Disclaimer: SO not mine and there's no $ made.
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When Ryan woke up later that day Seth wasn't in bed with him anymore. Looking around the room, Ryan couldn't see him anywhere.
"Seth? You here?" he asked the empty room, his voice rough. Rolling out of bed he was pleased to discover that he was feeling a lot better than before. He still felt sick but he was sure he didn't have a temperature now and his head was a lot clearer.
Entering the main house Ryan found Seth in his customary place at the counter hunched over something he was looking at intently. As he walked closer, Ryan was surprised to see instead of a comic book Seth was looking at a high school yearbook. It was open to a page with several pictures, all taken by amateurs, but Ryan noticed the one of Marissa and Summer sitting together for the impromptu shot. It was a very real snapshot of life and he suddenly wished he had a photo of him and Seth like that.
Seth turned from the book and looked at Ryan very seriously. "I still want her, man."
"Okay," Ryan said. He didn't expect Seth to say anything different.
"So, that's okay then? I mean, you're cool with that?" Seth asked surprised.
"Sure. Why not?"
"Um, no, yeah, that's-that's fine. Just so we're clear on it," Seth said. He hadn't expected Ryan to be alright with it. He always got the impression that Ryan didn't like Summer or, at least, he didn't like Seth's obsession with her. "So, hey, you're looking better."
"Yeah, feeling a lot better," Ryan said. He glanced back down at the yearbook, smiling at the picture.
Seth let out an irritated sigh and got up, meaning to walk around Ryan. He met with a wall of human muscle that wasn't going to let him by.
"Out with it. What's the problem *sniff* here?"
"Nothing, man. Just let me by." When Ryan stared him down and didn't move out of the way Seth said, irritated, "What, are you practicing your bouncer act now?"
Ryan stepped aside shaking his head a bit. Seth walked into the living room and plunked down on the floor in front of the couch. Ryan followed but stood nearby, arms crossed staring at Seth. The look almost worked if not for the occasional sniffle which made him seem significantly less intimidating.
Seth looked at the blank t.v. screen as he spoke, effectively avoiding eye contact in a way he had picked up from Ryan. "The way you look at her, the way you look at that picture... You hold back with me. I see you with her. You don't hold back. I see you laugh and it's real. With me it's that half smile and that's it. You DO love her more."
"No, I just ... I, yeah I do feel freer because it doesn't matter as much. I can mess things up with her and it won't be the end of the world, but with you? I can't. I can't take that risk and I can't be that free. *cough* It's not that I'm not happy with you, I just can't let it out like that." Looking over at Seth, who was now watching him, Ryan finished, "You matter more."
Seth was up and moving towards Ryan before he even realized it. He pulled Ryan into a hug and began apologizing, his words so fast they tripped over each other. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't go saying stuff like that. I mean it's cool if you want her and I shouldn't be like all jealous and where the hell do I get off saying stuff like that. Of course you love her. I'm just here and, you know, we're not like, together and-"
Ryan cut him off by pulling away enough to take Seth's face in his hands and force him to look him in the eye. Very slowly he repeated himself, "Seth, YOU ... matter ... more."
Sliding one hand around to the back of the curly head he pulled Seth into a deep kiss. He'd tried to explain but again he'd somehow managed to say the wrong thing. He'd just have to try to explain it again later when Seth wasn't as upset. As Ryan thought about what he had said it occurred to him that, ironically, it was probably the first time in a very long time that he'd said something without worrying about it. He'd just said what he wanted to, what he meant, without second guessing and leaving things out. Ryan smiled despite the kiss and Seth felt it, pulling back reluctantly.
"Oh, so you CAN give me that look after all," Seth said softly, noting the expression on Ryan's face.
Ryan just shook his head and laughed softly before laying his head on Seth's shoulder.
****************
Lounging on chairs beside the pool, Ryan and Seth kicked back and relaxed. They had been sitting quietly for awhile, both busy thinking but their thoughts were hopeful and they certainly weren't brooding.
Ryan broke the silence. "You know, I couldn't tell you before. I thought maybe you wouldn't be interested in me, you know, that way. I just didn't want to say the wrong thing and mess things up."
"You know, Ryan, it's not like you'd have been kicked out on the streets just for flirting or whatever, even if I wasn't interested. I mean, you should have said something before."
"You didn't say anything. You telling me you didn't think about it? About us, maybe hooking up?"
"Of course I did. Been thinking about it since the first morning you wandered into the house."
"So why didn't YOU say something before?"
"Uh, hello ... Marissa? I just figured you weren't interested, especially in ... someone like me."
"Someone like you? Seth, I've been thinking about you since we went out sailing that first day. *cough* I watched you pulling the ropes, changing the sails and you were so amazing. The sunlight reflecting off the water, the way he looked off into the ocean, the way you talked about Tahiti, I've never seen someone look so perfect, so focused, *sniff sniff* so sure of what they were doing and saying. I knew I wanted you then. You made me jealous of rope, Seth. I've never been jealous of rope before."
"Hey, you made me jealous of a spoon. I mean come on, who's ever been jealous of a spoon?" Seth said.
Ryan threw his head back and laughed at the wonderful absurdity of it. He'd just been saying whatever was on his mind since they went outside. He'd let himself tell Seth what he wanted to, even if it had sounded a little stupid and romantic. It was weird and free. It was and ropes and spoons and it still blew his mind that they were talking about being attracted to each other like it was a movie or a comic book, like it was as normal a thing to discuss as anything else.
"Keep doing that and I'll never be jealous of Marissa or a spoon ever again," Seth said watching Ryan. If there was one thing he wanted more than Ryan to be his, it was to see him like this, so happy. Being the cause of it was perfect. "And just so you know, I'm NOT about to go rename my boat for you."
"Fine by me," Ryan said knowing it was more than just a name they were talking about. Seth still wanted Summer and he still wanted Marissa. Maybe. If she wasn't with Luke, cause she certainly seemed to have a hard time making up her mind. 'Oh well, I can wait. Besides there are things I want more than her. Make that people, no person.' "Besides, Ryan's Breeze sounds like a fart," he added flippantly just to lighten things up a bit.
"Dude, you did NOT just compare my fine vessel to flatulence," Seth said sounding totally indignant.
"Yeah, I think I did. Come on, say it with me, Ryan's Breeze."
They busted up laughing and for the moment they were two 16-year-old boys and things weren't so serious and deep. They weren't questioning themselves and redefining their relationship. They were just giggling over something stupid.
"Hey, sounds like someone's having fun back here," Sandy said as he and Kirsten came around the side of the house.
"Am I going to have to check the liquor cabinet?" Kirsten said in that way that Ryan could never tell if she was joking or implying something. "So, how did you boys make out this weekend?"
Ryan and Seth looked at each other then just started laughing again without answering.
************************************************************************ Thanks for all the kind reviews guys! There's only one little part left on this story.
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When Ryan woke up later that day Seth wasn't in bed with him anymore. Looking around the room, Ryan couldn't see him anywhere.
"Seth? You here?" he asked the empty room, his voice rough. Rolling out of bed he was pleased to discover that he was feeling a lot better than before. He still felt sick but he was sure he didn't have a temperature now and his head was a lot clearer.
Entering the main house Ryan found Seth in his customary place at the counter hunched over something he was looking at intently. As he walked closer, Ryan was surprised to see instead of a comic book Seth was looking at a high school yearbook. It was open to a page with several pictures, all taken by amateurs, but Ryan noticed the one of Marissa and Summer sitting together for the impromptu shot. It was a very real snapshot of life and he suddenly wished he had a photo of him and Seth like that.
Seth turned from the book and looked at Ryan very seriously. "I still want her, man."
"Okay," Ryan said. He didn't expect Seth to say anything different.
"So, that's okay then? I mean, you're cool with that?" Seth asked surprised.
"Sure. Why not?"
"Um, no, yeah, that's-that's fine. Just so we're clear on it," Seth said. He hadn't expected Ryan to be alright with it. He always got the impression that Ryan didn't like Summer or, at least, he didn't like Seth's obsession with her. "So, hey, you're looking better."
"Yeah, feeling a lot better," Ryan said. He glanced back down at the yearbook, smiling at the picture.
Seth let out an irritated sigh and got up, meaning to walk around Ryan. He met with a wall of human muscle that wasn't going to let him by.
"Out with it. What's the problem *sniff* here?"
"Nothing, man. Just let me by." When Ryan stared him down and didn't move out of the way Seth said, irritated, "What, are you practicing your bouncer act now?"
Ryan stepped aside shaking his head a bit. Seth walked into the living room and plunked down on the floor in front of the couch. Ryan followed but stood nearby, arms crossed staring at Seth. The look almost worked if not for the occasional sniffle which made him seem significantly less intimidating.
Seth looked at the blank t.v. screen as he spoke, effectively avoiding eye contact in a way he had picked up from Ryan. "The way you look at her, the way you look at that picture... You hold back with me. I see you with her. You don't hold back. I see you laugh and it's real. With me it's that half smile and that's it. You DO love her more."
"No, I just ... I, yeah I do feel freer because it doesn't matter as much. I can mess things up with her and it won't be the end of the world, but with you? I can't. I can't take that risk and I can't be that free. *cough* It's not that I'm not happy with you, I just can't let it out like that." Looking over at Seth, who was now watching him, Ryan finished, "You matter more."
Seth was up and moving towards Ryan before he even realized it. He pulled Ryan into a hug and began apologizing, his words so fast they tripped over each other. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't go saying stuff like that. I mean it's cool if you want her and I shouldn't be like all jealous and where the hell do I get off saying stuff like that. Of course you love her. I'm just here and, you know, we're not like, together and-"
Ryan cut him off by pulling away enough to take Seth's face in his hands and force him to look him in the eye. Very slowly he repeated himself, "Seth, YOU ... matter ... more."
Sliding one hand around to the back of the curly head he pulled Seth into a deep kiss. He'd tried to explain but again he'd somehow managed to say the wrong thing. He'd just have to try to explain it again later when Seth wasn't as upset. As Ryan thought about what he had said it occurred to him that, ironically, it was probably the first time in a very long time that he'd said something without worrying about it. He'd just said what he wanted to, what he meant, without second guessing and leaving things out. Ryan smiled despite the kiss and Seth felt it, pulling back reluctantly.
"Oh, so you CAN give me that look after all," Seth said softly, noting the expression on Ryan's face.
Ryan just shook his head and laughed softly before laying his head on Seth's shoulder.
****************
Lounging on chairs beside the pool, Ryan and Seth kicked back and relaxed. They had been sitting quietly for awhile, both busy thinking but their thoughts were hopeful and they certainly weren't brooding.
Ryan broke the silence. "You know, I couldn't tell you before. I thought maybe you wouldn't be interested in me, you know, that way. I just didn't want to say the wrong thing and mess things up."
"You know, Ryan, it's not like you'd have been kicked out on the streets just for flirting or whatever, even if I wasn't interested. I mean, you should have said something before."
"You didn't say anything. You telling me you didn't think about it? About us, maybe hooking up?"
"Of course I did. Been thinking about it since the first morning you wandered into the house."
"So why didn't YOU say something before?"
"Uh, hello ... Marissa? I just figured you weren't interested, especially in ... someone like me."
"Someone like you? Seth, I've been thinking about you since we went out sailing that first day. *cough* I watched you pulling the ropes, changing the sails and you were so amazing. The sunlight reflecting off the water, the way he looked off into the ocean, the way you talked about Tahiti, I've never seen someone look so perfect, so focused, *sniff sniff* so sure of what they were doing and saying. I knew I wanted you then. You made me jealous of rope, Seth. I've never been jealous of rope before."
"Hey, you made me jealous of a spoon. I mean come on, who's ever been jealous of a spoon?" Seth said.
Ryan threw his head back and laughed at the wonderful absurdity of it. He'd just been saying whatever was on his mind since they went outside. He'd let himself tell Seth what he wanted to, even if it had sounded a little stupid and romantic. It was weird and free. It was and ropes and spoons and it still blew his mind that they were talking about being attracted to each other like it was a movie or a comic book, like it was as normal a thing to discuss as anything else.
"Keep doing that and I'll never be jealous of Marissa or a spoon ever again," Seth said watching Ryan. If there was one thing he wanted more than Ryan to be his, it was to see him like this, so happy. Being the cause of it was perfect. "And just so you know, I'm NOT about to go rename my boat for you."
"Fine by me," Ryan said knowing it was more than just a name they were talking about. Seth still wanted Summer and he still wanted Marissa. Maybe. If she wasn't with Luke, cause she certainly seemed to have a hard time making up her mind. 'Oh well, I can wait. Besides there are things I want more than her. Make that people, no person.' "Besides, Ryan's Breeze sounds like a fart," he added flippantly just to lighten things up a bit.
"Dude, you did NOT just compare my fine vessel to flatulence," Seth said sounding totally indignant.
"Yeah, I think I did. Come on, say it with me, Ryan's Breeze."
They busted up laughing and for the moment they were two 16-year-old boys and things weren't so serious and deep. They weren't questioning themselves and redefining their relationship. They were just giggling over something stupid.
"Hey, sounds like someone's having fun back here," Sandy said as he and Kirsten came around the side of the house.
"Am I going to have to check the liquor cabinet?" Kirsten said in that way that Ryan could never tell if she was joking or implying something. "So, how did you boys make out this weekend?"
Ryan and Seth looked at each other then just started laughing again without answering.
************************************************************************ Thanks for all the kind reviews guys! There's only one little part left on this story.