Chapter 7
"Lex what are you doing?" Sirius bent down on the floor next to her.
"I'm on a hunt." She replied simply
"I always wondered why you insist upon talking like a child?"
"Because sometimes life is better to be viewed simply" she turned to face him "Treasure the small things in life"
"If you keep watch upon the small things in life then what happens if something big creeps up behind you?"
"Bigger things are always more predictable"
"And that means?"
"When they do creep up, you can kick them down" she smiled and continued her hunt.
"You have a very strange philosophy upon life"
"Or just different"
"No, defiantly strange"
"Be quiet or you won't get you're toy" she continued her searching, moving on to the next case.
"Toy? Is it something we can share?" he grinned at her.
"As I said, be quiet." She pulled out a long cylindrical tube from the case "There" she placed it in his hands.
"Oh please let this be what my mind thinks it is!"
"Other things NOT so pervert come in tubes"
He opened the small tube and let a long piece of wood fall into his hands "How did you..."
"Get it? People tend to leave stuff lying around" she smiled.
"People don't leave convicts wands on the floor Lexie"
"Yes they keep them in a chamber in the depths of the ministry under spell and key guarded by two Auror's and some very clever charms to prevent unwanted hands. Not smashed up in death"
"But why?"
"Because I knew it wasn't you, and I didn't want it to end up incinerated like it would have been. It's yours, not that I'd particularly know but apparently you're firsts always the best"
"Like many things in life" he spoke to her softly.
"I take it James didn't know about that" Remus sat down next to them.
"James? Not our James?" Sirius turned to face her, his eyes blazing
"No, I suppose you could call him my James" she looked down and started to play with her laces 'why do I feel like thirteen year old right know?' she thought to herself.
"Think I might have put my foot in it there. And with that, I better be going" he stood up and brushed his blond hair back with his hand.
"So soon?" she stood up and hugged him tightly.
"Yes so soon, I'll come back in a couple weeks. And I will write to you more often this time, if I have you're word you'll return them?"
"You have my word" she giggled
"Goodbye Sirius"
"Bye Remus" he smiled slightly as he watched him walk out the door.
The room fell silent; it was the first time she'd had to take in her surroundings. The red wallpapered walls and soft carpeted floor, the black rote iron candelabra the tall oak bookcases and desk, two red couches forming a small L shape in the corner of the room next to the high gothic arched windows and a small door leading into where she presumed was her bedroom. Her eyes then fell on the domineering figure before her, she didn't know what to say, she didn't know why he was so annoyed that she'd had a boyfriend, significant other or whatever James had been to her, she looked away from his stare.
"So who was this James then?" he asked stepping closer to her. Her heart began to beat faster,
"He was..... Is, the head of the Auror's. And I went out with him" she said simply her eyes now focused upon his face watching for a reaction.
"You slept with the person who through me in there for practically half my life?" he didn't shout, if anything she wanted him to be angry with her rather than the passiveness he had now "I think the term 'sleeping with the enemy' would apply right now"
"Sirius, it wasn't like that....." she began to explain before he cut her off
"What was it like then?" he was struggling to control his voice
She felt the tears in her eyes, she didn't know what it had been, all she wanted to do was cry and she didn't know why. She began to look anywhere in the room except at him, she felt disappoint with herself. She heard him move closer to her his hand held her face causing her to flinch, she shouted inwardly at herself, 'he's not my farther, he wont hurt you'. He gently directed her face to his, his brow furrowed as he watched her silently, the tears that were now falling down her face caused any anger he had to fade away as he wiped them tenderly away with his other hand "I don't know what it was! I just.... Sirius I don't know" she let out and began to cry, she felt his arms move away from her face as they pulled her into him holding her against him.
He let his hands run up and down her back soothingly until her breathing began to slow then letting his hand linger in her hair entwining his fingers in its wavy texture. He led her towards the sofa and sat her next to him, her head resting against his shoulder. He gently wrapped an arm around her holding her closer to him
"What happened?" he began almost hesitantly
"It doesn't matter" she attempted to smile at him
"It does, Lexie, please tell me" she fell quiet in his arms "Alexandra, come on, tell"
"Same old sad story, the mentally abused child has relationship issues and inevitably goes for the bloke that's gonna beat her up. Why? I whish I knew, but it appears a part of me enjoys going out for lunch sleeping over and coming back home with a black eye, and unlike any sane person repeats the process with the same twat the next week.. Such a charming tale isn't it?"
"Lex, do I have to hit you? Why do you do this to yourself?!" he stopped and let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding and bit his lip in an attempt to calm himself down "If I ever see this bloke I'm gonna fucking kill him"
"Why? It's my fault anyway"
"It's not you're fault! How could it be?" he brought her face to his eyes.
"Because over the years of being abused by a farther you start getting the idea into you're head that the more a man loves you the more he hits you. To me it's the way men show emotions good or bad, I'm fucked up Sirius, I can't deny it and neither can you." She stayed quite for a while resting her head against his steady form "This is a bit deep for us isn't it?"
"Hmm, I hate what he put you through; I don't know why you went back for two years when we were little, over the summer"
"I was too afraid to tell anyone, even Lilly, I'm glad I did in the end, staying on with Lily over the summer was by far better than being hit slapped and anything else he pretty much fancied." She looked up at him "But we both know a lot about abusive parents I guess"
"Yes but you were just a little girl, I mean...."
"Sexist"
He laughed at her "Just stating the facts, you were little and a push over"
"Heck I was taller than you for a year"
"You whish"
"I don't have to whish cos it's true" she jabbed her elbow in his sides.
(memory)She ran about her room, gathering items of all shapes and forms as the hands on her bedside clock landed upon eight forty five. The already over flowing bag was stuffed with clothes and anything else she possessed, her wardrobe was now a bare shell, her drawers and dressers were left in the same state, she was eventually moving out, away from all this, away from her living hell, away from her life, and to be honest she was more than a little scared.
Throwing her bag over her shoulder and grasping a small case she walked over to her dresser, lifting up the jade and silver pendent that lay upon it, her mothers, than only thing that she left behind.
"I whish you could've taken me too" she spoke softly to the oval shape in the palm of her hand. She silently closed her door and exited out of the long building, glancing around at the trees that stood tall the withered husks wet in the morning due(end of memory)
"Thank you, again" Sirius sighed into the silent room
"What for?" she turned to him puzzled
"My wand you idiot"
"Oh" she felt him warm beside her, his gentle breathing, it seemed as though nothing had changed, but it had everything was different now; they were older, wiser apparently.
"Why is this so awkward? I.... I, god I don't know what I even want to say" his face was so close to hers now
"I don't know why cant life just stay the same?" she smiled wryly
"I think I would prefer it if people didn't change" a shock of realisation hit her
"That's why its different isn't it? Ugh!" she hit the soft fabric of the couch with her hand in exasperation
"Hey it's not that bad"
"I think I should have frozen my life at eighteen"
"And why eighteen?"
"It was a good year! Finishing school, living together, practically anyway, life was great, course then it went down hill"
"So you liked living with me then?"
"By some miracle yes I did, and I think I was happier, funnier and I had never heard of James!! The other one" she laughed but the tears came again and she felt those arms around her yet again
"Hush" he moaned into her hair burying his face into her neck, his deep voice sending shivers down her spine her stomach felt light, butterflies she thought to herself, she had needed him for so long to comfort her and now she had him she wanted to offload all the troubles she had carried for so long onto him, he was stronger than her "You know my dear Alexandra" he sighed again his breath tickling her neck "I don't think we have changed. All that much any way" he wanted to comfort her, take the pain away, he needed to, he needed her.
He gently brushed his lips against her neck, testing her reactions to him, she didn't flinch, he pushed his lips roughly to her she let out a small groan as he began to kiss her neck running his tongue across her bare flesh biting her skin, he moved his way up to her face stopping to look into her hazy eyes biting her bottom lip with her teeth. He cupped her face with his hand as he sat up and leaned slowly towards her, he watched as her eyes fluttered shut, he gently traced his thumb across her lips before encapsulating them in his own.
She felt his warm lips against hers, he was so tender, it felt so different, her heart raced, until she froze as a warm moist object traced her lips pushing against them she didn't hesitate as she opened her mouth as his tongue entered her swiftly his hot flesh searching her own, massaging her, compulsively groaning under him as he pushed his body firmly against hers thrilling her. She lifted her arms from his waste and entangled them in his long hair, pulling his face closer.
He let his hands run down her shirt slowly undoing the buttons as he moved his head to continue his assault upon her neck, biting her roughly.
"Sirius" she gasped "Sirius, I can't do this" he backed away from her, looking into her eyes
"I'm sorry" he spoke to her earnestly "I couldn't.... I'm sorry I shouldn't have, damn it!" he moved away from her breathless, his mind racing "No" he turned to face her "I'm not sorry! I want you Lexie, I know relationships are hard for you, but you don't understand I, I just, I don't know!" he stood up and paced towards the window pulling it open to let the cool night air caress his hot skin. A tentative hand rested upon his shoulder
"Sirius? I'm sorry" he fell silent
"Any one else getting a severe sense of de ja vous here?"
"It's not the first time I know, but I do love you Sirius"
"I know. It's just not the love I want from you, I want everything from you, and I want you take it from me, because I do love you, but not the way a friend loves another friend. Good night Alexandra"
"Sirius don't go"
"I'll see you tomorrow" with that he crossed the room and left. The wind from the window lifted her hair tugging at it gently; the pale moon light lit up her light skin and the small silver lines that ran a course down her cheeks.
(memory) "Grandmother?" he voice was tentative as she stood waiting as the sun lit the sky in shades of green and blue delicate white clouds that were swept up and carried by the scented breeze sending the charging across morning sky.
"Alexandra, my dear take my hand" she complied without questioning. She felt the wind begin to rush faster about here ears, the ground beneath her disappear closing her eyes in fear, a second later she felt the ground again and light that hit her eyes, steam, voices, she opened her eyes gradually and took in the sight before her. A long platform stretched out in front of her, children clambered into carriages, steam from the large red engine before her rose up into the iron rafters of the station, a line of parents whished their children off as they entered the iron beast.
"Where are we?" she said slowly
"We are at platform 9¾ and you are going off to Hogworts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry."
"But I'm not a witch!"
"That doesn't matter, you can learn all the skills you need here, and keep you away from your farther for most of the year and any prospect of marriage!"
"I still don't understand"
"The headmaster has said you can go, you can do anything any one of these witches and wizards can do, and he owed me a favour. Please Alexandra, you will meet new friends and I will come and visit when I can..."
"What if I don't fit in!"
"Then make it so you fit in, put yourself forward go talk to someone, I'll make sure your farther stays away as well as Jin. I must be going, I love you Alexandra" she bent down next to the face of her young grandchild "Don't worry, trust me this life will be better for you"
"But I'm scared"
"Just trust me" she hugged her affectionately "Good bye" with that she disappeared. She stood in the station all alone, nervously looking around.
A black haired boy stood in front of her grinning idly.
"Hi!" he said cheerfully "I'm Sirius Black" he held out his hand for her.
"Alexandra Mai Borealis, but my friends call me Lexie"
"Lex what are you doing?" Sirius bent down on the floor next to her.
"I'm on a hunt." She replied simply
"I always wondered why you insist upon talking like a child?"
"Because sometimes life is better to be viewed simply" she turned to face him "Treasure the small things in life"
"If you keep watch upon the small things in life then what happens if something big creeps up behind you?"
"Bigger things are always more predictable"
"And that means?"
"When they do creep up, you can kick them down" she smiled and continued her hunt.
"You have a very strange philosophy upon life"
"Or just different"
"No, defiantly strange"
"Be quiet or you won't get you're toy" she continued her searching, moving on to the next case.
"Toy? Is it something we can share?" he grinned at her.
"As I said, be quiet." She pulled out a long cylindrical tube from the case "There" she placed it in his hands.
"Oh please let this be what my mind thinks it is!"
"Other things NOT so pervert come in tubes"
He opened the small tube and let a long piece of wood fall into his hands "How did you..."
"Get it? People tend to leave stuff lying around" she smiled.
"People don't leave convicts wands on the floor Lexie"
"Yes they keep them in a chamber in the depths of the ministry under spell and key guarded by two Auror's and some very clever charms to prevent unwanted hands. Not smashed up in death"
"But why?"
"Because I knew it wasn't you, and I didn't want it to end up incinerated like it would have been. It's yours, not that I'd particularly know but apparently you're firsts always the best"
"Like many things in life" he spoke to her softly.
"I take it James didn't know about that" Remus sat down next to them.
"James? Not our James?" Sirius turned to face her, his eyes blazing
"No, I suppose you could call him my James" she looked down and started to play with her laces 'why do I feel like thirteen year old right know?' she thought to herself.
"Think I might have put my foot in it there. And with that, I better be going" he stood up and brushed his blond hair back with his hand.
"So soon?" she stood up and hugged him tightly.
"Yes so soon, I'll come back in a couple weeks. And I will write to you more often this time, if I have you're word you'll return them?"
"You have my word" she giggled
"Goodbye Sirius"
"Bye Remus" he smiled slightly as he watched him walk out the door.
The room fell silent; it was the first time she'd had to take in her surroundings. The red wallpapered walls and soft carpeted floor, the black rote iron candelabra the tall oak bookcases and desk, two red couches forming a small L shape in the corner of the room next to the high gothic arched windows and a small door leading into where she presumed was her bedroom. Her eyes then fell on the domineering figure before her, she didn't know what to say, she didn't know why he was so annoyed that she'd had a boyfriend, significant other or whatever James had been to her, she looked away from his stare.
"So who was this James then?" he asked stepping closer to her. Her heart began to beat faster,
"He was..... Is, the head of the Auror's. And I went out with him" she said simply her eyes now focused upon his face watching for a reaction.
"You slept with the person who through me in there for practically half my life?" he didn't shout, if anything she wanted him to be angry with her rather than the passiveness he had now "I think the term 'sleeping with the enemy' would apply right now"
"Sirius, it wasn't like that....." she began to explain before he cut her off
"What was it like then?" he was struggling to control his voice
She felt the tears in her eyes, she didn't know what it had been, all she wanted to do was cry and she didn't know why. She began to look anywhere in the room except at him, she felt disappoint with herself. She heard him move closer to her his hand held her face causing her to flinch, she shouted inwardly at herself, 'he's not my farther, he wont hurt you'. He gently directed her face to his, his brow furrowed as he watched her silently, the tears that were now falling down her face caused any anger he had to fade away as he wiped them tenderly away with his other hand "I don't know what it was! I just.... Sirius I don't know" she let out and began to cry, she felt his arms move away from her face as they pulled her into him holding her against him.
He let his hands run up and down her back soothingly until her breathing began to slow then letting his hand linger in her hair entwining his fingers in its wavy texture. He led her towards the sofa and sat her next to him, her head resting against his shoulder. He gently wrapped an arm around her holding her closer to him
"What happened?" he began almost hesitantly
"It doesn't matter" she attempted to smile at him
"It does, Lexie, please tell me" she fell quiet in his arms "Alexandra, come on, tell"
"Same old sad story, the mentally abused child has relationship issues and inevitably goes for the bloke that's gonna beat her up. Why? I whish I knew, but it appears a part of me enjoys going out for lunch sleeping over and coming back home with a black eye, and unlike any sane person repeats the process with the same twat the next week.. Such a charming tale isn't it?"
"Lex, do I have to hit you? Why do you do this to yourself?!" he stopped and let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding and bit his lip in an attempt to calm himself down "If I ever see this bloke I'm gonna fucking kill him"
"Why? It's my fault anyway"
"It's not you're fault! How could it be?" he brought her face to his eyes.
"Because over the years of being abused by a farther you start getting the idea into you're head that the more a man loves you the more he hits you. To me it's the way men show emotions good or bad, I'm fucked up Sirius, I can't deny it and neither can you." She stayed quite for a while resting her head against his steady form "This is a bit deep for us isn't it?"
"Hmm, I hate what he put you through; I don't know why you went back for two years when we were little, over the summer"
"I was too afraid to tell anyone, even Lilly, I'm glad I did in the end, staying on with Lily over the summer was by far better than being hit slapped and anything else he pretty much fancied." She looked up at him "But we both know a lot about abusive parents I guess"
"Yes but you were just a little girl, I mean...."
"Sexist"
He laughed at her "Just stating the facts, you were little and a push over"
"Heck I was taller than you for a year"
"You whish"
"I don't have to whish cos it's true" she jabbed her elbow in his sides.
(memory)She ran about her room, gathering items of all shapes and forms as the hands on her bedside clock landed upon eight forty five. The already over flowing bag was stuffed with clothes and anything else she possessed, her wardrobe was now a bare shell, her drawers and dressers were left in the same state, she was eventually moving out, away from all this, away from her living hell, away from her life, and to be honest she was more than a little scared.
Throwing her bag over her shoulder and grasping a small case she walked over to her dresser, lifting up the jade and silver pendent that lay upon it, her mothers, than only thing that she left behind.
"I whish you could've taken me too" she spoke softly to the oval shape in the palm of her hand. She silently closed her door and exited out of the long building, glancing around at the trees that stood tall the withered husks wet in the morning due(end of memory)
"Thank you, again" Sirius sighed into the silent room
"What for?" she turned to him puzzled
"My wand you idiot"
"Oh" she felt him warm beside her, his gentle breathing, it seemed as though nothing had changed, but it had everything was different now; they were older, wiser apparently.
"Why is this so awkward? I.... I, god I don't know what I even want to say" his face was so close to hers now
"I don't know why cant life just stay the same?" she smiled wryly
"I think I would prefer it if people didn't change" a shock of realisation hit her
"That's why its different isn't it? Ugh!" she hit the soft fabric of the couch with her hand in exasperation
"Hey it's not that bad"
"I think I should have frozen my life at eighteen"
"And why eighteen?"
"It was a good year! Finishing school, living together, practically anyway, life was great, course then it went down hill"
"So you liked living with me then?"
"By some miracle yes I did, and I think I was happier, funnier and I had never heard of James!! The other one" she laughed but the tears came again and she felt those arms around her yet again
"Hush" he moaned into her hair burying his face into her neck, his deep voice sending shivers down her spine her stomach felt light, butterflies she thought to herself, she had needed him for so long to comfort her and now she had him she wanted to offload all the troubles she had carried for so long onto him, he was stronger than her "You know my dear Alexandra" he sighed again his breath tickling her neck "I don't think we have changed. All that much any way" he wanted to comfort her, take the pain away, he needed to, he needed her.
He gently brushed his lips against her neck, testing her reactions to him, she didn't flinch, he pushed his lips roughly to her she let out a small groan as he began to kiss her neck running his tongue across her bare flesh biting her skin, he moved his way up to her face stopping to look into her hazy eyes biting her bottom lip with her teeth. He cupped her face with his hand as he sat up and leaned slowly towards her, he watched as her eyes fluttered shut, he gently traced his thumb across her lips before encapsulating them in his own.
She felt his warm lips against hers, he was so tender, it felt so different, her heart raced, until she froze as a warm moist object traced her lips pushing against them she didn't hesitate as she opened her mouth as his tongue entered her swiftly his hot flesh searching her own, massaging her, compulsively groaning under him as he pushed his body firmly against hers thrilling her. She lifted her arms from his waste and entangled them in his long hair, pulling his face closer.
He let his hands run down her shirt slowly undoing the buttons as he moved his head to continue his assault upon her neck, biting her roughly.
"Sirius" she gasped "Sirius, I can't do this" he backed away from her, looking into her eyes
"I'm sorry" he spoke to her earnestly "I couldn't.... I'm sorry I shouldn't have, damn it!" he moved away from her breathless, his mind racing "No" he turned to face her "I'm not sorry! I want you Lexie, I know relationships are hard for you, but you don't understand I, I just, I don't know!" he stood up and paced towards the window pulling it open to let the cool night air caress his hot skin. A tentative hand rested upon his shoulder
"Sirius? I'm sorry" he fell silent
"Any one else getting a severe sense of de ja vous here?"
"It's not the first time I know, but I do love you Sirius"
"I know. It's just not the love I want from you, I want everything from you, and I want you take it from me, because I do love you, but not the way a friend loves another friend. Good night Alexandra"
"Sirius don't go"
"I'll see you tomorrow" with that he crossed the room and left. The wind from the window lifted her hair tugging at it gently; the pale moon light lit up her light skin and the small silver lines that ran a course down her cheeks.
(memory) "Grandmother?" he voice was tentative as she stood waiting as the sun lit the sky in shades of green and blue delicate white clouds that were swept up and carried by the scented breeze sending the charging across morning sky.
"Alexandra, my dear take my hand" she complied without questioning. She felt the wind begin to rush faster about here ears, the ground beneath her disappear closing her eyes in fear, a second later she felt the ground again and light that hit her eyes, steam, voices, she opened her eyes gradually and took in the sight before her. A long platform stretched out in front of her, children clambered into carriages, steam from the large red engine before her rose up into the iron rafters of the station, a line of parents whished their children off as they entered the iron beast.
"Where are we?" she said slowly
"We are at platform 9¾ and you are going off to Hogworts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry."
"But I'm not a witch!"
"That doesn't matter, you can learn all the skills you need here, and keep you away from your farther for most of the year and any prospect of marriage!"
"I still don't understand"
"The headmaster has said you can go, you can do anything any one of these witches and wizards can do, and he owed me a favour. Please Alexandra, you will meet new friends and I will come and visit when I can..."
"What if I don't fit in!"
"Then make it so you fit in, put yourself forward go talk to someone, I'll make sure your farther stays away as well as Jin. I must be going, I love you Alexandra" she bent down next to the face of her young grandchild "Don't worry, trust me this life will be better for you"
"But I'm scared"
"Just trust me" she hugged her affectionately "Good bye" with that she disappeared. She stood in the station all alone, nervously looking around.
A black haired boy stood in front of her grinning idly.
"Hi!" he said cheerfully "I'm Sirius Black" he held out his hand for her.
"Alexandra Mai Borealis, but my friends call me Lexie"