Well, well, well, well.well. I'm alive. Bet you thought I'd forgotten about
you, huh? Well I haven't. The teachers piled appalling amounts of homework
upon our tiny heads before midterms while making us study for midterms so
that our brains were in permanent school mode. On the last day of the exams
the only thing keeping my brain from going into stasis mode was the
constant repetition of the word "shclackey" which is the sound the phone
makes when you hang it up. So anyhoo.. this is the second chapter of
Intervention. Hooray! Go forth and read our shameful banalities!
Disclaimer: Once upon a time there were no copyright laws or trademarks, but alas, that was when dinosaurs still walked the Earth. I do not own X-Men. And yes I do have to be that dramatic about it.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-PORT
"Hi, my name is Kurt," Kurt said to the group consisting mostly of middle aged, fat balding men, and Bob the Microsoft intern. But that's another story.
"Hello Kurt!" the group said cheerily. Kurt groaned at this. Why did they have to be so happy? He felt like crap, his arms were weak and he desperately wanted a pixie stick.
"Go on, Kurt," the group shrink said brightly though everyone knows shrinks don't really listen. They just doodle on their little shrink notebooks.
"Well.. um I'm a sugar addict-" the group gasped forcing Kurt to raise an eyebrow in question of their limited intelligence. What else did they expect? That he was a cross dressing male prostitute?
"Well don't worry Kurt! We're all here to help you!" the shrink said with enough jolliness to make Santa Claus want to strangle him. Suddenly the door opened and-shock of shocks! Do you know who walked in? Of course not so now I shall tell you! It was.. Pietro! My God!
"Sorry I'm late, Wanda locked me in a closet again and- What are you doing here?!" he asked as he was late and had missed Kurt's admission to being addicted to sugar and so poor Kurt was to share his shameful secret with one of his worst enemies.
"I'm addicted to sugar," he said shamefully. There is much shame in this story.
"Oh! Me too! Hey, want a button?" before Kurt could ask "What button you loon?" Pietro had pinned a bright pink button to his shirt which read 'I survived sugar'. Kurt gawked at Pietro with incredulity as he handed out buttons to everyone, each member grinning and sticking the rotund monstrosities to their sweater vests with pride.
"I'm going to kill myself," he moaned then dropped into a chair.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-PONENTS
Principal Kelly was in the principal's office at Bayville High as that was where he lived, like all principals. He was scowling down at a paper on his desk, well not really the paper, the words printed unto it by his laser jet printer.
"Five more of them!" he said, anger evident in his voice as he really yelled it. Who are the persons, places or things, otherwise known as nouns, of which he spoke? Well we all know who Kelly hates. Mutants. Duh.
"There are more everyday!" apparently his absolute rage limited him to only four words per sentence. So now he will think all his anger. -There has to be some way to deal with them! They must have a weakness! - Of course they must, gosh darnit! Kelly pondered upon this subject until he realized that there was someone in his office and they must have been there for some time because they were talking.
"And that's why the economy is in its current state. But that's a little off the topic. I have discovered something very interesting."
"About what?" Kelly said in annoyance of having his ponderings interrupted.
"I am a group psychologist, I help people get over disturbing happenings in their lives. Currently I am counseling a group of sugar addicts." Kelly gasped, for he could not imagine such a horrible fate of being addicted to something like sugar.
"Yes, yes, unsettling isn't it? Anyhow, there are two interesting persons in my group. Three actually, if you count Bob, but he's an intern. He's not important. The two I speak of are mutants." Kelly sat there staring at the man for the better part of an hour before he caught on to what he was saying.
"That's it! I can use their debilitating addictions against them! It's so wonderfully simple!" isn't it though?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-PIRE
The next day (everything happens the next day..) Kurt was at lunch with all his X-Men friends, who were all eating sugary objects. This of course was driving Kurt insane. Kurt couldn't take it anymore, so he stood up and staggered away towards a corner where there were no people eating sugar.
All of a sudden he saw a table advertising sugar free cookies. This greatly intrigued Kurt, but not really since he was very bored and needed something to keep his mind off of real sugar, and just wanted something to do, so he walked up to the table.
"These are sugar free?" he asked nonchalantly. "That's what the sign says," the lunch attendant said, leaving out the implied "you idiot".
"Are you sure? Because I'm diabetic, and I could die if I had sugar."
"Its sugar free, dude."
"..So what kind of cookies are these?" Kurt asked.
"Look, are you gonna take a cookie or not?"
"Yes. Yes I vill." And so he did, and shoved it into his mouth. Mmmm, cookie.
As it so happened, there was an identical table outside the Brotherhood Boarding House, only the attendant at this table was a little girl who was selling each cookie for a quarter. Of course the Brotherhood would never do something as sacrilegious to their creed as pay for anything so they stole the cookies and shared them over tea.
As it also happens the cookies had been made the night before in the school cafeteria by Principal Kelly. And yes he wore oven mitts and an apron that said 'Kiss the Cook'. He also poured several three pound bags of sugar in his cookie cauldron. The madness!
Simultaneously, as that is how these things happen, Kurt and Pietro began to grow giddy and jumpy. Everything seemed to slow down around them, which seeing as how Pietro is the speed demon it was worse for him, but it kinda sucks for Kurt too.
"Whyareyouallgoingsoslow!? You're so boring! I'm going out!" Pietro shouted, causing Microsoft to underline the very long word that it had no suggestions for replacing. Can you tell Anel hates Microsoft?
Kurt meanwhile was kart wheeling about the cafeteria singing, "I am the very model of a modern Major- General!" and the rest which I cannot remember.
Scott, who always seems offended when such inexplicable happenings happened, tried to grab the Crawler, but only succeeded in pulling off his watch, which in turn revealed Kurt's blue fuzzy self. Of course this caused everyone to jump up and run away screaming because their feeble minds could not comprehend the color blue. Ha ha, fools.
Kurt did not notice this, however, as he was to busy wondering whether he could use the swings to jump the fence surrounding the duck pond. And since there was only one way to find out Kurt *BAMF*ed.
Pietro was at the park as well, racing people's dogs to catch their Frisbees. It was no contest of course. Suddenly, Pietro heard Kurts *BAMF* and something in his head clicked connecting that sound with the mutant who made it, and so he sped off in that direction.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm going to swing over the fence!" Kurt said excitedly.
"You can't do that! No one can!" Pietro said in disbelief at the mere thought of such a feat.
"YOU can't." Kurt said objectionably.
"Yes I can!" and so Pietro set about doing so.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-PUNGE
Meanwhile, somewhere in the vicinity, Scott and Jean, the two biggest interlopers on the face of the planet, were desperately searching for Kurt. Rogue was there too. She just didn't care.
"Come one Rogue! He's your brother!" Jean said.
"Don't you play that with me. He's NOT my brother." Rogue angst's too much.
Scott, sensing an unscheduled visit to the hospital, cast about for Kurt and saw him. Playing on the swings! Gasp!
"There!" he shouted and started off in the general direction.
"Kurt! Get off the swings! You have to come with us. Hey, what's Quicksilver doing here?" Jean inquired as the presence of any 'bad guy' in a normal place was unexpected and offending.
"Never!" Kurt shouted, referring to her demands to stop. Stop swinging? When he had almost reached proper height and speed to get over the fence? Madness!
Rogue watched all this with her usual boredom. She calmly removed her glove, and then started towards the two sugar-hyped mutants. Unfortunately they jumped before she reached them.
"Now!" Pietro shouted and they both jumped from their swings over the fence and landed with a splash in the duck pond.
"Yes!" they shouted and gave each other high fives. Tremendous.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-CEPTIONAL
That's all for now my friends. Hey, if you see any spelling errors or grammatical incorrectness tell me or I'll feel stupid when I find them. And if you want me to feel stupid.I don't have the energy to make anymore clever remarks. Sorry for not doing anything forever. And thanks to all of you who review. I love you all! I need sleep.
Disclaimer: Once upon a time there were no copyright laws or trademarks, but alas, that was when dinosaurs still walked the Earth. I do not own X-Men. And yes I do have to be that dramatic about it.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-PORT
"Hi, my name is Kurt," Kurt said to the group consisting mostly of middle aged, fat balding men, and Bob the Microsoft intern. But that's another story.
"Hello Kurt!" the group said cheerily. Kurt groaned at this. Why did they have to be so happy? He felt like crap, his arms were weak and he desperately wanted a pixie stick.
"Go on, Kurt," the group shrink said brightly though everyone knows shrinks don't really listen. They just doodle on their little shrink notebooks.
"Well.. um I'm a sugar addict-" the group gasped forcing Kurt to raise an eyebrow in question of their limited intelligence. What else did they expect? That he was a cross dressing male prostitute?
"Well don't worry Kurt! We're all here to help you!" the shrink said with enough jolliness to make Santa Claus want to strangle him. Suddenly the door opened and-shock of shocks! Do you know who walked in? Of course not so now I shall tell you! It was.. Pietro! My God!
"Sorry I'm late, Wanda locked me in a closet again and- What are you doing here?!" he asked as he was late and had missed Kurt's admission to being addicted to sugar and so poor Kurt was to share his shameful secret with one of his worst enemies.
"I'm addicted to sugar," he said shamefully. There is much shame in this story.
"Oh! Me too! Hey, want a button?" before Kurt could ask "What button you loon?" Pietro had pinned a bright pink button to his shirt which read 'I survived sugar'. Kurt gawked at Pietro with incredulity as he handed out buttons to everyone, each member grinning and sticking the rotund monstrosities to their sweater vests with pride.
"I'm going to kill myself," he moaned then dropped into a chair.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-PONENTS
Principal Kelly was in the principal's office at Bayville High as that was where he lived, like all principals. He was scowling down at a paper on his desk, well not really the paper, the words printed unto it by his laser jet printer.
"Five more of them!" he said, anger evident in his voice as he really yelled it. Who are the persons, places or things, otherwise known as nouns, of which he spoke? Well we all know who Kelly hates. Mutants. Duh.
"There are more everyday!" apparently his absolute rage limited him to only four words per sentence. So now he will think all his anger. -There has to be some way to deal with them! They must have a weakness! - Of course they must, gosh darnit! Kelly pondered upon this subject until he realized that there was someone in his office and they must have been there for some time because they were talking.
"And that's why the economy is in its current state. But that's a little off the topic. I have discovered something very interesting."
"About what?" Kelly said in annoyance of having his ponderings interrupted.
"I am a group psychologist, I help people get over disturbing happenings in their lives. Currently I am counseling a group of sugar addicts." Kelly gasped, for he could not imagine such a horrible fate of being addicted to something like sugar.
"Yes, yes, unsettling isn't it? Anyhow, there are two interesting persons in my group. Three actually, if you count Bob, but he's an intern. He's not important. The two I speak of are mutants." Kelly sat there staring at the man for the better part of an hour before he caught on to what he was saying.
"That's it! I can use their debilitating addictions against them! It's so wonderfully simple!" isn't it though?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-PIRE
The next day (everything happens the next day..) Kurt was at lunch with all his X-Men friends, who were all eating sugary objects. This of course was driving Kurt insane. Kurt couldn't take it anymore, so he stood up and staggered away towards a corner where there were no people eating sugar.
All of a sudden he saw a table advertising sugar free cookies. This greatly intrigued Kurt, but not really since he was very bored and needed something to keep his mind off of real sugar, and just wanted something to do, so he walked up to the table.
"These are sugar free?" he asked nonchalantly. "That's what the sign says," the lunch attendant said, leaving out the implied "you idiot".
"Are you sure? Because I'm diabetic, and I could die if I had sugar."
"Its sugar free, dude."
"..So what kind of cookies are these?" Kurt asked.
"Look, are you gonna take a cookie or not?"
"Yes. Yes I vill." And so he did, and shoved it into his mouth. Mmmm, cookie.
As it so happened, there was an identical table outside the Brotherhood Boarding House, only the attendant at this table was a little girl who was selling each cookie for a quarter. Of course the Brotherhood would never do something as sacrilegious to their creed as pay for anything so they stole the cookies and shared them over tea.
As it also happens the cookies had been made the night before in the school cafeteria by Principal Kelly. And yes he wore oven mitts and an apron that said 'Kiss the Cook'. He also poured several three pound bags of sugar in his cookie cauldron. The madness!
Simultaneously, as that is how these things happen, Kurt and Pietro began to grow giddy and jumpy. Everything seemed to slow down around them, which seeing as how Pietro is the speed demon it was worse for him, but it kinda sucks for Kurt too.
"Whyareyouallgoingsoslow!? You're so boring! I'm going out!" Pietro shouted, causing Microsoft to underline the very long word that it had no suggestions for replacing. Can you tell Anel hates Microsoft?
Kurt meanwhile was kart wheeling about the cafeteria singing, "I am the very model of a modern Major- General!" and the rest which I cannot remember.
Scott, who always seems offended when such inexplicable happenings happened, tried to grab the Crawler, but only succeeded in pulling off his watch, which in turn revealed Kurt's blue fuzzy self. Of course this caused everyone to jump up and run away screaming because their feeble minds could not comprehend the color blue. Ha ha, fools.
Kurt did not notice this, however, as he was to busy wondering whether he could use the swings to jump the fence surrounding the duck pond. And since there was only one way to find out Kurt *BAMF*ed.
Pietro was at the park as well, racing people's dogs to catch their Frisbees. It was no contest of course. Suddenly, Pietro heard Kurts *BAMF* and something in his head clicked connecting that sound with the mutant who made it, and so he sped off in that direction.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm going to swing over the fence!" Kurt said excitedly.
"You can't do that! No one can!" Pietro said in disbelief at the mere thought of such a feat.
"YOU can't." Kurt said objectionably.
"Yes I can!" and so Pietro set about doing so.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-PUNGE
Meanwhile, somewhere in the vicinity, Scott and Jean, the two biggest interlopers on the face of the planet, were desperately searching for Kurt. Rogue was there too. She just didn't care.
"Come one Rogue! He's your brother!" Jean said.
"Don't you play that with me. He's NOT my brother." Rogue angst's too much.
Scott, sensing an unscheduled visit to the hospital, cast about for Kurt and saw him. Playing on the swings! Gasp!
"There!" he shouted and started off in the general direction.
"Kurt! Get off the swings! You have to come with us. Hey, what's Quicksilver doing here?" Jean inquired as the presence of any 'bad guy' in a normal place was unexpected and offending.
"Never!" Kurt shouted, referring to her demands to stop. Stop swinging? When he had almost reached proper height and speed to get over the fence? Madness!
Rogue watched all this with her usual boredom. She calmly removed her glove, and then started towards the two sugar-hyped mutants. Unfortunately they jumped before she reached them.
"Now!" Pietro shouted and they both jumped from their swings over the fence and landed with a splash in the duck pond.
"Yes!" they shouted and gave each other high fives. Tremendous.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-CEPTIONAL
That's all for now my friends. Hey, if you see any spelling errors or grammatical incorrectness tell me or I'll feel stupid when I find them. And if you want me to feel stupid.I don't have the energy to make anymore clever remarks. Sorry for not doing anything forever. And thanks to all of you who review. I love you all! I need sleep.