Aximili's Headache – chapter 22
May everyone live,
And may everyone die.
Hello, my love,
And my love goodbye.
From Leonard Cohen's "Here It Is"
Your tail hurts, Issetha observed, her mental voice filled with pity. Her host was busy ingesting some faa'la root, which had been served him in water, together with several other plants, some of which he hardly recognized. It tasted old and stale, but after having had nothing but water for two days, Aximili was too hungry to care.
I can morph it back, said Aximili, although he failed to sound unconcerned.
That doesn't relieve the pain, Issetha murmured, but Aximili – stubborn as he was – refused to comment, and refused to complain. The Yeerk sighed: Do you want me to give you something else to think about?
Aximili sighed, accepting the offer. What were they planning? You never told me.
Issetha hesitated. She could have thought of many more appropriate subjects, but finally relented. They plan to hand you over to the Yeerks, leefachir… she told him. to the Blade ship. They're exchanging you for that escafil device. The Yeerks have agreed. I don't know why, but they have. There's something wrong with it all, I don't like it, it doesn't seem like a Yeerk way of thinking.
An ambush?
Issetha was relieved. Of course, that would explain it.
Not our problem, in that case. What else did you find out?
They're sending the others out.
Aximili did not need to ask who she meant. The Animorphs. He felt a shiver of helpless rage. A new pang of sorrow hit him, as he longed for his tail, his poor tail – and then he shoved the sentimentality aside.
Yes. They're sending them after you, after the Yeerks, and they're warning the Yeerks beforehand.
First my ship, and then the Animorphs, the Andalite whispered bitterly. What else?
Nothing… nothing important, Issetha told him evasively.
Aximili was silent for a moment, knowing that tone but being surprised to hear it. Issetha? he murmured tiredly.
Yes, leefachir?
What are you hiding from me?
Nothing.
Please don't lie to me. Have I ever lied to you – hidden something from you? And he went cold, as a thought struck him: My parents?
Safe, as far as I know, Issetha assured him gently. If something happened to them, the public eye would start asking questions about coincidences. Monitored, for a while, but safe.
Aximili breathed a sigh of pure relief. So what are you not telling me?
Issetha did not answer.
Issetha! thundered the Andalite, making her flinch, tell me!
It's really not important, leefachir, whispered Issetha, tenderly touching the deeper parts of his mind in a consolatory manner. It would only upset you, and it would not help you… not in any way. Trust me.
Of course I trust you, you know that, but I want to know… then he silenced, feeling more clearly the helpless grief from the Yeerk, and he had an overwhelming urge to calm her, comfort her, and of course; keep her safe. He summoned the memory of embracing her, in her Andalite morph, and focused all his mind to enveloping her sadness in some form of comfort.
We need to escape, don't we? he asked, when her grief began to soften.
Yes, my Aximili, the Yeerk replied in a soft voice, we really need to escape.
There were, however, no more opportunities to escape. The Andalites watched Aximili's every move; their commanding officer being infested had probably spooked them into extreme alertness. Issetha's unnamed grief was gnawing at Aximili's mind, though, despite the Yeerk trying to push it away, and it made him determined to flee.
Twice he attempted it, using the only weapon he had left: sheer fury.
Twice they beat him back.
And now, time was neither on his side, nor on Caysath's. They were approaching the Blade ship.
Caysath, shadowed by Riminar and Sariyon, sauntered up to stand in front of Aximili. The guards around him tensed, ready to beat him down again if he attempted to as much as twitch.
It is time, Controller, said Caysath in a sneer.
Time for what? asked Aximili.
You know the ritual of forgiveness? demanded Caysath.
Forgiveness for what? wondered the Controller resignedly.
It is customary to regret one's errors prior to the sentence being carried out, Caysath reminded him. You will utter the ritual of forgiveness, traitor.
We do not know the words, lied the Andalite-Controller, using the plural because he knew that would make the other Andalites both angry and uncomfortable.
Caysath glared at him, knowing he was lying. Then you shall hear the words and repeat them. Prince Riminar?
Riminar inclined his stalks in agreement, straightened, and spoke in an almost mechanically toneless voice; I have made right everything that can be made right, I have learned everything that can be learned, I have sworn not to repeat my error, and I now claim forgiveness.
Aximili stared blankly at him. As Riminar glared at him, trying to tell him to repeat the ritual, he blinked once with all four eyes and smiled dumbly. The ritual, Controller, spat Riminar angrily.
Yes, said Aximili, Issetha speaking through his voice. We recognized it.
Then repeat it! snarled Caysath.
Aximili decided to oblige. In his own manner. He hid a smile, and spoke quickly, fearing to be interrupted. I have made right nothing for I refuse to believe it wrong. I have, however, learned everything that can be learned, I am sworn to continue my so-called error, and may those who oppose me rot away in their beliefs, and I now claim that you're a fool, Caysath!
Surprising everyone, Aximili laughed merrily, openly. I do not need your forgiveness, or anyone else's, he continued, taking the chance to speak that the stunned, fuming silence around him offered. I don't even need my own forgiveness. There's nothing to forgive. I did what I did without ever intending or causing anyone harm. That is, he added dryly, harm to nothing except the spotless reports the Apex Level so adores. My crime is staining Apex Level's secret files. For that, I refuse to beg any pardon.
Your crime, Controller, lies in betraying everything your Fleet and People ever stood for, said Caysath finally.
Our crime here is what it was on Earth, Aximili corrected, challenge in his voice. At that time, both he and Issetha were feeling the same thing, and the difference between them was very slight, almost non-existent, thoughts and words intertwining until neither Andalite nor Yeerk knew whom they had come from. Aximili and Issetha stared, undaunted, right into the War Prince's cold main eyes and barged right on; We each befriended a person of the wrong species. That doesn't bother us, but obviously the Fleet is not amused. And just so you know, there is a word for that behaviour on Earth, you butt-kissing amoeba on a toad from Apex Level. It's racism.
Caysath frowned, not completely understanding the insult, and thus refusing to be concerned by it. Aximili had a feeling it was not the first time anyone had insulted him, either. The War Prince simply raised his eyebrows, and said; Take him out.
Aximili felt the cold tip of a shredder to the side of his head, but did not move. Challenge was still on his face as the shot rang out and he fell to the floor, unconscious.
Prince Riminar waited with commendable patience until the Yeerks decided to show up. He had been sent to arrange this matter: it did not amuse him. Not that he was afraid of a setup, a trap… he knew to expect one, was prepared for one, would be surprised if none came. But the very thought of dealing with this enemy made his tail-blade quiver in rage.
The escafil device? he said at once, not wanting to drag into any formalities.
"The prisoner?" countered a tall Hork-Bajir.
Show us the escafil device first – let my warrior just… touch it. Then we'll bring your prisoner.
The Hork-Bajir-Controller's dark orange eyes flashed in annoyance. But Riminar waited – again with commendable patience – until the lure of the prize prisoner overwhelmed the relatively small – for it was small – demand from the Andalite. He said something very quickly in a language foreign to the Andalites. Another Hork-Bajir stepped forwards, holding out a blue cube, which certainly looked like an escafil device – firmly between his two strong hands.
An unarmed warrior, who had been chosen previously, stepped past Riminar. He calmly reached out, placing one finger gently on the surface of the blue cube, all under the close supervision of the Hork-Bajir-Controller who held it. His eyelids fluttered for a moment, and then he removed his hand. He took a dainty step back, and said; It is truly the escafil device, my Prince.
"Now bring us our prisoner," growled the Hork-Bajir-Controller who seemed to be in command. The one with the escafil device took two steps back – Riminar made a twitching gesture at one of his warriors, and heard a private Yes, Prince Riminar which reassured him.
But the Yeerks wanted their prize. At Riminar's thought-speech command, two Andalites came around the corner, with the traitorous younger brother of the great Elfangor suspended on a hover board between them. Reaching Riminar, they removed the hover board, and the unconscious prisoner fell the short distance to the floor.
"Mutilated," commented the Hork-Bajir-Controller angrily, staring down at the unmoving Andalite, and the stump which remained of his tail.
Morphable, as you hopefully know, and thus easily healed, countered Riminar lowly.
"True," muttered the Hork-Bajir, making a gesture at the human beside him. The human kicked at the unconscious Andalite's side, frowned when there was no reaction, and knelt to check for a pulse. He nodded up at the Hork-Bajir.
Of course he's alive, snarled Riminar. Now… do you have the escafil device?
The Hork-Bajir nodded. "And you swear not to follow us into Kelbrid space?"
Not even if we could, that is the promise of Apex Level, agreed Riminar impatiently.
"And…" said the Hork-Bajir-Controller, his eyes burning with lust for vengeance, "You will send the Yeerk-Killer after this one?"
The human? Certainly.
"Good," said the Controller. But then he whipped his head around to stare right at Riminar. "On two of these we have nothing but your word. The word of an Andalite is not to be trusted."
What guarantee do we have that you have not already learned to make copies of the escafil device? argued Riminar.
The Hork-Bajir did not even switch expression, but the human next to him stirred and the other Hork-Bajir grinned. Finally, the leading Hork-Bajir smiled as well, uttering one simple word; "Now."
Riminar sighed mentally. The trap – it was beginning. How tiresome.
Since he and his warriors had been well prepared for the possibility, the only Andalite left behind was the even-then unmoving form of Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill. The escafil device was safely clutched in an Andalite warrior's hand – in his other hand was a small but powerful tractor beam, disguised as a shredder.
All according to plan.
Aximili woke to find himself in an unfamiliar cell. His hands were again shackled, this time in front of him. His tail was still missing, and a familiar stench was tickling his nose.
Issetha stirred in the back of his mind, noticing that he was aware. We're in Yeerk hands, she explained. They tried to infest you. Her tone was smug as she added; I put a stop to that.
That probably surprised them, Aximili commented.
Yes, and angered them, Issetha told him. They weren't very pleased at all. Something about 'untrustworthy four-hoofed weasels'.
Weasels?
Yes. But to me, the speakers all sounded human.
Aximili smiled joylessly, before growing serious again. How much longer will you last without Kandrona, Issetha? By having Kandrona injected straight into her host's blood, Issetha was able to last a bit longer than usually, but they had quickly found that how much longer varied from time to time. It was probably dependant on how much stress Aximili was put under, and how quickly the blood was pumped through his systems, and how much of the Kandrona thereby was absorbed and broken down before Issetha could put it to use.
I'm growing hungry, the Yeerk admitted. That pool they put your ear in was very tempting.
How much longer?
Issetha hesitated. Half a day, a day at best.
Aximili sighed. Once again, an escape sounds like a good idea.
An excellent idea, Issetha agreed.
At least we're back with Yeerks, the Andalite murmured. I've come to like Andalites less and less over the last few days. Yeerks, on the other hand, I can handle.
At that, Issetha snickered.
It soon turned out that Aximili's cell was not a cell at all; it was a cage. The walls were force fields turned opaque. When they grew see-through again, Aximili found that his cage was surrounded by Hork-Bajir-Controllers and human-Controllers, some of them in various morphs.
How about playing dumb? Issetha suggested from the back of his head, taking a look at their newest set of enemies.
Playing dumb? He had played dumb with the Andalites now and again to annoy them, provoke them, but he did not feel like repeating that performance. Then, he had been tired and felt as if there was little else he could do – now, in Yeerk hands, somehow his hopes of escape had risen. He knew how to handle Yeerks.
Fine, muttered Issetha. But for now, let's play along. It'll be easier. We wait for an opportunity before we fight.
Agreed, Aximili replied softly.
They'll probably try to infest you again, Issetha said. As if it'd work better now than before – but they'll try anyway.
The force field was removed. The ring of Hork-Bajir and morphables tightened about Aximili – he saw a polar bear behind him.
A polar bear had killed Rachel. He almost turned around and whipped his tail forwards before he remembered that his tail was severed. Wishing he had had teeth to gnash together, he forced the fury down and reminded himself that he was to wait for an opportunity. He would wait, and then he would escape, and he would see that polar bear dead.
"Prince Aximili," greeted a human-Controller standing to his right. This one was not in morph. "Welcome to the Blade ship. I hope you'll enjoy your stay – for you'll be staying a very long time."
We'll see about that, thought Aximili in his head, for only Issetha to hear.
"The first order of business is to have you infested. Do you intend to cooperate or will we need to drag you?"
Told you. Now do as they say, Issetha instructed. Don't worry – I'll keep the Yeerks out.
I'll cooperate, Aximili told his captors.
"By all means," smiled the human-Controller, with a grand gesture behind him, past him. "Then head for the pool and have it done with. There's a Yeerk waiting, just for you."
The Andalite obediently strolled up to the pool, kneeling beside it, and dipped his ear into the water. Four Hork-Bajir stayed tight on his heels, but he ignored them.
Aximili could feel a Yeerk prodding at his ear, beginning to enter, and anger and revulsion gripped him. But Issetha soon forced the stranger back out, and after four failed attempts the Controllers told him to rise.
Aximili stood. The Yeerk hung from his ear, still attempting to get in. It took a great deal of self-control not to pull it free, throw it onto the floor, and squash it beneath his hooves. Still, he managed it, and faced the annoyed Controllers with the Yeerk half-way out his ear.
"I can't figure out how," the human-Controller who appeared to be in charge said, "but you've got to be already infested. That's the only explanation."
Correct, affirmed Aximili tonelessly.
"Then who are you?"
I am Prince Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, son of Forlay-Esgarrouth-Maheen, and Noorlin-Sirinial-Cooraf, Aximili told him. Although I suspect I've been demoted. Or dismissed.
"No," the human disagreed. "Who are you?"
I am Prince –
"What's the Yeerk's name?" demanded the human.
The Yeerk's name is Issetha 948. She is occupied with this, he added, and pointed at the Yeerk hanging from his ear.
Considering it, he now seized that Yeerk and flung it back into the pool. Much better, he told Issetha, who resettled into the crevices of his brain.
The human-Controller said a few words in a language Aximili had not heard before, and suddenly he was surrounded by Hork-Bajir. He automatically flowed into fighting stance and raised the stump that remained of his tail – before he again remembered that he had no tail.
They won't hurt you, Issetha murmured soothingly. You're too valuable to be hurt.
He forced himself to relax again, and did not even twitch as a wrist blade was laid against his throat.
"Issetha 948, exit your host immediately," ordered the human-Controller.
You can't have her, said the Andalite in reply, meeting the human's stare. She's staying with me.
"You talk as if she and you were different people," remarked the human.
We are. You see, Aximili explained patiently, I'm a Voluntary Controller. This Yeerk is in my head with my permission. That is why the Andalites hate me enough to hand me over to you.
"The great Aximili, a Voluntary?" guffawed the human-Controller, and the entire party of Yeerks exploded into laughter.
Aximili waited until they quieted. Then he said; Correct.
They laughed again. Aximili sighed and waited some more. Easily amused, he commented to Issetha.
She let out a snort. Bored out of their minds, she said. Remember, they've spent three years hiding in Kelbrid space. That would bore anyone out of their minds.
"But, Andalite," said the human-Controller when the laughter faded again, "that only leaves us one choice."
And what would that be?
"To remove the Yeerk."
Here we go again, whispered Issetha in the back of Aximili's head.
You know, began Aximili conversationally, to the Controllers around him. His four eyes were smiling. The Andalites told me the same thing. I didn't obey them. Why should I obey you?
"Remove the Yeerk," repeated the human sharply.
No, Aximili countered simply.
"Remove the Yeerk, or die," the human told him.
The blade at Aximili's throat pressed closer. Aximili only smiled. You won't kill me, he said. I'm too valuable to be killed.
They watched him for a while. He watched them for just as long. It was hard to keep the contempt, the sneer, off his face. Compared to Apex Level, these Yeerks were amateurs.
"Very well," shrugged the human finally. "Lock him up. We'll wait three days. Then perhaps he'll be less cooperative – but more easily infested."
He was ushered back towards his cell, to be locked in the force field cage again, when a commanding voice ordered: "Wait."
Every Controller in the room did as bid, stopping exactly where they were.
Aximili's swivelling stalks found the voice's source, and went wide.
What's that? Issetha asked softly.
She was afraid, Aximili realised. He squared his hooves, turned to meet the creature who had spoken, and tried to make sense of it.
But for all the quickness of his Andalite mind, there was no sense to be made. The creature seemed to be made of a random jumble of machinery, flesh, air, and shadow. The number of legs and arms varied – its size and shape varied. Which parts were flesh and which were machinery also varied. The only constant was the number of heads: one, and its eyes were fixated on Aximili.
The Andalite frowned, wishing more than ever for his tail. He did not at all like meeting new foes unarmed – he was not used to being unarmed. Restrained was one thing – unarmed another.
He wanted to take a step back, but forced himself still. For Issetha's sake, he decided, if for nothing else, he would be brave.
"In three days this Andalite will be dead and cold," revealed the creature.
"May we humbly ask why, Great One?" said the human-Controller in an eager-to-please voice.
"The treacherous Andalites have outsmarted you. They have sent poison into this one's systems, and that poison will finish him in mere hours."
"Treacherous Andalites," agreed the human-Controller. "Damn Andalites!"
If Aximili had not been so wary concerning this One, he would have been amused at the way the Controllers all seemed ready to lick The One's feet.
"Unless you can infest him now, at once, he will be useless. The poison has already settled too deeply for you to drive it out."
Aximili did not think The One was telling the truth – he felt fine. He did not feel at all poisoned, much less dying.
But when Issetha stirred uncomfortably, murmuring something he could not quite make out, he felt her mood and hesitated.
The Great One was looking right at him again, as if staring into his soul. "Yes, Prince Aximili," the creature purred, "You feel fine. You believe me a liar. But ask Issetha. Ask your Yeerk – ask her who has seen the mind of War Prince Caysath. I see her stir, I see her worry. She knows."
Issetha, what's he talking about? demanded Aximili.
Leefachir… whispered the Yeerk miserably. My poor Aximili. It's as he says.
"The War Prince Caysath talked of poisoning your water," The One continued, almost amused. "And so he did. He did not want all the little secrets of the Andalites in Yeerk hands. Unfortunately, he did not know about me." The Great One chuckled – or, so Aximili supposed, but he could not quite define the strange sounds coming from the unfamiliar creature. It had turned to the Yeerks again. "You must give this one to me. You cannot make use of him. I can."
"It will be as you wish, Great One," agreed the human-Controller at once, bowing deeply. "Certainly you are correct. Your knowledge and resourcefulness is an inspiration to all of us."
"Bring him to me," ordered The One, and suddenly he was much closer. The last few steps towards him, Aximili was pushed by the Hork-Bajir and morphables who still flanked him.
"Do not fear, Aximili," said the creature in his overwhelming voice. "This will not hurt, as being infested would. This will not make you suffer, as being a Controller would. You will simply feel… nothing."
It reached out, impossibly fast, and seized Aximili's face in a shifting, indefinable hand. Even if Aximili had tried to pull away, he would not have been quick enough. The hand closed about his head, and in a flash the world around him was gone. The last he knew of his body was a shudder, which faded, and all feeling flooded from his limbs. His senses registered nothing, and even when he tried to move his limbs, he did not know if they responded or not.
AXIMILI! cried Issetha, and her voice he could still hear.
I'm still here, Issetha, he told her. As he did, he began feeling faint, as if his mind was fading with his senses and his limbs.
Relief flooded from the Yeerk, but he only knew it due to her voice. She practically wept with relief at his reply. I thought you'd died, you can't die, don't leave me here alone…
I won't leave you, Aximili assured her, trying to focus enough to understand her words. He focused on her voice, on her presence, however odd it had suddenly become, and at her. At her, and at how much he wished he was back in that glade on his home planet, surrounded by the whispering martuv trees, and staring into Issetha's beautiful green Andalite eyes, holding her safe and close in his arms, and feeling as if nothing else in the world mattered.
Nothing else did matter. Nothing but her.
But even that memory, and that knowledge, began to fade, despite his attempts to hold on to it. He understood that he would lose it soon, but before he did, he needed to warn her. He needed to warn… he forced himself to focus, and tried to speak: Issetha, my love, I…
You've never called me that, the Yeerk interrupted.
I haven't? whispered the Andalite weakly. I must have… at some time.
No, Issetha said thickly, feeling how Aximili's mind was fading beneath her own; at the moment, he was like the last rays of brilliant red and gold before the sun disappeared over the horizon to render the world in blackness. You haven't.
Then I shall now. Issetha, my –
But before he could finish, his mind let out a strangled groan, shuddered, and faded into nothingness. Issetha barely had time to despair, to wail her grief, before she – tied to her host as she was – followed.
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Author's Note;
Look! I finished it. I've been a good little author, haven't I? *excessively proud of self*
I know it ended at sort of an anti-climax… but I had to keep it true to the books. And for all of you who didn't want me to kill them off… I didn't really kill them. Not really. In #54, we don't know if Ax is really alive or not… and we don't get any further clues here. Maybe he's only in a very very deep coma, somewhere beneath the One's domination. Wherever he is, though, he's not alone; Issetha's with him. (That's what makes it less tragic than it could have been.)
So, all readers, it's time for the final comment. What did you really think of this story? I want opinions on the following two points: a) credibility, b) compatibility with the books, c) closeness to character, especially in Aximili's case.
And there it is. Aximili, the first and only Voluntary Controller. I'm going to finish with one last excerpt of Leonard Cohen lyrics (I love them, what can I say?!). This one didn't quite fit with any part of the story, but I have to add it anyway:
And you say you've been humbled in love
Cut down in your love
Forced to kneel in the mud next to me
Ah but why so bitterly turn from the one
Who kneels there as deeply as thee?
From Leonard Cohen's "Humbled in Love"