Mary-Sue Mockfest, Destination: Tokyo
Chapter one: Arrival, Departure, and Arrival
~*~
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Rurouni Kenshin OR Celestina Windbreaker. I do highly reccommend the original "Mary-Sue Mockfest 2003" by The Noble Platypus, or the sequel, "A Very Mary Sequel". It's insane AND entertaining, but mainly insane! YAY, INSANITY!
Oh, and brownie points for anyone who just played Name That Quote. "YAY, VIOLENCE!"
~*~
The form of a sparrow-like bird settled itself on a branch and cocked its head to the side, watching the girl that walked by with some interest. Unfortunately for the girl, she failed to notice the bird all together, though one cannot understand how she couldn't see a canary yellow bird and an unbelievably long fushia tail. It was her favorite disguise, for she was not a sparrow -- she was Celestina Windbreaker, Goddess of Mary-Sues.
"A new target is just what I need to get my mind off of the last girl," Celestina whispered to itself, watching carefully as the girl started humming "The Real Folk Blues" to herself. "That blasted Randi ruined my plans... but this girl shows more promise than she. Yes, she'll do; she'll do."
The goddess waited until the girl had gotten a good distance away, then disappeared in a cloud of smoke. She reappeared in front of the girl, though she had changed into her original humanoid form. The high-school girl started, torn between alarm and being impressed at a sudden appearance of an incredibly (though a bit illogically) beautiful woman.
"Um, hi," she began slowly. "Did you just... Apparate or something?"
"Wrong continuum," Celestina sneered. "No; I am Celestina W--" she hesitated, remembering the reaction she'd received from the last time she'd given her last name, then continued. "--I am the Goddess of Mary-Sues," she said quickly, though making sure to remain as dramatic and refined as she could manage.
The girl tried to smile politely and bowed her head once to Celestina. "Mmm-hmm, great to meet you. I hate to cut introductions short, but I kinda have to be somewhere in about fifteen more minutes--"
"That can wait!" The goddess interrupted. She then pointed her slender, porcelain finger at the girl as cinematically as possible. "...you."
There was a moment of silence. "Um... is this a Fill-In-The-Blank kinda thing?"
"YOU," Celestina repeated, "have been chosen to be my Mary-Sue."
"Sorry, Miss Celeste or whatever your name is," the girl replied irritably, "but my name's Anne, and I don't remember volunteering for any Mary-Sue organization."
"My name is Celestina Windbreaker!" She snapped back before she could stop herself, then realized her mistake as Anne's face contorted into an expression of amusement. "...do you have a problem?" She snarled.
Anne bit her lower lip in an attempt to bottle the laugh that was dying to get out. "Um, no... not really..." After another moment of silence, she added, "Windbreaker."
Celestina gave a heavy sigh as she watched her target double over in laughter. "Oh stow it, I've heard them all." She cleared her throat and straightened her long, elegent dress before speaking again. "YOU... are my Mary-Sue now. You're perfect for the part!"
Anne's laughter died a bit at that. "Uh, yeah, sure. Like I know what a Mary-Sue is, anyway..."
"Well, look at you! You're a Sophomore in high school, you're remarkably pretty--
"Am not," she countered.
"Are too, and moreso because you try to hide your feminine side by always pulling your hair back, wearing that rediculous baseball cap of yours, and constantly wearing boyish clothes! Anyway... you're the right age, have the right appearance--"
"What's wrong with my hat?" Anne snarled, tipping the bill of her favorite denim baseball cap back in order to better lock her angry eyes on Celestina's.
Instead of firing back a heated reply, the goddess merely stared into her eyes with astonishment. "...oh, MY! Your eyes are PERFECT, too! A most wonderful shade, not quite brown, yet not quite hazel..."
"Uh, yeah, ever heard of 'chestnut'? It'd kinda, y'know... COMMON."
"No matter. Your eyes, age, and appearance are absolutely perfect, and you're completely ready to leave this horrid existence on this horrid planet!"
Hearing this completely stopped Anne in her tracks. "...leave? What the carp are you talking about?"
"I mean that--- ...did you just say 'carp'?"
"I'm more concerned about the 'leave this world' speech you just gave," Anne snapped. "I can't leave! Why would I WANT to leave?" She sighed. "Never mind, you're just crazy or something. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go meet my friends for a movie. Hope you have fun finding your way back to your padded cell." She tried to walk past the goddess, but she moved in her way. Anne frowned and tried the other direction, which was as successful as her first attempt. "Um, can I get by?" She asked hotly.
"No chance, sweetie. You're coming with me. I hope you've done research about Japan's Meiji Era, because you're about to become Miss Sagara!" Celestina snapped her fingers, and they both disappeared in a *POOF* of smoke before Anne had a chance to try and escape.
~*~
"Owie..." Anne slowly opened her eyes and tried to make them focus against their will. She must've passed out after Celestina had *POOF*ed them... wherever they were. "Of all the stupid, psychotic, idiotic, intolerable, and BLOODY ANNOYING things for that Goddess of Jackets to do... where am I?"
"Hmph," a familiar voice said coldly. "I don't take kindly to being called names."
This gave Anne the energy enough to sit up and turn around, only to see Celestina leaning against a wall with a VERY evil look on her face. "What the heck did you DO?! WHERE AM I?" She shouted angrily.
"Temper, temper," the goddess snapped. "And don't make me send you to Inuyasha or Harry Potter -- there are love triangles galore in those continuums!" She cackled maniacly for a moment, then regained her composure and grinned once again. "You are in Tokyo during the Meiji Era of Japan, in the continuum of Rurouni Kenshin!"
"Rice-A-Roni-WHAT?" Anne cried.
"You're a tomboy and a former student of swordsmanship!" Anne's clothes changed from her normal jeans, tee-shirt, and button-up overshirt to a skirt-like pair of pants and a loose-fitting gi. She screamed and turned around, afraid that her frontside was fully exposed to the evil goddess, but her stomach, ribs, and chest had been bound in a ribbon-type bandage. "You'll get used to it. BUT! You are the daughter of the late sammurai, Okigatakewashi Eijo--"
"That sound like a bunch of random words thrown together," Anne scoffed.
Celestina's eyes flared dangerously. "Any more out of you and it'll become seven syllables longer!" Anne quickly silenced, though looking none too happy about being forced to listen. "Where was I... oh, yes. You," she began again, "were not only an illegitimate child, but your real father and former sammurai was brutally slaughtered by the man who was to be the only father you'd ever known! Not only did he mercilessly beat your mother and you, but because you were the oldest and your mother was constantly tending to broken bones, he beat you harder to make you cook and clean for your eighteen younger siblings!"
Anne stared, her face frozen in an expression of sickened horror. "You're sick!" she exclaimed.
The goddess didn't seem to notice, and continued on with her twisted story. "Every other night, you would sneak out to train with your sensei at his dojo, and he told you the stories of Battousai the Manslayer. You constantly prayed that he would find and kill the man that was your father! But sadly, your poor, dear mother died of a broken heart when you were nine, leaving you to fend for yourself; however, one night your father came after you with his sword, and you ran! You ran and ran, frightened for you life, not caring about anything the world could do to you, because there was no way it could be as harsh as your home life had been! At the age of ten you were forced to learn how to survive on the streets, stealing from merchants' carts and pickpocketing the rich!" Celestina paused to take in a deep breath. "But on the night of your ninteenth birthday--"
"I'M FIFTEEN!" Anne shouted, appalled.
"WELL NOW YOU'RE NINTEEN, YOU BRAT!" Celestina shouted back, snapping her fingers. Instantly, Anne grew a head taller and a little more, um... figured. "On your ninteenth birthday, a gang found you in an alley, bound you, gagged you, and raped you until daybreak, when Tae at the Akebeko found you! You've worked there ever since, never allowing her to give you a place to stay because you secretly gave all your paycheck money back to the restaurant!"
The teenager gave her a skeptical look. "That makes no sense."
"That's where Kenshin Himura and Sanosuke Sagara met you, after Tae introduced you to them! Now, you've passed out from lack of food and water and sleep into Sanosuke's arms, and he's taken you back to the Kamiya Dojo!" Celestina clutched at her chest dramatically, writhing as if her heart was in pain. "He one day hopes to help you learn to open your heart to others; HOW CAN THESE KIND PEOPLE EVER TEACH YOU TO LOVE AND TRUST ANOTHER LIVING SOUL AGAIN?!"
The author snickered to herself, then coughed, wheezed, and fell silent.
There was a moment of silence before Anne's wide-eyed stare of disbelief and terror returned. "How sick and twisted can you BE?!" She shouted. "There's no WAY that could ever happen to any realistic human being! A book like that would make Upton Sinclair shudder!"
"Oh, it happened..." Celestina's evil grin made her shiver. "..because I'm in charge. And you'll like it, or I'll make it even worse," she finally hissed, then snapped her fingers. Anne felt herself falling, spiraling out of control down into the darkness, until she hit something hard with her back. The world flashed an indescribable shade of color just before Anne passed into unconsciousness...
~*~
"I think she's... coming around..."
"...hard fall... no food... days..."
"...had...hard life, that she has..."
Voices drifted in and out of Anne's mind as she lay, slowly coming back to consciousness. Her foggy brain was hurting her memory, but she could distinctly remember something about a Sanosuke and being hungry... but she hadn't been hungry before -- THAT she knew for sure. Her eyes slowly opened and focused, though a light from some indefinite source was hurting her head.
"Where am I?" She asked groggily, blinking slower than usual.
"At the Kamiya Dojo," a female voice replied. "You're okay now, Hotaru, your strength will slowly come back to you if you lie still."
Anne's head swam now as she tried to think. Kamiya Dojo? Why did it sound so familiar...?
Celestina.
Her eyes shot open and she sat bolt upright, glancing around madly. "Where is she?" She snarled. "Where's that stupid goddess?"
"Goddess?" A male voice asked. Anne turned her head, only to lock eyes with a tall, handsome man who was casually sitting up against a wall. His hair, the same shade as hers, was tied up by a red headband so that it spiked straight up, and gave her the impression of a rooster. "What're you talking about? You're probably worse than Megumi said you were..."
"What? Who ARE you people?" She asked hesitantly, surveying the room. Along with the rooster-haired man was another man, though shorter in stature, with blindingly red hair in a long ponytail and a cross-shaped scar on his left cheek; a woman, whose clothes were similar to what Celestina had given Anne, and whose raven hair was pulled back in a high ponytail; a boy, possibly no older than thirteen or fourteen, with dark, spiky hair and a wooden sword on his back. Anne now started to feel frightened. What had Celestina DONE to her...?
The red-headed man smiled kindly at her. "Though Sano caught you as you fell, your head hit the table and probably caused amneisia, that it did. I'm Kenshin, there's Miss Kaoru and Yahiko--" he gestured to the woman and the younger boy, who both smiled piteously at her. "--and Sanosuke." The taller man averted his eyes to the floor, as if embarassed about the introduction. "I'm not surprised that you don't remember what happened today, that I am not. Do you still know who you are?"
"Yeah, I'm Anne -- Anne Milton," she said softly, though was surprised when Yahiko openly laughed at her.
"Where'd you come up with that name?" He cackled. "You're Hotaru Eijo!"
Anne stared as the realization started to hit her. This was all Celestina's fault... and now, she was trapped in a living hell that was at the goddess' control. She, as a character, had no power over anything and had no way out... tears started to fill her eyes as her fear and anger swelled up inside of her. "I'm going to kill that goddess," she swore under her breath. "I'm absolutely going to kill her."
===============
I dare to be evil! *cackles in a rather sinister fashion, thunder and lightning go off in the backdrop* ...gotta thank the sound effects guy sometime. But, anyway, tell me what you thought, if you'd like. Every author appreciates getting reviews! Now... I'm off to work on the next chapter.
Chapter one: Arrival, Departure, and Arrival
~*~
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Rurouni Kenshin OR Celestina Windbreaker. I do highly reccommend the original "Mary-Sue Mockfest 2003" by The Noble Platypus, or the sequel, "A Very Mary Sequel". It's insane AND entertaining, but mainly insane! YAY, INSANITY!
Oh, and brownie points for anyone who just played Name That Quote. "YAY, VIOLENCE!"
~*~
The form of a sparrow-like bird settled itself on a branch and cocked its head to the side, watching the girl that walked by with some interest. Unfortunately for the girl, she failed to notice the bird all together, though one cannot understand how she couldn't see a canary yellow bird and an unbelievably long fushia tail. It was her favorite disguise, for she was not a sparrow -- she was Celestina Windbreaker, Goddess of Mary-Sues.
"A new target is just what I need to get my mind off of the last girl," Celestina whispered to itself, watching carefully as the girl started humming "The Real Folk Blues" to herself. "That blasted Randi ruined my plans... but this girl shows more promise than she. Yes, she'll do; she'll do."
The goddess waited until the girl had gotten a good distance away, then disappeared in a cloud of smoke. She reappeared in front of the girl, though she had changed into her original humanoid form. The high-school girl started, torn between alarm and being impressed at a sudden appearance of an incredibly (though a bit illogically) beautiful woman.
"Um, hi," she began slowly. "Did you just... Apparate or something?"
"Wrong continuum," Celestina sneered. "No; I am Celestina W--" she hesitated, remembering the reaction she'd received from the last time she'd given her last name, then continued. "--I am the Goddess of Mary-Sues," she said quickly, though making sure to remain as dramatic and refined as she could manage.
The girl tried to smile politely and bowed her head once to Celestina. "Mmm-hmm, great to meet you. I hate to cut introductions short, but I kinda have to be somewhere in about fifteen more minutes--"
"That can wait!" The goddess interrupted. She then pointed her slender, porcelain finger at the girl as cinematically as possible. "...you."
There was a moment of silence. "Um... is this a Fill-In-The-Blank kinda thing?"
"YOU," Celestina repeated, "have been chosen to be my Mary-Sue."
"Sorry, Miss Celeste or whatever your name is," the girl replied irritably, "but my name's Anne, and I don't remember volunteering for any Mary-Sue organization."
"My name is Celestina Windbreaker!" She snapped back before she could stop herself, then realized her mistake as Anne's face contorted into an expression of amusement. "...do you have a problem?" She snarled.
Anne bit her lower lip in an attempt to bottle the laugh that was dying to get out. "Um, no... not really..." After another moment of silence, she added, "Windbreaker."
Celestina gave a heavy sigh as she watched her target double over in laughter. "Oh stow it, I've heard them all." She cleared her throat and straightened her long, elegent dress before speaking again. "YOU... are my Mary-Sue now. You're perfect for the part!"
Anne's laughter died a bit at that. "Uh, yeah, sure. Like I know what a Mary-Sue is, anyway..."
"Well, look at you! You're a Sophomore in high school, you're remarkably pretty--
"Am not," she countered.
"Are too, and moreso because you try to hide your feminine side by always pulling your hair back, wearing that rediculous baseball cap of yours, and constantly wearing boyish clothes! Anyway... you're the right age, have the right appearance--"
"What's wrong with my hat?" Anne snarled, tipping the bill of her favorite denim baseball cap back in order to better lock her angry eyes on Celestina's.
Instead of firing back a heated reply, the goddess merely stared into her eyes with astonishment. "...oh, MY! Your eyes are PERFECT, too! A most wonderful shade, not quite brown, yet not quite hazel..."
"Uh, yeah, ever heard of 'chestnut'? It'd kinda, y'know... COMMON."
"No matter. Your eyes, age, and appearance are absolutely perfect, and you're completely ready to leave this horrid existence on this horrid planet!"
Hearing this completely stopped Anne in her tracks. "...leave? What the carp are you talking about?"
"I mean that--- ...did you just say 'carp'?"
"I'm more concerned about the 'leave this world' speech you just gave," Anne snapped. "I can't leave! Why would I WANT to leave?" She sighed. "Never mind, you're just crazy or something. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go meet my friends for a movie. Hope you have fun finding your way back to your padded cell." She tried to walk past the goddess, but she moved in her way. Anne frowned and tried the other direction, which was as successful as her first attempt. "Um, can I get by?" She asked hotly.
"No chance, sweetie. You're coming with me. I hope you've done research about Japan's Meiji Era, because you're about to become Miss Sagara!" Celestina snapped her fingers, and they both disappeared in a *POOF* of smoke before Anne had a chance to try and escape.
~*~
"Owie..." Anne slowly opened her eyes and tried to make them focus against their will. She must've passed out after Celestina had *POOF*ed them... wherever they were. "Of all the stupid, psychotic, idiotic, intolerable, and BLOODY ANNOYING things for that Goddess of Jackets to do... where am I?"
"Hmph," a familiar voice said coldly. "I don't take kindly to being called names."
This gave Anne the energy enough to sit up and turn around, only to see Celestina leaning against a wall with a VERY evil look on her face. "What the heck did you DO?! WHERE AM I?" She shouted angrily.
"Temper, temper," the goddess snapped. "And don't make me send you to Inuyasha or Harry Potter -- there are love triangles galore in those continuums!" She cackled maniacly for a moment, then regained her composure and grinned once again. "You are in Tokyo during the Meiji Era of Japan, in the continuum of Rurouni Kenshin!"
"Rice-A-Roni-WHAT?" Anne cried.
"You're a tomboy and a former student of swordsmanship!" Anne's clothes changed from her normal jeans, tee-shirt, and button-up overshirt to a skirt-like pair of pants and a loose-fitting gi. She screamed and turned around, afraid that her frontside was fully exposed to the evil goddess, but her stomach, ribs, and chest had been bound in a ribbon-type bandage. "You'll get used to it. BUT! You are the daughter of the late sammurai, Okigatakewashi Eijo--"
"That sound like a bunch of random words thrown together," Anne scoffed.
Celestina's eyes flared dangerously. "Any more out of you and it'll become seven syllables longer!" Anne quickly silenced, though looking none too happy about being forced to listen. "Where was I... oh, yes. You," she began again, "were not only an illegitimate child, but your real father and former sammurai was brutally slaughtered by the man who was to be the only father you'd ever known! Not only did he mercilessly beat your mother and you, but because you were the oldest and your mother was constantly tending to broken bones, he beat you harder to make you cook and clean for your eighteen younger siblings!"
Anne stared, her face frozen in an expression of sickened horror. "You're sick!" she exclaimed.
The goddess didn't seem to notice, and continued on with her twisted story. "Every other night, you would sneak out to train with your sensei at his dojo, and he told you the stories of Battousai the Manslayer. You constantly prayed that he would find and kill the man that was your father! But sadly, your poor, dear mother died of a broken heart when you were nine, leaving you to fend for yourself; however, one night your father came after you with his sword, and you ran! You ran and ran, frightened for you life, not caring about anything the world could do to you, because there was no way it could be as harsh as your home life had been! At the age of ten you were forced to learn how to survive on the streets, stealing from merchants' carts and pickpocketing the rich!" Celestina paused to take in a deep breath. "But on the night of your ninteenth birthday--"
"I'M FIFTEEN!" Anne shouted, appalled.
"WELL NOW YOU'RE NINTEEN, YOU BRAT!" Celestina shouted back, snapping her fingers. Instantly, Anne grew a head taller and a little more, um... figured. "On your ninteenth birthday, a gang found you in an alley, bound you, gagged you, and raped you until daybreak, when Tae at the Akebeko found you! You've worked there ever since, never allowing her to give you a place to stay because you secretly gave all your paycheck money back to the restaurant!"
The teenager gave her a skeptical look. "That makes no sense."
"That's where Kenshin Himura and Sanosuke Sagara met you, after Tae introduced you to them! Now, you've passed out from lack of food and water and sleep into Sanosuke's arms, and he's taken you back to the Kamiya Dojo!" Celestina clutched at her chest dramatically, writhing as if her heart was in pain. "He one day hopes to help you learn to open your heart to others; HOW CAN THESE KIND PEOPLE EVER TEACH YOU TO LOVE AND TRUST ANOTHER LIVING SOUL AGAIN?!"
The author snickered to herself, then coughed, wheezed, and fell silent.
There was a moment of silence before Anne's wide-eyed stare of disbelief and terror returned. "How sick and twisted can you BE?!" She shouted. "There's no WAY that could ever happen to any realistic human being! A book like that would make Upton Sinclair shudder!"
"Oh, it happened..." Celestina's evil grin made her shiver. "..because I'm in charge. And you'll like it, or I'll make it even worse," she finally hissed, then snapped her fingers. Anne felt herself falling, spiraling out of control down into the darkness, until she hit something hard with her back. The world flashed an indescribable shade of color just before Anne passed into unconsciousness...
~*~
"I think she's... coming around..."
"...hard fall... no food... days..."
"...had...hard life, that she has..."
Voices drifted in and out of Anne's mind as she lay, slowly coming back to consciousness. Her foggy brain was hurting her memory, but she could distinctly remember something about a Sanosuke and being hungry... but she hadn't been hungry before -- THAT she knew for sure. Her eyes slowly opened and focused, though a light from some indefinite source was hurting her head.
"Where am I?" She asked groggily, blinking slower than usual.
"At the Kamiya Dojo," a female voice replied. "You're okay now, Hotaru, your strength will slowly come back to you if you lie still."
Anne's head swam now as she tried to think. Kamiya Dojo? Why did it sound so familiar...?
Celestina.
Her eyes shot open and she sat bolt upright, glancing around madly. "Where is she?" She snarled. "Where's that stupid goddess?"
"Goddess?" A male voice asked. Anne turned her head, only to lock eyes with a tall, handsome man who was casually sitting up against a wall. His hair, the same shade as hers, was tied up by a red headband so that it spiked straight up, and gave her the impression of a rooster. "What're you talking about? You're probably worse than Megumi said you were..."
"What? Who ARE you people?" She asked hesitantly, surveying the room. Along with the rooster-haired man was another man, though shorter in stature, with blindingly red hair in a long ponytail and a cross-shaped scar on his left cheek; a woman, whose clothes were similar to what Celestina had given Anne, and whose raven hair was pulled back in a high ponytail; a boy, possibly no older than thirteen or fourteen, with dark, spiky hair and a wooden sword on his back. Anne now started to feel frightened. What had Celestina DONE to her...?
The red-headed man smiled kindly at her. "Though Sano caught you as you fell, your head hit the table and probably caused amneisia, that it did. I'm Kenshin, there's Miss Kaoru and Yahiko--" he gestured to the woman and the younger boy, who both smiled piteously at her. "--and Sanosuke." The taller man averted his eyes to the floor, as if embarassed about the introduction. "I'm not surprised that you don't remember what happened today, that I am not. Do you still know who you are?"
"Yeah, I'm Anne -- Anne Milton," she said softly, though was surprised when Yahiko openly laughed at her.
"Where'd you come up with that name?" He cackled. "You're Hotaru Eijo!"
Anne stared as the realization started to hit her. This was all Celestina's fault... and now, she was trapped in a living hell that was at the goddess' control. She, as a character, had no power over anything and had no way out... tears started to fill her eyes as her fear and anger swelled up inside of her. "I'm going to kill that goddess," she swore under her breath. "I'm absolutely going to kill her."
===============
I dare to be evil! *cackles in a rather sinister fashion, thunder and lightning go off in the backdrop* ...gotta thank the sound effects guy sometime. But, anyway, tell me what you thought, if you'd like. Every author appreciates getting reviews! Now... I'm off to work on the next chapter.