this man. For all of my reasons, I just felt the strongest urge to have him take me to bed. I couldn't control it. I was going wild, on the inside and out. I needed Ansem and I needed hardcore sex, and Ansem = hardcore sex. I know I sound like a whore, but honestly...I wasn't... It was just Ansem. Had it been anybody else I don't think my desires would've been that bad. Not even if it had been Sora.
But somewhere I knew I still loved Sora...or liked Sora, whichever you prefer to call it. It was just...when I thought about him...it hurt...so a lot of times I would try not to think about him, and I would think about Ansem instead. Ansem was all that I had at the moment, and frankly...he was all that I wanted. At the moment.
He was in the shower when it happened. I don't know...I was just...out of control that night... I was sitting in bed and waiting for him to come out, and all that I could think about was how gorgeous he would be nude. Believe it or not, I had never seen him naked before, even though he had seen me many times... I can't explain how exactly I got the courage to just go up and...do something...but... Actually, I don't think it was courage at all. I think it was just an overload of craving.
My mind was screaming at me. I felt pain in my lower area... Sharp pain... Well, actually, it wasn't really pain, just...a sensation... A REALLY painful sensation.
It was definitely ten times worse than any other 'sensation' that I had ever felt before, and believe me, I had felt a lot of them.
I just had to have it then. There. Now. I had to. It took all that I had to refrain from screaming out in the unbearable feeling, and when I went to get up, stiffly, I couldn't help the muffled cry that erupted from my throat. I put a hand to my mouth and stood still with the other hand squeezing the black silk of the blankets and sheets. For a moment I did nothing, only stood there, with my painful erection and lethal grip on the fabric below me. With a deep breath I uncovered my mouth, and slowly, I released the blanket and took a step forward, only to bite back another moan and pitiful whine. The bathroom was only a few steps away... I breathed in again and decided that it would be best to just...run...and that way I'd be there faster and I wouldn't have to endure the agonizing effects of my perverted thoughts.
So run I did, and unfortunately, that didn't relieve me any better. I squeaked somewhere in between really high and really breathlessly, and that time Ansem must have heard me, because he turned around from behind the glass and regarded me with a small smile of confusion.
Fuck.
He was...absolutely...stunning... Stunningly. Beautiful. God help me.
"What is it?" he asked indifferently, and the nonchalant tone of voice he used only made me more aroused.
I stumbled over to him, clutching myself somewhat awkwardly, I suppose, and pulled the sliding glass door open with an almost desperate strength. He was staring at me in bewilderment, the smile gone, but I think when he saw where exactly I was holding myself he figured out my reason for disturbing his alone time. He just grinned and took a step backwards, motioning for me to come in clothes and all.
I obeyed.
And as soon as I stepped into that shower, his fingers grabbed my own and pulled them off of my area. He began to play with the zipper of my black jeans...slowly...pulling it down halfway and then up again.
I was dying.
"You didn't come in here for a shower, I'm guessing?"
"No," I breathed, voice faltering on the unusually high note, and I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his chest, his chin resting on my scalp. I'd grown taller that last year, and now I wasn't so short compared to him, at least, but I was still a good nine inches shorter. Or something like that. It sounded close enough.
He laughed lightly and finally just pulled the zipper down all the way, afterwards removing the button and letting my pants drop down to my ankles. The water was coming down hard against his tanned flesh, giving his toned and muscular body the most delicious appeal that I had ever seen before. He was radiant...shimmering...and the way his long platinum hair hung down and clung to his skin like that...
For fuck's sake...
"Ansem," I choked out as I wrapped my arms around his waist and dug my nails into his back, "I need you to prove that you love me. I need to know for sure. I need..." I squealed when his hand slipped down into my boxers and grabbed my manhood. "Fuck. You have to do this for me. You have to do it now."
He laughed again. "Anxious, are we? I can only go so fast, darling."
I pulled my arms away from him and tore off my own shirt, throwing it by the drain and pushing my head farther into his firm chest. He was torturing me. I couldn't look, because if I did I honestly don't know what would've happened. "Just...please...go..."
"Shh," he whispered, bringing his lips down to the side of my neck and making his tongue work in circular, swirling motions as he pulled down my underwear, leaving me completely naked and aroused.
I shuddered.
"You have to work with me, you know."
"I'm sorry," I gasped breathlessly. "This is my first time."
He chuckled into my skin, breath hitting my flesh like a warm spray of addiction. His hands slid down so that they were positioned on both sides of my slippery hips as he continued to kiss me, mouth traveling around my chin until it finally hit the corner of my mouth.
I moved into the kiss and opened my mouth to allow him access. His lips were so nice... I'd kissed him before, but...shit, this was good. Damn good. My tongue fought back viciously, greedily... I wanted it just as much as he did. Somewhere it reminded me of sparring...and even though I hated to lose...both of us knew that this time I wanted him to dominate. He went faster and I pushed harder, our tongues dancing in the most graceful manner that they possibly could given the situation.
So beautiful... God, he was so gorgeous that it hurt.
I was full out gone by now.
My erection hurt like hell. I needed relief, and I needed it fast. I brought my hips closer to his in hope that he would get the message, and he forced me back against the porcelain wall of the shower and grinded his pelvis into my own, now getting stiff and beginning to rise himself.
I moaned into his mouth and he took the opportunity to gag me with his tongue, my hands sliding up his slippery chest and tangling themselves in his dripping hair as I pulled and yanked out of desperation. I was so stiff... Fuck, I need him now. NOW.
I thrust my waist forward and slammed into him forcefully, moaning louder and more painfully. Pulling my mouth away from his I breathed his name and untwisted my fingers from his shimmering hair, practically wheezing from being so out of breath because of his powerful tongue-lock.
"Now," I whispered to him as I groped for his shoulders and forced myself to stay upright. "I need you to take me now."
He replied with a dazed nod, taking me by the shoulders and spinning me around with such force that I felt like I was going to slam into the wall. My hands stopped me from getting hurt, though, and unsteadily I leaned against the wall and gripped it tightly.
I was ready, I told myself convincingly as I awaited him to enter me with the first thrust. I was ready. This is what I'd wanted all along.
It was then that I spilled. My seed came pouring out, erupting all over the wall like white lava and trickling down quickly as it mingled with the spraying water of the blasting faucet. My groin felt sticky...hot... I moaned loudly, finally relieved of my torture, and I felt his fingers squeezing my hips as he positioned himself right above my entrance.
"Go," I sighed wearily, though I was still very much aroused and drowned in my pleasure.
He forced himself into me rather roughly on that first throw, and I had to say it was a lot more painful than I had expected it to be. He was a grown man and I was pretty tight, having never done this before, but at least the hot water worked as some kind of lubricant. Again and again he did this, hands gripping me tighter and nails digging deeper into my flesh every time. I think I may have screamed once or twice, but the sensations I was feeling were making everything seem like nothing but an amazing dream. It hurt, but somehow my mind was making me believe that it was wonderful.
And at the moment it really was.
Finally, he came inside of me, and both of us sighed in relief as he pulled out and I slid down against the wall with my cheek pressed up against it and my body shivering with feelings that I had never felt before. He dropped down next to me, his powerful back shielding me from the water that shot down in the direction of my face, and he pulled me to his chest and let me rest my head against him sleepily.
I was definitely not in his dimension. I was somewhere far beyond that.
That was...the most...insane thing I had ever done in my life.
Holy shit.
The water continued to spill down against him and wash across his skin, and he kissed me one more time before leaning back and finger-combing my wet, shoulder-length hair with his strong fingers.
"Thank you," I sighed into his chest, and too wrapped up in pleasure and engulfed in the crazy new feelings I was experiencing, I didn't catch his answer.
I just fell asleep right then and there.
And now that I think back, it was funny how fast I'd forgotten about Sora when I thought that empty void was being filled.
Author's Notes: Ah, shit, I can't believe I wrote that! Lol, whoa, that was weird. But it was frighteningly fun. O.o… Anyway, I did it again. I took a long time to update. *sighs* Oh well. I was just lazy. I started writing this chapter a couple of times, hated it, erased it, and didn't start again for a while. I'll really try to work on that, I promise.
Hmm, what else…? Oh, yes, I have a question for you guys. I want to add Sora's POV to this, but I don't know if that would make it weird and mess the readers up with their focus on Riku's side of the story. What do you guys think about that? Should I just keep it as Riku or add Sora in as well?
And don't start to like Ansem, I warn you, just in case you have. ^_^ He's not going to be so friendly in later chapters, but you'll see when the time comes. I think I added a bit of foreshadowing somewhere in this chapter, ne? And I know Riku's emotions may sound a bit twisted or whatever, but honestly, I tried and it was the best I could do. I can't sit here an rewrite this chappie forever.
Reviewers, thank you all. You guys are great and I really appreciate all of your kind and helpful comments!! ^_~
Review and tell me what you think, please. Thanks again! I'll see you all next chapter, and I hope you enjoyed that lemon. Heheh, it was my first, so I apologize for it if it was a bit frightening. I thought it was hot, though. Lol. Bye-bye.
-Vix-