I finally started getting reviews in last night after I'd started writing this chapter. So happy! Just wanted to apologize for the delay -- work stuff has been particularly demanding lately and I was out of town all day on Monday so I haven't had a lot of time to write. I know a lot of you got used to the fast updates and I myself hate waiting more than a day so again, I'm sorry!
There will be some pure fluff soon, and what I hope is intense drama between Inu and Sess as well, so stay tuned.
On with the angst!
Chapter Twelve
The new lord was temperamental, to put it mildly. Kindness and understanding were not expected of demon lords, but at least they kept their tempers in check with a kind of cold stoicism. Usually.
"Inuyasha-sama," Hatoyama cleared his throat and glanced at the other advisors around the room before speaking, "perhaps it would be best if we sent a good-will envoy to the Eastern Kingdom?"
"Good-will envoy?" Inuyasha could sense the tension coming off his brother, who sat in observant silence behind him.
"Yes, an ambassador, a few aides, perhaps some lovely maidens," added Fujimoto.
The hanyou narrowed his eyes in barely concealed disgust at the advisors surrounding him. "A peacekeeping mission. To the nekoyoukai."
"It might keep them from attacking."
"You are demons, right?"
The ministers looked at each other in confusion. "L-lord Inuyasha?"
Ignoring their questioning stares, Inuyasha turned to Sesshoumaru and shook his head, sighing. "Please tell me this is some kind of practical joke?" When no answer was forthcoming, he turned his focus back to the conference table and stood up.
"Never in my family's ruling history have we yielded to fear," he ground out firmly. "Sixty-three years ago the nekoyoukai invaded our country, and sixty-three years ago my father lead our greatest warriors in battle to defeat their forces. What kind of demons are you? You shrink back from battle like pups from a bath!"
Several of the men occupied themselves with their clothing, or found intense interest in the wood grain of the table before them. Hatoyama stood opposite his leader in pleading insubordination. "Yes, Milord, and for the sixty-three years between that great war and the one we prepare for today, the Eastern Lands have been structuring their armies, enhancing their weaponry, building up a great store of supplies and military knowledge--"
"And what has OUR kingdom been doing in this time?" Inuyasha interrupted the man furiously. "Twiddling our thumbs and debating the finer points of sake production?"
Matsumoto, minister of the treasury, pulled Hatoyama down to sit, shooting him a warning glare. Angering the brazen young lord would accomplish nothing. When he'd subdued his comrade, he faced Inuyasha and spoke in a voice laced with polite respect. "Inuyasha-sama, we have a well-trained army and the finest weapons arsenal of the five demon kingdoms. It is the spirit of the people that falters."
"Oh, I see. The people are depressed so we're going to send a few fruit baskets to the West and beg them, 'please don't hurt us!'" His line was delivered with the utmost condescension, and punctuated with his quickly dropping back to sit at the head of the table. He was not in the mood for this. Massaging his fingers into his temples, Inuyasha finally raised a hand in a dismissing wave.
"Enough for today. I will announce my decision tomorrow."
The council members rose from their positions at the table, murmuring amongst themselves speculation about their young lord's ability to rule. Inuyasha tuned them out, finally glaring at Sesshoumaru when the last of them had filed from the room, leaving only the two brothers and Miroku in the great hall.
"These are your most highly regarded advisors?"
Sesshoumaru remained unmoving, but spoke in a quiet voice. "They are noblemen with short memories."
"They are wimps!"
"Some battles are best fought with words, Inuyasha," Miroku offered sagely.
"Keh!"
Sesshoumaru smirked at that, quickly stifling the reaction as he moved to sit in one of the chairs opposite Inuyasha. "You've been particularly on edge, Inuyasha."
"Has Kagome-sama spoken to you yet?"
The hanyou's growl was answer enough.
Sesshoumaru closed his eyes, considering his brother's situation. "Perhaps it would be advisable to begin introducing you to eligible demon females."
"No."
Ignoring the fierce look in Inuyasha's eyes, Sesshoumaru continued to voice the thoughts in his head. "Or if you find demon women so distasteful," he frowned at the thought, "then we might find you a suitable human wench in the villages."
"You could bring back Kikyou," Miroku commented, studying his friend for a reaction.
A soft voice wafted across the room, startling the three males from their conference.
"You could use Tenseiga."
The hanyou swiftly stood, nearly knocking back the table before him. "Kagome…"
The young woman walked deeper into the room, it's soft torchlight making a somber expression of her features. "Imagine what being mated to a powerful miko would do for your reputation here."
He leapt over the table and landed within arms reach of her, nonetheless pushing back his growing desire to pull her into his embrace. His eyes filled with the bleak desperation he'd been holding inside for the last two days, searching her face for a sign of hope. "I don't want Kikyou."
"Liar."
"Ahem," Sesshoumaru stood up, motioning for the houshi to follow him as he walked toward the doorway from which Kagome had entered. "If you will excuse us…" The door slammed with a heavy thud, finally leaving only Kagome and Inuyasha in the conference hall.
"You don't trust me."
Kagome's eyes widened in disbelief at his words. "Do you blame me?" She barked out a laugh and regarded the despondent hanyou before her. "For the last year you've been toying with me. Protecting me from danger one minute, running to Kikyou the next. In one moment you're hugging me, and a few seconds later you're telling me that I'm pathetically weak. I start to believe we are friends, and then you so kindly remind me that I am nothing more than a shard gathering tool. What exactly am I supposed to trust, Inuyasha?"
"I did what I thought I had to do."
"Care to explain that?" She crossed her arms over her chest, daring him to go on.
She was almost surprised when he rose to the challenge.
"I didn't know what I wanted at first," he admitted to her, turning to avoid her stare as he gathered up the words he'd been practicing since the night of the taikanshiki. "When I met you, you were this annoying baka wench. The only reason I kept you near me was this damned rosary." He tugged at the beads that surrounded his neck, the memory of his hatred melting into nostalgia. "It didn't take long for me to warm up to you. You've got such an open spirit Kagome, it's hard not to like you."
The miko refused to let this one compliment weaken her resolve. She huffed, shifting her weight from her left to her right leg, and waited for him to continue.
"At first I thought I was just lonely, and that your resemblance to Kikyou drew me to you." Sensing a hint of anger in her at this, he quickly went on, "but that changed when Urasae brought her back. I realized quickly that you and Kikyou were very different. I was torn between what could be and what could have been. Then there was the guilt…"
"Guilt?"
He nodded, still not ready to look her in the eyes. "I lived, she didn't." Sighing, he shook the ache from his heart and ploughed on, "I got over it, Kagome. A lot sooner than you probably realize, too. I knew I wanted to be with you, no matter what I had promised to Kikyou. I knew in my heart I would always put you first."
"You've always been mean to me, Inuyasha. You've tried to make me feel inadequate…worthless."
"I know." This last admission, silent as a breeze and filled with regret, forced Inuyasha to face her again. "As I said, I did what I had to do."
"Meaning what, exactly?" Kagome repeated her question from their original discussion, hoping for a real answer this time.
"I'm a bit of a legend now, aren't I?" He didn't wait for her response, but flashed her a lopsided grin before continuing. "Even as my 'shard detector' you've been kidnapped -- what? -- ten times in the last year? Can you imagine what would happen if word got out that you were more to me? That you were my mate?"
He ran a hand through his hair, pulling his thoughts together. "I need you to be safe, but I can't guarantee that I'll always be there. The less attention other youkai give you, the better."
"What about lately? You've been even more of an ass than normal!"
"It's really hard to be friendly and polite around a person who sets you on fire with a mere look, Kagome." At her puzzled expression he stepped closer to her, grabbing her wrist, and extended two of her fingers to lay them on his neck. "Can you feel that?" Her eyes widened at the racing pulse and heat she detected before he continued, "YOU do this to me."
"How…?"
"I've been fighting it for over a month now. Even started drinking some putrid herbal shit to keep myself from… well, that's not important."
Kagome had been staring into his eyes intently but now she noticed their hands were still joined. She blushed, prompting Inuyasha to release her. "So you've been pushing me away for my own protection?" she questioned, seeking to understand him.
He nodded. "From me as much as from demons who would use you to get to me. But that's not all."
"Oh?"
"I protect you the best I can, but like I said, I can't always be there. I need you to be as self-reliant as you can be. Sometimes I think you've become so dependent on me that you forget the danger out there. So every now and then, I try to get a rise out of you, to keep you on your toes." He blushed at his next thought, "Mothering youkai pups is far from easy. There are instincts involved that human females don't have. Those protective abilities have to be learned."
"My archery," Kagome realized.
"For one. I want you to be able to protect yourself as well as any young ones who might come along. Just in case something were to happen to me."
Kagome let his words sink in, searching her mind for the questions that still needed answering. "I can understand you wanting me to become more self-reliant, but the insults? How does that help me grow? And again, what about Kikyou? You don't honestly expect me to bind myself to a man who runs off every time he catches a whiff of his ex-lover."
Inuyasha swallowed loudly, steeling himself for the inevitable anger a conversation about Kikyou would stir in his miko. "The two are somewhat related, actually," he began. "I've never been the most tactful person, right?" When she shook her head, acknowledging the truth of that statement, he smiled. "That's who I am, Kagome. I don't think before I talk. I feel something and it comes out of my mouth before I consider the consequences. I'm sure there are millions of times you've wanted to curse me out and held your tongue. The difference between you and me is that you do, and I don't.
"Kikyou couldn't accept me for who I was; she was always trying to change me, telling me not to do 'vile things' in front of her. You may be annoyed with me when I curse, or attack Shippou, or forget my manners but you're my friend in spite of it. Do you have any idea how much that means to me?" His eyes softened for a moment, regarding the woman before him. "But more importantly, I wanted you to get used to harsh words. Not from me, but from the world in general.
"Being mated to a demon is a difficult life, and the stigma comes from both sides when you're bound to a hanyou. People will talk. Loudly. They'll think you've been possessed, or that I somehow blackmailed you, or raped you. When they realize you're beside me of your own choosing, you'll become a whore in the eyes of humans, and a plaything to demons. It will hurt, Kagome. I can't tell you how many times I found my mother crying when some ignorant baka shouted at her for 'defiling' herself with a demon."
Kagome was listening to him with her complete attention, and she didn't even seem angry. This gave Inuyasha renewed hope, relaxing his shoulders and allowing him to continue.
"Just think how many times you've been sent into tears by some stupid insult that we both knew I didn't really mean. How many times have you run to the well after a petty fight neither of us could even remember today? Are you going to try to escape this world every time a priestess throws ofuda at you? When you are forced to bear children without the aid of a midwife because all the other women are afraid of tainting their souls? What about when Naraku invades your mind and tries to convince you that I only want you for your body because, after all, why would someone with my power condescend to love a human?"
The light of understanding started to dawn in her eyes. Kagome shook her head again, slowly. "I only run from you because you mean so much to me. What do I care what anyone else thinks?"
"Yeah, I thought Kikyou was strong enough at first, too. Shit, even then I was going to become human for her, but look what happened! One little plot by an evil maniac and our trust was shattered. Naraku is still out to get me, Kagome. He wants you, too."
"He can't have me. I'm not as weak as you seem to think I am."
"I know. But I had to be sure you could withstand it. I can't bear to see you cry, Kagome. It tears me up inside. I won't be the cause of sadness that I can't control."
"If I promise to keep my emotions in check, and not let ignorant people upset me, will you stop testing me?"
Inuyasha snorted lightly. "Not all of it is testing, Kagome. I *am* an asshole, it's as much a part of me as my claws."
"I don't want you to change who you are," she assured him. "I just want you to return the trust you ask of me."
He smiled at her warmly. "I think I can handle that."
Kagome returned his grin for a moment, then frowned again as a pensive expression took hold of her. "I'm still worried about Kikyou. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to see you two together? The only reason I accepted it before was because I managed to convince myself that you only saw me as a friend. In that light, it wasn't my place to question your feelings for her. I'm not going to sit like moss on a log when my husband goes off embracing his ex-lover."
She was starting to speak of him as her husband! Inuyasha grasped her hands in his own, afraid to let go lest she pull away from him. "That became impossible the moment I marked you with my intent," he told her solemnly. "Youkai survival instincts create fierce loyalty between mates. It ensures that their offspring are well cared for."
"You're HALF youkai," Kagome pointed out.
"So? My human heart loves you every bit as much as my demon one needs you. Even if my weaker half betrayed you, it would be at odds with the stronger half, which would always win. And before you can ask me, that includes new moon nights."
"I have one last question to ask you," Kagome stated without emotion. Inuyasha's ears flattened against his head, but he nodded.
"Just what is involved in a demon mating ceremony?"
His heart leapt at the mischievous twinkle in her eyes. Shouting out a yelp of joy and yanking her into his arms, Inuyasha spun them around until they became quite dizzy.
"You're sure?" he asked uncertainly, praying that she wouldn't change her mind on the spot.
Nodding, Kagome smiled and lifted a hand to brush his cheek gently. "I was ready to say yes when I first came in," she admitted with a blush. "I just needed to set a few things straight, first."
He hugged her tighter, dropping a kiss onto her head before quickly releasing her. Damned blood was raging again. "I want to celebrate," he announced. "But there's something I have to do first. Go get Sango and Miroku, and meet me at the front gate. I think it's time we enjoy the perks of my new position."