A/N : This fic completely side-tracked me yesterday and actually caused the latest chapter of my other fic 'Oh Brother!' to be posted late! I think maybe it was worth it though, as I'm fairly proud of how this turned out. The title actually came when I was writing the very end of this fic. I love the song of the same name by Ghost of the Robot and it seemed to fit by the time I got to the end of the story...
Title : Just What I Needed
Author : Ultrawoman
Rating : PG-13
Pairings : Buffy/Spike
Summary : One shot. Alternate ending to 6.5 Life Serial. Drunk Buffy plus Sweet Spike equals much Spuffy fun. I hate the fact Season 6 got so dark and the Spuffy got pretty unhealthy, here's how it should've been, in my opinion anyway...
Disclaimer : Buffy, Spike, and BtVS as a whole belongs to Joss and ME.
Just What I Needed
"That was great!" Buffy grins as she half falls out of the door of a seedy looking joint. Spike had taken her there, originally to get information on who was messing with her life, but the demons at the kitten poker table hadn't been very forthcoming and they were soon accusing the vampire of cheating.
Of course Spike denied it, despite the truth in the statement, and warned the ugly crowd that if they took on him, they were taking on the Slayer too. Buffy was just drunk enough to agree to take her part in this bar room brawl, and sober enough to do some damage as she fought back to back with the vampire who loved to see her like this, all fight and with the fire back in her eyes that he hadn't seen since she'd returned to the mortal plain.
"Told you you'd have fun" Spike comments as they tumble into the street.
After the 'disturbance' in the back room, they'd come out into the main bar area where the populace had heard everything that had happened through the wall and were in no hurry to take on the pair.
A few drinks later, here they were in the street, Buffy still euphoric in their victory, Spike just happy because she was and because he'd helped a little with that.
"We make a pretty good team" the little blonde girl nods before tripping on the ground that seems to move by itself beneath her feet. She lands in Spike's arms, still smiling like an idiot. With their faces just a fraction apart, Spike is sure he wouldn't be able to breathe even if he needed to.
"What would you do..." Buffy says softly, staring up into his bright blue eyes "if I kissed you now?" she asks, expression neither one thing or the other.
"Slayer..." Spike tries to reply, but finds that putting a sentence together is a complex issue as she reaches out with her fingers and stills his lips.
"Sshh..." she tells him and his eyes flicker shut at her touch. He feels her breath closer to his face and then her lips cover his, such a sweet and tender kiss, he hardly knows it's happened.
"Buffy..." he breathes unnecessarily as she pulls away and his eyes open to meet hers again. She has barely moved and is still within easy distance for him to return the favour and kiss her back, slightly more forcefully. Spike's head spins as he feels her body relax against him and they kiss like they won't ever stop, but suddenly everything is cold again and his arms are empty as Buffy backs up a few steps at an alarming speed. He frowns and opens his mouth to ask what the hell is going on when he is given an answer anyway.
The small blonde crumples to her knees as the contents of her stomach revolts with the alcohol in her system and everything she's eaten in the past couple of days makes its second appearance all over the pavement, as well as part of her top and jacket.
'Now there's a passion killer' Spike thinks wryly as he watches the poor girl cough and heave. There's no way that could be construed as a pretty sight, but she'd always be the most beautiful girl in the world to him, from highest point to lowest and back again - always.
"Spike" she whimpers desperately, snapping him out of his daze of thoughts "why is the ground spinning?" she asks, hands clutching at the pavement in an attempt to make it stop tipping beneath her knees "Oh God, make it stop" she begs some more.
As awful as he knows she must be feeling, Spike has to suppress a smile. It is sort of funny to see the mighty Slayer, crouched on the floor next to the regurgitated contents of her body, begging the nearest vampire to make the world stop turning so fast because she wants to get off!
"Wish I could, sweetheart" he sighs as he moves over to her side and tries to help her up "unfortunately easier said than done, and believe me when I tell you I speak from experience"
He manages to get her to her feet and she stumbles a little in the high-heeled boots she wears "Come on, luv" Spike steadies her with a hand on her arm "let's get you sorted out"
She looks at him strangely for a second and he wonders if she's going to argue or worse punch him in the face for daring to touch her, though he doubts her aim would be too good in her current state. Instead she just nods her head slightly allowing his strong arms to be her support as she leans on him and lets him lead her down the street.
"You understand stuff, don't you?" she asks after a long silence, her words barely audible since her face is half buried in the leather of his coat. The thought occurs that this is the closest he's ever really been to her and it scrambles his thoughts to the point where even this simple conversation is a little taxing for him.
"Dunno pet, depends what stuff you mean" he answers eventually, glad he doesn't have a speeding heartbeat that she can hear, pretty sure he would have one if he were alive.
"Me" Buffy answers his question simply, carefully lifting her head to look at him, "You understand me..." she says slowly, eyes all wide and innocent like a child that's just learnt something new "sometimes I think you understand me better than anyone else does" she tells him as he tries to remind himself to put one foot in front of the other. The way she's looking at him now, the warmth in her eyes, it's making it impossible to think straight nevermind walk that way "Maybe cos you're like me..." she decides, voice trailing away as her head returns to his shoulder and he frowns slightly at her choice of words.
"I didn't quite follow you round that bend, luv" he admits "I'm like you?" he repeats with some uncertainty, wondering if he mis-heard her words.
"Superpowers, darkness, slay-age..." Buffy counts out "okay, so you slay people but still..." he feels her shrug her shoulders as she sighs this tiny sigh that serves to remind him just how young, how much of a child she really is, despite the fact she can seem so mature, so strong-willed and worldly wise sometimes.
"See what you mean" he agrees eventually "never thought you'd see it that way though"
"Me either" she admits, tripping up a little, causing herself to leave the safety of Spike's arms "maybe I'm drunk?" she says as she stands before him, leaning back against the wall, all frown lines and wobbly limbs.
"You think?" Spike smirks as he walks two steps past her and pushes the door to his crypt wide open, gesturing for the Slayer to go inside. She obliges him and walks passed into the dank little building, seemingly not noticing where she is until they are both inside and the door is closed.
"Why are we here?" she asks, frowning harder, watching Spike as he removes his duster and hangs it over the back of the armchair "It's cold and dark and icky..." she trails off as her head spins all over again and her knees feel like they might give way. She reaches for something to grab onto and finds nothing there. Spike notices, rushes to her side and steadies her with a hand on each of her arms.
"It's also closer than your house" he tells her in a gentle tone she hasn't heard too often from him, but she's glad of it now "and if I took you home in this state your Watcher or some other member of your little Scooby club would try to stake me good and proper..." he smirks a little, hoping to get a smile out of her but none comes, "with my handicap they might actually get away with it too" he tries, thinking perhaps his impending death might lift her spirits. He's surprised when she makes no comment at all, but silently moves her over towards the hole with the ladder that leads down to the lower level.
At the edge he stops wondering how he's going to get her down there without breaking one or both of their necks. Somehow, after much manoeuvring that he expects her to protest about but she doesn't, they arrive together in the lower level, where she yawns loudly. He leaves her briefly to light some candles and she smiles slightly as she watches him.
"I wouldn't let them y'know..." she says softly, he looks back at her strangely "dust you" she clarifies, watching her unsteady feet as she leans her weight back against the cold stone wall.
"How's that then?" he asks with a tilt of his head as he turns back to face her. She giggles into her reply.
"Who's whiskey would I steal if you weren't around? And whose butt would I kick when I had nothing better to do?" she asks as innocently as she can. Spike points a finger at her, mock-sternly.
"You are walking on very thin ice, Missy" he tells her, but he's smiling when he says it and his tone is not in the least bit threatening as he walks towards her.
"Will you catch me if I fall?" she asks right at the moment when he reaches out to her, planning to lead her to the bed and let her lie down. She looks at him in that way again, the way that makes Spike forget the rest of the world exists, and the answer to her question the only thing she is interested in right now.
"Always pet" comes his whispered reply, as he pushes her hair from her face "forever and always" he promises and loves to see the smile that spreads across her lips, the one he missed so much for hundred and forty seven days.
She looks vaguely like she might kiss him again and as glorious as it would be, her breath reminds him of her alcohol consumption rate tonight as well as what that amount of alcohol caused to happen in the street. He grimaces a little, straightening up so his eyes are no longer level with hers and urges her to follow him across the room "Come on now, lets get you cleaned up and comfy" he says as he seats her on the edge of his bed and goes to hunt for a spare T-shirt in the chest on the other side of the room. Here was the Slayer willingly sitting on his bed, and here he was with morals that he wasn't even supposed to have, preventing him from touching her in her present state. The irony was not lost on Spike.
"Er, here" he stumbles on what he meant to say as he turns back to face her and hands her one of his many black T-shirts "you want to change your top or whatever..."
"Oh, yeah, thanks" she nods and smiles slightly taking the crumpled item from his hands and holding it up in front of her.
Spike can't help the fact that his brain is imagining her changing into his clothes, anymore than he can help the reaction his body has to those thoughts.
"I'll be upstairs if you need anything" he says quickly, shaking his head and disappearing up the ladder.
Buffy watches him go before sighing and removing her jacket and blouse, replacing it with Spike's shirt and then pulling the covers from the bed around her shoulders. The fabric of both the shirt and the sheets are tainted with the smell of cigarettes, blood, alcohol, and a hint of something that is uniquely Spike. It's oddly comforting, Buffy realises as she gently lowers herself back onto the surprisingly comfy bed, her head pleased to be set down at last.
Upstairs Spike tries not to think about the fact the woman he loves is on his bed, wearing his T-shirt, drunk from effects of his alcohol supply.
Tonight has not gone how he planned it. Should have been like very other night. Watch Dawson's Creek, head out for a spot of violence, maybe swing by Willy's bar and get a little drunk, then heading home before daybreak and falling into his bed to sleep a few hours.
Instead he'd discussed Buffy's life with her, given his opinion, unwanted or not, allowed her to drink copious amounts of alcohol, and ended up bringing her back to his crypt, definitely drunk and fairly disorderly...and then there was the confusingly kind words and the even more confusing kiss...
"Oh God! No!" he hears a scream from the lower level and immediately dashes back down the ladder, to find Buffy yelling and writhing on the bed, scrambling to get away from something only she can see. Her eyes are still closed, it's all a nasty dream, but the root is in reality.
"Buffy, pet, it's okay" he tells her, sitting down on the edge of the bed beside her and grabbing her by the upper arms, "Come on now, wake up" he urges as he shakes her gently. Eventually her eyes open and she sits up sharply, her body barely inches from his, their eyes locked together.
"Where am I?" she gasps for air she feels she has been denied and Spike is only glad he has her back in reality at last.
"You're in my crypt, luv" he tells her, hating the fact she looks so terrified and praying she'd stop soon because she was really starting to scare him "You're safe and I've got you" he promises her as the tears in her eyes threaten to spill out all over the place.
"I thought" she chokes out, the water running freely down her cheeks as one hand comes up to cover her mouth "oh Spike" she sobs eventually "every time I fall asleep it's like..." she can't finish the sentence and she doesn't need too. He's been there and he knows precisely what she means.
"Your coffin?" he says it as a question though he's almost certain he is right. All she can do is nod her affirmative answer before the emotion really hits her and she cries like the innocent little child she looks so much like tonight. Her head falls onto his chest and Spike's arms go around her, one across her back holding her too him, the other with his hand on the back of her head, stroking her hair.
"Oh luv" he sympathises, knowing if he were less strong than he was he'd be crying for her too "I wish I could make it all right for you, you don't know how much I wish it" he says softly into her hair. He's startled when her head suddenly rises, almost smacking him in the chin.
"Then do it Spike" she begs him with her eyes as well as her words "make it right, help me forget, just for a while, let me feel something else"
He is frowning momentarily as she says the words, not really knowing what she means until she leans up and kisses him again. It can't happen like this and he knows it. It's not about love but the need to feel and he doesn't want her that way. The robot he had built was never enough, because it wasn't really her, this wasn't really his Buffy either and he just couldn't do it, however sorely he was tempted.
"No Buffy" he manages to say as he pulls back from her "this isn't the way...I wish I could, but I can't" he says, hating the mist of pain he sees settling over her eyes. He can't look at her when she's like that and she's just too embarrassed and humiliated to look at him. He lifts her chin with his fingers, bringing her eyes back to meet his.
"I still love you, Slayer" he assures her, knowing he's risking all of his parts just saying it, but she has to understand, "and if I thought you meant it, that you wanted me for real, I wouldn't even stop to think about it, but it's not real is it?" he says, knowing he's right. His hand drops away from her face as she looks away and nods ever so slightly.
"I should go" she says sadly, moving to get off the bed and finding it harder than she anticipated.
"No" Spike's hand shoots out to catch her arm and she looks back at him, surprised by the action "Stay" he tells her "Get some rest like you were going to before" he says, standing up and gesturing that she should lie down as he encourages the covers up around her. She looks a little worried, and he know it's because of the fear that sleep brings, the nightmares that arrive behind her eyes when darkness falls "You want me to sit with you for a while?" he asks. Her only response is a small nod, as she scooches over to make room for him beside her on the bed, and he joins her willingly if not a little nervously.
"Just hold me for a little while?" she says so quietly that he is sure he would not have heard if not for the enhanced hearing that comes with being one of his species.
"Of course pet" he answers, tentatively putting an arm around her as she rolls toward him and settles down to sleep.
Her eyes flutter closed and in moments her breaths are even and slight, and he knows she is sleeping. Now he has the chance to say all that he wishes he could when she is awake.
"I know the chances of you loving me are slim" he whispers in the silence of the crypt "and it's a miracle that we've come this far, that you'll trust me enough to be here with me tonight..." he pauses briefly as he thinks of how to express all he is feeling "One day Buffy, I hope you'll see the man behind the monster, because that man loves you so much" he promises, kissing the top of her head lightly "but just sleep now, my love, be at peace as you should be" he smiles a little as the heat from her body warms his cold form and the feeling of her next to him swells his heart.
And for the first time in a long time, he knows he'll sleep soundly, and so will she, and he'll worry about later when it comes, right now is all that matters. She's given him that crumb he asked for so long ago, he's given her the comfort she needs, one day maybe they'll both be able to give their heart and soul to the other, but for now, they have all that they need.
The End --