Aximili's Headache
For the next day Aximili kept to himself as much as possible. Issetha did the same; crawled back into her own corner, hiding her thoughts and emotions, never grabbing control and never speaking. He could, at times, almost forget she was there.
Almost. It wasn't exactly something you forgot.
He was practicing tail-strikes the next time she spoke.
I didn't get a long life, and it's certainly been boring from time to time, but at least I got to be a part of something interesting, she muttered, almost to herself.
Aximili stopped up his striking. The log in front of him was already dead, anyway. What do you mean?
Strange, isn't it? Issetha laughed bitterly. I was planning to get you out of the pool, and no more. Hadn't thought further than that. Until yesterday, when it hit me – where next?
Aximili was silent, thinking, so the Yeerk continued; I've met a very unique Andalite, she said. You know, you could have told… your Prince… about me. You should have – any other Andalite would have, I think. But… you didn't. I thank you for that. But it makes me wonder… why?
Aximili let his blade sting the log again before answering. The subject was uncomfortable – but no reason to try and hide that, Issetha would find out anyway. I am not certain, he said finally. Perhaps… to be truthful, I feel I owed you that. At least.
I did get you out of a lot of trouble, didn't I? Issetha agreed lowly. And your friends, too. By now, they'd have been either dead, or infested.
Aximili sent a stalk towards the others. The group was gathered in the shade of a big tree, discussing amongst themselves. Marco was on his feet, waving his arms and trying to explain something that Rachel – also on her feet, arms crossed and glaring – did not agree to. The rest of the group was having a lot of fun at their argument.
Striking the poor mistreated log once again, Aximili sighed mentally. You are most likely correct.
Glad to hear that, the Yeerk said. Because that's what I think, too. And I'm glad you've taken down some of those defences – they weren't very nice.
Defences?
You treated me as if I was Visser One himself when I first infested you, she snickered.
I was deeply traumatized, Aximili muttered. I was not really myself.
To put it in mild terms, the Yeerk agreed with the feeling of a bitter smile. But still very much yourself – still an Andalite, still refusing to see both sides of things before passing judgment.
I do not refu – I mean, Andalites do not – But there he stopped, irritable, and snapped; Who gave you the right to –
Oh, don't start again! Be nice, Issetha said. I'll be dead by tomorrow, anyway, and you know that.
Aximili had not yet thought that far. Now he did. Kandrona, he said simply.
Yes.
The fugue.
She shuddered. Correct. Not something I'm looking forward to.
Aximili shut out the thoughts that at once began circling in his head. He closed away the part of his mind that sympathized with the Yeerk – yes, that's right; the Yeerk, because that's what she was, an enemy, not his friend, not –
You're doing it again, Issetha accused.
What?
Passing judgment too quickly. Yes, I'm a Yeerk, but that doesn't make me an enemy. The Yeerk sounded vaguely hurt.
Don't look into my thoughts! he growled, for some reason upset.
Then don't think so loudly.
I'm not thinking loudly!
Yes, you are, she said calmly.
There's no such thing as "loud thoughts"! Aximili protested.
And how do you know that? You're not a Yeerk; you've never listened to anyone else's thoughts.
No, I'm not a Yeerk, and I am deeply thankful about it! Aximili spat. And, lacking anything better to say, added; Out of my head.
Another day and I will be. She was silent, though Aximili felt her presence at the edge of his mind. He thought about screaming again – maybe she would listen to that. But she continued with; And if you're so eager to get rid of me, then why is this Kandrona business troubling you?
It isn't –
Yes, it is, Aximili, don't lie to me, Issetha interrupted. I obviously know your thoughts better than you do yourself. You lie to yourself and don't even know it. It won't work – it'll backfire on you sooner or later.
Aximili said nothing, doing his best to ignore that; simply turning a deaf ear.
But it's not your fault – you're thinking exactly as they taught you, exactly after the standards they forced on your mind, the Yeerk continued, and of course it was impossible to ignore her. It's a typical Andalite way of thinking.
Do you consider yourself a psychologist? he snarled, refusing to take any insult against his People.
No, but I am pretty good at drawing conclusions, she replied, still calm. Although an idiot could notice this one. Do yourself a favour, Aximili. Stop listening to your pride and duty – start listening to your hearts and head.
My head is invaded by an enemy, Aximili said tenaciously. His tail struck the log with so much force that it split in half – Issetha jerked away. My hearts do not think or talk.
The Yeerk sighed heavily. This is going to take a lot of work…
Aximili straightened up, raised his tail and let his stalks search for a new log to attack. You have until tomorrow, Yeerk.
I still have a name.
And I still refuse to use it. He leapt nimbly over the split log and trotted towards the new one. His tail was striking even before he stopped trotting. He spun elegantly into battle position on a front hoof and the motion carried his tail straight into the second strike.
Do you know what 'gratitude' means, Andalite?
Yes.
Then show some! I got you out of that pool, saving you and your friends and probably this entire lousy planet – plus your own – and the two so-called sentient species who inhabit them. I'm going to die in another day, because I turned my back to the only people who can and will keep me alive – my own species, who I betrayed – and all you do is insult me! You refuse to call me anything else than 'Yeerk', you wouldn't agree if I told you Andalites had no mouths, and if one little kind thought about me pops up in your head you at once suppress it and add another brick to that stupid wall of pride and hate!
She calmed herself, and said in a softer voice; If that is gratitude, Aximili, then my dictionary is different from yours.
Aximili struck the new log again. Is there no way we can send you back to the pool? he asked finally.
It is a bad idea to risk it, she sighed. If I get caught…
Correct, he muttered. What about…
Aximili, are you actually trying to figure out a way to save me? Issetha wondered, amused.
A short hesitation. Then; Perhaps.
The Yeerk laughed. It was a pleasant sound, but it made her host uncomfortable.
We need to get some Kandrona, he interrupted, only to make her stop laughing. He did not enjoy being laughed at. Or –
She sighed. No, Aximili. Too dangerous.
Are you going to work with me, or against me on this? Aximili demanded, annoyed, but somehow glad they were on different sides about even this so they could argue. Arguing with her made him feel as if he at least had some control left – despite being infested. And despite the fact that Issetha rarely snatched control. It can be done.
But it's… unnecessary. Pointless. You shouldn't.
I just –
Look, you're an Animorph. An important person in this war. I'm nobody. A host-less Yeerk. Part of the Peace Movement because I can't stand the screaming of an involuntary. What kind of Yeerk am I, if I can't even infest?
Silence.
You're not host-less anymore, Aximili said softly.
Do you mean I can stay in you? It was meant as a joke.
Aximili was silent, thinking. Issetha left his mind alone, but felt shocked as his reply came: If you wish to.
What? An Andalite willing to be host? she mocked, surprised, but not unpleasantly. That's a first, Aximili. What is the War Council going to say? Not to mention your parents.
Aximili felt a tinge of cold dread at the edge of his mind, but pushed it away instantly, replacing it with stubbornness. It would only be temporary, of course! And the War Council and my parents are my problem. But we need that portable Kandrona.
No.
It is my choice. And I have made up my mind.
Suddenly the Yeerk was angry. And who's in control of that mind, Aximili? I am. Remember? I don't care what you think. I'm still a Yeerk. I'm in your head. Don't you understand? Don't you know what that means?
I am only trying…
Issetha ignored his half-confused plea and continued. That means, to the point, that you're just a little puppet, Aximili; a four-legged, four-eyed, tailed little puppet, waiting for me to pull the strings. And if I say something's not going to be done, it's not. You lost your freedom of choice the moment I crawled in through your ear. Understood?!
With that she pulled away from his mind and built up a wall around herself to keep him out. Aximili was left, stunned, maybe even a bit afraid, to consider her words.
And to consider whether or not this save-the-Yeerk-business was such a good idea after all.
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Author's Note;
Haven't read this one through, so it's probably got a
few mistakes in it. If you find any larger ones, tell me.
Oh, and one more thing. Just need to warn you that Ax might have been (and might later be) a little bit out of character. *But hey, in this story, what's to expect?* How do you expect me to write an Ax-is-voluntary story without taking him just a bit out of character? Deal with it.