~*~Disclaimer=me no own!~*~ Well, I've had my fun turning Malcolm into an
emotional nut-job but I think now's the time to bring him back to
normality! Thanks for all you reviews! I can't believe I have 72!~*~
*Think calm thoughts, think nice calm thoughts, think phase pistol destroying all Phlox's creatures. Heh heh heh. Ignore the fact people are probably thinking of having you committed. You are calm. You don't want to cry, you don't want to beat something to a small insignificant pulp, you don't want to cough ya guts up again.*
Malcolm looked away as the doors opened.
*OK so maybe you do feel like you wanna cry and beat something up but you are not going to do it in front of anybody-DO YOU HEAR ME?*
"Hiya Mal',"
*It's Trip the Patron Saint of Smiles.*
He fixed his gaze on Trip not quite meeting his eyes.
"I'm not gonna ask ya if ya're ok, 'cause it's obvious ya ain't," said Trip, sitting on the biobed closest to him.
Malcolm looked up in surprise.
*Oh my God, somebody intelligent-it's a miracle!*
"The Cap'n told me what happened," Trip continued.
Malcolm's eye widened.
*Great, so the entire world knows I'm a guilt ridden insubordinating weak git with no redeeming features, ta very much Captain*
"Ya wanna talk about it?" Trip asked.
"No," Malcolm replied immediately.
"Ya sure?" Trip pressed.
"Yes I bloody well am sure!" Malcolm burst out suddenly. "Why can't people just leave me the hell alone?!"
"Because we care about ya as thick as ya are an' we don' like seein' ya like this!" Trip exclaimed.
"You have no idea what it's like, how I feel!" Malcolm shot back.
*So stick your shrink back chat up ya arse and piss off!* "So tell me how ya feel!" Trip pressed.
*NO! Don't you dare Malcolm Reed! Now is not the time for an emotional breakdown, make him go away!*
"Leave me alone Trip," said Malcolm, tiredly.
"Not until ya talk to me," said Trip stubbornly.
"Fine. You want to know what happened?" asked Malcolm. "I didn't want to be the only person on board to get a cold yet again, I thought I was fine, went down to the planet, got kidnapped, got tortured a bit-used as a human guinea pig then woke up here only to find I unleashed a horrible plague on everybody. People I had previously been told were dead-so am I in the mood for talking and having a 'lets-all-get-together-and-be-friends-again' session? No!"
"They tortured you?" Trip asked, "What did they do?"
"They............ They..............."Malcolm couldn't quite form a complete sentence.
"They'd change the room temperature constantly and monitor how my cold was progressing. They drugged me a lot-one time they said they'd given me a truth serum-I told them everything, everything they wanted to know." He said, his voice deadpan. "They showed me footage of Enterprise exploding, I lost it. I smashed a chair to pieces against the mirror, then I was here, used as a biological bomb so to speak to stop Enterprise."
There was silence as Trip waited to see if Malcolm had anything else to add.
"I hadn't been there long," Malcolm continued his voice breaking slightly. "Before I gave in completely, too weak to stand it."
"That's not true," Trip told him.
"You know what the worst thing is?" Malcolm asked suddenly, his voice even more cracked than before. "In my dreams I can see you all, dying, screaming, bleeding, pleading, hating, crying, I can't escape the guilt, even in my dreams. I just can't take it."
There was a pause.
"Happy now? Happy now you know what a weak feckin' coward I am?" he asked. "You know what? My father was right, I should've joined the Navy, should've drowned with honour!"
Then he lost all pretence of control and burst into huge shoulder wracking sobs.
Trip laid his hand on his shoulder and waited while Malcolm cried himself out, drawing the curtains round the biobed so he could be spared the shame of everybody seeing him lose control.
~*~Just review, humour me. Honestly sometimes I think that I write these fics for the sole purpose of making people suffer!~*~
*Think calm thoughts, think nice calm thoughts, think phase pistol destroying all Phlox's creatures. Heh heh heh. Ignore the fact people are probably thinking of having you committed. You are calm. You don't want to cry, you don't want to beat something to a small insignificant pulp, you don't want to cough ya guts up again.*
Malcolm looked away as the doors opened.
*OK so maybe you do feel like you wanna cry and beat something up but you are not going to do it in front of anybody-DO YOU HEAR ME?*
"Hiya Mal',"
*It's Trip the Patron Saint of Smiles.*
He fixed his gaze on Trip not quite meeting his eyes.
"I'm not gonna ask ya if ya're ok, 'cause it's obvious ya ain't," said Trip, sitting on the biobed closest to him.
Malcolm looked up in surprise.
*Oh my God, somebody intelligent-it's a miracle!*
"The Cap'n told me what happened," Trip continued.
Malcolm's eye widened.
*Great, so the entire world knows I'm a guilt ridden insubordinating weak git with no redeeming features, ta very much Captain*
"Ya wanna talk about it?" Trip asked.
"No," Malcolm replied immediately.
"Ya sure?" Trip pressed.
"Yes I bloody well am sure!" Malcolm burst out suddenly. "Why can't people just leave me the hell alone?!"
"Because we care about ya as thick as ya are an' we don' like seein' ya like this!" Trip exclaimed.
"You have no idea what it's like, how I feel!" Malcolm shot back.
*So stick your shrink back chat up ya arse and piss off!* "So tell me how ya feel!" Trip pressed.
*NO! Don't you dare Malcolm Reed! Now is not the time for an emotional breakdown, make him go away!*
"Leave me alone Trip," said Malcolm, tiredly.
"Not until ya talk to me," said Trip stubbornly.
"Fine. You want to know what happened?" asked Malcolm. "I didn't want to be the only person on board to get a cold yet again, I thought I was fine, went down to the planet, got kidnapped, got tortured a bit-used as a human guinea pig then woke up here only to find I unleashed a horrible plague on everybody. People I had previously been told were dead-so am I in the mood for talking and having a 'lets-all-get-together-and-be-friends-again' session? No!"
"They tortured you?" Trip asked, "What did they do?"
"They............ They..............."Malcolm couldn't quite form a complete sentence.
"They'd change the room temperature constantly and monitor how my cold was progressing. They drugged me a lot-one time they said they'd given me a truth serum-I told them everything, everything they wanted to know." He said, his voice deadpan. "They showed me footage of Enterprise exploding, I lost it. I smashed a chair to pieces against the mirror, then I was here, used as a biological bomb so to speak to stop Enterprise."
There was silence as Trip waited to see if Malcolm had anything else to add.
"I hadn't been there long," Malcolm continued his voice breaking slightly. "Before I gave in completely, too weak to stand it."
"That's not true," Trip told him.
"You know what the worst thing is?" Malcolm asked suddenly, his voice even more cracked than before. "In my dreams I can see you all, dying, screaming, bleeding, pleading, hating, crying, I can't escape the guilt, even in my dreams. I just can't take it."
There was a pause.
"Happy now? Happy now you know what a weak feckin' coward I am?" he asked. "You know what? My father was right, I should've joined the Navy, should've drowned with honour!"
Then he lost all pretence of control and burst into huge shoulder wracking sobs.
Trip laid his hand on his shoulder and waited while Malcolm cried himself out, drawing the curtains round the biobed so he could be spared the shame of everybody seeing him lose control.
~*~Just review, humour me. Honestly sometimes I think that I write these fics for the sole purpose of making people suffer!~*~