Ch.23

'Why would god do this to us mama?"

Pilar was in Teresa's room helping her get ready for the funeral. It had been 4 days since Luis had been killed.

"I don't know Teresita…sometimes we don't always understand God's will…we just have to know that everything happens for a reason."

"A reason?" Teresa spat out. "What kind of reason is there for Luis being dead? Huh? What kind of reason is there for Sheridan to lose her husband, for you to lose your son? There is no reason mama! As far as I am concerned, there isn't a God either."

Pilar gasped.

"You don't mean that hija…just because things are rough doesn't mean you should lose your faith."

"But why us mama? Why?" Teresa cried as she plumped down on her bed.

Pilar walked over to her daughter and sat down. Teresa laid her head down on her lap, and cried.

"I didn't even get to say goodbye," she whispered.

"You'll see him again one day Teresita…and then you will have all the time in the world to talk to him."

She smiled.

"I hope you're right mama."

Just then there was a knock at the door.

It was Ethan.

"The car is waiting down by the lobby when you two are ready."

"I'll go ahead," Pilar said. "Ethan, will you stay with Teresa and help her finish up?"

"Sure," he said.

Pilar faced her daughter.

"Remember what I told you," she said, kissing her on her forehead. She smiled as she walked by Ethan, and out of the room.

Ethan watched as Teresa wrapped a bandana around her head. Her hair was still gone from all the chemo.

"How are you feeling Teresa?"

"I don't even know anymore Ethan," she said shaking her head. "I don't think I'll ever be able to feel anything ever again. When fox told me about what happened…my heart just stopped you know? A part of me died at that very moment."

He walked towards her.

"It will get better Teresa…you will feel again, I promise you that."

She simply nodded as she looked at herself in the mirror.

"Luis always hated black…I shouldn't be wearing this dress."

Ethan stood behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders.

"You look beautiful."

She gave a half smile.

"Ok…" she sighed. "I guess I'm ready."

"Ok."

Ethan grabbed her coat for her, and led her out of the room, down to the car.

Fox met them at the cemetery. When he saw their car pull up, he ran over to it. He opened her door for her and helped her out.

"How are you doing sweetheart?" he asked embracing her. "Are you feeling ok? You look a little pale."

She closed her eyes.

"I just want to get this over with Fox. I just want to say goodbye to my brother. Can we please not worry about me right now?"

"Sure," he said reaching for her hand. "Are you ready to go in?"

"No…but I have to go in anyway."

He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, and led her into the church.

When she walked in and saw her brother's casket, she almost collapsed. Fox was able to get her steady, and helped her walk down the aisle to her seat.

It was a beautiful service. Father Lonigan gave a wonderful speech. Sheridan read the lyrics to one of their favorite songs. Hank told some old jokes that Luis loved, attempting to raise everyone's spirits.

After the service, everyone went outside to the cemetery. After a prayer was read, and Pilar said a few words, Sheridan spoke up.

"Before we leave, I have a favor to ask Teresa."

Teresa looked at her.

"What is it Sheridan?

"Luis always told me about how when you guys were younger that you would always sing to him at night."

"Yea" Teresa said fighting back tears.

"Well I think he would really love it if you sang a song for him right now. He always said you had a beautiful voice."

Teresa's legs felt like jello. 

"Oh Sheridan, I don't know if I can."

"Please Teresa?" she begged. " I think it would make him really happy."

Teresa looked around at he friends. All of them were giving her encouraging smiles.

"Ok I guess I can try and sing something."

She stood there for a moment and pondered what song to sing.

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound…that saved a wretch likes me"

Everyone cried as Teresa sung her brothers song for him.

Fox stood behind her the whole time, holding her hand, never taking his eyes off of her.

"It will be ok," he whispered in her ear when she was done, crying into his arms.

"It will be ok"