Maxwell Smart slowly plodded his way down the stairs to the living room.
The spring in his step that he once had as a young man was no longer
visible. On his way to the kitchen, he stopped at the hall mirror and
fumbled with his necktie. Max carefully looped his final knot when it
slipped out of his hands, unfurling itself.
" Damn..." Max exclaimed as he shook the stiffness out his hands. Once again he started over.
99 came out from the kitchen and could see the trouble Max was having. She wanted to help but knew that his pride would never allow it unless she could do it in a way that was less conspicuous.
She walked up behind him and gave him a kiss on the side of his cheek. "Morning Love"
Max returned the kiss then continued struggling with his tie. "99, why did you sleep in the guest room last night? You know I don't like it when I wake up and you're not beside me"
Max finished tying his necktie only to discover a knotted mess.
99 reached around his neck and nonchalantly began to undo the knot in his tie. "I went into the other room because you were thrashing around in your sleep. You always do that when something is bothering you. The last time I stayed I got a black eye, remember?"
"Sorry about that 99. Look, next time I do that just wake me up."
99 turned Max around, finished off his tie and gave him a peck on the lips, "Ok, next time, I'll do just that"
Max looked down at his tie. It was perfect. He smiled as he watched 99 make her way back to the kitchen. They had been married for 30 years and not once did she ever make him feel inferior or tease him about making mistakes. That's what he loved about her. Even at fifty-eight years of age, she was still as beautiful now as she was the first day he laid eyes on her. Max turned back to the mirror, a silver haired man of sixty-eight stared back. He looked regal, noble in fact, but worn and tired as well. He brought his hand to his face and traced the wrinkles that had formed there at some time or another. "When did this happen?" He asked himself quietly. "When did I stop being a hero and become... this?" Max thought back to a time when he felt he was invincible. His career as a secret agent had been full of excitement and he had enjoyed it immensely, but with the excitement and happiness there had been a lot of pain and suffering. He began to think back to the times when he was captured and even tortured by KAOS. He was tough and could take whatever it was they dished out. As he said, he was invincible. But now he could feel every scar ever given him. He had a lot of them and bullet holes were the worst. It's a scar that never really heals and it always aches especially in cold weather. It's a hurt that goes right down to the muscle. Max began to rub his shoulder as he examined his reflection once again. Giving a shrug, he resigned himself to the fact that he was falling apart and headed for the kitchen. Max stood silently for a moment at the door as he watched 99 pour some coffee. As she turned, his sudden presence startled her to where she almost dropped the cup.
"Max.... "she said as she began to scold him but then stopped as she noticed his mind was a million miles away.
She tried to get his attention again. "Max?"
Max quickly snapped back to the sound of her voice.
"You say something, 99?" Max asked.
"I was saying...Don't forget the kids want to take us out for dinner tonight, so try not to be late"
Max gave out a huge groan, "Ahhhhhh, 99, I don't think I'm gonna feel like going out tonight. Can't we just cancel and spend a quiet night at home?"
"No, we can not, " 99 said as she handed him his cup of coffee "Maxine and Zack want to do something special for you and besides Maxine already arranged for a babysitter."
"Tell you what, I'll sit with the grandkids and you can take the babysitter" he smiled.
99 stood with her arms crossed "I don't think so"
"Well...how about if you sit with the grandkids and I take the babysitter " he said lightheartedly.
99 raised her eyebrow up in disapproval, giving him the look that he knew all too well.
"Oh... alright... but only under protest." He gave out a huge sigh as his hands pushed through his silver, Grey hair. "99, you know how I feel about all this"
" Yes, but you knew this day would come Love" 99's hand gently glided down Max's cheek. "It's time"
Max looked forlorn as he nodded at 99, feeling the reality setting in. For today was the day Max was retiring from CONTROL.
99 finished the dishes then walked out to the living room. An odd site caught her eye as she watched Max fold some clean laundry. It was kind of nice watching him doing something so domestic. She couldn't imagine what his fellow agents would think if they could see him folding underwear. Grinning to herself, she quietly walked up to him.
"Are you alright?" 99 asked softly.
Max took a deep breath as he stood with one of 99's bras in his hand unknowingly pulling and stretching it out of shape. He nodded a little, looking at her but not really looking at her. "Yeah.... sure,"
99 rubbed his shoulder, which was like a rock from the tenseness of his muscles and gave him a short kiss on the cheek.
"Don't you think you should be getting to work?"
"I'm going, I'm going, Just thought I'd help you out this morning. Max looked down at the now stretched out bra and handed it over to 99. "I think this belongs to you"
99 took the bra and shook her head, "Max..." 99 started in.
"Its just a bra, 99, you have others" he interrupted.
"That's not what I'm talking about" 99 said as she tossed the bra into the laundry basket.
"I know what you're talking about. Look, Its not like I have a lot to do today, just saying my good-byes and turning in my shoe. Doesn't take long to do that," Max said as he walked over to examine the broken screen on the window.
"I'm sure they'll have some sort of farewell lunch for you." 99 said trying to see the brighter side.
"Yeah, right." Max snorted, "99, they hardly know I'm alive down there. Since I was taken out of the field eight years ago and put behind a desk in the basement ...its been..." Max leaned down to examine the screen, '...well... all I know is I should have retired long ago."
99 could hear the bitterness in his voice. When the Chief retired 10 years ago, Max thought he was a shoe in for the position. But due to a bureaucratic snafu, Max was passed over for the position of Chief and was left to continue his career as a field agent. When he turned sixty, the CONTROL policy required agents, at that age, to be lifted from the field to continue working in a position at the CONTROL training school. Max did martial arts training for a while, till a younger agent was hired to replace him. Max was then assigned to an office desk working with European couriers for the past three years.
He was beginning to feel sorry for himself and she wouldn't any of it. 99 got behind him and began to push him toward the door.
"Maxwell Smart, you march yourself down to that office and make your last day a proud one. Let everyone see that Agent 86 might be retiring but his experience and legacy will carry on at CONTROL. 99 said with confidence.
"And as I'm leaving they'll say, 'Good luck Max and don't let the phone booth door hit you on the way out' he stated in a somber tone.
99 rolled her eyes skyward and ignored Max from there on.
Max straightened out his tie and stood tall, "I suppose I should go and get it over with"
Max headed out the door but stopped 99 from closing the door completely behind him.
"Do you thing those cheapskates in the head office will spring for some sort of gold watch?" Max muttered.
99 slowly shook her head knowing good and well that would never happen.
Max nodded in agreement, "You're right. Well... maybe I can get them to validate my parking ticket for the day." he said sadly.
99 gave Max a compassionate look, "I know its going to be hard to leave CONTROL after all these years, it's been your whole life."
Max stepped back in the apartment and took her hand, "No 99, you've been my whole life. Living this long and living with someone I adore was something that was beyond my imagination. Perhaps," he reflected, "a home life was what I had been missing all these years"
"Oh Max..." she said, and gave him a sympathetic smile. He somehow managed a smile in return.
Max winked at her and headed out. 99 slowly shut the door and then leaned against it. Her heart went out to him for what he was going through. But she was glad he was retiring. She didn't want to share him with CONTROL anymore. With the kids grown and gone, she could now put her attentions on him and his needs.
Max pulled up to CONTROL headquarters and sat quietly in his car. He looked at the front of the building and thought of the hundreds of times he walked through those doors. It was hard for him to imagine this would be his last. Max walked in and headed toward the far corner of the building to a small-unmarked door. He put his palm against the cool steel plate next to the door, which prompted a scanning sound. The door unlatched and Max went quickly though. Down a flight of stairs to the next floor, Max proceeded to walk the long corridor, passing though a series of metal doors that slid up and out. At the end, Max walked up to the phone booth but instead of stepping in, passed right by for the elevator. The elevator was installed 10 years ago for older agents not able to handle the drop down to headquarters. Max pushed for the elevator but took a quick glance over his shoulder to the phone booth. "Hmmmm, "said Max, "since this is my last day, maybe I'll take it once more for old times sake." The elevator opened but instead of getting in, Max turned and walked back to the phone booth. Pushing the door aside he stepped inside. . The old rotary dial was gone and replaced with a newer push button function. Picking up the receiver, he hesitated a moment trying to remember the code. It had been 5 years since he used the booth and his memory was a bit fuzzy.
"Now was that code 969 or 696?" Max said as he scratched his temple. The push buttons where confusing since he was used to the rotary dial. Max took his finger and made a dialing motion. Then It suddenly came to him, "of course, its 528"
Max pushed in the code, hung up the phone, folded his arms and waited but nothing happened.
Max looked over wondering why it didn't work.
"Hmmmm, I'm sure that's the code."
He put on his glasses and gave a closer look at the phone. Max discovered a small sign under the phone cradle. Max read it slowly, "After code, press the # sign" Max shrugged and pushed it. "Don't remember doing thaaaaaaaa......"suddenly dropping out of site.
From inside the office, the CONTROL secretary heard a rather loud thump behind the secret entryway. The sliding door opened to reveal Max slowly getting up from the floor.
"Agent 86, I am surprised..." she replied.
Max began to brush himself off, " Surprised at what? Cause I took the phone booth? Just lost my footing that's all." Max took a step and winced. The secretary looked over her eyeglasses and shook her head. Max took notice and straightened up fixing his tie as if nothing was wrong.
"I'll be in my office if anyone wants me" he casually replied as he walked off.
"Oh, 86?... "
Max stopped and turned.
"you might want to take the elevator when you leave." she continued.
Max just gave a weak smile and nodded.
Max walked off rather proudly but as soon as he was out of site of the secretary, his hand immediately began rubbing his hip. "So much for old times sake" he groaned.
Down at the end of the hall was Max's office. He unlocked his door and entered. "Well, I guess this is it." Max said with a sigh. Taking a box, he proceeded to empty out his desk. With not much to do for his last day, Max sat idly in his chair, tapping his pencil, watching the second hand of the wall clock inch closer to 10am. At exactly 10, Max got up and made his way to the lounge for his coffee break. On his way, Max passed by another corridor. Stopping, he backed up then headed to the door at the end of the long hallway. Reaching the door he quickly scanned his left, then right, for any possible witnesses. There were none. He quickly slipped into the office. The room was cold and musty, full of excess office furniture and boxes of files. It was the Chief's old office and it had not been in use for over seven years. Making his way through the clutter, he went over to the desk and sat down. Rocking back and forth in the chair he started to think back to the times when he, the Chief, and 99 planned their strategies against KAOS. "I would have made a great Chief" Max said with certitude. But reality set in and he sighed deeply. "I guess they'll never know."
Just as he began to get up; Max noticed the small switch box on the desk. Looking up to the ceiling he smiled, "The Cone of Silence." Even though Max knew the damn thing never worked right; it didn't stop him from checking to see if it was still operable. Max sat back in the chair and carefully turned the knob and flipped the switch. Nothing happened so he turned the knob back and forth. Still nothing. His fist pounded the top of the box and a loud grinding sound came from the ceiling as the Cone shimmied and shook its way down over Max. Just as Max sat secure under it, one of the younger CONTROL agents came into the room.
"Oh there you are Agent 86, you're been paged to the lounge" the agent casually said.
Max smiled nervously, "I guess you're wondering why I'm under...."
The agent brought up his hand, "No, not really, 86 But what the hell is that thing."
"This is one of the most ingenious inventions of its time. The Cone of silence" he said proudly
"The Cone of what?" the agent asked.
"The Cone of Silence" Max repeated
The agent just shrugged not having a clue.
"Son, we used this top security device for the most secret of meetings back in my day. With this crucial piece of equipment, classified information could be discussed without the fear of being overheard by anyone not under this soundproof shield,"
"Oh" the agent nodded " Ahhhhh, Just one question?"
"Yes?"
"Why can I hear you from out here?"
Max rolled his eyes, " I said it was a crucial piece of equipment, I didn't say it always worked"
Max flipped the switch but nothing happened. Max laughed nervously as he once again pounded his fist against the box and the Cone of Silence shimmied and rattled its way back up to the ceiling.
The younger agent just shook his head, not impressed.
"I'll be there in a moment Agent, ahhhh..." Max said struggling for the young man's number.
"14B"
"Right, Agent 14B, you go ahead " Max waved.
The agent left and Max was left shaking his head.
"14B, sounds like an apartment number."
Max inched his way through the boxes toward the door and flipped off the light. He gave one last look over his shoulder before closing the door.
"SURPRISE!!!" yelled Max's fellow agents as he walked into the lounge.
Max stumbled backward at the sudden outburst but quickly recovered.
"Oh my, I had no idea...." Max said with astonishment
Of course Max had an idea. It was his last day and he figured they were going to throw some sort of luncheon but he went along with the surprise anyway.
As Max walked through the crowd of backslaps and applause he came to the table with a cake. Max looked around looking for the lunch but only a single cake was to be found.
Agent 46C walked up and stood next to Max. He raised his arms to quiet the crowd. A hush fell over the room. 46C continued,
"Agent 86...Max. Everyone at CONTROL would like to wish you congratulations on your retirement." Thunderous applause broke out as Agent 46C held his hands up again. "You have been an inspiration..."
Right at that moment a voice on the loud speak cut in. "Attention all available field agents please report to sector 10 immediately. This is a code 12 repeat a code 12"
Agents began to file out immediately leaving Max standing by his cake alone. Agent 46C quickly came back, "Sorry Max but duty calls. Good luck."
A moment later the lounge was a virtual graveyard. He stood alone feeling abandoned but understood that a CONTROL agent's duty came first. Max looked down at his cake.
"Don't tell me they got me carrot cake. I hate carrot cake"
He swiped his finger across the frosting to taste it. Max cringed as he pulled his finger from his mouth.
"Ugggghhh, its Carrot cake."
Max looked around realizing he was the only one there, "I asked myself not to tell me that"
Max came home at precisly 5:30 that night and as he walked through the door, 99, faithful as always, waited with open arms.
She could tell from the expression on his face it was not the kind of day that he was ready to talk about.
Max walked up to her and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "Here" he said as he handed her a cake box "This is what I got from work."
99 opened the box to find an uneaten cake with a finger swipe across the top of the frosting. "Oh... that's...nice" she said, as she tasted the frosting. "Did you know this is carrot cake? I thought you didn't like..."
Max just gave her a look that she read perfectly.
"Well it was a nice gesture anyway" she replied as she sealed up the box.
Max sat down at the couch and stared into the fire. 99 sat down next to him and rubbed his shoulders
"Oh come on Max, tell me about your last day." She prodded
"Not much to tell, 99. Everyone was just too busy to notice it was my last day."
No luncheon? she asked
Max sadly just shook his head.
"No gold watch?" she said trying to make light of the situation.
Max gave her a look as if to say, "are you kidding?"
99 nodded, "Hey, who needs them, I am glad you're done with that place. Now we can spend more time together. You'd like that wouldn't you?"
Max smiled sincerely, "More than anything in the world"
99 slapped his back, "Good, now go get dressed for dinner"
"Oh 99, not tonight." Max moaned. "Call the kids and tell them... tell them... I'm sick"
99 stood in front of Max with her arms perched to her sides. "I will not. Now Maxwell Smart, you promised." 99 grabbed his arm and lifted him from the couch. "And you are going to keep that promise. You can be sick tomorrow" as she pushed him off to the stairs.
Max knew he wouldn't win this squabble and headed up the stairs. "Who's idea was it to have kids anyway?" he muttered under his breath.
Max pulled up to the restaurant. It was quite stylish and swank. He looked again at the address.
" Is this right? This place looks like its too expensive, the kids shouldn't be spending their money on me this way."
" They wanted to do something nice for their father." 99 commented.
"If they wanted to do something nice for me, I hope they brought that babysitter with them" Max smirked as he raised and lowered his eyebrows a few times.
99 nudged her elbow into his side sharply causing him to get the message.
"Just kidding 99" he said as he rubbed his ribs.
Max pulled in and let the valet take the car.
As they walked in, Max gave his name to the maitre d'
"Yes sir, your party is in the back. If you'll follow me"
99 and Max made their way through the restaurant to the back. Then 99 fell back a couple steps as Max walked through to the back room by himself. It was dark and Max had trouble adjusting his eyes when suddenly...
Thunderous applause broke out and the lights switched on revealing over one hundred people in the banquet room cheering him on.
Max gave a short intake of breath as this caught him by complete surprise
"I... what is all this....99?" Max was stunned as he looked around for 99 She came up next to him and kissed his cheek.
" It's your retirement party, Love."
Max noticed that practically everyone from CONTROL, old and young alike were there, with some faces he hadn't seen in ages.
. A circle of people surrounded Max as they all shook his hand congratulating him.
"You see Max, they do care" 99 said tenderly.
Max squinted his eyes, "You knew about this all along didn't you"
99 gave a wicked smiled, " Of course, I did.
Max and 99 were lead over to the head table. Max spotted his daughter and son and waved his finger at them. "Now I know where our kids get their sneakiness." He whispered to 99.
During the course of the dinner, people made there way over to talk to Max. Everyone was there to wish him well. Retired agents, newer agents, many of Max's old cronies and even a few ex-KAOS agents made a surprise appearance. Everyone wanted a chance to tell Max what a difference he made in his or her lives.
Max smiled at all the attention given him. "Gee 99, this is something isn't it?" then a sense of melancholy hit him. "I just wish the Chief was here"
99 placed her hand on top of his. "I'm sure he's here in spirit"
All of a sudden, a pair of hands slid over Max's eyes.
Max jumped from the sudden surprise. "What the... who is that?"
99 looked over to see an older, rather voluptuous woman with her hands over her husband's eyes. The woman motioned with her lips a "shhhhhhh" to 99. Even if 99 wanted to say who it was, she had no clue.
"Not going to tell me huh?" Max asked, "Ok, by the feel of your hands, I'd say you were a woman."
The woman made a sensual sound to acknowledge he was correct.
"Yes, that's woman alright. Well... lets see... someone I've worked with before?'
"Ah huh" she giggled.
Max was lost and shrugged his shoulders, "Boy, you've got me. Give me one more hint?"
"The all-night stakeout at the Crocker refinery?" The woman said in a low sensual tone.
Max's smile turned to one of dread as he gave a nervous laugh "Agent 60"
The woman took her hands down as Max turned seeing his first partner before 99.
"Max, my darling!" she cried as she gave him a huge kiss that seemed to last forever.
Releasing him, Max caught his breath looking over to see 99, who was not so pleased at this blatant display of affection on her husband.
"What's this Agent 60 stuff" she scolded him.
"Ahhhhh....Jodi..... nice to see you after all these years"
"Yes... isn't it" she said eyeing Max up and down.
Again Jodi clutched his cheeks and kissed him again.
99 was getting a bit annoyed as her arms crossed in front of her.
Max's eyes shifted to 99 as he pulled back and quickly rebounded.
"99, this was my first partner when I started at CONTROL. He said catching his breath.
"Ahhh huh" 99 nodded with her eyebrows raised.
Max could almost see the steam coming from 99's ears. "Jodi Birkmeyer, this is Agent 99..."
99 waited for Max to finish then kicked his shin to help him along.
"...My wife," This is my wife, 99" he winced.
Jodi's eyes lit up, " Soooo you were the lucky one that roped him. Never thought he'd be the marrying kind. Not to say I didn't try but Max was quite the bachelor back then..."
Max quickly changed the subject. "Jodi left CONTROL a year after I joined"
"I got married and my husband objected having a spy as a wife, so I quit." Jodi explained.
"How is your husband?" Max inquired
"Dead" Jodi replied.
Max and 99 gave each other unconformable looks.
"Oh but then you wouldn't have known that would you. Yeah, Lar kicked the bucket six months ago and now... I'm back on the prowl again." Jodi claimed in a brazen sort of way.
With Jodi leering at him from one side and 99 giving him the evil eye from the other, Max knew he had to think of something to move this moment along. Max looked over his shoulder to the bar. "Jodi, I think I heard someone calling your name by the bar"
"Oh?" she said as she strained her neck over the crowd to the bar. "Well... got to check that out."
Jodi gave Max another powerful kiss.
"Good seeing you again Maxie..." she growled while stroking his cheek . Jodi looked over to 99 "...and nice meeting you too honey"
Max smiled and waved goodbye to Jodi as she left for the bar. He turned his head to see 99 giving him a very displeased look.
"I know, I know, we'll talk about it when we get home" Max sighed.
Three young, very good looking women made their way over to the table. They whispered and chuckled between themselves while poking each other for one to speak first.
The one in the middle was pushed forward "Ok, Ok... Agent 86, my name is Lisa , Agent 34B. This is Amanda, Agent 36C and this is Barb, Agent 38D. You might have heard of us, we're the CONTROL Crusaders."
Max nodded, "Of course I've heard of you. You're the agency's new "secret weapon" against the forces of evil.
All three women beamed at the recognition.
Lisa continued, "Mr. Smart, we can't tell you what a thrill this is to finally meet you. You're our hero and we've studied everything about you and your past cases."
Max gave a smirk toward 99 upon hearing this revelation.
"Your fearless and gallant approach toward the battle against the scumbuckets of this world inspires us each time we go out on a mission."
Barb leaned in, "We just love you"
"Well.. I am flattered, thank you" he smiled "and please call me Max"
All three giggled like schoolgirls with a crush on their teacher.
Again 99 rolled her eyes with the adolescent manner of the young agents. This time Max ignored 99's flippant attitude enjoying the praises from the three young women.
Lisa stepped in and gave Max a hug, she was followed by the other two. Giggling once more they joined the rest of the crowd.
Without a word, Max could read 99 like a book.
"Can I help if I'm appreciated?" he said defending himself.
Max reached for his drink and noticed it was gone.
"99, did you take my drink?" Max inquired.
"Take your what?"
"My drink, I had a glass right in front of me just a moment ago, now it's gone"
"I didn't take it, maybe the waiter took it thinking you were done."
"Yeah maybe" Max said suspiciously eyeing the Crusaders.
"Schmart" came a voice from behind.
Max cringed at the familiar accent. "Siegfried" Max turned around slowly.
"I am here to pay my respects."
"I'm only retiring, I'm not dead." Max said in a huff.
"You could have fooled me" Siegfried said smugly
Max started to get up but 99 grabbed his sleeve and pulled him back in his chair.
"Don't you have some small country to terrorize?" Max inquired
"I see you haven't lost your vit Schmart but seriously vhat kind of friend vould I be if I didn't vish my favorite adversary a happy retirement." Siegfried said as he put his hand out.
Max being very cautious, checked out Siegfried's hand for any sneaky devices he might have hidden in it.
"perfectly safe" Siegfried claimed.
"It's not that I don't trust you but...well come to think of it... I don't trust you" Max stated.
A young man came up to interrupt them.
"Excuse me Mister Siegfried but I heard you were going to be here and I wondered if I could have your autograph?"
Siegfried held up his hand as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a card handing it to the young man.
"I'm sorry no autographs but you can go on my Veb site and..."
"you have a web site?" Max inquired
"Ya und a new book too" Siegfried said proudly.
An astonished look came over Max "and a book? You wrote a book?"
The young man showed Max the book, "Yeah, it's quite a read.
Upon seeing the book, Siegfried changed his mind about the autograph.
"Vell, since you bought a copy, sure I'll autograph your book." Smiled Siegfried.
"Am I in that book?" Max asked narrowing his eyes.
"Sure are Mr. Smart. Chapters 3, 6,10, 12-18" the young man said.
"Whatever he's written about me is a lie. How can you trust the word of a no good, rotten, murderer..."
"...That made Seventy-five thousand in book royalties in the last two months." Added Siegfried.
Max's eyes got as big as saucers, " Seventy-five thousand!!!! Ahhh, Siegfried, I don't suppose you could give me the name of your publisher?"
The restaurant owner came up to the table. "Sorry Mister Siegfried but your gonna have to take down the table outside to sell your book. We're a restaurant, not a book store."
Siegfried shrugged as he made his way back to the door.
The master of ceremonies came up to the mike. Would everyone please take their seats, we 'd like to get started.
"Tonight we honor a man who will forever live in the hearts of his fellow CONTROL agents as a legendary hero. He is the measuring stick that set the standards for other agents to aspire to. He is regarded with awe and with admiration. Going at times beyond the call of duty to become one of Control's finest agents in the history of the agency. He has lived a most remarkable life. His striving dedication to battle the now defunct KAOS organization will forever be remembered. Agent 86, he's the first one they looked for and the last one they ever wanted to meet. Brave, loyal, stalwart, he always met a challenge head-on. He's the type of man anyone would want on their side.
A round of applause rang out. The Master of Ceremonies quieted the crowd once more.
"Normally when a CONTROL agent retires, his number is passed on to the next generation of CONTROL agents. But tonight the agency has decided... that the number 86 will also be retired."
A heartfelt round of applause boomed in the main room. Max gave a smile from ear to ear, 99 knew this was an honor that meant so much to him.
"We'll all remember Agent 86's tenacity in pursuing something that is right and his vigor in correcting something that is wrong. And I think it's important that everybody know that Maxwell Smart had his heart in it all the way. He will be missed around CONTROL but his legacy will live on for years to come. Ladies and Gentleman, the man of the hour, Maxwell Smart"
After a few more minutes of that deafening ovation, the audience fell silent, giving Max the chance to speak. As a result of his nervousness, his elbow bumped the mike, which emitted a loud screech. The audience chuckled sympathetically. There were no notes that Max was going to read from. This would all be from the heart.
"My friends," Max said, his eyes brimming with tears, "I have spent a good part of my life working for CONTROL and now it is time to say goodbye. I have opted to reflect more on how my life has been touched by all of you and the debt I owe to those who have guided and trained me. Being in my sixties, I am what most people would call past my prime. Secret agents don't worry about retirement plans but somehow fate has dealt me a good hand and I've made it to that phase of life. I have a wonderful wife and soul mate, who has stood by me through the good times and the bad. I couldn't ask for a more supportive person in my life than my wife and partner 99. Through the years, she has given me the inspiration and drive to be a better man. Thank you for being there. 99, I love you with all my heart and soul. I'm looking forward to starting our new life together."
99 was moved to tears as she blew a kiss to her husband.
"And my children, Zack and Maxine. I am fortunate to have live so long to see you grow into young adults. As many of you know, they followed in their old man's footsteps to become agents. And damn good ones, I'm proud to say. May future generations of Smarts serve their nation as proudly and as faithfully as I have had the privilege to do. Finally, let me thank all of you for your friendship and the honor of having worked with you. Success is measured not only in achievements, but in lessons learned, lives touched, moments shared along the way. Thank you all for honoring me with such a wonderful tribute."
There wasn't a dry eye in the house as Max wiped his nose. Walking slowly back to his table everyone stood giving him the standing ovation he so richly deserved.
Later that night, 99 crawled into bed next to Max and gave a sigh, "What a night. You were surprised, weren't you Max?"
Max was lying on his back staring up at the ceiling "Yes, 99 I was surprised" he said in a monotone voice.
"I thought the evening went well, old friends stopping by paying tribute and that speech they gave about you, wonderful just wonderful."
"Yes 99, wonderful" Max said as he continued to stare at the ceiling.
99 looked over and could tell Max's mind was miles away. "...and those ten naked women that danced by our table was riveting just riveting" she added.
"Yes 99, riveting" Max repeated
99's last comment finally reached his brain as he quickly realized what she said.
"What ten naked women? Was I in the bathroom during that?"
"There were no naked women Max." 99 stated rolling her eyes.
"Oh, too bad, I would have like to have see that"
"I just said that cause you had your mind elsewhere. What's the matter Max, didn't you enjoy the evening?"
"Don't get me wrong 99, I was very moved by all the attention given me tonight but its gonna take some time for me to adjust to all this. It's... well...it's tough to get old."
99 gave Max a sympathetic look. "Max, you'll never be old in my eyes. You'll always be my dashing and brave Agent 86. Goodnight Love" she said as she gave him a kiss goodnight.
99 turned out the lights and turned over to her side.
Max lay there for a moment. "99?"
"Hmmmm?" she answered him not turning around.
"Do you remember the first time we spent the night together?"
99 opened her eyes at Max's strange question and thought for a moment.
"Sure, it was back in 65' when we were on that all night stake out..."
Max cut her off. "No, 99 not that night together. When we were married and we spent our first night 'together.'
Even though 99 had been married for 30 years just the mention of their wedding night made her blush, "Of course Max"
"I was good, wasn't I?"
99 smiled as she thought back. "Good? Max... you were incredible"
Max leaned on one elbow and began to nuzzle into 99's neck.
99 jumped at his sudden affections, "Max..."
"There might be snow on the roof but the fire inside is blazing hot," he said as he continued to kiss her shoulder.
99 began to laugh "Oh Max, you're just too much sometimes" She then turned over to her side leaving him high and dry.
Max lay back down and gave a frustrated sigh. 99 opened her eyes and felt something wrong.
"Max? You were serious weren't you"
Max sat up and began to take his pajama top off then reached down and slid his bottoms off. Bunching them in a ball he tossed them over his shoulder to the floor.
"99 sat up wide eyed, "I guess you are, but Max it's so long since we..."
"Too long. Come here." Max pulled 99 close to him and kissed her with such passion that she pulled back to catch her breath.
"Well... what brought that on?"
99, I've been so busy thinking about my retirement the last few months that I've slipped away from what's important. Us. We don't talk like we used to, nor do things together much anymore. Do you realize that we haven't made love for months?"
"Yes but I just figured you weren't interested anymore.
"Well I'm interested now. And things are going to change around here. Right here and now, let's start a new." Max kissed her tenderly. "Like the first day I met you."
Removing her nightgown, 99 smiled as she bunched it in a ball and threw it over her shoulder to the floor.
"New York Mets win doubleheader"
" Damn..." Max exclaimed as he shook the stiffness out his hands. Once again he started over.
99 came out from the kitchen and could see the trouble Max was having. She wanted to help but knew that his pride would never allow it unless she could do it in a way that was less conspicuous.
She walked up behind him and gave him a kiss on the side of his cheek. "Morning Love"
Max returned the kiss then continued struggling with his tie. "99, why did you sleep in the guest room last night? You know I don't like it when I wake up and you're not beside me"
Max finished tying his necktie only to discover a knotted mess.
99 reached around his neck and nonchalantly began to undo the knot in his tie. "I went into the other room because you were thrashing around in your sleep. You always do that when something is bothering you. The last time I stayed I got a black eye, remember?"
"Sorry about that 99. Look, next time I do that just wake me up."
99 turned Max around, finished off his tie and gave him a peck on the lips, "Ok, next time, I'll do just that"
Max looked down at his tie. It was perfect. He smiled as he watched 99 make her way back to the kitchen. They had been married for 30 years and not once did she ever make him feel inferior or tease him about making mistakes. That's what he loved about her. Even at fifty-eight years of age, she was still as beautiful now as she was the first day he laid eyes on her. Max turned back to the mirror, a silver haired man of sixty-eight stared back. He looked regal, noble in fact, but worn and tired as well. He brought his hand to his face and traced the wrinkles that had formed there at some time or another. "When did this happen?" He asked himself quietly. "When did I stop being a hero and become... this?" Max thought back to a time when he felt he was invincible. His career as a secret agent had been full of excitement and he had enjoyed it immensely, but with the excitement and happiness there had been a lot of pain and suffering. He began to think back to the times when he was captured and even tortured by KAOS. He was tough and could take whatever it was they dished out. As he said, he was invincible. But now he could feel every scar ever given him. He had a lot of them and bullet holes were the worst. It's a scar that never really heals and it always aches especially in cold weather. It's a hurt that goes right down to the muscle. Max began to rub his shoulder as he examined his reflection once again. Giving a shrug, he resigned himself to the fact that he was falling apart and headed for the kitchen. Max stood silently for a moment at the door as he watched 99 pour some coffee. As she turned, his sudden presence startled her to where she almost dropped the cup.
"Max.... "she said as she began to scold him but then stopped as she noticed his mind was a million miles away.
She tried to get his attention again. "Max?"
Max quickly snapped back to the sound of her voice.
"You say something, 99?" Max asked.
"I was saying...Don't forget the kids want to take us out for dinner tonight, so try not to be late"
Max gave out a huge groan, "Ahhhhhh, 99, I don't think I'm gonna feel like going out tonight. Can't we just cancel and spend a quiet night at home?"
"No, we can not, " 99 said as she handed him his cup of coffee "Maxine and Zack want to do something special for you and besides Maxine already arranged for a babysitter."
"Tell you what, I'll sit with the grandkids and you can take the babysitter" he smiled.
99 stood with her arms crossed "I don't think so"
"Well...how about if you sit with the grandkids and I take the babysitter " he said lightheartedly.
99 raised her eyebrow up in disapproval, giving him the look that he knew all too well.
"Oh... alright... but only under protest." He gave out a huge sigh as his hands pushed through his silver, Grey hair. "99, you know how I feel about all this"
" Yes, but you knew this day would come Love" 99's hand gently glided down Max's cheek. "It's time"
Max looked forlorn as he nodded at 99, feeling the reality setting in. For today was the day Max was retiring from CONTROL.
99 finished the dishes then walked out to the living room. An odd site caught her eye as she watched Max fold some clean laundry. It was kind of nice watching him doing something so domestic. She couldn't imagine what his fellow agents would think if they could see him folding underwear. Grinning to herself, she quietly walked up to him.
"Are you alright?" 99 asked softly.
Max took a deep breath as he stood with one of 99's bras in his hand unknowingly pulling and stretching it out of shape. He nodded a little, looking at her but not really looking at her. "Yeah.... sure,"
99 rubbed his shoulder, which was like a rock from the tenseness of his muscles and gave him a short kiss on the cheek.
"Don't you think you should be getting to work?"
"I'm going, I'm going, Just thought I'd help you out this morning. Max looked down at the now stretched out bra and handed it over to 99. "I think this belongs to you"
99 took the bra and shook her head, "Max..." 99 started in.
"Its just a bra, 99, you have others" he interrupted.
"That's not what I'm talking about" 99 said as she tossed the bra into the laundry basket.
"I know what you're talking about. Look, Its not like I have a lot to do today, just saying my good-byes and turning in my shoe. Doesn't take long to do that," Max said as he walked over to examine the broken screen on the window.
"I'm sure they'll have some sort of farewell lunch for you." 99 said trying to see the brighter side.
"Yeah, right." Max snorted, "99, they hardly know I'm alive down there. Since I was taken out of the field eight years ago and put behind a desk in the basement ...its been..." Max leaned down to examine the screen, '...well... all I know is I should have retired long ago."
99 could hear the bitterness in his voice. When the Chief retired 10 years ago, Max thought he was a shoe in for the position. But due to a bureaucratic snafu, Max was passed over for the position of Chief and was left to continue his career as a field agent. When he turned sixty, the CONTROL policy required agents, at that age, to be lifted from the field to continue working in a position at the CONTROL training school. Max did martial arts training for a while, till a younger agent was hired to replace him. Max was then assigned to an office desk working with European couriers for the past three years.
He was beginning to feel sorry for himself and she wouldn't any of it. 99 got behind him and began to push him toward the door.
"Maxwell Smart, you march yourself down to that office and make your last day a proud one. Let everyone see that Agent 86 might be retiring but his experience and legacy will carry on at CONTROL. 99 said with confidence.
"And as I'm leaving they'll say, 'Good luck Max and don't let the phone booth door hit you on the way out' he stated in a somber tone.
99 rolled her eyes skyward and ignored Max from there on.
Max straightened out his tie and stood tall, "I suppose I should go and get it over with"
Max headed out the door but stopped 99 from closing the door completely behind him.
"Do you thing those cheapskates in the head office will spring for some sort of gold watch?" Max muttered.
99 slowly shook her head knowing good and well that would never happen.
Max nodded in agreement, "You're right. Well... maybe I can get them to validate my parking ticket for the day." he said sadly.
99 gave Max a compassionate look, "I know its going to be hard to leave CONTROL after all these years, it's been your whole life."
Max stepped back in the apartment and took her hand, "No 99, you've been my whole life. Living this long and living with someone I adore was something that was beyond my imagination. Perhaps," he reflected, "a home life was what I had been missing all these years"
"Oh Max..." she said, and gave him a sympathetic smile. He somehow managed a smile in return.
Max winked at her and headed out. 99 slowly shut the door and then leaned against it. Her heart went out to him for what he was going through. But she was glad he was retiring. She didn't want to share him with CONTROL anymore. With the kids grown and gone, she could now put her attentions on him and his needs.
Max pulled up to CONTROL headquarters and sat quietly in his car. He looked at the front of the building and thought of the hundreds of times he walked through those doors. It was hard for him to imagine this would be his last. Max walked in and headed toward the far corner of the building to a small-unmarked door. He put his palm against the cool steel plate next to the door, which prompted a scanning sound. The door unlatched and Max went quickly though. Down a flight of stairs to the next floor, Max proceeded to walk the long corridor, passing though a series of metal doors that slid up and out. At the end, Max walked up to the phone booth but instead of stepping in, passed right by for the elevator. The elevator was installed 10 years ago for older agents not able to handle the drop down to headquarters. Max pushed for the elevator but took a quick glance over his shoulder to the phone booth. "Hmmmm, "said Max, "since this is my last day, maybe I'll take it once more for old times sake." The elevator opened but instead of getting in, Max turned and walked back to the phone booth. Pushing the door aside he stepped inside. . The old rotary dial was gone and replaced with a newer push button function. Picking up the receiver, he hesitated a moment trying to remember the code. It had been 5 years since he used the booth and his memory was a bit fuzzy.
"Now was that code 969 or 696?" Max said as he scratched his temple. The push buttons where confusing since he was used to the rotary dial. Max took his finger and made a dialing motion. Then It suddenly came to him, "of course, its 528"
Max pushed in the code, hung up the phone, folded his arms and waited but nothing happened.
Max looked over wondering why it didn't work.
"Hmmmm, I'm sure that's the code."
He put on his glasses and gave a closer look at the phone. Max discovered a small sign under the phone cradle. Max read it slowly, "After code, press the # sign" Max shrugged and pushed it. "Don't remember doing thaaaaaaaa......"suddenly dropping out of site.
From inside the office, the CONTROL secretary heard a rather loud thump behind the secret entryway. The sliding door opened to reveal Max slowly getting up from the floor.
"Agent 86, I am surprised..." she replied.
Max began to brush himself off, " Surprised at what? Cause I took the phone booth? Just lost my footing that's all." Max took a step and winced. The secretary looked over her eyeglasses and shook her head. Max took notice and straightened up fixing his tie as if nothing was wrong.
"I'll be in my office if anyone wants me" he casually replied as he walked off.
"Oh, 86?... "
Max stopped and turned.
"you might want to take the elevator when you leave." she continued.
Max just gave a weak smile and nodded.
Max walked off rather proudly but as soon as he was out of site of the secretary, his hand immediately began rubbing his hip. "So much for old times sake" he groaned.
Down at the end of the hall was Max's office. He unlocked his door and entered. "Well, I guess this is it." Max said with a sigh. Taking a box, he proceeded to empty out his desk. With not much to do for his last day, Max sat idly in his chair, tapping his pencil, watching the second hand of the wall clock inch closer to 10am. At exactly 10, Max got up and made his way to the lounge for his coffee break. On his way, Max passed by another corridor. Stopping, he backed up then headed to the door at the end of the long hallway. Reaching the door he quickly scanned his left, then right, for any possible witnesses. There were none. He quickly slipped into the office. The room was cold and musty, full of excess office furniture and boxes of files. It was the Chief's old office and it had not been in use for over seven years. Making his way through the clutter, he went over to the desk and sat down. Rocking back and forth in the chair he started to think back to the times when he, the Chief, and 99 planned their strategies against KAOS. "I would have made a great Chief" Max said with certitude. But reality set in and he sighed deeply. "I guess they'll never know."
Just as he began to get up; Max noticed the small switch box on the desk. Looking up to the ceiling he smiled, "The Cone of Silence." Even though Max knew the damn thing never worked right; it didn't stop him from checking to see if it was still operable. Max sat back in the chair and carefully turned the knob and flipped the switch. Nothing happened so he turned the knob back and forth. Still nothing. His fist pounded the top of the box and a loud grinding sound came from the ceiling as the Cone shimmied and shook its way down over Max. Just as Max sat secure under it, one of the younger CONTROL agents came into the room.
"Oh there you are Agent 86, you're been paged to the lounge" the agent casually said.
Max smiled nervously, "I guess you're wondering why I'm under...."
The agent brought up his hand, "No, not really, 86 But what the hell is that thing."
"This is one of the most ingenious inventions of its time. The Cone of silence" he said proudly
"The Cone of what?" the agent asked.
"The Cone of Silence" Max repeated
The agent just shrugged not having a clue.
"Son, we used this top security device for the most secret of meetings back in my day. With this crucial piece of equipment, classified information could be discussed without the fear of being overheard by anyone not under this soundproof shield,"
"Oh" the agent nodded " Ahhhhh, Just one question?"
"Yes?"
"Why can I hear you from out here?"
Max rolled his eyes, " I said it was a crucial piece of equipment, I didn't say it always worked"
Max flipped the switch but nothing happened. Max laughed nervously as he once again pounded his fist against the box and the Cone of Silence shimmied and rattled its way back up to the ceiling.
The younger agent just shook his head, not impressed.
"I'll be there in a moment Agent, ahhhh..." Max said struggling for the young man's number.
"14B"
"Right, Agent 14B, you go ahead " Max waved.
The agent left and Max was left shaking his head.
"14B, sounds like an apartment number."
Max inched his way through the boxes toward the door and flipped off the light. He gave one last look over his shoulder before closing the door.
"SURPRISE!!!" yelled Max's fellow agents as he walked into the lounge.
Max stumbled backward at the sudden outburst but quickly recovered.
"Oh my, I had no idea...." Max said with astonishment
Of course Max had an idea. It was his last day and he figured they were going to throw some sort of luncheon but he went along with the surprise anyway.
As Max walked through the crowd of backslaps and applause he came to the table with a cake. Max looked around looking for the lunch but only a single cake was to be found.
Agent 46C walked up and stood next to Max. He raised his arms to quiet the crowd. A hush fell over the room. 46C continued,
"Agent 86...Max. Everyone at CONTROL would like to wish you congratulations on your retirement." Thunderous applause broke out as Agent 46C held his hands up again. "You have been an inspiration..."
Right at that moment a voice on the loud speak cut in. "Attention all available field agents please report to sector 10 immediately. This is a code 12 repeat a code 12"
Agents began to file out immediately leaving Max standing by his cake alone. Agent 46C quickly came back, "Sorry Max but duty calls. Good luck."
A moment later the lounge was a virtual graveyard. He stood alone feeling abandoned but understood that a CONTROL agent's duty came first. Max looked down at his cake.
"Don't tell me they got me carrot cake. I hate carrot cake"
He swiped his finger across the frosting to taste it. Max cringed as he pulled his finger from his mouth.
"Ugggghhh, its Carrot cake."
Max looked around realizing he was the only one there, "I asked myself not to tell me that"
Max came home at precisly 5:30 that night and as he walked through the door, 99, faithful as always, waited with open arms.
She could tell from the expression on his face it was not the kind of day that he was ready to talk about.
Max walked up to her and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "Here" he said as he handed her a cake box "This is what I got from work."
99 opened the box to find an uneaten cake with a finger swipe across the top of the frosting. "Oh... that's...nice" she said, as she tasted the frosting. "Did you know this is carrot cake? I thought you didn't like..."
Max just gave her a look that she read perfectly.
"Well it was a nice gesture anyway" she replied as she sealed up the box.
Max sat down at the couch and stared into the fire. 99 sat down next to him and rubbed his shoulders
"Oh come on Max, tell me about your last day." She prodded
"Not much to tell, 99. Everyone was just too busy to notice it was my last day."
No luncheon? she asked
Max sadly just shook his head.
"No gold watch?" she said trying to make light of the situation.
Max gave her a look as if to say, "are you kidding?"
99 nodded, "Hey, who needs them, I am glad you're done with that place. Now we can spend more time together. You'd like that wouldn't you?"
Max smiled sincerely, "More than anything in the world"
99 slapped his back, "Good, now go get dressed for dinner"
"Oh 99, not tonight." Max moaned. "Call the kids and tell them... tell them... I'm sick"
99 stood in front of Max with her arms perched to her sides. "I will not. Now Maxwell Smart, you promised." 99 grabbed his arm and lifted him from the couch. "And you are going to keep that promise. You can be sick tomorrow" as she pushed him off to the stairs.
Max knew he wouldn't win this squabble and headed up the stairs. "Who's idea was it to have kids anyway?" he muttered under his breath.
Max pulled up to the restaurant. It was quite stylish and swank. He looked again at the address.
" Is this right? This place looks like its too expensive, the kids shouldn't be spending their money on me this way."
" They wanted to do something nice for their father." 99 commented.
"If they wanted to do something nice for me, I hope they brought that babysitter with them" Max smirked as he raised and lowered his eyebrows a few times.
99 nudged her elbow into his side sharply causing him to get the message.
"Just kidding 99" he said as he rubbed his ribs.
Max pulled in and let the valet take the car.
As they walked in, Max gave his name to the maitre d'
"Yes sir, your party is in the back. If you'll follow me"
99 and Max made their way through the restaurant to the back. Then 99 fell back a couple steps as Max walked through to the back room by himself. It was dark and Max had trouble adjusting his eyes when suddenly...
Thunderous applause broke out and the lights switched on revealing over one hundred people in the banquet room cheering him on.
Max gave a short intake of breath as this caught him by complete surprise
"I... what is all this....99?" Max was stunned as he looked around for 99 She came up next to him and kissed his cheek.
" It's your retirement party, Love."
Max noticed that practically everyone from CONTROL, old and young alike were there, with some faces he hadn't seen in ages.
. A circle of people surrounded Max as they all shook his hand congratulating him.
"You see Max, they do care" 99 said tenderly.
Max squinted his eyes, "You knew about this all along didn't you"
99 gave a wicked smiled, " Of course, I did.
Max and 99 were lead over to the head table. Max spotted his daughter and son and waved his finger at them. "Now I know where our kids get their sneakiness." He whispered to 99.
During the course of the dinner, people made there way over to talk to Max. Everyone was there to wish him well. Retired agents, newer agents, many of Max's old cronies and even a few ex-KAOS agents made a surprise appearance. Everyone wanted a chance to tell Max what a difference he made in his or her lives.
Max smiled at all the attention given him. "Gee 99, this is something isn't it?" then a sense of melancholy hit him. "I just wish the Chief was here"
99 placed her hand on top of his. "I'm sure he's here in spirit"
All of a sudden, a pair of hands slid over Max's eyes.
Max jumped from the sudden surprise. "What the... who is that?"
99 looked over to see an older, rather voluptuous woman with her hands over her husband's eyes. The woman motioned with her lips a "shhhhhhh" to 99. Even if 99 wanted to say who it was, she had no clue.
"Not going to tell me huh?" Max asked, "Ok, by the feel of your hands, I'd say you were a woman."
The woman made a sensual sound to acknowledge he was correct.
"Yes, that's woman alright. Well... lets see... someone I've worked with before?'
"Ah huh" she giggled.
Max was lost and shrugged his shoulders, "Boy, you've got me. Give me one more hint?"
"The all-night stakeout at the Crocker refinery?" The woman said in a low sensual tone.
Max's smile turned to one of dread as he gave a nervous laugh "Agent 60"
The woman took her hands down as Max turned seeing his first partner before 99.
"Max, my darling!" she cried as she gave him a huge kiss that seemed to last forever.
Releasing him, Max caught his breath looking over to see 99, who was not so pleased at this blatant display of affection on her husband.
"What's this Agent 60 stuff" she scolded him.
"Ahhhhh....Jodi..... nice to see you after all these years"
"Yes... isn't it" she said eyeing Max up and down.
Again Jodi clutched his cheeks and kissed him again.
99 was getting a bit annoyed as her arms crossed in front of her.
Max's eyes shifted to 99 as he pulled back and quickly rebounded.
"99, this was my first partner when I started at CONTROL. He said catching his breath.
"Ahhh huh" 99 nodded with her eyebrows raised.
Max could almost see the steam coming from 99's ears. "Jodi Birkmeyer, this is Agent 99..."
99 waited for Max to finish then kicked his shin to help him along.
"...My wife," This is my wife, 99" he winced.
Jodi's eyes lit up, " Soooo you were the lucky one that roped him. Never thought he'd be the marrying kind. Not to say I didn't try but Max was quite the bachelor back then..."
Max quickly changed the subject. "Jodi left CONTROL a year after I joined"
"I got married and my husband objected having a spy as a wife, so I quit." Jodi explained.
"How is your husband?" Max inquired
"Dead" Jodi replied.
Max and 99 gave each other unconformable looks.
"Oh but then you wouldn't have known that would you. Yeah, Lar kicked the bucket six months ago and now... I'm back on the prowl again." Jodi claimed in a brazen sort of way.
With Jodi leering at him from one side and 99 giving him the evil eye from the other, Max knew he had to think of something to move this moment along. Max looked over his shoulder to the bar. "Jodi, I think I heard someone calling your name by the bar"
"Oh?" she said as she strained her neck over the crowd to the bar. "Well... got to check that out."
Jodi gave Max another powerful kiss.
"Good seeing you again Maxie..." she growled while stroking his cheek . Jodi looked over to 99 "...and nice meeting you too honey"
Max smiled and waved goodbye to Jodi as she left for the bar. He turned his head to see 99 giving him a very displeased look.
"I know, I know, we'll talk about it when we get home" Max sighed.
Three young, very good looking women made their way over to the table. They whispered and chuckled between themselves while poking each other for one to speak first.
The one in the middle was pushed forward "Ok, Ok... Agent 86, my name is Lisa , Agent 34B. This is Amanda, Agent 36C and this is Barb, Agent 38D. You might have heard of us, we're the CONTROL Crusaders."
Max nodded, "Of course I've heard of you. You're the agency's new "secret weapon" against the forces of evil.
All three women beamed at the recognition.
Lisa continued, "Mr. Smart, we can't tell you what a thrill this is to finally meet you. You're our hero and we've studied everything about you and your past cases."
Max gave a smirk toward 99 upon hearing this revelation.
"Your fearless and gallant approach toward the battle against the scumbuckets of this world inspires us each time we go out on a mission."
Barb leaned in, "We just love you"
"Well.. I am flattered, thank you" he smiled "and please call me Max"
All three giggled like schoolgirls with a crush on their teacher.
Again 99 rolled her eyes with the adolescent manner of the young agents. This time Max ignored 99's flippant attitude enjoying the praises from the three young women.
Lisa stepped in and gave Max a hug, she was followed by the other two. Giggling once more they joined the rest of the crowd.
Without a word, Max could read 99 like a book.
"Can I help if I'm appreciated?" he said defending himself.
Max reached for his drink and noticed it was gone.
"99, did you take my drink?" Max inquired.
"Take your what?"
"My drink, I had a glass right in front of me just a moment ago, now it's gone"
"I didn't take it, maybe the waiter took it thinking you were done."
"Yeah maybe" Max said suspiciously eyeing the Crusaders.
"Schmart" came a voice from behind.
Max cringed at the familiar accent. "Siegfried" Max turned around slowly.
"I am here to pay my respects."
"I'm only retiring, I'm not dead." Max said in a huff.
"You could have fooled me" Siegfried said smugly
Max started to get up but 99 grabbed his sleeve and pulled him back in his chair.
"Don't you have some small country to terrorize?" Max inquired
"I see you haven't lost your vit Schmart but seriously vhat kind of friend vould I be if I didn't vish my favorite adversary a happy retirement." Siegfried said as he put his hand out.
Max being very cautious, checked out Siegfried's hand for any sneaky devices he might have hidden in it.
"perfectly safe" Siegfried claimed.
"It's not that I don't trust you but...well come to think of it... I don't trust you" Max stated.
A young man came up to interrupt them.
"Excuse me Mister Siegfried but I heard you were going to be here and I wondered if I could have your autograph?"
Siegfried held up his hand as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a card handing it to the young man.
"I'm sorry no autographs but you can go on my Veb site and..."
"you have a web site?" Max inquired
"Ya und a new book too" Siegfried said proudly.
An astonished look came over Max "and a book? You wrote a book?"
The young man showed Max the book, "Yeah, it's quite a read.
Upon seeing the book, Siegfried changed his mind about the autograph.
"Vell, since you bought a copy, sure I'll autograph your book." Smiled Siegfried.
"Am I in that book?" Max asked narrowing his eyes.
"Sure are Mr. Smart. Chapters 3, 6,10, 12-18" the young man said.
"Whatever he's written about me is a lie. How can you trust the word of a no good, rotten, murderer..."
"...That made Seventy-five thousand in book royalties in the last two months." Added Siegfried.
Max's eyes got as big as saucers, " Seventy-five thousand!!!! Ahhh, Siegfried, I don't suppose you could give me the name of your publisher?"
The restaurant owner came up to the table. "Sorry Mister Siegfried but your gonna have to take down the table outside to sell your book. We're a restaurant, not a book store."
Siegfried shrugged as he made his way back to the door.
The master of ceremonies came up to the mike. Would everyone please take their seats, we 'd like to get started.
"Tonight we honor a man who will forever live in the hearts of his fellow CONTROL agents as a legendary hero. He is the measuring stick that set the standards for other agents to aspire to. He is regarded with awe and with admiration. Going at times beyond the call of duty to become one of Control's finest agents in the history of the agency. He has lived a most remarkable life. His striving dedication to battle the now defunct KAOS organization will forever be remembered. Agent 86, he's the first one they looked for and the last one they ever wanted to meet. Brave, loyal, stalwart, he always met a challenge head-on. He's the type of man anyone would want on their side.
A round of applause rang out. The Master of Ceremonies quieted the crowd once more.
"Normally when a CONTROL agent retires, his number is passed on to the next generation of CONTROL agents. But tonight the agency has decided... that the number 86 will also be retired."
A heartfelt round of applause boomed in the main room. Max gave a smile from ear to ear, 99 knew this was an honor that meant so much to him.
"We'll all remember Agent 86's tenacity in pursuing something that is right and his vigor in correcting something that is wrong. And I think it's important that everybody know that Maxwell Smart had his heart in it all the way. He will be missed around CONTROL but his legacy will live on for years to come. Ladies and Gentleman, the man of the hour, Maxwell Smart"
After a few more minutes of that deafening ovation, the audience fell silent, giving Max the chance to speak. As a result of his nervousness, his elbow bumped the mike, which emitted a loud screech. The audience chuckled sympathetically. There were no notes that Max was going to read from. This would all be from the heart.
"My friends," Max said, his eyes brimming with tears, "I have spent a good part of my life working for CONTROL and now it is time to say goodbye. I have opted to reflect more on how my life has been touched by all of you and the debt I owe to those who have guided and trained me. Being in my sixties, I am what most people would call past my prime. Secret agents don't worry about retirement plans but somehow fate has dealt me a good hand and I've made it to that phase of life. I have a wonderful wife and soul mate, who has stood by me through the good times and the bad. I couldn't ask for a more supportive person in my life than my wife and partner 99. Through the years, she has given me the inspiration and drive to be a better man. Thank you for being there. 99, I love you with all my heart and soul. I'm looking forward to starting our new life together."
99 was moved to tears as she blew a kiss to her husband.
"And my children, Zack and Maxine. I am fortunate to have live so long to see you grow into young adults. As many of you know, they followed in their old man's footsteps to become agents. And damn good ones, I'm proud to say. May future generations of Smarts serve their nation as proudly and as faithfully as I have had the privilege to do. Finally, let me thank all of you for your friendship and the honor of having worked with you. Success is measured not only in achievements, but in lessons learned, lives touched, moments shared along the way. Thank you all for honoring me with such a wonderful tribute."
There wasn't a dry eye in the house as Max wiped his nose. Walking slowly back to his table everyone stood giving him the standing ovation he so richly deserved.
Later that night, 99 crawled into bed next to Max and gave a sigh, "What a night. You were surprised, weren't you Max?"
Max was lying on his back staring up at the ceiling "Yes, 99 I was surprised" he said in a monotone voice.
"I thought the evening went well, old friends stopping by paying tribute and that speech they gave about you, wonderful just wonderful."
"Yes 99, wonderful" Max said as he continued to stare at the ceiling.
99 looked over and could tell Max's mind was miles away. "...and those ten naked women that danced by our table was riveting just riveting" she added.
"Yes 99, riveting" Max repeated
99's last comment finally reached his brain as he quickly realized what she said.
"What ten naked women? Was I in the bathroom during that?"
"There were no naked women Max." 99 stated rolling her eyes.
"Oh, too bad, I would have like to have see that"
"I just said that cause you had your mind elsewhere. What's the matter Max, didn't you enjoy the evening?"
"Don't get me wrong 99, I was very moved by all the attention given me tonight but its gonna take some time for me to adjust to all this. It's... well...it's tough to get old."
99 gave Max a sympathetic look. "Max, you'll never be old in my eyes. You'll always be my dashing and brave Agent 86. Goodnight Love" she said as she gave him a kiss goodnight.
99 turned out the lights and turned over to her side.
Max lay there for a moment. "99?"
"Hmmmm?" she answered him not turning around.
"Do you remember the first time we spent the night together?"
99 opened her eyes at Max's strange question and thought for a moment.
"Sure, it was back in 65' when we were on that all night stake out..."
Max cut her off. "No, 99 not that night together. When we were married and we spent our first night 'together.'
Even though 99 had been married for 30 years just the mention of their wedding night made her blush, "Of course Max"
"I was good, wasn't I?"
99 smiled as she thought back. "Good? Max... you were incredible"
Max leaned on one elbow and began to nuzzle into 99's neck.
99 jumped at his sudden affections, "Max..."
"There might be snow on the roof but the fire inside is blazing hot," he said as he continued to kiss her shoulder.
99 began to laugh "Oh Max, you're just too much sometimes" She then turned over to her side leaving him high and dry.
Max lay back down and gave a frustrated sigh. 99 opened her eyes and felt something wrong.
"Max? You were serious weren't you"
Max sat up and began to take his pajama top off then reached down and slid his bottoms off. Bunching them in a ball he tossed them over his shoulder to the floor.
"99 sat up wide eyed, "I guess you are, but Max it's so long since we..."
"Too long. Come here." Max pulled 99 close to him and kissed her with such passion that she pulled back to catch her breath.
"Well... what brought that on?"
99, I've been so busy thinking about my retirement the last few months that I've slipped away from what's important. Us. We don't talk like we used to, nor do things together much anymore. Do you realize that we haven't made love for months?"
"Yes but I just figured you weren't interested anymore.
"Well I'm interested now. And things are going to change around here. Right here and now, let's start a new." Max kissed her tenderly. "Like the first day I met you."
Removing her nightgown, 99 smiled as she bunched it in a ball and threw it over her shoulder to the floor.
"New York Mets win doubleheader"