Part Fifteen
Darkness.
It's nothing but darkness for what seems to be a long time. I am nothing, see nothing, hear nothing. There is nothing. Absolutely nothing.
And I want to scream!
Just to fill the deadening silence. I try and nothing comes out. I realize that I'm not real. Or at least solid. But I can feel.
Emotions.
There's pain. A cold rush that fills my ears and makes me feel like my head will explode. I hear raspy whispering. It's telling me something.
It hurts!
My body is being stabbed with a thousand tiny pinpricks of ice, filling me with a cold that is familiar.
Desperation, panic, paranoia, terror. I welcome it. These feelings enter me and creep in, settling in my weary bones. Whatever heat that was left in me disappears and a frozen feeling of deadness is left.
And suddenly I'm falling. The air is whooshing around me, scalding my skin with its slashing sharpness. I open my eyes and see the tower above me. I can see Dawn's tear streaked face looking down at me, her mouth open in a silent scream. Once again I'm falling through the painful portal. It's ripping me to
shreds, tearing my skin, scorching my bones.
"NO! THIS ALREADY HAPPENED!" I scream, my voice cracking along with the buzzing static that's filling my ears.
I expect to hit the ground with a jarring force. I hope I do. I want to feel my bones crack. Maybe I'll die this time.
I never hit the ground. It's like I go through the portal and I'm in my Father's office. Everything's in slow motion. Almost like when you hit pause/slow on the VCR, everything's a slow blur. But, it's not really a blur, I see everything. The guards burst into the room, pointing their guns at me. My Father and I trying to kill each other. There's fear in his eyes. Total and utter fear.
It makes me colder.
I'm yanked away from him and thrown against the window. It cracks. Renewed feelings of panic overwhelm me. It's smothering me. I move back and bullets lodge themselves into my flesh. I feel every tear, rip, and slash in my skin. I can smell my own blood, feel it running from me. The glass shatters and breaks behind me, and I'm falling. Stinging sunlight burning me, shards of glass embedding itself in my back. All the blood. The last thing I see before the building rushes by me is Angel. What I am seeing freezes and Angel is wearing a look of shock and horror on his pale face. Determination is set in his dark eyes, he wants, needs, to save me. But he doesn't. He can't. The scene resumes and the windows of the building are rushing by me and the roads below come closer. I
open my mouth to scream and I jerk as I sit up and take huge gulps of breath.
"Where the hell am I?!"
*
I take a deep breath, my heart thumping loudly in my chest. It's very dark and cold. I can see my breath as my chest heaves. My mouth is dry and my throat is parched. I'm laying on something cold and jagged. A stone floor.
I stiffen.
Something is different. I can feel it in the air. It seems charged, the atmosphere buzzing with a strange electric charge. I get up, my bones creaking with weariness. I take a deep breath and look into the darkness. I see nothing of interest. No door. Just four stone walls that seem to close in on me.
Oh God.
I think I'm going insane.
I squeeze my eyes shut and breathe heavily.
I hear a small creak and wait.
I feel a small puff of air brush across my face and I snap my arm out and grab flesh. There's a gagging sound and I open my eyes. A vampire is in front of me, my hand squeezing his throat. His eyes bulge and I keep clutching until I draw blood.
And still I keep going.
I put all my confusion, anger, and pain into this. And, eventually he crumbles into dust. I'm surprised by this surge of new power and strength I have in me. It's coursing through my veins with an amazing strength, I can feel every drop.
I love it.
I walk towards the wall and bend my hands back, palms frontward. I snap them forward, so hard it makes my hands feel like they're exploding. The wall smashed with a loud-BOOM!
After the dust and soot settles down, I see a room, full of…demons. They're all looking at me with wide eyes. I slowly look around, meeting all eyes, my stance guarded, and my bleeding fists curled.
I don't know where I am. I don't know how I got here. I don't know why I feel
like this; lost, empty, stronger, and lifeless. I don't know if I'm alive…or if this is hell…
But, I can assure you all one thing, I WILL find out.
*
Everyone is sitting around the table in the Magic Shop. Everyone is quiet.
There's nothing to say.
Angel sat farthest from the group, his eyes locked on the corner of the table. The same scene kept replaying in his head.
Buffy getting shot.
Buffy falling 22 stories to the hard ground.
Buffy's limp body cracking and breaking.
The fight that had been going on had frozen after the windows had given way. It had taken them all a moment, but Hank, Angel, and the guards had run downstairs frantically.
Only to find no trace of her. No blood, no sign that she had even fallen.
Hank was there. He had refused to just sit on his ass and pretend nothing had happened. He had watched his daughter fall to what should have been her death. He sat next to his younger daughter who had yelled and screamed to come along when he stopped home. She was shocked to hear of what had happened. Her sister may be dead, again.
Xander and Giles were pissed off as hell. Xander blamed Angel and Spike.
They should have protected her. They should have stopped her. Helped her.
Spike had regressed into his mind again. All that came out of his mouth were insane rambles and stifled sobs.
Angel knew he was hiding. From the pain, grief, and heartache. He knew because every time they met eyes, Angel could see that they were both thinking the same thing. Sharing the same thought, same feeling. They had come with her for a reason.
And that reason…they had failed. They were supposed to have protected her, and they didn't.
They lost her.
Maybe forever.
*
I stared each and every demon in my sight down. They tried to beat my glare but ended up flinching. I flicked my long hair over my shoulder in an almost menacingly way.
"Where am I?" I demanded.
No one answered at first.
"I'm going to ask again, and if I don't get an answer, I will make you so very sorry." I threatened, clenching my fists into tiny mallets.
"You are safe." One said.
I rolled my eyes, "And was that the question?" I asked sarcastically, "No. Where the hell am I?!" I screamed.
"You are still in Los Angeles, girl." A raspy voice said.
I looked over to my side and saw an old women standing there. She was *old*.
Her hair was gray and black, her eyes squinted and dark.
"Good to know, where exactly?" I ask.
"An underground lier. Not far from your Father's house." The women answers.
Ok.
Question answered.
I unclench my hands and they feel sticky. I look down and they're smeared with blood. The vampire I killed. The blood smells bitter, not sweet like living blood does. I gag at my thoughts.
"It's ok, child, these thoughts are the beginning." The old women said.
I blinked.
"The beginning of what?" I asked.
She changed and was no longer the old women, but two things. A male and female, beautiful red and golden colors decorating their bodies, a black toga around them. Their eyes were red with a yellow tint.
"Of your transformation." The female answered.
"Transformation?" I asked incredulously, "What am I turning into, huh, a frog?" I mock.
They glare at me, "No. Not 'what' you are turning into. 'Who' you are turning into."
I purse my lips, "Ok, fine. Then 'who', daresay, am I going to change into?"
"The leader of evil's side of The End of Days." The male answers.
I am silent for a moment. I don't know what to say. Evil's side? But…I can't. I'm good. I'm the Slayer.
You are not, a small sneering little voice hisses, you never were. The Slayer in you died that night with the Master. They all lied to you for six years. Six years you've been in the dark, been a lie. A freak.
"Evil…" I whisper.
"Yes." The woman jumps at my hesitation, "Yes. This is where you belong.
Where you will never have to bear the responsibility of other lives again. Here, you will be the ruler. Never having to live by prophecy or human word again."
It sounds so tempting. So free.
I want it.
"Why risk your life day after day to save lives of ungrateful fools? No thanks, no gratitude, those fools you call friends only make you save them. They never help. Only make you clean up their messes!"
They're right!
Willow, Xander…all of them, they never did help me! Everything was always messed up! They never understood me! Always blamed me when I did something a little selfish. Like when I ran away to LA. They would NEVER understand how bad I was hurting! And THEY blamed ME for what I had to do to save the stupid world!
And Xander, he could have told me that Willow was going to try and save Angel, but no! He had to lie! Oh, I could have killed him. I wanted too, the fool! Did he think I didn't know? That I would never have found out?
I did.
"How?" I ask, my breath catching.
"You're true side, which also claims your Father, is only showing minimal changes. You're still very much human. We'll have to strip you of any conscious, any…soul to make the transformation true." The female says, her eyes glimmering.
I nod slowly.
I want this.
I need this.
I will become, grow, change and fit into what is truly my destiny.
"Yes, I'll do it." I hear myself saying.
And right then and there I realize what is really going on.
They're changing me, making me like them.
Making me evil.
I want to scream no and plead and fight until I'm back in my world, city, town, with my friends.
But, it's too late.
Isn't it always?
There's pain. Tremendous, scalding pain. It's as if I'm burning from the inside out. I fall to my knees and clutch my chest. Hot tears run down my face. I'm surrounded by a bright light, a light which Is taking me away. The fire inside moved throughout my body and I screamed. It was the last thing I was aware of blind pain made me blackout.
For awhile.
And whatever is going to happen next is anyone's guess