Chapter Two! Oh my God! I finally decided to get off my butt and write it
because I know you're all just dieing to read my beautiful work. Anyway.
It's about Pyro because you all threatened to kill me in my sleep if I
didn't write about him so here it is! Hooray! Also there were some strange
requests that just made me scratch my head in mild confusion. Like the
professor. But that's cool.
Disclaimer: I don't own Pyro or any other X-Men Evolution characters, though Anel did go crazy Fangirl and lock St. John in a cage in her room a few days ago. But she doesn't own him despite what her state of delusion may make her believe. I also don't own any songs that may be sung in this chapter.
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Fangirls are Scary, Chapter Two
"Yo, ho, ho, it's a pirate's life for me!" St. John Allerdyce sang as he skipped along merrily. The reason he sang this particular song was because he was at the docks and fell it was appropriate. Why was he at the docks? I stopped questioning why Pyro does anything a long time ago, why cant you?
Then he saw a crowd of people who were just walking along the docks and not singing OR skipping so he decided to follow them to see why. Or maybe he decided to follow them because he thought it would be funny. I told you. Well anyway, he followed them because he did and then suddenly there was a boat. Not on the docks! In the water. It was a big shiny boat that reminded John of his favorite lighter (whom he lovingly called Zippy) and so he snuck aboard.
There were all kinds of boring people on board who did not see fit to sing and skip so he decided to do so for them.
"Shake yo grove thang, yeah, yeah!" he sang and did so as the words told him to, as the crowd around him slowly backed away from the crazy singing kid with orange hair. Madness! Just then a man with a clip board came over and tapped John on the shoulder. John, who hated to be interrupted whilst he sang, asked what the bloody hell the man wanted.
"Name please, sir." The man asked as he was the designated boat bouncer and threw all stowaways over board.
"St. John Allerdyce," St. John Allerdyce said with great impatience. The boat bouncer ran his down the list, which indicated that there must have been about a hundred people whose last names began with 'A', onboard.
"Oh! St. John, you belong in the dining hall, sir!" The bouncer said and pointed in a direction in which the dining hall must be. John didn't question why he had to go to the dining hall, or even why he was on the list, he just reasoned that in the dining hall there would be many a flammable thing to enflame and so he went.
"Thanks, mate," he called over his shoulder and frolicked away hoping there were no sprinklers in the hall and that there was nothing flame- retardant in there as theses two things were among his worst nightmares, along with being forbidden to sing forever and Pokemon.
Upon arrival at aforementioned dinging hall, John saw why it was imperative that he grace this place with his presence. All along the walls there were posters of him, made from pictures he did not remember having taken, there were stuffed St. John dolls everywhere and all the tablecloths were decorated with flames. What the hell was going on in there? Let us see.
The place was packed with girls wearing clothes depicting his face, and a banner hung across the entrance that read "WELCOME FANGIRLS!" So all John had to do was put two and two together-which took about twenty minutes- and he realized this event for what it was.
"It's a bloody Fangirl convention. For me!" Goodness, it must be! John turned to run away, for Remy had told him about Fangirls and how crazy and unpredictable they were, only to see that the boat had cast off, without anyone noticing. Darnit! Then he heard something that terrified him.
"OH MY GAWD, IT'S HIM!"
"Eek!"
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John waited until the stampede of flame decorated sneakers had gone by to drag himself out from under the bed, which had been left in the middle of the hall for some reason. He had been running from the herd of Fangirls for hours and he was really starting to get tired. Then it occurred to him.
"Why not just set them all on fire?" Good idea John! Huzzah! So John waited for them in ambush. Well not really, he stood in the middle of the hall flicking his lighter on and off until he forgot what he was supposed to be doing and just wandered away. He didn't remember what he had been planning until the herd of Fangirls rounded a corner and screamed Fangirlishly. John looked at them, then looked at his lighter, then looked at them again, then looked once more at his lighter.
"Oh!" he said as it clicked in his head. The girls decided now to charge after John had remembered because they were pretty stupid, and John clicked on his lighter and made fire stream along the hall towards them in the form of a tiger because John thought tigers were cool.
His plan seemed to be working well and John began to sing "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!" Then, to his horror the Fangirls emerged from his fire storm, completely unharmed, because if you read the previous chapter you learned that Fangirls are impervious to fire, and that Captain Giraffe is a fool.
"Oh, crikey!" he shouted, because Anel is sitting right behind Captain Giraffe and she would beat him if he didn't make St. John say 'Crikey!' at least once. Also because it was just generally weird for people not to be burned by John's fire.
"St. John! We love you!" they chorused in unison. John screamed and turned to run only to be confronted by another herd of Fangirls. He was surrounded, but you could already tell that. Oh it was quite the pickle for Pyro. Then a section of the wall opened and a crazed looking old man stuck his head out.
"In here!" he said and gestured for John to do so. John looked at the crazy old man hesitantly, then considered the alternative and ducked into the tunnel. The man led him down the tunnel until it opened up into a room filled with other men, some not so old and crazy looking as this one.
"Howdy!" one that was dressed as a cowboy said. John eyed them all doubtfully then the old man stood up and addressed them all.
"This is St. John Allerdyce, otherwise known as Pyro, and a victim of Fangirldom just as we are. The only difference between him and us is that he is a mutant!" The other men looked at him and the confused look on his face, which was usually present but not for as good a reason as now.
"This here boat," the cowboy one said, "has been used to trap all us objects of Fangirldom for three decades! Jim there's been here since 1973, he has, and he hain't been to happy bout it. None've us are. That's where you come in. See, we was hopin' you might be able to help us escape from this here boat." John absorbed this speech told in an accent of American South and only grew more confused.
"But Fangirls are unyielding to flames and explosions! I can't do anything." The cowboy nodded and looked about to say something but then the writer decided he had spoken enough and put another stupid plot twist in.
There was a loud banging sound and then suddenly: "They're down here!" Obviously, you fools. Then there was a chorus of girlish screaming, not from the Fangirls but from the men who hid from them, and they ran out of a back tunnel that was just conveniently there for no reason. John stood there for a minute because he hadn't been paying attention and because he was writing new lyrics to the birthday song that were just more fun, then he realized everyone was gone and he ran out the back tunnel too singing.
"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! You live like a monkeeeeeeeey, and you smell like one too!" John is so friggin creative, aint he? Yes he is. Back to the pointlessness!
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They emerged out on deck and were surprised to see that night had fallen, just because more useless plot was needed. This is getting really non-pointful. Even though it never WAS pointful. And pointful isn't a word. So time to stop rambling non-pointfully.
"Wow, sure got dark out fast," the cowboy said, for lack of something useful to say. Then there was more girlish screaming, this time emanating from the Fangirls and the men squeaked and ran again. John sighed, as this was boring and he had the attention span of a fruit fly so then he saw the railing and decided what fun it would be to play gymnastics. Oh goody!
"I believe I can fly!" he belted, then the Fangirls emerged and he remembered all the idiocy of the above thirty five paragraphs.
"Oh, bloody oath," he muttered before he slipped on the railing and fell down into the ocean.
Don't worry kids, John can't die because then all the Fangirls would come and make ME die and we can't have that can we? No we can't. So even though the water was negative twenty degrees, shark and barracuda infested and riddled with all kinds of icky pollutants John managed to swim to shore safely. Even though he should have passed out from exhaustion and drowned, but we all know how unrealistic Cap'n Giraffe is so he lived. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"What happened to you, home?" Remy asked as John trudged across the floor, soaking wet and smelling of various things we'd not like to mention.
"I fell off a boat and swam across twenty miles of water to shore then I had to catch a cab here and the driver is about four blocks away because I told him I lived in that crack house and that I'd be right back out. Oh, and I had to stop and buy some Christmas cookies. You want one?" Remy sat thinking about whether he wanted a cookie from a man soaked and smelling so foully.
". . .Yes."
Yay! It's finished! Aren't you so happy? Of course you are, you crazy Pyro Fangirls. I think I'll do Scott next unless about fifty of you ask for Piotr, who isn't recognized as a word by Microsoft. Darn you, Bill Gates!
Disclaimer: I don't own Pyro or any other X-Men Evolution characters, though Anel did go crazy Fangirl and lock St. John in a cage in her room a few days ago. But she doesn't own him despite what her state of delusion may make her believe. I also don't own any songs that may be sung in this chapter.
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Fangirls are Scary, Chapter Two
"Yo, ho, ho, it's a pirate's life for me!" St. John Allerdyce sang as he skipped along merrily. The reason he sang this particular song was because he was at the docks and fell it was appropriate. Why was he at the docks? I stopped questioning why Pyro does anything a long time ago, why cant you?
Then he saw a crowd of people who were just walking along the docks and not singing OR skipping so he decided to follow them to see why. Or maybe he decided to follow them because he thought it would be funny. I told you. Well anyway, he followed them because he did and then suddenly there was a boat. Not on the docks! In the water. It was a big shiny boat that reminded John of his favorite lighter (whom he lovingly called Zippy) and so he snuck aboard.
There were all kinds of boring people on board who did not see fit to sing and skip so he decided to do so for them.
"Shake yo grove thang, yeah, yeah!" he sang and did so as the words told him to, as the crowd around him slowly backed away from the crazy singing kid with orange hair. Madness! Just then a man with a clip board came over and tapped John on the shoulder. John, who hated to be interrupted whilst he sang, asked what the bloody hell the man wanted.
"Name please, sir." The man asked as he was the designated boat bouncer and threw all stowaways over board.
"St. John Allerdyce," St. John Allerdyce said with great impatience. The boat bouncer ran his down the list, which indicated that there must have been about a hundred people whose last names began with 'A', onboard.
"Oh! St. John, you belong in the dining hall, sir!" The bouncer said and pointed in a direction in which the dining hall must be. John didn't question why he had to go to the dining hall, or even why he was on the list, he just reasoned that in the dining hall there would be many a flammable thing to enflame and so he went.
"Thanks, mate," he called over his shoulder and frolicked away hoping there were no sprinklers in the hall and that there was nothing flame- retardant in there as theses two things were among his worst nightmares, along with being forbidden to sing forever and Pokemon.
Upon arrival at aforementioned dinging hall, John saw why it was imperative that he grace this place with his presence. All along the walls there were posters of him, made from pictures he did not remember having taken, there were stuffed St. John dolls everywhere and all the tablecloths were decorated with flames. What the hell was going on in there? Let us see.
The place was packed with girls wearing clothes depicting his face, and a banner hung across the entrance that read "WELCOME FANGIRLS!" So all John had to do was put two and two together-which took about twenty minutes- and he realized this event for what it was.
"It's a bloody Fangirl convention. For me!" Goodness, it must be! John turned to run away, for Remy had told him about Fangirls and how crazy and unpredictable they were, only to see that the boat had cast off, without anyone noticing. Darnit! Then he heard something that terrified him.
"OH MY GAWD, IT'S HIM!"
"Eek!"
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John waited until the stampede of flame decorated sneakers had gone by to drag himself out from under the bed, which had been left in the middle of the hall for some reason. He had been running from the herd of Fangirls for hours and he was really starting to get tired. Then it occurred to him.
"Why not just set them all on fire?" Good idea John! Huzzah! So John waited for them in ambush. Well not really, he stood in the middle of the hall flicking his lighter on and off until he forgot what he was supposed to be doing and just wandered away. He didn't remember what he had been planning until the herd of Fangirls rounded a corner and screamed Fangirlishly. John looked at them, then looked at his lighter, then looked at them again, then looked once more at his lighter.
"Oh!" he said as it clicked in his head. The girls decided now to charge after John had remembered because they were pretty stupid, and John clicked on his lighter and made fire stream along the hall towards them in the form of a tiger because John thought tigers were cool.
His plan seemed to be working well and John began to sing "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!" Then, to his horror the Fangirls emerged from his fire storm, completely unharmed, because if you read the previous chapter you learned that Fangirls are impervious to fire, and that Captain Giraffe is a fool.
"Oh, crikey!" he shouted, because Anel is sitting right behind Captain Giraffe and she would beat him if he didn't make St. John say 'Crikey!' at least once. Also because it was just generally weird for people not to be burned by John's fire.
"St. John! We love you!" they chorused in unison. John screamed and turned to run only to be confronted by another herd of Fangirls. He was surrounded, but you could already tell that. Oh it was quite the pickle for Pyro. Then a section of the wall opened and a crazed looking old man stuck his head out.
"In here!" he said and gestured for John to do so. John looked at the crazy old man hesitantly, then considered the alternative and ducked into the tunnel. The man led him down the tunnel until it opened up into a room filled with other men, some not so old and crazy looking as this one.
"Howdy!" one that was dressed as a cowboy said. John eyed them all doubtfully then the old man stood up and addressed them all.
"This is St. John Allerdyce, otherwise known as Pyro, and a victim of Fangirldom just as we are. The only difference between him and us is that he is a mutant!" The other men looked at him and the confused look on his face, which was usually present but not for as good a reason as now.
"This here boat," the cowboy one said, "has been used to trap all us objects of Fangirldom for three decades! Jim there's been here since 1973, he has, and he hain't been to happy bout it. None've us are. That's where you come in. See, we was hopin' you might be able to help us escape from this here boat." John absorbed this speech told in an accent of American South and only grew more confused.
"But Fangirls are unyielding to flames and explosions! I can't do anything." The cowboy nodded and looked about to say something but then the writer decided he had spoken enough and put another stupid plot twist in.
There was a loud banging sound and then suddenly: "They're down here!" Obviously, you fools. Then there was a chorus of girlish screaming, not from the Fangirls but from the men who hid from them, and they ran out of a back tunnel that was just conveniently there for no reason. John stood there for a minute because he hadn't been paying attention and because he was writing new lyrics to the birthday song that were just more fun, then he realized everyone was gone and he ran out the back tunnel too singing.
"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! You live like a monkeeeeeeeey, and you smell like one too!" John is so friggin creative, aint he? Yes he is. Back to the pointlessness!
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They emerged out on deck and were surprised to see that night had fallen, just because more useless plot was needed. This is getting really non-pointful. Even though it never WAS pointful. And pointful isn't a word. So time to stop rambling non-pointfully.
"Wow, sure got dark out fast," the cowboy said, for lack of something useful to say. Then there was more girlish screaming, this time emanating from the Fangirls and the men squeaked and ran again. John sighed, as this was boring and he had the attention span of a fruit fly so then he saw the railing and decided what fun it would be to play gymnastics. Oh goody!
"I believe I can fly!" he belted, then the Fangirls emerged and he remembered all the idiocy of the above thirty five paragraphs.
"Oh, bloody oath," he muttered before he slipped on the railing and fell down into the ocean.
Don't worry kids, John can't die because then all the Fangirls would come and make ME die and we can't have that can we? No we can't. So even though the water was negative twenty degrees, shark and barracuda infested and riddled with all kinds of icky pollutants John managed to swim to shore safely. Even though he should have passed out from exhaustion and drowned, but we all know how unrealistic Cap'n Giraffe is so he lived. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"What happened to you, home?" Remy asked as John trudged across the floor, soaking wet and smelling of various things we'd not like to mention.
"I fell off a boat and swam across twenty miles of water to shore then I had to catch a cab here and the driver is about four blocks away because I told him I lived in that crack house and that I'd be right back out. Oh, and I had to stop and buy some Christmas cookies. You want one?" Remy sat thinking about whether he wanted a cookie from a man soaked and smelling so foully.
". . .Yes."
Yay! It's finished! Aren't you so happy? Of course you are, you crazy Pyro Fangirls. I think I'll do Scott next unless about fifty of you ask for Piotr, who isn't recognized as a word by Microsoft. Darn you, Bill Gates!