Disclaimer: I don't own them and I make no money. The story is still slash
– you've been plenty warned about that.
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Later they were back in the pool house and Ryan was back in bed. Seth was back to pacing around (actually doing laps around the bed) but he wasn't about to bolt now. Ryan really looked sick and Seth was getting worried. He didn't like the way Ryan kept sweating and shivering.
"I think we should go to the doctor's or something," Seth said.
"No," Ryan said sounding for all the world like stubborn a two year old not getting his way.
"But I don't know what to do here, man. This is kind of a mom thing, you know? I mean I don't know when you're sick enough that you have to go get stuff," Seth tried to explain.
"Well I do," Ryan said. He was starting to feel really cold again and he really wanted Seth to just get back into bed again. But, considering his reaction earlier when they'd woken up, Ryan wasn't about to suggest it. Still, he knew he'd feel a lot better if he had a nice, warm person to curl up with. 'Not just a nice warm person, a nice warm Seth. Admit it, you wouldn't trust anyone else here when you were sleeping.'
He'd freaked out a bit earlier. While waiting he'd managed to convince himself that Seth wasn't going to come back. Even now it seemed stupid but for some reason at the time he'd just been totally sure that Seth was going to leave and he'd be on his own again. Now he wanted Seth in his bed to keep him warm, but also so he could feel him there, to reassure him that he wasn't alone.
"Okay so you're telling me you'll know if you're that sick? You'll know if you need to go to the doctor?" Seth asked.
"Yeah, that's what I'm saying." Ryan sighed. "Will you sit down *cough*? You're making me sick walking *sniffle* around like that."
"I'm sorry, dude," Seth said as he plopped down to sit on the end of Ryan's bed. He quickly noticed how Ryan's shivering was shaking the bed slightly. "Um, do you, uh, want me to..." He pointed at the empty spot beside Ryan.
"Do you mind?" Ryan asked.
'Do I mind?' Seth thought as he tossed off his shoes and climbed in beside Ryan. 'No, this is just about the most comfortable place in the world.'
"Thanks," Ryan said softly. He snuggled up to Seth right away not giving him a chance to change his mind.
"Look, about earlier ... I'm sorry I took off. I just, I dunno, I kinda got a bit weirded out. Like I'm not all used to waking up with somebody, you know?"
"Yeah, so you said. Me either," Ryan said, trying to keep some very dark memories at bay.
"Yeah, so it wasn't like I didn't like it. I just, I had to think about it or something."
"Look, Seth, you don't have to *sniff sniff* be freaked out by this, okay. It's not that strange and like I said we *cough cough* can just forget about what happened last night. *sniffle*"
Seth knew Ryan was referring to the kissing. But he remembered what had happened later, even if Ryan didn't. What's more he knew there was no way he could ever forget that. He wasn't even sure he could live without it now. It was amazing and hot and even if Ryan didn't know about it Seth still felt like they had really shared something. 'No wonder he can be cool about this - he doesn't remember what happened since he was still asleep.'
"No, Ryan, I don't want to forget about it. I just had to think, you know? Hey, wait a second, why did you come into the house like that?"
"What? I was just, uh, wondering *cough* what was going on," Ryan lied, trying to play it cool.
"Riiiight. That's why you came in looking like you'd been chased by Ringwraiths," Seth said, not at all convinced.
Ryan sighed. He didn't really want to admit what he'd been thinking earlier but figured he should tell Seth. If he didn't he might just end up receiving some of Seth's good natured teasing about it and that would really bother him considering the real reason for his actions.
"You remember when I went back to my mom's place? Before I came back here?" Ryan said softly.
"Yeah."
"Well 'member how I said she *cough cough* wasn't there and all the stuff was gone?"
"Uh-huh," Seth said. He knew Ryan was serious right now and even if he wasn't sure where he was going with this, Seth could tell it was hard for him to say. He started gently rubbing Ryan's stomach, his hand under the wife beater.
"When I went in there," Ryan said, his voice barely above a whisper, "it was so empty. It's like everything was just gone. *cough cough* All the good and all the bad. There was just nothing but this note on the counter and sometimes I just, *sniffle* I get scared it's going to happen again. Like I'll walk into the house and you'll be gone and your parents will be gone and it'll just be me and another note in the kitchen. *cough* I-I couldn't go through that again. I couldn't stand losing you. *sniff* I kept thinking about it and I guess I got a little bent out of shape and by the time I got in there I was..."
"A little freaked out?" Seth supplied when Ryan let it hang there.
"Yeah."
"Okay, so we're even then. We both had our little mini freak-out and I assume we're none the less manly for it, right?"
Ryan grinned. 'Only Seth can make things okay like that,' he thought.
"Yeah," Ryan agreed before shivering again. Although Seth was warming him up but he still felt a bit cold.
Seth maneuvered himself so that he was laying half on top of Ryan. It put his leg in what would have been an interesting contact position if not for the fact that he wasn't trying to get frisky at the moment.
With his head nestled under Ryan's chin Seth asked, "Is this better or am I too heavy like this?"
"No, you're amazing," Ryan said before he realized he'd said it. His human blanket was coming in quite handy lately. "You're so hot."
"Um, thanks," Seth said, not totally sure if that was a compliment or if Ryan was just enjoying the body heat. "But actually you're a lot hotter. And I don't mean just the whole wife beater look. Seriously, Ryan, you've got to be running a fever cause laying on you is like laying on hot sand on the beach."
Ryan took a moment to digest this. He noticed the compliment squeezed in there, maybe without Seth even realizing it. He knew he must be feverish otherwise he wouldn't feel this cold. 'Stupid, sick, weird feelings,' he thought.
"You'll tell me if I have to take you to the doctor's, right?"
"Yeah," Ryan said, his hand absently playing with one of Seth's curls.
"Wait, you're not just saying that, are you? You're not one of those people that's afraid to go to the doctor's are you?"
"No, not really. Just can't afford to go if it's not an emergency," Ryan explained. His head was really starting to buzz.
"You know, Ryan, that's not a problem anymore. The whole having guardians thing comes complete with benefits: health, dental and the occasional weekend off."
"Huh, yeah, I guess. *sniff* When I was a kid, when I used to live with my mom, she wouldn't take me to the doctor. She *cough"* said we couldn't afford it and that they'd just charge us extra cause they *sniff sniff* knew we couldn't afford it. Every time I got sick she wouldn't come near me cause she said there was no point in her getting sick too."
"Wow, that really must have sucked, man," Seth said. He remembered how his mom always took the day off work to stay with him when he got sick. He thought some time soon he'd have to get her flowers for being such a good mom (even if he often made claims to the contrary).
"One time, when I was nine, I got really sick. I kept telling her I thought something was wrong with me but she just *sniff * kept shouting through the door that I was fine and to quit whining. *cough cough* Her boyfriend back then, Craig, he took me to Emergency and I had to stay in the hospital for three days. Um, I had pneumonia and it was pretty bad. Craig was really nice, he liked me and he stayed with me. When I got home mom didn't talk to me for a week. *sniffle* I know she was just mad at herself, but for years, *cough* I thought she was mad at me."
Seth was at a loss for words for perhaps the first time in his life. He lifted his head from its resting spot on Ryan's chest. Looking into those sad, red rimmed, eyes he felt himself want nothing more than to protect Ryan from ever being hurt like that again. 'And how stupid is that. You can't even take care of yourself. Ryan's the one that protects YOU from people.'
Seth leaned up and gently kissed Ryan on the lips. It was quick and sweet and chaste but somehow Ryan felt it was the most amazing thing anyone had ever done for him. It meant more than Sandy bringing him here. It meant more than Kirsten changing her mind and opening her home to him. It meant more than Seth accepting him as a brother and friend. It was Seth accepting him for everything he was, for everything he'd been, everything he'd survived. He'd never felt as unconditionally loved before in his life. But Ryan drifted into feverish sleep before he could tell Seth any of this.
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Later they were back in the pool house and Ryan was back in bed. Seth was back to pacing around (actually doing laps around the bed) but he wasn't about to bolt now. Ryan really looked sick and Seth was getting worried. He didn't like the way Ryan kept sweating and shivering.
"I think we should go to the doctor's or something," Seth said.
"No," Ryan said sounding for all the world like stubborn a two year old not getting his way.
"But I don't know what to do here, man. This is kind of a mom thing, you know? I mean I don't know when you're sick enough that you have to go get stuff," Seth tried to explain.
"Well I do," Ryan said. He was starting to feel really cold again and he really wanted Seth to just get back into bed again. But, considering his reaction earlier when they'd woken up, Ryan wasn't about to suggest it. Still, he knew he'd feel a lot better if he had a nice, warm person to curl up with. 'Not just a nice warm person, a nice warm Seth. Admit it, you wouldn't trust anyone else here when you were sleeping.'
He'd freaked out a bit earlier. While waiting he'd managed to convince himself that Seth wasn't going to come back. Even now it seemed stupid but for some reason at the time he'd just been totally sure that Seth was going to leave and he'd be on his own again. Now he wanted Seth in his bed to keep him warm, but also so he could feel him there, to reassure him that he wasn't alone.
"Okay so you're telling me you'll know if you're that sick? You'll know if you need to go to the doctor?" Seth asked.
"Yeah, that's what I'm saying." Ryan sighed. "Will you sit down *cough*? You're making me sick walking *sniffle* around like that."
"I'm sorry, dude," Seth said as he plopped down to sit on the end of Ryan's bed. He quickly noticed how Ryan's shivering was shaking the bed slightly. "Um, do you, uh, want me to..." He pointed at the empty spot beside Ryan.
"Do you mind?" Ryan asked.
'Do I mind?' Seth thought as he tossed off his shoes and climbed in beside Ryan. 'No, this is just about the most comfortable place in the world.'
"Thanks," Ryan said softly. He snuggled up to Seth right away not giving him a chance to change his mind.
"Look, about earlier ... I'm sorry I took off. I just, I dunno, I kinda got a bit weirded out. Like I'm not all used to waking up with somebody, you know?"
"Yeah, so you said. Me either," Ryan said, trying to keep some very dark memories at bay.
"Yeah, so it wasn't like I didn't like it. I just, I had to think about it or something."
"Look, Seth, you don't have to *sniff sniff* be freaked out by this, okay. It's not that strange and like I said we *cough cough* can just forget about what happened last night. *sniffle*"
Seth knew Ryan was referring to the kissing. But he remembered what had happened later, even if Ryan didn't. What's more he knew there was no way he could ever forget that. He wasn't even sure he could live without it now. It was amazing and hot and even if Ryan didn't know about it Seth still felt like they had really shared something. 'No wonder he can be cool about this - he doesn't remember what happened since he was still asleep.'
"No, Ryan, I don't want to forget about it. I just had to think, you know? Hey, wait a second, why did you come into the house like that?"
"What? I was just, uh, wondering *cough* what was going on," Ryan lied, trying to play it cool.
"Riiiight. That's why you came in looking like you'd been chased by Ringwraiths," Seth said, not at all convinced.
Ryan sighed. He didn't really want to admit what he'd been thinking earlier but figured he should tell Seth. If he didn't he might just end up receiving some of Seth's good natured teasing about it and that would really bother him considering the real reason for his actions.
"You remember when I went back to my mom's place? Before I came back here?" Ryan said softly.
"Yeah."
"Well 'member how I said she *cough cough* wasn't there and all the stuff was gone?"
"Uh-huh," Seth said. He knew Ryan was serious right now and even if he wasn't sure where he was going with this, Seth could tell it was hard for him to say. He started gently rubbing Ryan's stomach, his hand under the wife beater.
"When I went in there," Ryan said, his voice barely above a whisper, "it was so empty. It's like everything was just gone. *cough cough* All the good and all the bad. There was just nothing but this note on the counter and sometimes I just, *sniffle* I get scared it's going to happen again. Like I'll walk into the house and you'll be gone and your parents will be gone and it'll just be me and another note in the kitchen. *cough* I-I couldn't go through that again. I couldn't stand losing you. *sniff* I kept thinking about it and I guess I got a little bent out of shape and by the time I got in there I was..."
"A little freaked out?" Seth supplied when Ryan let it hang there.
"Yeah."
"Okay, so we're even then. We both had our little mini freak-out and I assume we're none the less manly for it, right?"
Ryan grinned. 'Only Seth can make things okay like that,' he thought.
"Yeah," Ryan agreed before shivering again. Although Seth was warming him up but he still felt a bit cold.
Seth maneuvered himself so that he was laying half on top of Ryan. It put his leg in what would have been an interesting contact position if not for the fact that he wasn't trying to get frisky at the moment.
With his head nestled under Ryan's chin Seth asked, "Is this better or am I too heavy like this?"
"No, you're amazing," Ryan said before he realized he'd said it. His human blanket was coming in quite handy lately. "You're so hot."
"Um, thanks," Seth said, not totally sure if that was a compliment or if Ryan was just enjoying the body heat. "But actually you're a lot hotter. And I don't mean just the whole wife beater look. Seriously, Ryan, you've got to be running a fever cause laying on you is like laying on hot sand on the beach."
Ryan took a moment to digest this. He noticed the compliment squeezed in there, maybe without Seth even realizing it. He knew he must be feverish otherwise he wouldn't feel this cold. 'Stupid, sick, weird feelings,' he thought.
"You'll tell me if I have to take you to the doctor's, right?"
"Yeah," Ryan said, his hand absently playing with one of Seth's curls.
"Wait, you're not just saying that, are you? You're not one of those people that's afraid to go to the doctor's are you?"
"No, not really. Just can't afford to go if it's not an emergency," Ryan explained. His head was really starting to buzz.
"You know, Ryan, that's not a problem anymore. The whole having guardians thing comes complete with benefits: health, dental and the occasional weekend off."
"Huh, yeah, I guess. *sniff* When I was a kid, when I used to live with my mom, she wouldn't take me to the doctor. She *cough"* said we couldn't afford it and that they'd just charge us extra cause they *sniff sniff* knew we couldn't afford it. Every time I got sick she wouldn't come near me cause she said there was no point in her getting sick too."
"Wow, that really must have sucked, man," Seth said. He remembered how his mom always took the day off work to stay with him when he got sick. He thought some time soon he'd have to get her flowers for being such a good mom (even if he often made claims to the contrary).
"One time, when I was nine, I got really sick. I kept telling her I thought something was wrong with me but she just *sniff * kept shouting through the door that I was fine and to quit whining. *cough cough* Her boyfriend back then, Craig, he took me to Emergency and I had to stay in the hospital for three days. Um, I had pneumonia and it was pretty bad. Craig was really nice, he liked me and he stayed with me. When I got home mom didn't talk to me for a week. *sniffle* I know she was just mad at herself, but for years, *cough* I thought she was mad at me."
Seth was at a loss for words for perhaps the first time in his life. He lifted his head from its resting spot on Ryan's chest. Looking into those sad, red rimmed, eyes he felt himself want nothing more than to protect Ryan from ever being hurt like that again. 'And how stupid is that. You can't even take care of yourself. Ryan's the one that protects YOU from people.'
Seth leaned up and gently kissed Ryan on the lips. It was quick and sweet and chaste but somehow Ryan felt it was the most amazing thing anyone had ever done for him. It meant more than Sandy bringing him here. It meant more than Kirsten changing her mind and opening her home to him. It meant more than Seth accepting him as a brother and friend. It was Seth accepting him for everything he was, for everything he'd been, everything he'd survived. He'd never felt as unconditionally loved before in his life. But Ryan drifted into feverish sleep before he could tell Seth any of this.