How To Eat Like A Gundam Pilot

by Tori Yuki Ichimura

The second installment in the How To Be A Gundam Pilot arc. Here, we investigate the staple foods of the Gundam Pilots and their methods of preparing. Please be aware on any allergies before consuming.

Tori: Ever wanted to try Heero's Coffee Pot Ramen or Duo's Fucking Cookies That Don't Fucking Look Like Fucking Cookies? Well now's your chance! Please enjoy these real recipes straight from Hell's Kitchen!

How To Eat Like A Gundam Pilot

**WARNING** Ichimura-tachi will not be held responsible for any injuries, ailments, or property damage sustained while preparing or eating any of these foods. Please exercise caution when using fire or utensils and if your are under thirteen or are in any way related to Duo Maxwell, consult an adult before using the stove.

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Coffee Pot Ramen by Heero

YOU NEED: (1) coffee maker, (1) pack of instant ramen, water

STEP 1: Fill coffee pot up to the 6 line with water

STEP 2: Pour water into the back of the coffee maker and put empty pot under the spout

STEP 3: Turn on coffee maker

STEP 4: Wait until there is enough water in coffee pot and remove pot from coffee maker

STEP 5: Add ramen and mix well

Cookies by Duo

YOU NEED: Any pre-made cookie dough product

STEP 1: Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees

STEP 2: Place cookie dough on baking sheet in generous portions

STEP 3: Eat the rest of the cookie dough

STEP 4: Place cookie sheet in oven

STEP 5: Forget your making cookies

STEP 6: Wait until you smell burning, then yell "SHIT! I gotta go!"

STEP 7: Remove cookie sheet from oven

STEP 8: Wait until blackened lumps cool, then dispose of them in the trash

Fish And Chips by Wu Fei

YOU NEED: (1) can of tuna, (2) tablespoons of mayonnaise, (1) bag of Tostitos plain corn chips

STEP 1: Open can of tuna in a medium-sized bowl

STEP 2: Mix in (2) tablespoons of mayonnaise

STEP 3: Dip Tostitos in tuna and enjoy

Frosty and Fries by Quatre

YOU NEED: (1) chocolate frosty from Wendy's, (1) large French fries

STEP 1: Take lid off frosty

STEP 2: Dip French fry in frosty, coating each generously

STEP 3: Eat immediately

Macaroni and Cheese by Avery (And Lance)

YOU NEED: (1) box of Easy Mac, (1) bottle of Ketchup

STEP 1: Follow directions on Easy Mac box to cook noodles

STEP 2: Add cheese and stir until desired consistency is reached

STEP 3: Add ketchup

Penne Pasta by Duo

YOU NEED: (1) box of pasta, (1) water source, (1) pot, (1) jar of vodka sauce, (1) container of Parmesan cheese

STEP 1: Make the pasta

STEP 2: Drain the water

STEP 3: Add the vodka sauce

STEP 4: Be generous with the Parmesan

STEP 5: Serve with Italian bread

Polenta by Duo

YOU NEED: (4) cups of milks, lemon rinds, (1/4) cup of sugar, (3) beaten eggs, (2) eggs (3/4) cup of Cream of Farina, bread crumbs

STEP 1: Cook milk, sugar, farina, and lemon rinds in pot on stove until thick and bubbly, stirring constantly

STEP 2: Gradually stir in (3) beaten eggs

STEP 3: Pour into oiled baking dish until it is about 2cm thick

STEP 4: Chill overnight

STEP 5: Cut into diamond shapes

STEP 6: Coat with (2) eggs and bread crumbs

STEP 7: Fry in vegetable oil until golden brown

STEP 8: Let cool slightly

Pure by Trowa

YOU NEED: (1) cheap bottle of vodka, (1) Brita™ filter

STEP 1: Pour vodka in Brita™ filter

STEP 2: Enjoy your vodka Pure! ^__~

Tofu Stir Fry by Wu Fei

YOU NEED: (1/2) block of tofu, (1) red pepper, (1) green pepper, (1) onion, (1/4) cup of vegetable oil, (1) tablespoon of soy sauce

STEP 1: Cut tofu into 1cm cubes or strips (which ever you prefer)

STEP 2: Cut peppers into short strips and mince onions

STEP 3: Heat oil in a frying pan

STEP 4: Add vegetables to oil and fry until a bit soft, stirring occasionally

STEP 5: Add tofu and soy sauce

STEP 6: Stir until tofu is brown and a littler firmer

STEP 7: Serve with more soy sauce either with white rice or Italian bread

Tofu Chips by Quatre

YOU NEED: (1) bag of Herrs potato chips with ridges, (1) block of tofu

STEP 1: Cut tofu into flat rectangles

STEP 2: Sandwich each strip between two potato chips

STEP 3: Eat

Tortufo by Duo

YOU NEED: (1) container of chocolate ice cream, (1) container of vanilla ice cream, (1) jar of Maraschino cherries, (3) bottles of chocolate shell [the stuff that hardens when cold], high tolerance for cold

STEP 1: Wash your goddamn freakin' hands!

STEP 2: Place a Marischino cherry on a paper plate

STEP 3: Scoop a handful of one ice cream flavor and pack it around the cherry into a sphere

STEP 4: Run your hands under warm water and pat dry (Trust me, your hands get cold before the ice cream is packed)

STEP 5: Scoop two handfuls of the other flavor of ice cream and pack it around the sphere

STEP 6: Quickly cement this structure with generous amounts of chocolate shell

STEP 7: Keep frozen until you're ready to serve

STEP 8: Serve plain or sprinkled with almonds

Ultimate Chinese by Heero

YOU NEED: Chinese take-out

STEP 1: Purchase your Chinese take-out

STEP 2: Leave in refrigerator overnight

STEP 3: Re-heat meal in microwave and enjoy

Vanilla Icing by Duet

YOU NEED: (1) cup of milk, (2) level tablespoons of white flour, (2) sticks of butter, (1) cup of sugar, (1) teaspoon of vanilla

STEP 1: Pour (1) cup of milk into small pot on stove and turn flame on LOW

STEP 2: Sift (2) level tablespoons of flour into milk while stirring gently

STEP 3: Stir gently until mixture comes to a boil**

STEP 4: Let mixture cool and thicken

STEP 5: Warm (2) sticks of butter until soft

STEP 6: Put warmed butter and (1) cup of sugar into mixing bowl and mix

STEP 7: Add the cooled milk and flour mixture to the mixing bowl while it mixes

STEP 8: Add (1) teaspoon of vanilla

STEP 9: Mix all together until it is fluffy and the sugar has dissolved

**For chocolate icing, just add (2) tablespoons of cocoa powder at this point

Waffles and Ice Cream by All

YOU NEED: (1) pack of 12 waffles, (1) carton of strawberry/chocolate/vanilla ice cream, (1) toaster

STEP 1: Toast waffles until golden and crispy

STEP 2: Lay (1) waffle flat on a plate

STEP 3: Scoop ice cream of desired flavor(s) on to waffle

STEP 4: Place another waffle on top of the ice cream

STEP 5: Eat immediately {as if it were a sandwich}

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Duo: And always remember kids…!

All: Beer before liquor, never been sicker! Liquor before beer, you're in the clear!