Title: Affinity
Author: Andréa
E-mail: jarhead_x@hotmail.com
Summary: Sam's feelings are changing. Bad summary, I know....
Rating: PG-13 for situation and swearing.
Category: MS Romance. Little JS. Sorry it was needed....
Spoiler: Fallout, The Bus, etc... I think almost everything from Fallout to now. (whatever now is)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Author's note: The first chapter may be short and kind of pointless, that's because I started writing without any idea in my mind. English is not my first spoken language. You're warned. It's MS of course, hope you like it and review it! I wanted to do something from Sam's POV, so this is from Sam's POV ;) I don't know if Sam is one of swearing but hey, if it's in her mind, so who really cares? Since this is a MS fic, it's basically with Sam and Martin. You won't see many, probably almost none, scenes where both of them are not.
Also, Martin and Sam Forum @ destinedto.proboards26.com - go take a look if you're MS fan.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Part One
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It didn't hurt.
For the first time I looked at him and it didn't hurt. No twist of stomach, no sinking of heart or want to cry. Nothing. I watched him as he walked around the table, distributing pictures to us of our new missing person. He stopped for a millisecond longer than he should in front of me and searched my eyes. I looked up at him, meeting his eyes defiantly, tilting my head slightly to the side as if asking him if he needed something.
He looked away, somewhat hurt, I'm not really sure why; he shouldn't be feeling hurt, not at all. I'm the who should feel like my life had just broken apart - and I did for a long time. I felt as if a part of me had been ripped off, as if sand and wind was tearing my skin.
As much as I don't like to admit it, Jack was a big part of my life; he made me feel something I didn't feel in a long time. I loved him; of course I did, but it wasn't enough. What he gave me wasn't enough. I lived for a long time with the 'gotta take whatever I can get' lifestyle but at some point something changed and I couldn't live like that anymore. I couldn't live with what Jack was able to give me. He only could take me up and down, like a yo-yo, but I needed to move forward.
I was blind by what we had. By the affection and love he gave me, the sensations of being wanted; I wasn't able to see the darkness revolving around me. To see where our underground relationship was leading; too blind that it took me being shot to get to open my eyes.
It was like I had just had an eye operation and the doctor took the bandage from my eyes. At first it was all fog and dull, I could only distinguish shadows and forms until I finally could see light and colors. I realized how bad our affair was, how wrong it was. I didn't want to be his mistress, I didn't want to be the other. I wanted something mine, something I could show, something that wasn't stolen.
I think he realized it too because he ended everything between us.
I was shocked, hurt, depressed... I don't really know. I couldn't rebound every time he touched me, I couldn't do whatever he wanted and wait till we were alone or wait for him to sneak out of his house to come to mine. I was still in that 'gotta take whatever I can get' fase when he said we were through. It took me time to recover. I felt like every inch of my being was evaporating; I needed stability, something of my own, tender love and care 24/7, and he couldn't give me that.
The shot, the case, the end of our affair; I think everything came crashing down on me at once and Jack noticed so he made me go see the FBI counselor. I didn't want to, I hated the idea but I had to go anyway, so I did. It's hard for me to admit it but I guess it helped me; it made me feel better. The counselor was great, she told me truth right on my face, told me what she thought, told me I should move on, continue with my life; find someone to love - someone to truly love me.
I accepted it; I did. I tried to forget Jack and the pain he caused me. I had kind of moved on during the summer, during the time I had to stay home because of my leg. I was looking for someone; I didn't notice that actually; I didn't notice I was looking for someone until Martin was there for me. Until we were having drinks after work.
That day when Jack sent me home, I though; I wondered. I brooded about what I wanted from life, what my chances were. What I wanted to do with it now that I had my life back, now that I had everything again. I don't really now why I went back to the office that night, but I did. Maybe it was fate, maybe some angel was over me, watching me and sent me back here. Call it luck, call it intuition but Martin was there and he made me remember that day he asked me to get a drink sometime and that would be the perfect time to finally accept it. So I did.
I never thought Martin could be so fun; never thought I could have so much fun with him. That first time we spent together, just the two of us, no work, it was wonderful. He dealt with my depressed self so wonderfully; he treated me with such care that I was amazed. He let me talk about whatever I wanted to talk, to complain and mumble as much as I wanted. He just sat there and listened to every word, without judging me.
It was so great that we went out to have drinks as often as we could after work and it was like that for a long while until he turned me down. His words hurt me; I'm sure he didn't do that intentionally, but they hurt me anyway. I felt as if my heart was being torn again, felt as if he had betrayed me. I couldn't understand why I felt like that. We were just two friends going out for a drink, no attachment, no emotional connections, no commitment.
But why did I feel like I was losing something?
I had this question running inside my head since then, petulant, insistent; like a child pushing their mother to know why they couldn't do what they wanted, why their mother had said 'no'. It would fade away eventually, I was sure of it. But it didn't; it didn't fade away, it didn't stop annoying me. I didn't stop wondering. I shouldn't have felt any kind of bad feelings, I shouldn't. I turned him down once because no kind of relationship outside work would happen. I couldn't give him expectations because I was with Jack - he didn't know that of course - and it wouldn't be fair.
I said no once. He had all the right to do the same.
I glanced at him over the table. A quick stolen glance, which he shouldn't even know about but I looked at him just to find out he was looking at me first. I looked back down, at my hands, as I suppressed a smile from appearing over my lips. I wanted to know if he was still looking at me but I wasn't going to look again.
Some time later (I still was fighting against myself not to look at Martin) Jack finished talking and teamed up everyone, except him. Danny and Martin would go talk with the boyfriend while me and Viv were going to the hospital where Katherine Robinson had been interned two days before disappearing.
At least I wasn't teamed with Martin. A good start of day. I think...
* * *
2 days later.
I stared at him sat at his desk as I put my coat on. I was wondering if I should ask him to get a drink. I don't know if I should, I mean, what if I did and he said no again? But I couldn't know if I didn't ask. Maybe he would say yes. I decided to just pass him by, occasionally, on my way to leave and say bye.
I buttoned the lower half of my coat and slowly walked towards him. I remembered the time when we always went out for drinks, how we talked so easily and how, for some reason, he eased my mind. The time we spent together outside work is the time that I will likely cherish the most. I could be wrong at that, but I don't really care. It's just funny how when you look back at things, you finally notice how much you want it back. How much you miss them.
"Hey." I practically breathed out, just a noise to catch his attention.
He looked up and smiled a bit. I wondered if his tiny smile was a good or a bad thing. "Hey."
"So humm..." I narrowed my eyebrows a bit as I went back and forth from wondering if I should or shouldn't. Should or shouldn't... "Do you want to get a drink or something?" Maybe I should after all.
"Sure." His smile widened, not too much, but enough to give me hope. "Just give me ten minutes to finish here." He lifted the papers he was reading and I nodded.
"All right." I smiled back, a smile bigger than I wanted to give him. Well, not really by my choice. What could I do if every time I saw him smile a smile of my own formed on my lips involuntarily?
* * *
"I'm ready." I looked up a bit startled by the sudden voice but as soon as my brain recognized the voice and the face and linked them together, I smiled at Martin more relieved. "Ok. Let's go then."
I got up from my chair, where I pretended all the while I waited for him that I was doing something important and together we walked out of here. We took his car for no special reason. I mean, we could have taken mine but we just... took his. When we had to go home afterwards he would drop me off at my apartment and next morning I would just take a cab or something.
It is a lot of work, I know, but hey, it was worth it.
* * *
If the damn telephone keeps ringing I swear I'll turn it into pieces, I thought tucking my head under the covers and pillows to stop the sound from reaching my sensitive ears. Ahhh, there it is, it finally stopped. With no sounds to annoy me I brought my head back from under everything and pulled my covers to my chin, keeping me warm.
I was drifting back to dreamland when the ringing started again, but this time it was my cell phone. I sighed angrily and threw the covers away from me as one arm quickly reached for my cell on the nightstand. "Spade." I was really sleepy and you can imagine how my voice sounded. Not my fault.
"Sam, we've got a situation."
At the professional sound of Jack's voice, I sat up straight, forgetting completely about my peaceful sleep of two minutes ago and I, too, got into professional mode. "I'm listening."
"A 13 year old girl went missing two hours ago. A woman saw her being taken by a black clad man. I want you and Martin at Lizzy Coleman's house, one of her friends, where she was last seen. I'm going to talk to the parents."
"Ok. I'll meet Martin there."
"I called him and he said he would stop by your place and pick you up."
"Oh." Yeah, humm.... oh. So original, but it was the only thing that came out of my mouth. I was nervous already and for no real reason... "Ok." I hung up and got out of bed to get ready.
I think I was still in a sleep state because somehow my foot got caught by the sheets and when I stood I fell head first on the floor, the thud of my body hitting the carpeted floor mixing with the throbbing in my head. "Oh crap..." I muttered, angrily taking the damned sheets away from me.
But, like everything you do when you are angry, that simple little task became quite difficult.
When I finally got free of these damned sheets I stood and walked to my closet, searching for something good and nice to wear. Wait a minute... something good and nice? Why the hell would I want to wear something good and nice? Oh hell... a simple small word: Martin.
What the hell...
* * *
So I was ready. Red silk long sleeved blouse, black pants and boots and black jacket. Simple, informal, not too fancy, not too poor, good enough to work.
I walked to the living room and headed to the door, then took the coat on the hanger beside the door. I put it on and grabbed my keys and as I opened my door I almost jumped out of my skin by seeing Martin right in front of me, hand up ready to knock.
"For God's sake, Martin!" I breathed out in a big puff, my heart skipping a beat; for the startle or for seeing him, I'm not quite sure.
"Sorry..."
"No. That's ok." I gave him a smile to ensure everything was fine and he gave one in return. I stepped outside and locked my door. "You came quickly."
He looked at me with that expression of confusion, for what I didn't know, and narrowed his eyes. "I took the same time of always."
"Yeah... humm... Right." I said trying to understand why I was stuttering. Maybe it was because he was so handsome this morning; maybe it was because his after shave was smelling really good or maybe it was his personal scent traveling from his body to my nose. But whatever it was, it was making me trip over my own feet. I started walking down the corridor and he followed me right away. "Let's just... get this done with."
"What did Jack tell you?"
"Not much. Only that a thirteen year old girl went missing. I was hoping you'd fill me in." Aha, my voice was much stronger and more resolute. I didn't stutter. Ok, I wasn't looking at him so what? I needed to focus on my work goddamn it, not him...
"Yeah, sure." He pressed the elevator button before I did it and we turned to look at each other. "Maryanne Hoyck was sleeping over at one friend's house, Lizzy and when Lizzy woke up this morning she couldn't find Maryanne so they called 911."
"Since when you wake up so early when there is a sleep over?" I asked just when the doors opened with a 'ding'.
Martin shrugged and held the doors open so both of us could get in. "I don't know. We don't even know why she woke up."
"We're going to find out." I said, my eyes on him checking his handsome face as the doors closed with another 'ding.'
* * *
Coffee. Ahhh, warm, black and strong coffee. Just what I needed, I thought smelling the sweet scent from the vapor coming from the mug of coffee I had just put. Coffee. How can someone live without this wonderful liquid running in their body? I mean; it's basically the reason you can get out of bed. Without at least your morning coffee you can't go on the rest of the day.
I hear someone's footsteps coming closer but I didn't really care. The hot coffee was about to touch my lips and this was more important. Unfortunately the coffee was too hot and I almost choked on it when my tongue felt the hotness of it, causing me to spit the liquid back in the mug before it could burn anything else.
"You OK?"
I think I smelled him before I heard. That scent of his was so unmistakable that I'd know anywhere which one was his. Oh my God! What am I doing thinking about this when, right now, the tip of my tongue is burnt and I can feel my heart palpitating on it? Wait a second; he asked me something, didn't he? Oh yeah, right, if I am ok. "Fine. The coffee is just too damn hot."
"Ouch." He chuckled. "Burned tongue?"
Was he mocking me? "It's not that hot. Why don't you try it?" I innocently asked handing him my mug.
"No thanks. I think one burn is enough." He laughed, one finger pointing to his mouth.
I started laughing too. Did he get burned too? Well, at least I wasn't the only one stupid here. Then I became all serious again. "So, did you find anything?" I asked after putting my coffee on the counter and walking beside him to where our desks were.
"Not much. The people from school couldn't help much. There was this girl, Kayla, who said Maryanne started seeing a boy about a week ago, when she started acting different."
"Different how?"
"She started dressing differently, talking and hanging with different people. Things like that"
"Did you find who this boy is?"
"Yup. Rhett Muniz, 16 year old, dark hair, dark eyes. I couldn't find his address with any of their friends. I'll check it now."
At this point we were both standing beside his desk. Martin sat and started searching in the Internet for the Muniz family. I just stood there... admiring him. He looked up, his eyes meeting mine then he smiled. God, that smile makes me melt. He makes me melt. I felt a smile forming on my face, I couldn't help it and soon I was smiling back at him.
This is so stupid; I don't know what is this force pushing me to do things I never did, not because of or towards him anyway. This had startet a while ago, since I got shot to be precise. I started feeling things I've never felt before in my entire life, these feelings came rushing inside of me with such strength I was stunned.
It was supposed to be some kind of message or something? Some kind of sign? It was my mind playing games with me because of the medication I was taking for the pain? Could even be the medication? Or was it all there already, since from the beginning and I was just too into Jack to notice? I remember I checked him out the first time I saw him, I even commented with Danny about his smile.
I was, somehow drawn to him. I felt a burning in my belly and my heart skipped a beat whenever he was around, I felt happy when he was there, I felt that nervous chills ran my spine. But I didn't care about it because that's the way I felt when I was with Jack. And being with him was the only important thing I had in my lonely life. I couldn't trade something I was sure of for something I barely knew.
I wasn't willing to take a risk.
But it never left, I think. Those feelings I mean. They were always there, just not up in front. It never died down and deeply I think I didn't want it to. It was all coming back now. I was feeling it and it felt so strong and so... right. I just needed something to make me see it.
Almost losing your life for some reason made you see things in a different perspective, a good perspective because you wanted to make the wrongs right. That was when I saw Martin in a different way, that was when I started feeling different things. That's when I started really seeing Martin.
His name running in my head made me look down at him and as if sensing my eyes on him, Martin looked up. We didn't say anything and he just stared at me. He looked me directly in the eye and didn't speak a single word. My body tingled, my eyes locked on him and only him. I could feel emotions running through my body; too many to name, all of which I probably didn't even know the name.
"It's searching." He said after several moments of silence, snapping me out of my thoughts and brought me back to reality. Back to him... and a few moments later the computer rang. We tore our eyes from each other to the computer screen, where several 'Muniz' showed.
"Doesn't the school have his address?" I asked hopefully, seeing how many Muniz were there. I could count at last fifteen.
"I asked but he doesn't study there."
"We have such a work to do then." I bent down to look closely at the screen, completely innocent, but I ended up too close to him. Our skins were slightly touching, my face was near his and his scent was much stronger then. I tried to keep my cool, to stay calm and focused on the screen as I scanned it. "Here." I pointed at the screen, my finger gently touching the glass. "This address is the closest to the school."
Martin took a notepad and wrote the address down on it then put it in his pocket. "Let's start with this one then."
I nodded and stood at the same time he did. We walked over and while doing so, he stood so close to me I felt his arm rubbing mine and if it wasn't for the amount of clothes between our skins I would've felt his warmth right through our bodies.
* * *
I closed the door to my apartment and stumbled to my bedroom, taking off my clothes and throwing them on the floor on my way to my soft and warm bed, falling only in my underwear on the smooth mattress.
Cold! I mean, err, it'll be warm as soon as the warmth of my tired body heat the cold sheets. I don't really care, tough. It's still ten pm but I'm so tired that I could sleep on anywhere my body fell. I crawled under the covers and rested my throbbing head over my soft pillow. Oh, my lovely and soft pillow. How I love you.
I told you I was tired.
* * *
So, this is the first chapter... kinda pointless, I told ya. Review, please. I need to know if you want more.
Author: Andréa
E-mail: jarhead_x@hotmail.com
Summary: Sam's feelings are changing. Bad summary, I know....
Rating: PG-13 for situation and swearing.
Category: MS Romance. Little JS. Sorry it was needed....
Spoiler: Fallout, The Bus, etc... I think almost everything from Fallout to now. (whatever now is)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Author's note: The first chapter may be short and kind of pointless, that's because I started writing without any idea in my mind. English is not my first spoken language. You're warned. It's MS of course, hope you like it and review it! I wanted to do something from Sam's POV, so this is from Sam's POV ;) I don't know if Sam is one of swearing but hey, if it's in her mind, so who really cares? Since this is a MS fic, it's basically with Sam and Martin. You won't see many, probably almost none, scenes where both of them are not.
Also, Martin and Sam Forum @ destinedto.proboards26.com - go take a look if you're MS fan.
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Part One
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It didn't hurt.
For the first time I looked at him and it didn't hurt. No twist of stomach, no sinking of heart or want to cry. Nothing. I watched him as he walked around the table, distributing pictures to us of our new missing person. He stopped for a millisecond longer than he should in front of me and searched my eyes. I looked up at him, meeting his eyes defiantly, tilting my head slightly to the side as if asking him if he needed something.
He looked away, somewhat hurt, I'm not really sure why; he shouldn't be feeling hurt, not at all. I'm the who should feel like my life had just broken apart - and I did for a long time. I felt as if a part of me had been ripped off, as if sand and wind was tearing my skin.
As much as I don't like to admit it, Jack was a big part of my life; he made me feel something I didn't feel in a long time. I loved him; of course I did, but it wasn't enough. What he gave me wasn't enough. I lived for a long time with the 'gotta take whatever I can get' lifestyle but at some point something changed and I couldn't live like that anymore. I couldn't live with what Jack was able to give me. He only could take me up and down, like a yo-yo, but I needed to move forward.
I was blind by what we had. By the affection and love he gave me, the sensations of being wanted; I wasn't able to see the darkness revolving around me. To see where our underground relationship was leading; too blind that it took me being shot to get to open my eyes.
It was like I had just had an eye operation and the doctor took the bandage from my eyes. At first it was all fog and dull, I could only distinguish shadows and forms until I finally could see light and colors. I realized how bad our affair was, how wrong it was. I didn't want to be his mistress, I didn't want to be the other. I wanted something mine, something I could show, something that wasn't stolen.
I think he realized it too because he ended everything between us.
I was shocked, hurt, depressed... I don't really know. I couldn't rebound every time he touched me, I couldn't do whatever he wanted and wait till we were alone or wait for him to sneak out of his house to come to mine. I was still in that 'gotta take whatever I can get' fase when he said we were through. It took me time to recover. I felt like every inch of my being was evaporating; I needed stability, something of my own, tender love and care 24/7, and he couldn't give me that.
The shot, the case, the end of our affair; I think everything came crashing down on me at once and Jack noticed so he made me go see the FBI counselor. I didn't want to, I hated the idea but I had to go anyway, so I did. It's hard for me to admit it but I guess it helped me; it made me feel better. The counselor was great, she told me truth right on my face, told me what she thought, told me I should move on, continue with my life; find someone to love - someone to truly love me.
I accepted it; I did. I tried to forget Jack and the pain he caused me. I had kind of moved on during the summer, during the time I had to stay home because of my leg. I was looking for someone; I didn't notice that actually; I didn't notice I was looking for someone until Martin was there for me. Until we were having drinks after work.
That day when Jack sent me home, I though; I wondered. I brooded about what I wanted from life, what my chances were. What I wanted to do with it now that I had my life back, now that I had everything again. I don't really now why I went back to the office that night, but I did. Maybe it was fate, maybe some angel was over me, watching me and sent me back here. Call it luck, call it intuition but Martin was there and he made me remember that day he asked me to get a drink sometime and that would be the perfect time to finally accept it. So I did.
I never thought Martin could be so fun; never thought I could have so much fun with him. That first time we spent together, just the two of us, no work, it was wonderful. He dealt with my depressed self so wonderfully; he treated me with such care that I was amazed. He let me talk about whatever I wanted to talk, to complain and mumble as much as I wanted. He just sat there and listened to every word, without judging me.
It was so great that we went out to have drinks as often as we could after work and it was like that for a long while until he turned me down. His words hurt me; I'm sure he didn't do that intentionally, but they hurt me anyway. I felt as if my heart was being torn again, felt as if he had betrayed me. I couldn't understand why I felt like that. We were just two friends going out for a drink, no attachment, no emotional connections, no commitment.
But why did I feel like I was losing something?
I had this question running inside my head since then, petulant, insistent; like a child pushing their mother to know why they couldn't do what they wanted, why their mother had said 'no'. It would fade away eventually, I was sure of it. But it didn't; it didn't fade away, it didn't stop annoying me. I didn't stop wondering. I shouldn't have felt any kind of bad feelings, I shouldn't. I turned him down once because no kind of relationship outside work would happen. I couldn't give him expectations because I was with Jack - he didn't know that of course - and it wouldn't be fair.
I said no once. He had all the right to do the same.
I glanced at him over the table. A quick stolen glance, which he shouldn't even know about but I looked at him just to find out he was looking at me first. I looked back down, at my hands, as I suppressed a smile from appearing over my lips. I wanted to know if he was still looking at me but I wasn't going to look again.
Some time later (I still was fighting against myself not to look at Martin) Jack finished talking and teamed up everyone, except him. Danny and Martin would go talk with the boyfriend while me and Viv were going to the hospital where Katherine Robinson had been interned two days before disappearing.
At least I wasn't teamed with Martin. A good start of day. I think...
* * *
2 days later.
I stared at him sat at his desk as I put my coat on. I was wondering if I should ask him to get a drink. I don't know if I should, I mean, what if I did and he said no again? But I couldn't know if I didn't ask. Maybe he would say yes. I decided to just pass him by, occasionally, on my way to leave and say bye.
I buttoned the lower half of my coat and slowly walked towards him. I remembered the time when we always went out for drinks, how we talked so easily and how, for some reason, he eased my mind. The time we spent together outside work is the time that I will likely cherish the most. I could be wrong at that, but I don't really care. It's just funny how when you look back at things, you finally notice how much you want it back. How much you miss them.
"Hey." I practically breathed out, just a noise to catch his attention.
He looked up and smiled a bit. I wondered if his tiny smile was a good or a bad thing. "Hey."
"So humm..." I narrowed my eyebrows a bit as I went back and forth from wondering if I should or shouldn't. Should or shouldn't... "Do you want to get a drink or something?" Maybe I should after all.
"Sure." His smile widened, not too much, but enough to give me hope. "Just give me ten minutes to finish here." He lifted the papers he was reading and I nodded.
"All right." I smiled back, a smile bigger than I wanted to give him. Well, not really by my choice. What could I do if every time I saw him smile a smile of my own formed on my lips involuntarily?
* * *
"I'm ready." I looked up a bit startled by the sudden voice but as soon as my brain recognized the voice and the face and linked them together, I smiled at Martin more relieved. "Ok. Let's go then."
I got up from my chair, where I pretended all the while I waited for him that I was doing something important and together we walked out of here. We took his car for no special reason. I mean, we could have taken mine but we just... took his. When we had to go home afterwards he would drop me off at my apartment and next morning I would just take a cab or something.
It is a lot of work, I know, but hey, it was worth it.
* * *
If the damn telephone keeps ringing I swear I'll turn it into pieces, I thought tucking my head under the covers and pillows to stop the sound from reaching my sensitive ears. Ahhh, there it is, it finally stopped. With no sounds to annoy me I brought my head back from under everything and pulled my covers to my chin, keeping me warm.
I was drifting back to dreamland when the ringing started again, but this time it was my cell phone. I sighed angrily and threw the covers away from me as one arm quickly reached for my cell on the nightstand. "Spade." I was really sleepy and you can imagine how my voice sounded. Not my fault.
"Sam, we've got a situation."
At the professional sound of Jack's voice, I sat up straight, forgetting completely about my peaceful sleep of two minutes ago and I, too, got into professional mode. "I'm listening."
"A 13 year old girl went missing two hours ago. A woman saw her being taken by a black clad man. I want you and Martin at Lizzy Coleman's house, one of her friends, where she was last seen. I'm going to talk to the parents."
"Ok. I'll meet Martin there."
"I called him and he said he would stop by your place and pick you up."
"Oh." Yeah, humm.... oh. So original, but it was the only thing that came out of my mouth. I was nervous already and for no real reason... "Ok." I hung up and got out of bed to get ready.
I think I was still in a sleep state because somehow my foot got caught by the sheets and when I stood I fell head first on the floor, the thud of my body hitting the carpeted floor mixing with the throbbing in my head. "Oh crap..." I muttered, angrily taking the damned sheets away from me.
But, like everything you do when you are angry, that simple little task became quite difficult.
When I finally got free of these damned sheets I stood and walked to my closet, searching for something good and nice to wear. Wait a minute... something good and nice? Why the hell would I want to wear something good and nice? Oh hell... a simple small word: Martin.
What the hell...
* * *
So I was ready. Red silk long sleeved blouse, black pants and boots and black jacket. Simple, informal, not too fancy, not too poor, good enough to work.
I walked to the living room and headed to the door, then took the coat on the hanger beside the door. I put it on and grabbed my keys and as I opened my door I almost jumped out of my skin by seeing Martin right in front of me, hand up ready to knock.
"For God's sake, Martin!" I breathed out in a big puff, my heart skipping a beat; for the startle or for seeing him, I'm not quite sure.
"Sorry..."
"No. That's ok." I gave him a smile to ensure everything was fine and he gave one in return. I stepped outside and locked my door. "You came quickly."
He looked at me with that expression of confusion, for what I didn't know, and narrowed his eyes. "I took the same time of always."
"Yeah... humm... Right." I said trying to understand why I was stuttering. Maybe it was because he was so handsome this morning; maybe it was because his after shave was smelling really good or maybe it was his personal scent traveling from his body to my nose. But whatever it was, it was making me trip over my own feet. I started walking down the corridor and he followed me right away. "Let's just... get this done with."
"What did Jack tell you?"
"Not much. Only that a thirteen year old girl went missing. I was hoping you'd fill me in." Aha, my voice was much stronger and more resolute. I didn't stutter. Ok, I wasn't looking at him so what? I needed to focus on my work goddamn it, not him...
"Yeah, sure." He pressed the elevator button before I did it and we turned to look at each other. "Maryanne Hoyck was sleeping over at one friend's house, Lizzy and when Lizzy woke up this morning she couldn't find Maryanne so they called 911."
"Since when you wake up so early when there is a sleep over?" I asked just when the doors opened with a 'ding'.
Martin shrugged and held the doors open so both of us could get in. "I don't know. We don't even know why she woke up."
"We're going to find out." I said, my eyes on him checking his handsome face as the doors closed with another 'ding.'
* * *
Coffee. Ahhh, warm, black and strong coffee. Just what I needed, I thought smelling the sweet scent from the vapor coming from the mug of coffee I had just put. Coffee. How can someone live without this wonderful liquid running in their body? I mean; it's basically the reason you can get out of bed. Without at least your morning coffee you can't go on the rest of the day.
I hear someone's footsteps coming closer but I didn't really care. The hot coffee was about to touch my lips and this was more important. Unfortunately the coffee was too hot and I almost choked on it when my tongue felt the hotness of it, causing me to spit the liquid back in the mug before it could burn anything else.
"You OK?"
I think I smelled him before I heard. That scent of his was so unmistakable that I'd know anywhere which one was his. Oh my God! What am I doing thinking about this when, right now, the tip of my tongue is burnt and I can feel my heart palpitating on it? Wait a second; he asked me something, didn't he? Oh yeah, right, if I am ok. "Fine. The coffee is just too damn hot."
"Ouch." He chuckled. "Burned tongue?"
Was he mocking me? "It's not that hot. Why don't you try it?" I innocently asked handing him my mug.
"No thanks. I think one burn is enough." He laughed, one finger pointing to his mouth.
I started laughing too. Did he get burned too? Well, at least I wasn't the only one stupid here. Then I became all serious again. "So, did you find anything?" I asked after putting my coffee on the counter and walking beside him to where our desks were.
"Not much. The people from school couldn't help much. There was this girl, Kayla, who said Maryanne started seeing a boy about a week ago, when she started acting different."
"Different how?"
"She started dressing differently, talking and hanging with different people. Things like that"
"Did you find who this boy is?"
"Yup. Rhett Muniz, 16 year old, dark hair, dark eyes. I couldn't find his address with any of their friends. I'll check it now."
At this point we were both standing beside his desk. Martin sat and started searching in the Internet for the Muniz family. I just stood there... admiring him. He looked up, his eyes meeting mine then he smiled. God, that smile makes me melt. He makes me melt. I felt a smile forming on my face, I couldn't help it and soon I was smiling back at him.
This is so stupid; I don't know what is this force pushing me to do things I never did, not because of or towards him anyway. This had startet a while ago, since I got shot to be precise. I started feeling things I've never felt before in my entire life, these feelings came rushing inside of me with such strength I was stunned.
It was supposed to be some kind of message or something? Some kind of sign? It was my mind playing games with me because of the medication I was taking for the pain? Could even be the medication? Or was it all there already, since from the beginning and I was just too into Jack to notice? I remember I checked him out the first time I saw him, I even commented with Danny about his smile.
I was, somehow drawn to him. I felt a burning in my belly and my heart skipped a beat whenever he was around, I felt happy when he was there, I felt that nervous chills ran my spine. But I didn't care about it because that's the way I felt when I was with Jack. And being with him was the only important thing I had in my lonely life. I couldn't trade something I was sure of for something I barely knew.
I wasn't willing to take a risk.
But it never left, I think. Those feelings I mean. They were always there, just not up in front. It never died down and deeply I think I didn't want it to. It was all coming back now. I was feeling it and it felt so strong and so... right. I just needed something to make me see it.
Almost losing your life for some reason made you see things in a different perspective, a good perspective because you wanted to make the wrongs right. That was when I saw Martin in a different way, that was when I started feeling different things. That's when I started really seeing Martin.
His name running in my head made me look down at him and as if sensing my eyes on him, Martin looked up. We didn't say anything and he just stared at me. He looked me directly in the eye and didn't speak a single word. My body tingled, my eyes locked on him and only him. I could feel emotions running through my body; too many to name, all of which I probably didn't even know the name.
"It's searching." He said after several moments of silence, snapping me out of my thoughts and brought me back to reality. Back to him... and a few moments later the computer rang. We tore our eyes from each other to the computer screen, where several 'Muniz' showed.
"Doesn't the school have his address?" I asked hopefully, seeing how many Muniz were there. I could count at last fifteen.
"I asked but he doesn't study there."
"We have such a work to do then." I bent down to look closely at the screen, completely innocent, but I ended up too close to him. Our skins were slightly touching, my face was near his and his scent was much stronger then. I tried to keep my cool, to stay calm and focused on the screen as I scanned it. "Here." I pointed at the screen, my finger gently touching the glass. "This address is the closest to the school."
Martin took a notepad and wrote the address down on it then put it in his pocket. "Let's start with this one then."
I nodded and stood at the same time he did. We walked over and while doing so, he stood so close to me I felt his arm rubbing mine and if it wasn't for the amount of clothes between our skins I would've felt his warmth right through our bodies.
* * *
I closed the door to my apartment and stumbled to my bedroom, taking off my clothes and throwing them on the floor on my way to my soft and warm bed, falling only in my underwear on the smooth mattress.
Cold! I mean, err, it'll be warm as soon as the warmth of my tired body heat the cold sheets. I don't really care, tough. It's still ten pm but I'm so tired that I could sleep on anywhere my body fell. I crawled under the covers and rested my throbbing head over my soft pillow. Oh, my lovely and soft pillow. How I love you.
I told you I was tired.
* * *
So, this is the first chapter... kinda pointless, I told ya. Review, please. I need to know if you want more.