William Continued.
Author: Carly
E-mail: carlysxfiles@yahoo.co.uk
Rating: PG
Category: Angst
Summary: This is what I wish had have happened at the end of the season 9 episode 'William'. In the episode the cameras leave a sobbing Scully with the assumption she is letting her son go. In this story Monica tries to make Scully see that the best place her son could be is with his mother. Archive: Sure! Just let me know where!
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise is not mine, I'm only borrowing and there's nothing wrong with that.
*************************************
***** "Shouldn't I choose that he never have to be afraid of anyone or anything? And can I ever even promise him that?" "But who can?" *****
Reyes watched as Scully cried at her child's crib. What was she implying? That she couldn't carry on bringing her son up anymore? That it was beyond her capabilities as a woman, as a mother? William lay smiling, oblivious to what was happening around him. Reyes had understandably grown fond of William, she had delivered him and was called upon to look after the baby whenever Scully needed her help, and she also valued Scully's friendship.
She understood that Scully loved her son, but she couldn't understand how someone could give their child up and say that it was for the good of the child. And of all people to know something about this, she knew.
Reyes walked over to Scully who was still crying beside her son. She put her hand on Scully's arm, and slowly they manoeuvred so that Scully could cry on Reyes shoulder, seeking the comfort that only one person had ever been able to give her, the one person who she was now painfully having to live without.
"Dana, listen to me, you are doing all you possibly can for your son. What more is there to do?"
"I can't let this be his life, constantly watching my back and his, looking for the people that wont let him be."
"But that's all part of being a parent. You are always watching out for your child, keeping them safe."
"How can he possibly be safe with me? I can't pretend anymore that this is how I want my life to be. I wanted a child so bad, more than anything in the world. And now I have William, I never knew what true love was until I gave birth to my son."
"And that's exactly how it's supposed to be."
"I'm just kidding myself that I can keep this up. I have to think of him, I have to do what's right for William."
Reyes pulled back from Scully, and she looked at her confused.
"What are you saying Dana?"
"I have to let him go Monica. I have to give him up."
"What?"
"It's the right thing to do. Excuse me."
Scully walked out of the nursery and Reyes watched her go before looking back down to William. He was smiling, he was happy, he was adorable. How could Scully say such a thing? She felt tears forming in the back of her eyes, but she wasn't going to let this affect her, not this. She lifted William out of his crib and walked into the kitchen where Scully was standing with her back to the room.
"Dana will you look at me?"
Scully turned around and her heart sank as she looked at her son, and then at Reyes.
"What are you doing Monica?"
"Just look at him."
"I can't."
"Look at him, look at your son."
"No!"
"Damn it Dana look at him! He is your son, YOUR son. Nobody else's, nobody could love him and care for him more than you do. He's your one connection to Mulder, what if you never see him again?"
"I don't want to hear this."
Scully walked into her living room and looked out of the window. Reyes followed and was now standing directly behind her.
"How could you possibly conceive the thought of giving him up? Do you think he'd ever forgive you?"
"It's the right thing to do."
"You keep saying it's the right thing to do, people don't have children to give them up for adoption, people have children to bring them up, to teach them right and wrong, good and bad, to see their first step, first word, first love, first heartbreak. How can you even consider giving all of that up?"
"Because I love him. I love him so much Monica, how can I keep him just so I get the gratification of experiencing all those things you just said? I have to put him first. So much has happened to him already and he's just a baby, he could've been... he could've been killed; I could've lost him so many times already. I can't keep doing this."
"So you are just being selfish?"
Scully turned to Reyes and looked pissed off.
"How can you say that? You think giving up a child is a selfish act?"
"Yes. Yes I do."
"And what would you know about that Agent Reyes? How exactly could you possibly have any idea what I'm going through?"
"I don't. But I know exactly how William will feel in about sixteen years if you go through with this."
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't do this Dana."
"It's not your concern."
"Really? Well I guess all the help that John and I have given you was for nothing then? That we don't care for you or William at all? Yeah. You must be right. You've got it all figured out."
"No I don't have it all figured out, how can anyone possibly say that they have their life figured out when every day life throws things at you that you never in a million years expected to happen. Things that you prayed for when you were a kid, being happy, falling in love, having children."
"And you have all of that."
"What?"
"Mulder loves you, we all know he does. You've probably been in love for years; you have a son, proof of the love you and Mulder share for each other. You have your health, you have a good job, you have everything that you dreamt of when you were a kid."
"I don't have Mulder anymore do I? If he were here I know that things would be different, I know that I wouldn't be standing here having this conversation with you right now."
"But like you said how can anyone expect their life to be simple and straight forward, you don't know where your life might be in a week, month or a year, even ten years! All you should be certain of in your life right now is your son. And the certainty that he needs you, nobody but you, and you need him."
"But I can't protect him anymore."
"What parent can protect their child from all harm in the world? No parent can. Look at John. He was a good father, he's a wonderful man, and his son was murdered. Are you implying that had John and his wife given away their son that he'd be alive today?"
"Who knows. I don't know."
"Well you need to think about it carefully, because I promise you you are making a huge mistake."
Scully looked at Reyes and then at her son in her arms. She walked over to Reyes and took William from her. Reyes smiled and felt that she had gotten somewhere, but Scully carried William into the nursery and came back into the room without him. He was clearly effecting her line of thought, she couldn't think about giving him up whilst he was right in front of her, the happiest he could be.
Reyes had sat down and Scully sat beside her. They sat in silence for a while. Just staring into the distance. Both were wondering what the other was thinking about. They were both tired and ready to get some sleep, but there was something preventing them from letting go, from giving into their bodies needs.
After twenty minutes Scully stood up and Reyes watched her go over to her telephone. She picked it up and Reyes stood up beside her.
"Who are you calling?"
"Social services. I have to do this Monica, please don't make this harder for me."
"No! Put down the phone Dana. Please."
"I can't."
"Put down the phone."
"I have to do this."
"Dana put down the phone!"
Reyes snatched the phone from Scully and slammed in down onto the table. Scully was crying again and Reyes was upset that she'd allowed herself to get so angry.
She was replaying a scene from her childhood over and over in her head. Almost seventeen years ago. There was only one more thing Reyes could use to talk Scully out of this, it was her last hope. But she was afraid; she'd never spoken to anyone about this before. She didn't even know how to begin.
"Dana sit down, there's something I think you should hear."
"I can't do this anymore Monica."
"Just listen to me please."
Scully looked at Reyes and they both sat down on the couch. Reyes took a deep breath and put on her brave face as she began to speak.
"When I was sixteen my parents told me I was adopted. My birth parents didn't want me. It was the worst day of my life. I grew up in Mexico with my adoptive parents who raised me as their own daughter, and as thankful as I was that I got to be loved by the best parents I could have hoped for, I couldn't help but hate the parents that I never knew.
At first I hated my parents for it, for not telling me sooner, for telling me at all. I was so angry; I didn't speak to them for weeks. But I eventually realised it wasn't them I was angry with. It was the mother and father that gave me away that I was angry with. I couldn't understand why they had given me up. I was convinced that I had done something wrong, that it was my fault, I wasn't what they had wanted, I was a disappointment to them. My parents tried to console me but I closed down, I wasn't interested in anything that anyone had to say to me, in my mind there was no explanation for what had happened.
Then one day I discovered my father crying in his bedroom. I'd never seen him cry before, and I haven't since that day, but seeing him sitting there made me realise how lucky I was, and how much I loved my parents. I made a decision that day that I never wanted to find the woman that had given birth to me, she'd had her chance to know me and to be in my life, she gave that chance up. I had a family and two loving parents. I didn't want to know anyone that could give away their child. I just couldn't face it."
Reyes took a deep breath and wiped away the tears that had quietly fell down her cheeks.
"So you see, I know how this will affect William, and if you say all you want is what's best for him then you should consider what I've told you, and how I felt. If you truly want what's best for your son, you wont make him go through what I had to go through."
Reyes stood up and picked up her jacket. She walked to the door and turned to Scully as she opened it.
"You're not alone in this Dana. I will always be here for you and William, as will John. Don't forget that."
Reyes walked out and went home. There was nothing else she could do now. It was up to Scully.
As Reyes sat in her apartment she did nothing but think about those weeks she suffered and felt so alone when her world was turned upside down. Growing up she'd had no idea, and she assumed that no child ever would, she was only three weeks old when her adoptive parents took her home with them, their love for hell was all she had known, and she had made a promise to any future children she may have herself that she would love them more than anything else in the world.
She wasn't naïve she knew that obviously it was different when you actually had the child there in your arms, but she had seen William come into the world, she had been there when Scully's birth was witnessed and she was terrified that her child would be taken from her. Now she was voluntarily considering giving her son away. No matter which way she looked at it she couldn't reconcile what Scully had said with what she knew to be true in her own life.
Reyes looked at the clock and had the sudden urge to call her mother and father. She tried to not get upset as she was speaking to them, but she couldn't help it and briefly explained to her mother what had happened with Scully. Then her father came on the phone and she had to tell him about it too, it made her smile that they both showed such an interest in her and alongside the upset she felt relief to know that they were still there, they were still in Mexico and they would always be there for her.
As she said her goodbyes and had her mother make her promise to call if she needed anything there was a knock at the door. She hung up the phone and actuallyhad a smile on her face until she opened the door and saw Scully standing in front of her with William.
Not saying a word Scully walked inside and Reyes closed the door behind her. They walked over to the couch and Scully sat down. Reyes didn't want to sit beside her but she couldn't help herself as she smiled at William in his all in one winter coat with the cutest little blue hat on.Scully looked at Reyes and smiled.
"I'm sorry. I should have said something before you left."
"Well, you're only the second person I've ever told and you both pretty much reacted the same."
"John?"
"Yeah."
"I just had to come and see you to tell you that I've made a decision."
"I see. So you've bought William so I can say goodbye?"
"No."
"No?"
"No. I realised that you were right. And hearing how you felt about your birth mother, it scared me. I could never live with myself knowing that William may feel like that about me one day. The pain you clearly felt, the betrayal by your parents, I just, I couldn't live with that. You were right. He's my son, and I have to be the one to protect him, no one else can. It's not gonna be easy, but um, I know I can do this.
I know that it's the right thing to do now. I've been through so much over the past nine years, he's my saving grace, he's the one that's keeping me going right now, he's what I live for, what I've always lived for. He's my son. And he should be here ith me, ready for when Mulder comes home."
"You're doing the right thing Dana."
"I couldn't have done this without you Monica, thank you so much."
Reyes hugged Scully and Scully welcomed the attention, she'd felt so alone for so long, but she clearly knew now that she wasn't alone. She owed Monica so much, more than she could ever repay her for. And as they sat together, friends helping each other out, William sat between them, the happiest any baby boy could be.
Author: Carly
E-mail: carlysxfiles@yahoo.co.uk
Rating: PG
Category: Angst
Summary: This is what I wish had have happened at the end of the season 9 episode 'William'. In the episode the cameras leave a sobbing Scully with the assumption she is letting her son go. In this story Monica tries to make Scully see that the best place her son could be is with his mother. Archive: Sure! Just let me know where!
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise is not mine, I'm only borrowing and there's nothing wrong with that.
*************************************
***** "Shouldn't I choose that he never have to be afraid of anyone or anything? And can I ever even promise him that?" "But who can?" *****
Reyes watched as Scully cried at her child's crib. What was she implying? That she couldn't carry on bringing her son up anymore? That it was beyond her capabilities as a woman, as a mother? William lay smiling, oblivious to what was happening around him. Reyes had understandably grown fond of William, she had delivered him and was called upon to look after the baby whenever Scully needed her help, and she also valued Scully's friendship.
She understood that Scully loved her son, but she couldn't understand how someone could give their child up and say that it was for the good of the child. And of all people to know something about this, she knew.
Reyes walked over to Scully who was still crying beside her son. She put her hand on Scully's arm, and slowly they manoeuvred so that Scully could cry on Reyes shoulder, seeking the comfort that only one person had ever been able to give her, the one person who she was now painfully having to live without.
"Dana, listen to me, you are doing all you possibly can for your son. What more is there to do?"
"I can't let this be his life, constantly watching my back and his, looking for the people that wont let him be."
"But that's all part of being a parent. You are always watching out for your child, keeping them safe."
"How can he possibly be safe with me? I can't pretend anymore that this is how I want my life to be. I wanted a child so bad, more than anything in the world. And now I have William, I never knew what true love was until I gave birth to my son."
"And that's exactly how it's supposed to be."
"I'm just kidding myself that I can keep this up. I have to think of him, I have to do what's right for William."
Reyes pulled back from Scully, and she looked at her confused.
"What are you saying Dana?"
"I have to let him go Monica. I have to give him up."
"What?"
"It's the right thing to do. Excuse me."
Scully walked out of the nursery and Reyes watched her go before looking back down to William. He was smiling, he was happy, he was adorable. How could Scully say such a thing? She felt tears forming in the back of her eyes, but she wasn't going to let this affect her, not this. She lifted William out of his crib and walked into the kitchen where Scully was standing with her back to the room.
"Dana will you look at me?"
Scully turned around and her heart sank as she looked at her son, and then at Reyes.
"What are you doing Monica?"
"Just look at him."
"I can't."
"Look at him, look at your son."
"No!"
"Damn it Dana look at him! He is your son, YOUR son. Nobody else's, nobody could love him and care for him more than you do. He's your one connection to Mulder, what if you never see him again?"
"I don't want to hear this."
Scully walked into her living room and looked out of the window. Reyes followed and was now standing directly behind her.
"How could you possibly conceive the thought of giving him up? Do you think he'd ever forgive you?"
"It's the right thing to do."
"You keep saying it's the right thing to do, people don't have children to give them up for adoption, people have children to bring them up, to teach them right and wrong, good and bad, to see their first step, first word, first love, first heartbreak. How can you even consider giving all of that up?"
"Because I love him. I love him so much Monica, how can I keep him just so I get the gratification of experiencing all those things you just said? I have to put him first. So much has happened to him already and he's just a baby, he could've been... he could've been killed; I could've lost him so many times already. I can't keep doing this."
"So you are just being selfish?"
Scully turned to Reyes and looked pissed off.
"How can you say that? You think giving up a child is a selfish act?"
"Yes. Yes I do."
"And what would you know about that Agent Reyes? How exactly could you possibly have any idea what I'm going through?"
"I don't. But I know exactly how William will feel in about sixteen years if you go through with this."
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't do this Dana."
"It's not your concern."
"Really? Well I guess all the help that John and I have given you was for nothing then? That we don't care for you or William at all? Yeah. You must be right. You've got it all figured out."
"No I don't have it all figured out, how can anyone possibly say that they have their life figured out when every day life throws things at you that you never in a million years expected to happen. Things that you prayed for when you were a kid, being happy, falling in love, having children."
"And you have all of that."
"What?"
"Mulder loves you, we all know he does. You've probably been in love for years; you have a son, proof of the love you and Mulder share for each other. You have your health, you have a good job, you have everything that you dreamt of when you were a kid."
"I don't have Mulder anymore do I? If he were here I know that things would be different, I know that I wouldn't be standing here having this conversation with you right now."
"But like you said how can anyone expect their life to be simple and straight forward, you don't know where your life might be in a week, month or a year, even ten years! All you should be certain of in your life right now is your son. And the certainty that he needs you, nobody but you, and you need him."
"But I can't protect him anymore."
"What parent can protect their child from all harm in the world? No parent can. Look at John. He was a good father, he's a wonderful man, and his son was murdered. Are you implying that had John and his wife given away their son that he'd be alive today?"
"Who knows. I don't know."
"Well you need to think about it carefully, because I promise you you are making a huge mistake."
Scully looked at Reyes and then at her son in her arms. She walked over to Reyes and took William from her. Reyes smiled and felt that she had gotten somewhere, but Scully carried William into the nursery and came back into the room without him. He was clearly effecting her line of thought, she couldn't think about giving him up whilst he was right in front of her, the happiest he could be.
Reyes had sat down and Scully sat beside her. They sat in silence for a while. Just staring into the distance. Both were wondering what the other was thinking about. They were both tired and ready to get some sleep, but there was something preventing them from letting go, from giving into their bodies needs.
After twenty minutes Scully stood up and Reyes watched her go over to her telephone. She picked it up and Reyes stood up beside her.
"Who are you calling?"
"Social services. I have to do this Monica, please don't make this harder for me."
"No! Put down the phone Dana. Please."
"I can't."
"Put down the phone."
"I have to do this."
"Dana put down the phone!"
Reyes snatched the phone from Scully and slammed in down onto the table. Scully was crying again and Reyes was upset that she'd allowed herself to get so angry.
She was replaying a scene from her childhood over and over in her head. Almost seventeen years ago. There was only one more thing Reyes could use to talk Scully out of this, it was her last hope. But she was afraid; she'd never spoken to anyone about this before. She didn't even know how to begin.
"Dana sit down, there's something I think you should hear."
"I can't do this anymore Monica."
"Just listen to me please."
Scully looked at Reyes and they both sat down on the couch. Reyes took a deep breath and put on her brave face as she began to speak.
"When I was sixteen my parents told me I was adopted. My birth parents didn't want me. It was the worst day of my life. I grew up in Mexico with my adoptive parents who raised me as their own daughter, and as thankful as I was that I got to be loved by the best parents I could have hoped for, I couldn't help but hate the parents that I never knew.
At first I hated my parents for it, for not telling me sooner, for telling me at all. I was so angry; I didn't speak to them for weeks. But I eventually realised it wasn't them I was angry with. It was the mother and father that gave me away that I was angry with. I couldn't understand why they had given me up. I was convinced that I had done something wrong, that it was my fault, I wasn't what they had wanted, I was a disappointment to them. My parents tried to console me but I closed down, I wasn't interested in anything that anyone had to say to me, in my mind there was no explanation for what had happened.
Then one day I discovered my father crying in his bedroom. I'd never seen him cry before, and I haven't since that day, but seeing him sitting there made me realise how lucky I was, and how much I loved my parents. I made a decision that day that I never wanted to find the woman that had given birth to me, she'd had her chance to know me and to be in my life, she gave that chance up. I had a family and two loving parents. I didn't want to know anyone that could give away their child. I just couldn't face it."
Reyes took a deep breath and wiped away the tears that had quietly fell down her cheeks.
"So you see, I know how this will affect William, and if you say all you want is what's best for him then you should consider what I've told you, and how I felt. If you truly want what's best for your son, you wont make him go through what I had to go through."
Reyes stood up and picked up her jacket. She walked to the door and turned to Scully as she opened it.
"You're not alone in this Dana. I will always be here for you and William, as will John. Don't forget that."
Reyes walked out and went home. There was nothing else she could do now. It was up to Scully.
As Reyes sat in her apartment she did nothing but think about those weeks she suffered and felt so alone when her world was turned upside down. Growing up she'd had no idea, and she assumed that no child ever would, she was only three weeks old when her adoptive parents took her home with them, their love for hell was all she had known, and she had made a promise to any future children she may have herself that she would love them more than anything else in the world.
She wasn't naïve she knew that obviously it was different when you actually had the child there in your arms, but she had seen William come into the world, she had been there when Scully's birth was witnessed and she was terrified that her child would be taken from her. Now she was voluntarily considering giving her son away. No matter which way she looked at it she couldn't reconcile what Scully had said with what she knew to be true in her own life.
Reyes looked at the clock and had the sudden urge to call her mother and father. She tried to not get upset as she was speaking to them, but she couldn't help it and briefly explained to her mother what had happened with Scully. Then her father came on the phone and she had to tell him about it too, it made her smile that they both showed such an interest in her and alongside the upset she felt relief to know that they were still there, they were still in Mexico and they would always be there for her.
As she said her goodbyes and had her mother make her promise to call if she needed anything there was a knock at the door. She hung up the phone and actuallyhad a smile on her face until she opened the door and saw Scully standing in front of her with William.
Not saying a word Scully walked inside and Reyes closed the door behind her. They walked over to the couch and Scully sat down. Reyes didn't want to sit beside her but she couldn't help herself as she smiled at William in his all in one winter coat with the cutest little blue hat on.Scully looked at Reyes and smiled.
"I'm sorry. I should have said something before you left."
"Well, you're only the second person I've ever told and you both pretty much reacted the same."
"John?"
"Yeah."
"I just had to come and see you to tell you that I've made a decision."
"I see. So you've bought William so I can say goodbye?"
"No."
"No?"
"No. I realised that you were right. And hearing how you felt about your birth mother, it scared me. I could never live with myself knowing that William may feel like that about me one day. The pain you clearly felt, the betrayal by your parents, I just, I couldn't live with that. You were right. He's my son, and I have to be the one to protect him, no one else can. It's not gonna be easy, but um, I know I can do this.
I know that it's the right thing to do now. I've been through so much over the past nine years, he's my saving grace, he's the one that's keeping me going right now, he's what I live for, what I've always lived for. He's my son. And he should be here ith me, ready for when Mulder comes home."
"You're doing the right thing Dana."
"I couldn't have done this without you Monica, thank you so much."
Reyes hugged Scully and Scully welcomed the attention, she'd felt so alone for so long, but she clearly knew now that she wasn't alone. She owed Monica so much, more than she could ever repay her for. And as they sat together, friends helping each other out, William sat between them, the happiest any baby boy could be.