To summary and stuff, see part one.
Author's note: So glad you like! Your reviews make my day, they're always lovely and sweet. Thank you. Justbeingme8870, I'm glad you go to the forum, but you should post too! And I'm really glad you like my fanart! That's what makes me want to do more ;]
Martin and Sam forum @ destinedto.proboards26.com
~*~*~*~*~*~
Part Two
~*~*~*~*~*~
I took in a deep breath and let it out in a hard puff, my breath visible like smoke. I tightened my coat around me and crossed my arms to try and keep me warmer. Oh, God, how I hate the cold. I think I thought it out loud because I heard Martin laughing. "I do!" I whined.
"I'm pretty sure of it."
"You make fun of me." I protested. Making fun of me, hah!
"Me, making fun of you?" He mock asked, pointing a finger at himself. "Never."
I stopped walking and looked defiantly at him, but I wasn't feeling like getting into a 'fight' right now, so let's just leave it at that. It seemed he didn't take my response the way I wanted for him started laughing again. "Dork." I muttered and kept on walking.
"You're really in a bad mood today."
I stopped again, but this time in front of the building where the person we'd interview lived. "How did you figure it out?" It came out more as a hiss - not that I really cared - as I pressed the interphone button to call Lily Danes. To my lucky he took it well and chuckled instead of a bitter response. At that moment I was really pissed off for no real reason (yeah I didn't know why I was in a bad mood...) and didn't care if I hurt him or not, but looking back at things I'm glad he didn't feel hurt.
"Hello?"
"Hi, is this Lily Danes?" I asked.
"Yeah, it's me."
"I'm from the FBI, could I speak with you, please?"
"FBI?" She sounded a bit frightened and I understand her. They always felt scared when we showed up like that, not that they had a reason to worry. Well, most of the times they didn't. "Wha... what for?"
"We just want to ask a few questions about Maryanne."
"Oh, all right." A few seconds of silence, a buzzing sound let us know the door was unlocked. "Come in." She said again, through the interphone.
Martin stepped in front of me and held the door open so I could get inside. He always did that, you know, always held the doors open or let me pass first, these little gentlemanly acts. And were little things like that I adore in him.
"Thank you." I said as I passed by him. I don't know why I said it though; the words just came out of my mouth. I've never said that before to him, but they just... came out. I didn't look back at him after that. I think I was too... scared I guess to see his reaction to my thanks.
* * *
I looked at him, he looked at me and we both smile at the same time, just as if we had heard a joke, one that only the two of us heard. I felt like I was floating over clouds, like little winds were in my feet, like little red hearts were flying around my head and all that cartoon crap. Seriously, I'm sounding too dumb... but lately this word was fitting me very well.
When my 'cartoon moment' was over - what lasted actually a few... seconds, much less than the eternity I thought - my eyes left his and my brain focused again on Viv and whatever she was saying. Well, pardon me, but right now the handsome man across the table was more interesting.
My god... I shook my head at my own lameness. God, I don't know what's wrong with me... I mean; there's even something wrong with me? I was just feeling differently towards Martin, nothing else. Nothing confusing or complicated. End of history...
Yeah, I wish it was that simple, because, really, it wasn't.
* * *
I saw him walking my direction with that boyish smile on his lips, a tiny one, as if he was trying to restrain the smile from appearing. I know that very well, I'm doing this a lot lately. I looked down pretending to read something and trying hard not to look up at him. I had to try to pretend nonchalant. Because, you now, boys like difficult girls. Well... that's what I learned in high school.
"Hey."
I looked up faking a bit surprised. "Hey." Oooo, there it comes, all the butterflies. So, faking is not a good thing because I didn't need to fake anymore. I felt my belly burning and shivering as the damn butterflies flew in there. Stop it right now! I said to myself but since when do you listen to somebody?
"Are you busy or something?"
"No. Not really." I smiled to ensure him and he smiled back. I think I make him nervous, that's cute.
"Do you want to grab something to eat at the dinner on the corner? There is this new place they opened yesterday and I want to take a look at it."
"That's a good idea. I'm starving." I said getting up. New place, huh? I passed by this new dinner today; it is really close.
"Good." It was... relief that I heard in his voice? I shrugged it away anyway.
I gathered my things and let it on the desk as I put my heavy coat on. I shivered just by the thought of going outside. We'd have to walk to there because the dinner was really close and there was no need to use cars, though it would be warmer. I buttoned my entire coat, except on my neck where I wrapped my beige scarf.
"Let me help you."
"What?" I heard what he had said but I was a little confused. He wanted to help with a scarf? I mean, I can handle a... scarf.... why would I need help to wrap a scarf around my neck? "Ok." Humm... not really what I wanted to say....
I put my hands down and his hands took place instead. They slid to the back of my neck, where he re-arranged my scarf; he sent me chills as his fingers slightly touched the back of my neck. I wanted to take him, kiss him right there, be with him; but I had to fight the urge. I had to focus on something other than him, what was a little difficult since Martin was right in front of me, his fingers on my skin, his lips so close to mine...
It would be so easy to just lean in and touch his lips... I think I closed my eyes because I don't remember what he did next, only that he patted my shoulder and said. "Done." He pulled back and looked at me, smiling brightly. He didn't take his hands off my neck, tough.
I opened my eyes with a start, trying a failed attempt to recall when I had closed them, but as I said, failed... I looked down to my scarf and saw it effectively rearranged and with a well done tie, fastening both sides so it wouldn't loosen and fly with the wind away from me. "Thanks." I managed to say and he finally let go of me.
Not 'finally' in the good sense, because having his hand on me was really good, but finally because if we stayed like that for a little longer I didn't know if I would be able to contain myself. I would end up kissing him.
"Ready to go?" He asked, bringing me back to reality. Again.
I took my things from over the desk, where I had let it, and nodded. "Yeah."
"Let's go then." He stuck his hands inside his coat pockets and walked looking down. It was strange to see him like that, I mean; he seemed so shy and bashful. It was kind of cute, tough. I stuck my hands in my pockets, too, and walked beside him, stealing a few glances as I did so. I could feel something pushing me towards him, something that can't be put into words. Just something... I guess something special.
* * *
A hot and bubble bath was all I needed. Well, actually what I really needed was to sort all my feelings out, but right now the bath would have to do.
I bent down to check on the water to make sure it wasn't either too hot or too cold then I took my bathrobe off and gingerly entered the tub, letting a satisfied breath come out of my mouth. This was so good. So heavenly. My body covered with white bubbles and only my head and the tip of my knees were peeking out of the water. I just needed a glass of red wine and candlelights to make my bath time perfect.
Yeah, I know, I'm wanting too much. But, hey, I'm still a girl.
I closed my eyes rested my head on the bathtub, carefully not to wet my hair; it was tied up but I could get it wet anyway. The hot water and peaceful silence was enough to lull me to sleep and I'd have fell asleep if weren't for all the thoughts in my head. As soon as I had closed my eyes images of him came rushing inside my head, making a little hard to relax. I couldn't relax if all I was thinking was him.
It was so confusing. Whenever he was there, I felt like something I've never been before. It was like... I was more than happy. It was like he's the part who makes me feel so good... the that makes me want to be there, makes me want to get up every morning just to see him. It's weird to feel like that, the way a felt about Jack once upon a time - ok... not that long - but with Martin it's much stronger.
I opened my eyes and tried to get the image of him out of my head, but no matter how many times I tried, he kept coming back. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was just supposed to be a friend and that's it. So why isn't it that way? Things would be so much easier; it'd make things so much simpler. Why life couldn't be easy?
Because then it'd take off all the excitement of it, I remembered what one of my teachers said once.
Well, mister, I don't need any more excitement. My life is enough excitant, thank you very much. Well, err, it isn't of much help to fight with myself... I mean, who would win?
I looked out the window, focusing on something else than the image of Martin Fitzgerald, but with no much luck. I rubbed my eyes with my wet fingers, trying to keep my head from exploding. This headache was beginning it the bottom of my head. Things have just been weird lately and it was playing with my brain, causing major headaches at times.
All of my free time I spent trying to sort things out, trying to understand this new, yet old, feelings. I wanted them to just go away and leave me alone, but at the same time I was glad they were still inside me. It was really good to have them, you know? The real problem was the entire package it comes with. I'm not sure what exactly, but these... feelings, they came with a big baggage, what was a real pain in the ass. Something I really didn't need at the moment.
The hard and tiring job was enough to complicate my life. The sleepless nights of work, trying to find someone missing was consuming and wearing down. My life sucked enough to a lifetime.
That was the big problem. My life. It was so empty and gray. Sometimes I felt depressed just for thinking that I'd go home and have no one there waiting for me. That I had no one to live for, not anymore. That if I died I would not leave someone behind, I would not leave even something behind.
It is sad, I know, but that's how I went through life for a long time, until Jack came along. I seriously thought that he was mine and living for him was worth it. What I tried to wipe off of my mind was the fact that someone else thought the same way; Marie or Jack, you choose, because both had a lot more to live for than I had. Jack had a whole family and Marie had him and two little daughters and I just didn't fit in the picture, not that I really cared.
In some way being shot at was a good thing because it made me realize all of this and open my eyes to someone else, someone that was really worth living for. And, damn, that's exactly where I get lost and confused because I don't even know if I can be with him, if I had the smallest chance to be with him or even if he wanted to be with me. Or better yet, why I cared so much. Why I was so worked up for something I wasn't even sure.
All these questions without a single answer. It was unsolved, just a blank line, ready for the answer to be filled in. The problem was that I didn't have the answer and I was pretty sure no one else had. So, how would I fill the blank lines?
* * *
"You're different."
His sudden inquiry, breaking the strange silence between us, startled me and I looked up a bit confused. "What?"
"You've changed." Jack, instead of repeating his formerly question, asked another. Though the meaning was quite the same.
I shrugged for the lack of better words. I mean, what could say to him? Physically I'm sure I've changed, but mentally? I don't know. I couldn't tell; this was something that other people noticed not yourself. But what did he really mean? If I had moved on? I changed the way I acted around him or something? Or that I'm having feelings for Martin? Yeah, a shrug was the best thing to do.
But I still didn't know which way he meant. "What do you mean?" I asked after moments of silence. I needed to know, the investigator in me needed to know.
He shrugged too and kept his eyes down, on the papers he was reading. "You're just different. Not in a bad sense of way. You seem more up than before. Is the therapy helping you?" He asked quietly without taking his eyes off of his portion of the task we were sharing.
"I don't know. I don't feel different." Ok, so... the last bit was a lie, but I couldn't tell him about Martin and my confused state.
"But you are. And it's a good thing." He ensured me as if I needed to know I was doing ok.
I chuckled a little, but it was more to myself than really to Jack. "I really hope so." He finally looked up and then smiled at me and I could do nothing else than to give him a smile in return. With all that have happened we were still friends and I was happy with it. It meant that you still could have some kind of relationship with your formerly lover, or boyfriend, or whatever. It was good we still could sit near each other or look or talk to each other without a sense of uneasy or discomfort. Without feeling uncomfortable.
I was really glad we still could be friends.
* * *
"... It's just... I don't know... weird." I rambled and stopped for a second to take a sip of my drink. "I can't open up myself with someone I barely know. And it's all about trust."
"You don't trust her?" He asked, his voice so sweet and lovely that touched the very deep of my soul. It was something about him, he made me open up better than my therapist.
I shrugged and took another sip of my drink. "It's just too soon. I can't open up like she wants me to. She wants me to sit there and tell everything about my life as if we were friends since forever."
"But that's what therapists are for, to talk about your life." He stated matter of factly. Like I didn't know that...
"I know... still... weird."
"Isn't it because you have dark secrets?" He asked, his tone letting me know he was playing with me.
I gave him a witty smile as if he was right and I did have dark secrets. Eventually it faded to a serious face. "I don't have dark secrets. There are some things I don't feel comfortable talking about."
"Yeah. I know how you feel."
"She doesn't understand that tough."
"So tell her that, then. That you don't want to talk about some things."
"She's a therapist. I'm supposed to talk about things I don't want to with her."
"Exactly what I said."
I chuckled at this. He had said that moments ago indeed. "Somehow you changed my opinion."
"That's what I'm here for." he chuckled too.
"No, you're here to listen to my ramblings and agree with everything I say." I joked but it felt like he didn't take it the way I wanted him to take.
"All the time." He said seriously, his voice making me look at him and see the truth in his eyes. He was there for me, whenever I needed him. Suddenly I realized that our drink nights, somehow, had turned into a therapist session, one better than the one I had with my real therapist. When we had our talk over drinks I went home much more in peace and relaxed than with anyone or anything else.
Bringing my eyes to my half full glass of alcohol, I wondered if Martin felt the same, in peace I mean. Did he like to spend time with me as much as I liked? "I like when we go out to have these drinks." I said quietly, without looking at him. It wouldn't hurt to let him know that little fact.
I suddenly looked up, catching him staring at me, when I did so, he smiled at me, I smiled at him too. We smiled at each other and didn't say a word. We just stayed like that. I don't know if I was the only one, but I felt something there.
"What is it?" I asked, my smile still playing on my lips.
"I'm just glad you can open up with me like that. To know you have such trust in me."
I narrowed my eyes; they focused on him and only him. Were these words actually said? Did he felt this way because I trusted him? Was this so meaning to him? My God, I was making so many questions to myself... and it wouldn't help because if I was asking that meant I needed answer and surely I couldn't give them to me. "You're my friend, of course I trust you."
"I'm glad I am."
"You are." I said again with much more vehemence, wanting him to believe that and trust me as much as I trust him.
He gave me a bright smile that made my heart flutter and skip a beat. That made butterflies in me wake up and fly. I started getting nervous and my hands started to sweat. How stupid, I know, he just smiled at me. But that smile meant much more than all the others he ever gave. And I was the one who he was direction it to.
I'm really happy we went out to have a drink that night. After my short talk with Jack I thought things couldn't be better that day, but I was wrong and, god, for the first time I am happy I was wrong.
* * *
End of par two. So, did ya like? Please, tell me! Review and let me know if I should continue. Your opinion is very important to me.
Author's note: So glad you like! Your reviews make my day, they're always lovely and sweet. Thank you. Justbeingme8870, I'm glad you go to the forum, but you should post too! And I'm really glad you like my fanart! That's what makes me want to do more ;]
Martin and Sam forum @ destinedto.proboards26.com
~*~*~*~*~*~
Part Two
~*~*~*~*~*~
I took in a deep breath and let it out in a hard puff, my breath visible like smoke. I tightened my coat around me and crossed my arms to try and keep me warmer. Oh, God, how I hate the cold. I think I thought it out loud because I heard Martin laughing. "I do!" I whined.
"I'm pretty sure of it."
"You make fun of me." I protested. Making fun of me, hah!
"Me, making fun of you?" He mock asked, pointing a finger at himself. "Never."
I stopped walking and looked defiantly at him, but I wasn't feeling like getting into a 'fight' right now, so let's just leave it at that. It seemed he didn't take my response the way I wanted for him started laughing again. "Dork." I muttered and kept on walking.
"You're really in a bad mood today."
I stopped again, but this time in front of the building where the person we'd interview lived. "How did you figure it out?" It came out more as a hiss - not that I really cared - as I pressed the interphone button to call Lily Danes. To my lucky he took it well and chuckled instead of a bitter response. At that moment I was really pissed off for no real reason (yeah I didn't know why I was in a bad mood...) and didn't care if I hurt him or not, but looking back at things I'm glad he didn't feel hurt.
"Hello?"
"Hi, is this Lily Danes?" I asked.
"Yeah, it's me."
"I'm from the FBI, could I speak with you, please?"
"FBI?" She sounded a bit frightened and I understand her. They always felt scared when we showed up like that, not that they had a reason to worry. Well, most of the times they didn't. "Wha... what for?"
"We just want to ask a few questions about Maryanne."
"Oh, all right." A few seconds of silence, a buzzing sound let us know the door was unlocked. "Come in." She said again, through the interphone.
Martin stepped in front of me and held the door open so I could get inside. He always did that, you know, always held the doors open or let me pass first, these little gentlemanly acts. And were little things like that I adore in him.
"Thank you." I said as I passed by him. I don't know why I said it though; the words just came out of my mouth. I've never said that before to him, but they just... came out. I didn't look back at him after that. I think I was too... scared I guess to see his reaction to my thanks.
* * *
I looked at him, he looked at me and we both smile at the same time, just as if we had heard a joke, one that only the two of us heard. I felt like I was floating over clouds, like little winds were in my feet, like little red hearts were flying around my head and all that cartoon crap. Seriously, I'm sounding too dumb... but lately this word was fitting me very well.
When my 'cartoon moment' was over - what lasted actually a few... seconds, much less than the eternity I thought - my eyes left his and my brain focused again on Viv and whatever she was saying. Well, pardon me, but right now the handsome man across the table was more interesting.
My god... I shook my head at my own lameness. God, I don't know what's wrong with me... I mean; there's even something wrong with me? I was just feeling differently towards Martin, nothing else. Nothing confusing or complicated. End of history...
Yeah, I wish it was that simple, because, really, it wasn't.
* * *
I saw him walking my direction with that boyish smile on his lips, a tiny one, as if he was trying to restrain the smile from appearing. I know that very well, I'm doing this a lot lately. I looked down pretending to read something and trying hard not to look up at him. I had to try to pretend nonchalant. Because, you now, boys like difficult girls. Well... that's what I learned in high school.
"Hey."
I looked up faking a bit surprised. "Hey." Oooo, there it comes, all the butterflies. So, faking is not a good thing because I didn't need to fake anymore. I felt my belly burning and shivering as the damn butterflies flew in there. Stop it right now! I said to myself but since when do you listen to somebody?
"Are you busy or something?"
"No. Not really." I smiled to ensure him and he smiled back. I think I make him nervous, that's cute.
"Do you want to grab something to eat at the dinner on the corner? There is this new place they opened yesterday and I want to take a look at it."
"That's a good idea. I'm starving." I said getting up. New place, huh? I passed by this new dinner today; it is really close.
"Good." It was... relief that I heard in his voice? I shrugged it away anyway.
I gathered my things and let it on the desk as I put my heavy coat on. I shivered just by the thought of going outside. We'd have to walk to there because the dinner was really close and there was no need to use cars, though it would be warmer. I buttoned my entire coat, except on my neck where I wrapped my beige scarf.
"Let me help you."
"What?" I heard what he had said but I was a little confused. He wanted to help with a scarf? I mean, I can handle a... scarf.... why would I need help to wrap a scarf around my neck? "Ok." Humm... not really what I wanted to say....
I put my hands down and his hands took place instead. They slid to the back of my neck, where he re-arranged my scarf; he sent me chills as his fingers slightly touched the back of my neck. I wanted to take him, kiss him right there, be with him; but I had to fight the urge. I had to focus on something other than him, what was a little difficult since Martin was right in front of me, his fingers on my skin, his lips so close to mine...
It would be so easy to just lean in and touch his lips... I think I closed my eyes because I don't remember what he did next, only that he patted my shoulder and said. "Done." He pulled back and looked at me, smiling brightly. He didn't take his hands off my neck, tough.
I opened my eyes with a start, trying a failed attempt to recall when I had closed them, but as I said, failed... I looked down to my scarf and saw it effectively rearranged and with a well done tie, fastening both sides so it wouldn't loosen and fly with the wind away from me. "Thanks." I managed to say and he finally let go of me.
Not 'finally' in the good sense, because having his hand on me was really good, but finally because if we stayed like that for a little longer I didn't know if I would be able to contain myself. I would end up kissing him.
"Ready to go?" He asked, bringing me back to reality. Again.
I took my things from over the desk, where I had let it, and nodded. "Yeah."
"Let's go then." He stuck his hands inside his coat pockets and walked looking down. It was strange to see him like that, I mean; he seemed so shy and bashful. It was kind of cute, tough. I stuck my hands in my pockets, too, and walked beside him, stealing a few glances as I did so. I could feel something pushing me towards him, something that can't be put into words. Just something... I guess something special.
* * *
A hot and bubble bath was all I needed. Well, actually what I really needed was to sort all my feelings out, but right now the bath would have to do.
I bent down to check on the water to make sure it wasn't either too hot or too cold then I took my bathrobe off and gingerly entered the tub, letting a satisfied breath come out of my mouth. This was so good. So heavenly. My body covered with white bubbles and only my head and the tip of my knees were peeking out of the water. I just needed a glass of red wine and candlelights to make my bath time perfect.
Yeah, I know, I'm wanting too much. But, hey, I'm still a girl.
I closed my eyes rested my head on the bathtub, carefully not to wet my hair; it was tied up but I could get it wet anyway. The hot water and peaceful silence was enough to lull me to sleep and I'd have fell asleep if weren't for all the thoughts in my head. As soon as I had closed my eyes images of him came rushing inside my head, making a little hard to relax. I couldn't relax if all I was thinking was him.
It was so confusing. Whenever he was there, I felt like something I've never been before. It was like... I was more than happy. It was like he's the part who makes me feel so good... the that makes me want to be there, makes me want to get up every morning just to see him. It's weird to feel like that, the way a felt about Jack once upon a time - ok... not that long - but with Martin it's much stronger.
I opened my eyes and tried to get the image of him out of my head, but no matter how many times I tried, he kept coming back. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was just supposed to be a friend and that's it. So why isn't it that way? Things would be so much easier; it'd make things so much simpler. Why life couldn't be easy?
Because then it'd take off all the excitement of it, I remembered what one of my teachers said once.
Well, mister, I don't need any more excitement. My life is enough excitant, thank you very much. Well, err, it isn't of much help to fight with myself... I mean, who would win?
I looked out the window, focusing on something else than the image of Martin Fitzgerald, but with no much luck. I rubbed my eyes with my wet fingers, trying to keep my head from exploding. This headache was beginning it the bottom of my head. Things have just been weird lately and it was playing with my brain, causing major headaches at times.
All of my free time I spent trying to sort things out, trying to understand this new, yet old, feelings. I wanted them to just go away and leave me alone, but at the same time I was glad they were still inside me. It was really good to have them, you know? The real problem was the entire package it comes with. I'm not sure what exactly, but these... feelings, they came with a big baggage, what was a real pain in the ass. Something I really didn't need at the moment.
The hard and tiring job was enough to complicate my life. The sleepless nights of work, trying to find someone missing was consuming and wearing down. My life sucked enough to a lifetime.
That was the big problem. My life. It was so empty and gray. Sometimes I felt depressed just for thinking that I'd go home and have no one there waiting for me. That I had no one to live for, not anymore. That if I died I would not leave someone behind, I would not leave even something behind.
It is sad, I know, but that's how I went through life for a long time, until Jack came along. I seriously thought that he was mine and living for him was worth it. What I tried to wipe off of my mind was the fact that someone else thought the same way; Marie or Jack, you choose, because both had a lot more to live for than I had. Jack had a whole family and Marie had him and two little daughters and I just didn't fit in the picture, not that I really cared.
In some way being shot at was a good thing because it made me realize all of this and open my eyes to someone else, someone that was really worth living for. And, damn, that's exactly where I get lost and confused because I don't even know if I can be with him, if I had the smallest chance to be with him or even if he wanted to be with me. Or better yet, why I cared so much. Why I was so worked up for something I wasn't even sure.
All these questions without a single answer. It was unsolved, just a blank line, ready for the answer to be filled in. The problem was that I didn't have the answer and I was pretty sure no one else had. So, how would I fill the blank lines?
* * *
"You're different."
His sudden inquiry, breaking the strange silence between us, startled me and I looked up a bit confused. "What?"
"You've changed." Jack, instead of repeating his formerly question, asked another. Though the meaning was quite the same.
I shrugged for the lack of better words. I mean, what could say to him? Physically I'm sure I've changed, but mentally? I don't know. I couldn't tell; this was something that other people noticed not yourself. But what did he really mean? If I had moved on? I changed the way I acted around him or something? Or that I'm having feelings for Martin? Yeah, a shrug was the best thing to do.
But I still didn't know which way he meant. "What do you mean?" I asked after moments of silence. I needed to know, the investigator in me needed to know.
He shrugged too and kept his eyes down, on the papers he was reading. "You're just different. Not in a bad sense of way. You seem more up than before. Is the therapy helping you?" He asked quietly without taking his eyes off of his portion of the task we were sharing.
"I don't know. I don't feel different." Ok, so... the last bit was a lie, but I couldn't tell him about Martin and my confused state.
"But you are. And it's a good thing." He ensured me as if I needed to know I was doing ok.
I chuckled a little, but it was more to myself than really to Jack. "I really hope so." He finally looked up and then smiled at me and I could do nothing else than to give him a smile in return. With all that have happened we were still friends and I was happy with it. It meant that you still could have some kind of relationship with your formerly lover, or boyfriend, or whatever. It was good we still could sit near each other or look or talk to each other without a sense of uneasy or discomfort. Without feeling uncomfortable.
I was really glad we still could be friends.
* * *
"... It's just... I don't know... weird." I rambled and stopped for a second to take a sip of my drink. "I can't open up myself with someone I barely know. And it's all about trust."
"You don't trust her?" He asked, his voice so sweet and lovely that touched the very deep of my soul. It was something about him, he made me open up better than my therapist.
I shrugged and took another sip of my drink. "It's just too soon. I can't open up like she wants me to. She wants me to sit there and tell everything about my life as if we were friends since forever."
"But that's what therapists are for, to talk about your life." He stated matter of factly. Like I didn't know that...
"I know... still... weird."
"Isn't it because you have dark secrets?" He asked, his tone letting me know he was playing with me.
I gave him a witty smile as if he was right and I did have dark secrets. Eventually it faded to a serious face. "I don't have dark secrets. There are some things I don't feel comfortable talking about."
"Yeah. I know how you feel."
"She doesn't understand that tough."
"So tell her that, then. That you don't want to talk about some things."
"She's a therapist. I'm supposed to talk about things I don't want to with her."
"Exactly what I said."
I chuckled at this. He had said that moments ago indeed. "Somehow you changed my opinion."
"That's what I'm here for." he chuckled too.
"No, you're here to listen to my ramblings and agree with everything I say." I joked but it felt like he didn't take it the way I wanted him to take.
"All the time." He said seriously, his voice making me look at him and see the truth in his eyes. He was there for me, whenever I needed him. Suddenly I realized that our drink nights, somehow, had turned into a therapist session, one better than the one I had with my real therapist. When we had our talk over drinks I went home much more in peace and relaxed than with anyone or anything else.
Bringing my eyes to my half full glass of alcohol, I wondered if Martin felt the same, in peace I mean. Did he like to spend time with me as much as I liked? "I like when we go out to have these drinks." I said quietly, without looking at him. It wouldn't hurt to let him know that little fact.
I suddenly looked up, catching him staring at me, when I did so, he smiled at me, I smiled at him too. We smiled at each other and didn't say a word. We just stayed like that. I don't know if I was the only one, but I felt something there.
"What is it?" I asked, my smile still playing on my lips.
"I'm just glad you can open up with me like that. To know you have such trust in me."
I narrowed my eyes; they focused on him and only him. Were these words actually said? Did he felt this way because I trusted him? Was this so meaning to him? My God, I was making so many questions to myself... and it wouldn't help because if I was asking that meant I needed answer and surely I couldn't give them to me. "You're my friend, of course I trust you."
"I'm glad I am."
"You are." I said again with much more vehemence, wanting him to believe that and trust me as much as I trust him.
He gave me a bright smile that made my heart flutter and skip a beat. That made butterflies in me wake up and fly. I started getting nervous and my hands started to sweat. How stupid, I know, he just smiled at me. But that smile meant much more than all the others he ever gave. And I was the one who he was direction it to.
I'm really happy we went out to have a drink that night. After my short talk with Jack I thought things couldn't be better that day, but I was wrong and, god, for the first time I am happy I was wrong.
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End of par two. So, did ya like? Please, tell me! Review and let me know if I should continue. Your opinion is very important to me.