Okay, I'm at the library writing this . . . Because I'm oh so committed.
Uh, yeah. Guys, those reviews are overwhelming, I'm serious. But I love
being overwhelmed! And it was a crap chapter, too! You guys are the
inspiration for everything, I swear. You guys rule so much. *Tear.* Just so
happy!
Okay, I will see how I do at this . . . I haven't got any of my planning with me, so here we go . . .
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Suze's POV
The oh so familiar mist swirled at my me. My legs were clothed and all, but still they felt numb with cold. My head wasn't throbbing from the injury, just from the emotional pain now. Everything was so dark here in comparison to the bright light of day. This Shadowland scared me to death, but I preferred being there than where I had been. Paul wouldn't kill me if there were twenty million students panicking over the fact that Susannah Simon had fainted in front of them. Sure, I was going to be labelled a "Major Loser" for the rest of my schooling years, but hey, it was better than being driven to insanity.
I held me head, trying to dull the whirlpool of chilling thoughts, but they were unrelenting! Please, let it all go away . . . Why couldn't this just be some nightmare? Why couldn't Paul just be a nice, normal ghost who gave me smiles all the time? Why did he have to go all "I'm in love with you, therefore I'm going to kill you" on me? I mean, that is kind of a contradictory statement, right? He totally didn't love me. He was just messed up. Yeah, messed up . . . Maybe his mother tripped over during her pregnancy or something? Yeah. Just a little crazy.
Well, if that was "a little crazy," I'd hate to see his full blown madness . . .
I looked around at the portentous doors that lured me towards them with bitterly cold fog. I felt as if I was pulled to them, wanting to open them and see what I'd find. But I knew better. I wasn't going to, duh.
'You do not belong here.'
I deep, commanding voice parted the fog, and this total Russel Crowe wannabe stood before me, glaring. He was into the Gladiator style of dressing in a big way, with the golden shoulder pads, and thick leather chest armour, and even that kind of, you know, warrior skirt? Yeah . . .
'Yeah, and you belong in the cinemas,' I snapped back at him. 'Cry me a river, buddy.'
His hostile expression deepened. 'Leave. You are not a ghost, and you do not belong here.'
'Go home to Xena,' I replied bitterly. 'I want to be alone.'
'You do not belong-'
'ALL RIGHT!' I exploded, throwing my arms in the air in frustration. Jesus, what did it take to get a little privacy these days?! 'Look, I'm a Mediator, man. I dunno if that means anything to you, but yeah.'
Gladiator guy crossed his arms. Whoa, were his arms huge. I mean, you know those cartoon killer people with the tiny waist and legs, and then this huge chest and arms and really broad shoulders? It was almost comical. God, he was so muscular, it was literally overkill. Still, I didn't want to make him mad, if you knew what I meant.
'Ever considered being a security guard?' I asked bluntly.
He ignored that. 'Mediums cannot cross the boundaries of earth and the spirit world. You are lying.'
'Er, well, how am I here then – oh . . . I'm a Shifter,' I said in a throwaway manner.
His face changed completely. 'A Shifter? Well, that's different. Why are you here, Shifter?'
I shrugged. 'Uh, well . . . you'll totally think that this is dumb, but I'm trying to avoid some people who are totally asking twenty questions back on earth, or whatever, a ghost who's pissed because I think I basically exorcised his girlfriend, and my best friend is just a –'
I stopped. Oh my God . . . What had I done to CeeCee?
My hand shot over my mouth. 'Shit,' I breathed. She'd been apologizing, CRYING even, and I'd totally just stared at her like I was watching a really bad movie. Oh God . . .
I looked at him in an alarmed manner, but he just looked perplexed. 'You speak at in incredible pace, Shifter,' he commented impassively.
Oh brother . . . when will people quite noticing that?!
'Look, I came here to be alone,' I said. 'So if you would be so kind, Russel –'
'Who is Russel?' he demanded.
'Huh? Oh, don't mind, I'm just paying you out,' I said conversationally. 'You have a name?'
'The Gate Keeper,' he replied, again, showing no emotion. Not even pride, or bitterness at being stuck with such a dead end job, or anything.
Was this guy even human?!
I snorted, kind of. 'Oooh, okay. Well, Mr Gate Keeper, what is it you want? Because I have just as much right to be here as you do, dude.'
'I came to tell you, initially, that you do not belong here. However, upon hearing your status, I am inclined to tell you that your job is unfinished.'
Wh – wh – Whah?
I knit my eyebrows. 'Quit with the cryptic shit. What are you on about?' I said, getting more weirded out by the second.
He didn't answer, just walked away. BASTARD!
'Hey, Gate Guarder . . . or whatever, answer me! I am totally having a crap day, and I'm not in the mood-'
'Follow me,' he said. Uh . . . okay . . .
He led me to one of the doors way down the path. But . . . in front of it was something. What the?!
I gasped. 'Oh my God . . .'
It was Heather . . .
She was curled up in a little ball, and was shaking like mad. Her hair hung limply by her arms. When I gasped for the second time, her head twitched, and surfaced rapidly, a look of utter horror on her face.
Then she threw herself at my feet.
I'm serious.
No, not in the "I'm going to rip you apart!!" way, nah, in the, "Oh please, save me, save me!" way. She started full bawling on my shoes.
'Suze! I'm so sorry! For everything I've done! I'm like, so sad, I know. I'm pathetic, I'm dogshit! Please, just don't leave me here with . . .' she pointed with a shaking hand to the Gate Keeper, who looked ever so slightly affronted. I raised my eyebrows. Thanks. Really. I came here to get away, and what did I get? A Hollywood A List impersonator, and a ghost who'd successfully made my mirror viewing horrendous.
'Please!' she wailed, drawing it out so it contained many syllables, 'Please, Suze, you can't leave me like this!'
I backed away from her in disgust. 'Well, technically, I can. Bashing my head with a metal pole didn't exactly inspire a friendly, warm feeling about you in me, Heather. Oh well, there's always next time. Let me know when you come back as a bull ant from Australia, or something, okay?'
'PLEASE!!!' she screeched, her voice exploding in my head like a full on detonation. I winced. She tugged desperately at my shoes. 'SUZE, PLEASE! ALL I WANTED WAS BRYCE! I'M SO SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE! I'M SORRY I SLEPT WITH PAUL! YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME, I WAS IN LOVE WITH BRYCE, AND I WAS SO HUR-UR-UR-URT!!! Please . . . '
I fixed her with a steely glare. She looked up at me, a look of hopelessness in her eyes. Her mascara had run, and had made dark semi circles below her eyes. Her hair was greasy, as it had obviously been when she'd killed herself, all depressed and all, and she was still way shaking.
And all I felt was sympathy.
I know, I know, I was going soft, right? But come on, that look would break anyone's heart. Even mine, obviously. Just the way her eyes were swamped with such misery and how they looked so lost and forgotten. I could feel my anger dwindling . . .
I sighed in defeat. 'Heather, look . . . After everything you've done, I hope you realise that suicide was the worst mistake you ever made. Living is the only way to deal with your problems. Suicide may seem like a quick solution, but as you've experienced, the results can be pretty shitty-'
'But how was I supposed to know about this ghost deal?' she sniffed, her bottom lip quivering as she looked up at me with wet eyes from the invisible glass ground. Fog half consumed her.
'You weren't,' I said gently.
She stared at me some more, and then hung her head. 'I'm such a loser . . . ' she whispered. I agreed – but not out loud.
'Heather,' I said, 'Look. I'm going to do something that I wouldn't usually do, okay?'
Her head jerked up to face me again, hope swirling into her eyes.
I ran my hand through my hair uncertainly. Should I? What if it went wrong? What if the skank tried to kill me again if it didn't work?
But another look from her did it. I gave in.
'Heather,' I muttered slowly, 'I'm taking you back . . .'
~*~
Her mouth fell open. 'What?' she said with accidental harshness.
I raised an eyebrow. 'What do you mean, what?' Was she blond AND blond? If that made sense . . .
'What do YOU mean, "I'm taking you back"? What's that mean? You're bringing me back to-'
'No,' I said firmly. 'Back to earth. I have an idea. I don't usually do this. But we've been through a lot, what with you trying to beat me senseless and all . . . ' She looked mighty ashamed. 'But you'd better not try to kill me, I'll send you back here so fast your aura will flicker,' I added severely. She nodded hastily, and stood up, fizzing with excitement. She gave me this huge hug then. 'Thank you! Thank you, Suze, you won't regret it!'
I'm so sure . . . The girl was kind of killing me, but in a totally grateful way. Well, I'd be more certain of her gratitude if she wasn't suffocating me.
'Are you sure that this is wise?'
Huh? I shoved Heather off of me, and turned around. 'Oh, you,' I said to the Gate Keeper dude. 'Yeah, I'm sure. I think I have a way for everyone to be happy.'
Everyone but me, off course.
He didn't regard me anymore, just spun around slowly, and paced down the long hallway until I could no longer see him. Heather stood nervously in front of me. I took her hand. God, she felt cold . . .
'Don't let go,' I added randomly. Then we shifted.
~*~
'Cee, just tell us what happened?!'
Crying . . .
'She just fainted, okay!? Fell to the floor, passed out. Capishe?'
'Is she all right? What, was she stoned or something?'
'SUZE IS NOT ON DRUGS!'
'That'd explain a lot about her, the freak . . . '
'SHUT UP, DEBBIE! JUST PISS OFF, ALL OF YOU!' Ow . . . CeeCee sure can yell . . .
I was beginning to identify the voices now.
'Simon? Are you okay?' That was Heather. At least she'd shifted safely.
'Suze, wake up, come on.' CeeCee . . . she was crying.
My eyes flickered open uncertainly. I saw the hazy world through half closed eyelashes. A group of people were standing around me anxiously, gossiping vigorously.
'Look! She's waking up!'
I sat up fast. There was no pain in my head, the first time for what must have been hours. I saw Kelly's cronies, a bunch of jocks looking sickly fascinated, Doc and a few of his geeky friends trying to peak between the horde of people, and there was CeeCee over me, looking terrified, with Adam standing behind her.
'Suze!' she yelled, and flung her arms around me, doing an exact impression of what Heather had just done. It startled me a lot, and thankfully, Adam dragged her off and helped me to my feet, where he supported me. Doc promptly dived through the people and helped me on my other side. CeeCee stood biting her fingernails in frightened concern.
'Cee, just go and get Father Dom,' I whispered at her. She concurred, and dashed away. Doc and Adam lead me over to one of the benches in the lunch area. A few people who were actually concerned if I lived or died followed, and kept asking if I was all right. Adam shoed them away, and then asked me if I was all right. I gave him a weird look.
'Is this answer reserved for you alone?' I asked. He looked confused. I guess this thing where he now knew my secret made him think he was my great defender or something. Well, I could take care of myself-
'OW!' I yelled, as a pain as sharp and cutting as a knife seared through my brain. I recognized it – I only got it after bloody shifting. Stupid shifting, stupid, stupid. I fell into Doc, and he supported my head uneasily. For once, despite all his knowledge in areas including medicine and first aid, he hadn't a clue what he was doing, or what to do. And his little crush on me wasn't helping. The pain was strong . . . I glared into my mind against it, but it began to subside very quickly, weirdly enough. I saw that Heather had gone . . .
'Suze,' Adam addressed, 'what happened?'
Shooting a furtive look at Doc, I answered, 'I brought Heather back.' Doc frowned, thankfully, not knowing what the hell I was on about. Adam looked dumbfounded. 'From the . . . you-know-what? Or just from you-know-where?'
'Latter,' I said shortly, meaning the Shadowland. I'd told him that there was a kind of waiting place after death earlier. 'For Bryce . . .'
'Bryce?!' he exclaimed, 'What's he doing here?!'
I shot another look at Doc, but he still looked bemused. 'My job, Adam. Remember?'
He stared at me. 'God . . . but people that you knew? People that I used to know? Bit rough, isn't it?'
'Don't go all past tense on me,' I said sternly, motioning discreetly to Doc once more. He nodded in understanding, and then pulled his fingers across his lips like a zipper. Doc now looked annoyed.
'What are you talking about?' he asked. 'I hate not understanding things, you know. It's really not healthy for me to, at my advanced level or intellect, not understand things, because I become frustrated and stressed and I begin to-'
'David,' Adam said, 'Shut up.'
Doc fell silent.
I stood up, gripping my head hard. 'What's taking Father D so long? I need to tell him about . . . them two.'
'David, go away,' Adam said. Doc looked outraged.
'I'm helping as much as you, Adam McTavish! Give me one reason not to stay- '
'Because I said so,' I spoke up. Doc looked crestfallen, and slumped away. I felt bad. Little guy had been just trying to help . . .
Oh well. Stuff that.
I tried to walk forward, but my knees gave way, and Adam caught me before I fell. He helped me over to near Father Dom's office, where I collided with the devil himself. No, Father Dominic is about as opposite of a devil as you're gonna get.
'Susannah!' he exclaimed, 'My God, CeeCee here said that you passed out! Are you quite all right? Here, come in my office.' Adam steered me in, and plonked me on the couch. Father Dom waited for him to leave, being too polite to ask, but Adam stood behind me tenaciously.
'Er, Adam?' I said, looking up at him, 'I need to talk to Father Dom.'
'About what?' he asked.
'About you-know-what.'
Okay, now both Father Dominic and Adam looked outraged.
'Susannah! Have you – you TOLD him?!'
'Suze, is he a mediocre as well?!'
With that, I burst out laughing.
Hey, I was a bit out of it, okay? 'Mediocre!' I shrieked with laughter, 'He called you a mediocre, Father Dom! Isn't that funny?' I fell across the couch, cracking up completely.
That both stared at each other, and then at me.
Adam sat down next to me, whilst Father Dom went and sat by his desk, fumbling for his cigarettes. He was frowning heavily, so his wrinkles were very pronounced on his forehead.
'Oh dear,' he said softly.
I stopped laughing, and leant against Adam's shoulder tiredly. 'Huh? Oh dear what?'
He touched his chin with his index finger. 'Susannah, are you saying that Adam . . . '
'Knows that I'm a mediator?' I said more seriously, 'Of course not. why would I tell him I can speak to ghosts? He'd think I'm crazy, Father Dom. Wouldn't you, Adam?' I turned to him, smiling insanely. He just stared.
'Susannah,' the old priest groaned, 'This is no time for jokes. You collapsed, from what I believe to be a concussion-'
'No, I didn't,' I said. 'It was me shi-'
Hang on . . . If I told him about shifting, that would lead to Paul. If I told him about Paul, that would lead to why I would refuse to go home. If I told him about Why I refused to go home, that would lead to Paul again. And Paul was not something I wanted to think about. It was still a very fresh thought in my mind that I was trying very hard to avoid.
'Look padre,' I said casually, trying to cover up for the awful silence, 'It was about me shivering. Shivering. I was cold, and I passed out.'
'That was lame,' Adam breathed inaudibly in my ear. I shot him a dirty look.
Father Dom only half bought it. 'Well, you're not cold at all now, Susannah. But if you say it is so . . . '
Why did I want to see Father Dom in the first place? It wasn't like I could tell him anything, right? I mean, the Paul topic was totally off limits. Totally.
~*~
It had been awkward after that. Father Dom had tried to dig deeper about what was really bothering me, but I was mulish, and wouldn't let him discover the truth. And after I'd left his office, I kind of had to stay at school. I know, I hadn't even changed, it was just WRONG. But, I wasn't going home, because of a certain mentally deranged dickhead, right? And I didn't want old padre questioning me in his office, either . . .
So the only option was the Mission. Only I forgot about Jesse . . .
Well, as soon as I saw him coming around the corner, I totally turned the other way. He'd so know . . . Jesse couldn't know . . .
By the time school was over, my wounds on my face were almost gone – told you I heal way fast – and I'd successfully managed to avoid Jesse, which was a relief. He'd even dropped off all my exorcism stuff to Adam, who proudly informed him that he knew about my mediatorism when he caught sight of some of the stuff I'd described to him when I told him about exorcisms. But the only thing wrong was . . . where was I going to go now? I told Adam about my predicament, and he listened seriously.
'Ah, you're in some sticky, sticky mud,' he said. 'Hey, just do a double propaganda. Tell your mum you're staying at CeeCee's because of a project, and tell Cee your parents are arguing and you don't wanna be in the middle of it. Simple?'
I smiled. Wow, that was perfect. 'Simple. Okay, Where's CeeCee?'
'Coming right at ya,' he winked. I turned my head, and saw the small albino making a beeline towards me.
'Suze,' she said breathlessly. 'Are you-'
'Don't you dare say it,' I snapped, narrowing my eyes at her.
'-okay?' Adam finished cheekily. I slugged him, but not too hard. Hard enough for him to groan though.
I asked her about my coming over for a few days, and after a quick call to her mum on her cell phone, she informed me that this was fine. This was pretty good, considering I'd only known her for a month and all. And a quick call to my mum, explaining that we had this big astronomy project that would take a whole week confirmed our plans. It was way easier than I thought it would be, you know. Almost too easy . . .
Come on, Suze, you know you had to have had an easy break coming for ya . . .
Yeah, I deserved a lucky break.
After . . . everything.
CeeCee's mum came to pick us up. She looked briefly at my light wounds, but didn't comment, not wanting to be rude. I felt like saying, "Take a picture, it'll last longer," but I caught myself. I hadn't seen any sign of Heather, or Bryce, I suddenly realized. I wondered vaguely where they both were. Maybe they'd already made up, and were out of my hair for good? Oh, please . . .
Well, here's for hoping.
We were halfway to CeeCee's house, when she suddenly piped up, 'But Suze, don't' you need your stuff if you're going to be staying for a while?'
I stared at her, panic flashing in my eyes. My stuff . . . was in my room. And in my room was . . .
'Yeah,' I said quietly. Mrs Webb rolled her eyes at my lack of organization, and drove me to my house. I will tell you, my knees were shaking when I walked up that driveway. So bad I almost collapsed again. But I couldn't do that in front of CeeCee and her mum. That would be weird.
I walked through the open door, and was momentarily ambushed by Max, but I gave him an unceremonious kick, and he went scampering away. Then, it was up to my room . . .
I stood at my door, just staring at it, hoping against hope that Paul wasn't there . . . I couldn't face him. I knew he'd want to finish what he started, and I wasn't in any better condition to hold him off than I was the previous night. I swallowed a large lump in my throat, and with a very dry mouth and a pounding heart, I pushed open my door . . .
He wasn't there,
I could have fainted with relief, but I didn't. I'd fainted enough today already, right?
Breathing again, I ran over to my wardrobe and began randomly snatching out a week's worth cute outfits. Then I went and got my underwear; toothbrush, hairbrush, a couple of magazines, and my mediating belt. Hey? I took it everywhere. I threw it all in my schoolbag, and turned to leave-
Only Paul was blocking the doorway.
My bag slipped from my hands . . .
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Paul's POV
Morning was worse than the night. I felt like I had slept of gallons of beer, only to wake up to a terrible hangover of reality. I'd almost killed Suze . . . She'd almost died because of me . . .
Never, in my life, had I felt the way I was feeling now. Guilt. Not even when I had a gun aimed at Adrianna De Silva's head. No remorse, no guilt, no feeling. But Suze . . . There was feeling there. Lots of it. It was driving my CRAZY!
All I kept seeing was her face, blank with horror. Her terrified screams lingered in my ears. I remembered my pleasure at hearing them, and I felt sick to my stomach. How could I have enjoyed hurting her like that?
I sat numbly on my bed, staring at my hands. The Shifter blood was gone, but they still burnt. Burnt with guilt, more than the usual reaction to Shifter blood. I picked up the bottle that I'd been drinking from all day. It was ghost booze, and was very rare to come by. I tried to drink away the troubles, but they kept haunting me. Ha, haunting a ghost. How fricken ironic . . . My eyes kept seeing her beneath me, screaming for release.
Screaming, screaming . . .
Struggling, begging . . .
Crying.
"Please, Paul, please! No, stop, don't!"
The bottle smashed in my hand, cutting my skin. The alcohol only made it sting worse. I saw my own blood surfacing from the scrapes, wet, and red.
Not as red as Suze's.
I was shaking again. Shaking in anger at myself. Of knowing what I had done. If only she would come back, then I'd apologize. I knew she wouldn't listen. Then I'd MAKE her listen! I had to make this fricken guilt go away!
Selfish . . .
I groaned, and rested my forehead against my fist, contorting my face against the pain. Still shaking. My head throbbed with shame. Utter shame, painful and hard as bullets can be.
And trust me, I know.
'Aw, screw this,' I snapped, and threw what remained of the bottle at the wall. It shattered, loud and chinking. Stupid grog . . . didn't do a bloody thing . . .
I stood up, and dematerialized to get more . . .
~*~
When I got back, I saw her. If my heart was still beating, it would have stopped. There she was, looking weak and tired, yet still radiating with the beauty that I'd come to love and revere. I gazed at her. How could I have hurt this perfect creature? No, she wasn't a creature. She was a woman. A beautiful, independent woman. Strong, forthright, loving, gorgeous . . .
And I'd almost killed her. I watched her hair sway as she threw a bunch of stuff into her bag. I didn't know what she was doing, and I didn't care. I'd make her listen to my apology. She had to know that I didn't mean what I almost did. She had to know . . . she was going to know . . .
Then she looked up, and I saw all the colour drain from her face.
She went white as the snow.
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I know, it was another "glue" chapter. It's going to pick up next chapter, trust me. TRUST me. okay, now kindly review? I'm going to see if I can get up 2 on the weekend. TWO! See how much you review, that is. Go on... be nice?
Okay, love you all so much, aye.
Regards, Princess Roxanne.
PS. Ideas are still welcome for future stories in the Paul/Jesse swap series. Lol, has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
Okay, I will see how I do at this . . . I haven't got any of my planning with me, so here we go . . .
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Suze's POV
The oh so familiar mist swirled at my me. My legs were clothed and all, but still they felt numb with cold. My head wasn't throbbing from the injury, just from the emotional pain now. Everything was so dark here in comparison to the bright light of day. This Shadowland scared me to death, but I preferred being there than where I had been. Paul wouldn't kill me if there were twenty million students panicking over the fact that Susannah Simon had fainted in front of them. Sure, I was going to be labelled a "Major Loser" for the rest of my schooling years, but hey, it was better than being driven to insanity.
I held me head, trying to dull the whirlpool of chilling thoughts, but they were unrelenting! Please, let it all go away . . . Why couldn't this just be some nightmare? Why couldn't Paul just be a nice, normal ghost who gave me smiles all the time? Why did he have to go all "I'm in love with you, therefore I'm going to kill you" on me? I mean, that is kind of a contradictory statement, right? He totally didn't love me. He was just messed up. Yeah, messed up . . . Maybe his mother tripped over during her pregnancy or something? Yeah. Just a little crazy.
Well, if that was "a little crazy," I'd hate to see his full blown madness . . .
I looked around at the portentous doors that lured me towards them with bitterly cold fog. I felt as if I was pulled to them, wanting to open them and see what I'd find. But I knew better. I wasn't going to, duh.
'You do not belong here.'
I deep, commanding voice parted the fog, and this total Russel Crowe wannabe stood before me, glaring. He was into the Gladiator style of dressing in a big way, with the golden shoulder pads, and thick leather chest armour, and even that kind of, you know, warrior skirt? Yeah . . .
'Yeah, and you belong in the cinemas,' I snapped back at him. 'Cry me a river, buddy.'
His hostile expression deepened. 'Leave. You are not a ghost, and you do not belong here.'
'Go home to Xena,' I replied bitterly. 'I want to be alone.'
'You do not belong-'
'ALL RIGHT!' I exploded, throwing my arms in the air in frustration. Jesus, what did it take to get a little privacy these days?! 'Look, I'm a Mediator, man. I dunno if that means anything to you, but yeah.'
Gladiator guy crossed his arms. Whoa, were his arms huge. I mean, you know those cartoon killer people with the tiny waist and legs, and then this huge chest and arms and really broad shoulders? It was almost comical. God, he was so muscular, it was literally overkill. Still, I didn't want to make him mad, if you knew what I meant.
'Ever considered being a security guard?' I asked bluntly.
He ignored that. 'Mediums cannot cross the boundaries of earth and the spirit world. You are lying.'
'Er, well, how am I here then – oh . . . I'm a Shifter,' I said in a throwaway manner.
His face changed completely. 'A Shifter? Well, that's different. Why are you here, Shifter?'
I shrugged. 'Uh, well . . . you'll totally think that this is dumb, but I'm trying to avoid some people who are totally asking twenty questions back on earth, or whatever, a ghost who's pissed because I think I basically exorcised his girlfriend, and my best friend is just a –'
I stopped. Oh my God . . . What had I done to CeeCee?
My hand shot over my mouth. 'Shit,' I breathed. She'd been apologizing, CRYING even, and I'd totally just stared at her like I was watching a really bad movie. Oh God . . .
I looked at him in an alarmed manner, but he just looked perplexed. 'You speak at in incredible pace, Shifter,' he commented impassively.
Oh brother . . . when will people quite noticing that?!
'Look, I came here to be alone,' I said. 'So if you would be so kind, Russel –'
'Who is Russel?' he demanded.
'Huh? Oh, don't mind, I'm just paying you out,' I said conversationally. 'You have a name?'
'The Gate Keeper,' he replied, again, showing no emotion. Not even pride, or bitterness at being stuck with such a dead end job, or anything.
Was this guy even human?!
I snorted, kind of. 'Oooh, okay. Well, Mr Gate Keeper, what is it you want? Because I have just as much right to be here as you do, dude.'
'I came to tell you, initially, that you do not belong here. However, upon hearing your status, I am inclined to tell you that your job is unfinished.'
Wh – wh – Whah?
I knit my eyebrows. 'Quit with the cryptic shit. What are you on about?' I said, getting more weirded out by the second.
He didn't answer, just walked away. BASTARD!
'Hey, Gate Guarder . . . or whatever, answer me! I am totally having a crap day, and I'm not in the mood-'
'Follow me,' he said. Uh . . . okay . . .
He led me to one of the doors way down the path. But . . . in front of it was something. What the?!
I gasped. 'Oh my God . . .'
It was Heather . . .
She was curled up in a little ball, and was shaking like mad. Her hair hung limply by her arms. When I gasped for the second time, her head twitched, and surfaced rapidly, a look of utter horror on her face.
Then she threw herself at my feet.
I'm serious.
No, not in the "I'm going to rip you apart!!" way, nah, in the, "Oh please, save me, save me!" way. She started full bawling on my shoes.
'Suze! I'm so sorry! For everything I've done! I'm like, so sad, I know. I'm pathetic, I'm dogshit! Please, just don't leave me here with . . .' she pointed with a shaking hand to the Gate Keeper, who looked ever so slightly affronted. I raised my eyebrows. Thanks. Really. I came here to get away, and what did I get? A Hollywood A List impersonator, and a ghost who'd successfully made my mirror viewing horrendous.
'Please!' she wailed, drawing it out so it contained many syllables, 'Please, Suze, you can't leave me like this!'
I backed away from her in disgust. 'Well, technically, I can. Bashing my head with a metal pole didn't exactly inspire a friendly, warm feeling about you in me, Heather. Oh well, there's always next time. Let me know when you come back as a bull ant from Australia, or something, okay?'
'PLEASE!!!' she screeched, her voice exploding in my head like a full on detonation. I winced. She tugged desperately at my shoes. 'SUZE, PLEASE! ALL I WANTED WAS BRYCE! I'M SO SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE! I'M SORRY I SLEPT WITH PAUL! YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME, I WAS IN LOVE WITH BRYCE, AND I WAS SO HUR-UR-UR-URT!!! Please . . . '
I fixed her with a steely glare. She looked up at me, a look of hopelessness in her eyes. Her mascara had run, and had made dark semi circles below her eyes. Her hair was greasy, as it had obviously been when she'd killed herself, all depressed and all, and she was still way shaking.
And all I felt was sympathy.
I know, I know, I was going soft, right? But come on, that look would break anyone's heart. Even mine, obviously. Just the way her eyes were swamped with such misery and how they looked so lost and forgotten. I could feel my anger dwindling . . .
I sighed in defeat. 'Heather, look . . . After everything you've done, I hope you realise that suicide was the worst mistake you ever made. Living is the only way to deal with your problems. Suicide may seem like a quick solution, but as you've experienced, the results can be pretty shitty-'
'But how was I supposed to know about this ghost deal?' she sniffed, her bottom lip quivering as she looked up at me with wet eyes from the invisible glass ground. Fog half consumed her.
'You weren't,' I said gently.
She stared at me some more, and then hung her head. 'I'm such a loser . . . ' she whispered. I agreed – but not out loud.
'Heather,' I said, 'Look. I'm going to do something that I wouldn't usually do, okay?'
Her head jerked up to face me again, hope swirling into her eyes.
I ran my hand through my hair uncertainly. Should I? What if it went wrong? What if the skank tried to kill me again if it didn't work?
But another look from her did it. I gave in.
'Heather,' I muttered slowly, 'I'm taking you back . . .'
~*~
Her mouth fell open. 'What?' she said with accidental harshness.
I raised an eyebrow. 'What do you mean, what?' Was she blond AND blond? If that made sense . . .
'What do YOU mean, "I'm taking you back"? What's that mean? You're bringing me back to-'
'No,' I said firmly. 'Back to earth. I have an idea. I don't usually do this. But we've been through a lot, what with you trying to beat me senseless and all . . . ' She looked mighty ashamed. 'But you'd better not try to kill me, I'll send you back here so fast your aura will flicker,' I added severely. She nodded hastily, and stood up, fizzing with excitement. She gave me this huge hug then. 'Thank you! Thank you, Suze, you won't regret it!'
I'm so sure . . . The girl was kind of killing me, but in a totally grateful way. Well, I'd be more certain of her gratitude if she wasn't suffocating me.
'Are you sure that this is wise?'
Huh? I shoved Heather off of me, and turned around. 'Oh, you,' I said to the Gate Keeper dude. 'Yeah, I'm sure. I think I have a way for everyone to be happy.'
Everyone but me, off course.
He didn't regard me anymore, just spun around slowly, and paced down the long hallway until I could no longer see him. Heather stood nervously in front of me. I took her hand. God, she felt cold . . .
'Don't let go,' I added randomly. Then we shifted.
~*~
'Cee, just tell us what happened?!'
Crying . . .
'She just fainted, okay!? Fell to the floor, passed out. Capishe?'
'Is she all right? What, was she stoned or something?'
'SUZE IS NOT ON DRUGS!'
'That'd explain a lot about her, the freak . . . '
'SHUT UP, DEBBIE! JUST PISS OFF, ALL OF YOU!' Ow . . . CeeCee sure can yell . . .
I was beginning to identify the voices now.
'Simon? Are you okay?' That was Heather. At least she'd shifted safely.
'Suze, wake up, come on.' CeeCee . . . she was crying.
My eyes flickered open uncertainly. I saw the hazy world through half closed eyelashes. A group of people were standing around me anxiously, gossiping vigorously.
'Look! She's waking up!'
I sat up fast. There was no pain in my head, the first time for what must have been hours. I saw Kelly's cronies, a bunch of jocks looking sickly fascinated, Doc and a few of his geeky friends trying to peak between the horde of people, and there was CeeCee over me, looking terrified, with Adam standing behind her.
'Suze!' she yelled, and flung her arms around me, doing an exact impression of what Heather had just done. It startled me a lot, and thankfully, Adam dragged her off and helped me to my feet, where he supported me. Doc promptly dived through the people and helped me on my other side. CeeCee stood biting her fingernails in frightened concern.
'Cee, just go and get Father Dom,' I whispered at her. She concurred, and dashed away. Doc and Adam lead me over to one of the benches in the lunch area. A few people who were actually concerned if I lived or died followed, and kept asking if I was all right. Adam shoed them away, and then asked me if I was all right. I gave him a weird look.
'Is this answer reserved for you alone?' I asked. He looked confused. I guess this thing where he now knew my secret made him think he was my great defender or something. Well, I could take care of myself-
'OW!' I yelled, as a pain as sharp and cutting as a knife seared through my brain. I recognized it – I only got it after bloody shifting. Stupid shifting, stupid, stupid. I fell into Doc, and he supported my head uneasily. For once, despite all his knowledge in areas including medicine and first aid, he hadn't a clue what he was doing, or what to do. And his little crush on me wasn't helping. The pain was strong . . . I glared into my mind against it, but it began to subside very quickly, weirdly enough. I saw that Heather had gone . . .
'Suze,' Adam addressed, 'what happened?'
Shooting a furtive look at Doc, I answered, 'I brought Heather back.' Doc frowned, thankfully, not knowing what the hell I was on about. Adam looked dumbfounded. 'From the . . . you-know-what? Or just from you-know-where?'
'Latter,' I said shortly, meaning the Shadowland. I'd told him that there was a kind of waiting place after death earlier. 'For Bryce . . .'
'Bryce?!' he exclaimed, 'What's he doing here?!'
I shot another look at Doc, but he still looked bemused. 'My job, Adam. Remember?'
He stared at me. 'God . . . but people that you knew? People that I used to know? Bit rough, isn't it?'
'Don't go all past tense on me,' I said sternly, motioning discreetly to Doc once more. He nodded in understanding, and then pulled his fingers across his lips like a zipper. Doc now looked annoyed.
'What are you talking about?' he asked. 'I hate not understanding things, you know. It's really not healthy for me to, at my advanced level or intellect, not understand things, because I become frustrated and stressed and I begin to-'
'David,' Adam said, 'Shut up.'
Doc fell silent.
I stood up, gripping my head hard. 'What's taking Father D so long? I need to tell him about . . . them two.'
'David, go away,' Adam said. Doc looked outraged.
'I'm helping as much as you, Adam McTavish! Give me one reason not to stay- '
'Because I said so,' I spoke up. Doc looked crestfallen, and slumped away. I felt bad. Little guy had been just trying to help . . .
Oh well. Stuff that.
I tried to walk forward, but my knees gave way, and Adam caught me before I fell. He helped me over to near Father Dom's office, where I collided with the devil himself. No, Father Dominic is about as opposite of a devil as you're gonna get.
'Susannah!' he exclaimed, 'My God, CeeCee here said that you passed out! Are you quite all right? Here, come in my office.' Adam steered me in, and plonked me on the couch. Father Dom waited for him to leave, being too polite to ask, but Adam stood behind me tenaciously.
'Er, Adam?' I said, looking up at him, 'I need to talk to Father Dom.'
'About what?' he asked.
'About you-know-what.'
Okay, now both Father Dominic and Adam looked outraged.
'Susannah! Have you – you TOLD him?!'
'Suze, is he a mediocre as well?!'
With that, I burst out laughing.
Hey, I was a bit out of it, okay? 'Mediocre!' I shrieked with laughter, 'He called you a mediocre, Father Dom! Isn't that funny?' I fell across the couch, cracking up completely.
That both stared at each other, and then at me.
Adam sat down next to me, whilst Father Dom went and sat by his desk, fumbling for his cigarettes. He was frowning heavily, so his wrinkles were very pronounced on his forehead.
'Oh dear,' he said softly.
I stopped laughing, and leant against Adam's shoulder tiredly. 'Huh? Oh dear what?'
He touched his chin with his index finger. 'Susannah, are you saying that Adam . . . '
'Knows that I'm a mediator?' I said more seriously, 'Of course not. why would I tell him I can speak to ghosts? He'd think I'm crazy, Father Dom. Wouldn't you, Adam?' I turned to him, smiling insanely. He just stared.
'Susannah,' the old priest groaned, 'This is no time for jokes. You collapsed, from what I believe to be a concussion-'
'No, I didn't,' I said. 'It was me shi-'
Hang on . . . If I told him about shifting, that would lead to Paul. If I told him about Paul, that would lead to why I would refuse to go home. If I told him about Why I refused to go home, that would lead to Paul again. And Paul was not something I wanted to think about. It was still a very fresh thought in my mind that I was trying very hard to avoid.
'Look padre,' I said casually, trying to cover up for the awful silence, 'It was about me shivering. Shivering. I was cold, and I passed out.'
'That was lame,' Adam breathed inaudibly in my ear. I shot him a dirty look.
Father Dom only half bought it. 'Well, you're not cold at all now, Susannah. But if you say it is so . . . '
Why did I want to see Father Dom in the first place? It wasn't like I could tell him anything, right? I mean, the Paul topic was totally off limits. Totally.
~*~
It had been awkward after that. Father Dom had tried to dig deeper about what was really bothering me, but I was mulish, and wouldn't let him discover the truth. And after I'd left his office, I kind of had to stay at school. I know, I hadn't even changed, it was just WRONG. But, I wasn't going home, because of a certain mentally deranged dickhead, right? And I didn't want old padre questioning me in his office, either . . .
So the only option was the Mission. Only I forgot about Jesse . . .
Well, as soon as I saw him coming around the corner, I totally turned the other way. He'd so know . . . Jesse couldn't know . . .
By the time school was over, my wounds on my face were almost gone – told you I heal way fast – and I'd successfully managed to avoid Jesse, which was a relief. He'd even dropped off all my exorcism stuff to Adam, who proudly informed him that he knew about my mediatorism when he caught sight of some of the stuff I'd described to him when I told him about exorcisms. But the only thing wrong was . . . where was I going to go now? I told Adam about my predicament, and he listened seriously.
'Ah, you're in some sticky, sticky mud,' he said. 'Hey, just do a double propaganda. Tell your mum you're staying at CeeCee's because of a project, and tell Cee your parents are arguing and you don't wanna be in the middle of it. Simple?'
I smiled. Wow, that was perfect. 'Simple. Okay, Where's CeeCee?'
'Coming right at ya,' he winked. I turned my head, and saw the small albino making a beeline towards me.
'Suze,' she said breathlessly. 'Are you-'
'Don't you dare say it,' I snapped, narrowing my eyes at her.
'-okay?' Adam finished cheekily. I slugged him, but not too hard. Hard enough for him to groan though.
I asked her about my coming over for a few days, and after a quick call to her mum on her cell phone, she informed me that this was fine. This was pretty good, considering I'd only known her for a month and all. And a quick call to my mum, explaining that we had this big astronomy project that would take a whole week confirmed our plans. It was way easier than I thought it would be, you know. Almost too easy . . .
Come on, Suze, you know you had to have had an easy break coming for ya . . .
Yeah, I deserved a lucky break.
After . . . everything.
CeeCee's mum came to pick us up. She looked briefly at my light wounds, but didn't comment, not wanting to be rude. I felt like saying, "Take a picture, it'll last longer," but I caught myself. I hadn't seen any sign of Heather, or Bryce, I suddenly realized. I wondered vaguely where they both were. Maybe they'd already made up, and were out of my hair for good? Oh, please . . .
Well, here's for hoping.
We were halfway to CeeCee's house, when she suddenly piped up, 'But Suze, don't' you need your stuff if you're going to be staying for a while?'
I stared at her, panic flashing in my eyes. My stuff . . . was in my room. And in my room was . . .
'Yeah,' I said quietly. Mrs Webb rolled her eyes at my lack of organization, and drove me to my house. I will tell you, my knees were shaking when I walked up that driveway. So bad I almost collapsed again. But I couldn't do that in front of CeeCee and her mum. That would be weird.
I walked through the open door, and was momentarily ambushed by Max, but I gave him an unceremonious kick, and he went scampering away. Then, it was up to my room . . .
I stood at my door, just staring at it, hoping against hope that Paul wasn't there . . . I couldn't face him. I knew he'd want to finish what he started, and I wasn't in any better condition to hold him off than I was the previous night. I swallowed a large lump in my throat, and with a very dry mouth and a pounding heart, I pushed open my door . . .
He wasn't there,
I could have fainted with relief, but I didn't. I'd fainted enough today already, right?
Breathing again, I ran over to my wardrobe and began randomly snatching out a week's worth cute outfits. Then I went and got my underwear; toothbrush, hairbrush, a couple of magazines, and my mediating belt. Hey? I took it everywhere. I threw it all in my schoolbag, and turned to leave-
Only Paul was blocking the doorway.
My bag slipped from my hands . . .
**************************************************************************** **************
Paul's POV
Morning was worse than the night. I felt like I had slept of gallons of beer, only to wake up to a terrible hangover of reality. I'd almost killed Suze . . . She'd almost died because of me . . .
Never, in my life, had I felt the way I was feeling now. Guilt. Not even when I had a gun aimed at Adrianna De Silva's head. No remorse, no guilt, no feeling. But Suze . . . There was feeling there. Lots of it. It was driving my CRAZY!
All I kept seeing was her face, blank with horror. Her terrified screams lingered in my ears. I remembered my pleasure at hearing them, and I felt sick to my stomach. How could I have enjoyed hurting her like that?
I sat numbly on my bed, staring at my hands. The Shifter blood was gone, but they still burnt. Burnt with guilt, more than the usual reaction to Shifter blood. I picked up the bottle that I'd been drinking from all day. It was ghost booze, and was very rare to come by. I tried to drink away the troubles, but they kept haunting me. Ha, haunting a ghost. How fricken ironic . . . My eyes kept seeing her beneath me, screaming for release.
Screaming, screaming . . .
Struggling, begging . . .
Crying.
"Please, Paul, please! No, stop, don't!"
The bottle smashed in my hand, cutting my skin. The alcohol only made it sting worse. I saw my own blood surfacing from the scrapes, wet, and red.
Not as red as Suze's.
I was shaking again. Shaking in anger at myself. Of knowing what I had done. If only she would come back, then I'd apologize. I knew she wouldn't listen. Then I'd MAKE her listen! I had to make this fricken guilt go away!
Selfish . . .
I groaned, and rested my forehead against my fist, contorting my face against the pain. Still shaking. My head throbbed with shame. Utter shame, painful and hard as bullets can be.
And trust me, I know.
'Aw, screw this,' I snapped, and threw what remained of the bottle at the wall. It shattered, loud and chinking. Stupid grog . . . didn't do a bloody thing . . .
I stood up, and dematerialized to get more . . .
~*~
When I got back, I saw her. If my heart was still beating, it would have stopped. There she was, looking weak and tired, yet still radiating with the beauty that I'd come to love and revere. I gazed at her. How could I have hurt this perfect creature? No, she wasn't a creature. She was a woman. A beautiful, independent woman. Strong, forthright, loving, gorgeous . . .
And I'd almost killed her. I watched her hair sway as she threw a bunch of stuff into her bag. I didn't know what she was doing, and I didn't care. I'd make her listen to my apology. She had to know that I didn't mean what I almost did. She had to know . . . she was going to know . . .
Then she looked up, and I saw all the colour drain from her face.
She went white as the snow.
**************************************************************************** ***********
I know, it was another "glue" chapter. It's going to pick up next chapter, trust me. TRUST me. okay, now kindly review? I'm going to see if I can get up 2 on the weekend. TWO! See how much you review, that is. Go on... be nice?
Okay, love you all so much, aye.
Regards, Princess Roxanne.
PS. Ideas are still welcome for future stories in the Paul/Jesse swap series. Lol, has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?