To summary and stuff, see part one.
Author's note: Big speculation here. I have no idea when Sam's birthday is nor how old she is so I just chose an age randomly and also the month in which she was born; though I don't exactly state the month here but since I'm posting this fic now it's obvious which month I'm talking about.
Also, thank you all the nice and encouraging words. Reviews are always wlecome :]
Martin and Sam forum @ destinedto.proboards26.com
~*~*~*~*~*~
Part Four
~*~*~*~*~*~
'If she's not helping you, so stop seeing her.'
It ran in my head over and over again. Martin and I had gone to eat and we talked, really talked. He made me open up in such a way no one had never done before. I felt so at easy; I just opened myself up and told him everything that was in my mind, everything that was bothering me. Well, not really everything... I left my mixed feelings for him out of our conversation. I couldn't tell him anything about it before I had my head in place again and everything sorted out.
'If she's not helping, so stop seeing her.'
He said that after hearing all my ramblings, everything I had to say about Lisa and he came to the conclusion that she wasn't making me feel any better. Maybe he was right, maybe I should juts stop seeing her, but then Jack'd annoy me for the rest of my life. And why would I need a therapist if I had Martin anyway? He was as good as any shrink, maybe better because he didn't judge me.
Lisa didn't judge me either... She listened the way a therapist should, there was nothing wrong with that. She just made me think about things I don't want to, bringing memories and feelings I wasn't ready to face yet. But that was what they were for, therapists, I mean; they make you think about these same things you don't want to and face them to finally get rid of it.
Maybe she wasn't pushing me down, maybe she was making me use these same bad things as a stairway to reach the top, to reach the far away exit.
Maybe I shouldn't stop seeing her after all.
* * *
A Few Days Later...
"Sam?"
I looked up and met Danny's smiling face. Very, very suspicious... "Yes?"
"What's the thing you want the most?"
"Excuse me?" I narrowed my eyes staring at him confusedly.
"I was wondering... everyone has something they want the most. You?"
"Me what?" God, I was sounding retarded... Duh, I knew exactly what he meant but I was still confused as to why he was asking me that.
"Sam..." He whined. Danny Taylor whined, right there in front of me. How I wish I had one of those cell phones you can take pictures. This would be one of those Kodak moments. "Stop pretending you're stupid. It doesn't suit you."
I turned on my chair so I was facing him fully. He was leaned in my desk, his hand on it supporting his weight. I tilted my head and squinted my eyes at him. "Why do you ask?"
"I'm curious."
I kept staring at him for a long, long moment, just waiting to see if I'd win and he would finally say or do something more relevant. But he didn't. "My life is fully complete, I have everything I need and want." Jesus, where that speech came from? Seriously, that was dumber than my faked being stupid. It seemed I had learned the text and repeated it to him as if I was in a conference.
He tried so hard to restrain a laugh, but it was impossible for soon he started laughing. "Oh God. I never can talk seriously with you, can I?" He straightened his body and winked at me. "It seems I have to figure it out myself, then." He patted my shoulder and went away. Just like that. He was gone and I didn't know what was all that about...
* * *
Martin and I... we were getting awfully closer lately. Since the day he turned me down on my offer to get a drink we started to deviate away from each other, what was too bad. Fortunately some time ago I had the courage to ask him again and since then we were really hanging out a lot.
There was friendly talk during cases, having drinks after work as often as we could, staying late at the FBI talking about nothing in particular. They were small things but it was things like that that pulled you closer to someone. Getting to know someone was the right start of a healthy and long term relationship and, saying it or not, that was exactly what I wanted.
I loved to hang out with him. We talked so easily, my nervousness kind of went away as I listened to him talking, as I heard the soft melody of his voice. He made open up and talk to him like anyone had ever done before.
But that you already know.
It's hard not to talk about the person you have a crush on. It's hard to keep them out of your mind, even if for a moment. Especially if this someone was a person so perfect like Martin. I know... I know there isn't such a thing as perfect, but to me, he was.
He made me feel so good about myself; he made me feel as if I'm the most important thing in the world. As if nothing bad would happen to me, he made me actually know that there was something pleasant out there, something worthy; and not by him saying so, just by the simple presence of him being there. The way he looked at me with that look that nobody had ever given to me before, just made my heart flutter. He gave me these things, these feelings, that were so unknown before. And I wish I knew what all this is about.
He just got through me and managed to find a spot inside me. And I just let him. I let him crawl inside my body, take control of everything - mentally, psychologically, physically - and I was fine with it, really. The only thing annoying me was all these mixed feelings. I needed to know exactly what I was feeling for him. It wasn't lust, I was sure of it, and even if it was, it would be easier because it'd be only physical attraction. But it wasn't. I cared for him. I really did and I didn't want to harm our building friendship with sex.
I had feelings for him, feelings which ran deep and made me wish I was with him and think about him every waking moment. It's confusing, but so is love. See, it popped up again... not that I don't mind, I don't. It's just... I just thought it was too soon for that, to soon to be love.
It's so confusing... but it's something you have to experience and I was confused myself, this whole love thing was a bit disturbing, complicated. It couldn't be love at first sight - if it was even love - because, well, it wasn't first sight. Unless... unless when I first saw him I didn't notice these feelings because I was too focused on Jack but now that I'm not with him, that I found a new perspective I noticed, I was feeling what I could have felt long before.
... My God... what was I musing about? I had that part covered... I knew I felt something for him before; I just didn't bother to look into it more closely.
I was losing my mind. I couldn't be in love with him, I just couldn't. We just started being good friends, I couldn't mess everything up with love. Not that it's a bad thing but... What if he didn't feel the same, what if what he felt for me was just lust? I didn't feel like having another failed sex relationship in my list. I wanted him to always be there, not just a bed partner, but to be there for me.
.....
.....
Wasn't that what he had said to me a while back?
* * *
"The guy was nuts." I exclaimed just after putting my glass of merlot down. Good wine, nothing better than this with someone you like. Humm, err...
"Was he? Or it was just you, too drunk, too helpless, too cocky?" He asked with an eyebrow up there, his voice clearly joking.
I mock gasped and put a hand over my chest, right where my heart was palpating and put on a fake hurt façade. "I never was, and I do repeat, never was and never will be cocky."
He chuckled, though he was trying really hard to keep it to himself. "Yeah, right."
I was perplexed. He, Martin Fitzgerald was calling me cocky, right on my face. I'm not cocky. Am I? "Do you seriously think I am cocky?" This time my voice sounded too serious and I think I worried him. The truth was that I needed to know what he thought of me, his opinion was really important.
I met his eyes when he looked at me and saw he was really surprised by my sudden change of attitude. He put his glass of scotch down and reached to touch my hand. I felt a jolt of fire running from where his skin touched mine to the rest of my body. The butterflies he gave me came, my heart fluttered and my breath caught in my throat.
"Sam, I was joking." He squeezed my hand. "You're one of the most wonderful women I've ever met. You shouldn't take things so seriously."
My eyes went from his to where our hands were joined. He was radiating warmth from his skin and I felt it like fire, plus my own fire by the sensation of his touch. I wanted to put my other hand over his and touch him too, but I fought against it. I bit my lip trying to keep myself from doing exactly it. His thumb was softly caressing me, playing with my skin. His touch was wonderfully soothing.
"I don't." I finally managed to say, my eyes going back to him. I cleaned my throat quietly to make my voice steadier. "Your opinion is... important to me."
He shone a beautiful, sweet smile at me. Me and only me. "Thanks." He took his hand away slowly, the feel of his warmth already missed by my body.
"Why?"
"It makes me feel especial." He smiled at me; I smiled back at him. It was funny because he was the one who made me feel special.
* * *
"I've changed." I stated to Lisa.
"Have you?" She asked but didn't sound surprised.
"Yes."
"And how's that?"
I got up from the couch and started pacing. Keep moving is a good thing to do if I don't want to look at her in the eye. "I'm having... feelings, I'm feeling differently towards someone I thought I'd never even give a chance before."
"Really? Why do you think this happened?" Even if I was walking around, Lisa always kept her eyes on me. I didn't like that, to be watched. I felt his eyes on my and it was creep, it felt uncomfortable.
I shrugged, nothing better to do, as I touched a very unfamiliar object on her desk. "I don't know... I didn't really expect it, but things happen that you don't expect to."
"That's true." She nodded that way you can't tell if she's thinking you're silly or if you're completely right. "Why having some kind of relationship with him never crossed your mind? Was he that bad?"
I chuckled and closed my eyes to recall the early months of two years ago. Instead of discovering the reason I thought bad of Martin, images of him filled my head, his face haunted me. "I don't know." I said quietly, slowly shaking my head. It was a lie, of course I knew why a relationship with him was out of question: Jack. I couldn't tell her that. "He's wonderful. He's nice and kind. He always was. I'm not sure why I despised him."
"Does he know how you feel?"
"I don't think so."
"Why not? He doesn't feel the same way?"
"He used to feel something for me. I don't know about now. And I don't know what exactly I feel for him." I stopped pacing and sat again on the couch. She was staring at me; she never stopped doing so. I hate that.
"You are scared then."
"Basically." I said resolute. My hands weren't shaking or twisting, they were on both my side, over the couch. I wasn't feeling nervous and my voice was strong and correct. Talking about him was making me feel good, much different from my nervous attitude every time I talked with Lisa.
Talking about Martin was comfortable, I felt like I was telling a friend about my crush and it felt good. Felt very good to take all this weight from inside me.
* * *
I walked towards my desk with a mug of warm coffee in my hands. Just as I set my mug down Martin came behind me. I felt him rather than heard him coming. His smell was the first thing that I noticed.
"It took you a while."
I whirled to face him resting my back on the edge of my desk. I had that big smile on my lips and a warm feeling in my heart. After the talk with Lisa I was feeling much better and it was the first time because I always felt bad. This time all I could feel was pleasure. "Same as always." I said, now resting my hands on the desk on each side of me. "Didn't know you were counting."
He smiled at that and crossed his arms on front of his chest. "I wasn't." He tilted his head to the side and his eyes glistened. He locked eyes with me and I felt warmth building within me. All the butterflies were there; the feelings came again. It was hard to breath normally.
I smiled shyly and bend my head down, tearing my eyes from his. Though I wasn't seeing him, I could feel his smell. The ringing of his cell phone made me look back at him.
"I have to go." He said putting his cell back in his pocket. "They found a person I was looking for."
"OK."
"See you later." He said and turned to go.
I watched him walking away from me, each step further away. The joy he brought me was now gone, but I can still smell his scent, his wonderful scent.
"Is my distinct impression that you two were flirting or am I wrong?"
"What?" I focused my eyes and noticed Danny standing right where Martin was.
"You two were impudently flirting." The words came out of his mouth too amused, I noticed.
"No. We weren't."
"All right." He chuckled out the words, visibly not believing me. He crossed his arms just like Martin had done and stared at me. "Come on, Sam, tell me. What's going on?"
"Nothing's going on." I crossed my arms, too, and stared back at him.
"Ok, all right." He un-crossed his arms and smiled. "I'm not going to push you. I won't win this anyway." He joked and before I could answer he left.
I watched as he walked, wondering if it was too obvious. Were my feelings for Martin showing so badly? Oh God, I hope not, I don't want Martin to find out like this. I want to tell him, I want a perfect moment to tell him everything. If I tell him.
* * *
I slowly opened my eyes, trying to get used to the darkness of my room as I tried to find out where the sharp sound was from. I knew it was from somewhere near my ear, but as sleepy as I was it was a little difficult to process.
I groaned when the word telephone registered in my head. If it was Jack I swear I'd be in a kick ass mood. I took my hand from under the covers and reached out trying to find the damn object without looking at it. When my hand finally found the cold thing I pushed the 'talk' button and put it to my ear. "What?" I asked a bit too rudely.
"Hey, birthday girl."
I single tingle ran through my entire body. His voice warmed me and woke me fully. It was as lovely and sweet as ever. "Martin?" I asked even knowing it was him, just to make sure of it as my hand searched for the clock.
"Who else could be?" He asked playfully.
I found the clock and saw it read 12:01 pm. Why the hell was Martin calling me at this time? Didn't he know normal people need sleep? "Martin, it's midnight. For the sake of your life, you better have a good explication as to why you're calling me at this hour."
He busted up laughing and even through the phone the sound was amazing. "Oh my God, I can't believe you forgot about your own birthday."
My own birthday? What the hell was he... I sat with a start, running a nervous hand through my messed up hair. "Humm... no...?" I dumbly half stated half asked as my other hand searching for my cell phone so I could see what day was. When I found it, I turned the light on my bed stand and brought my cell phone in front of me. Oh. My. God.
"That's really good. You're lucky to have someone who does remember."
"Of course I didn't forget. If you didn't notice, you called me in the middle of the night, when I, the person in question, was peacefully sleeping. How did you want me to think straight?"
He laughed again and I smiled hearing him. He remembered my birthday, he did. This was so stupid... just by the fact he remembered and called me just when it happened. "Well, you don't turn 33 more than once."
"Thanks for remembering me."
"You're welcome."
I rearranged my pillows and sat with my back on them, relaxing as I did so. "Thanks Martin. It means a lot that you called me." I whispered trying to fight back the tears, knowing that someone cared about me so much. "Though it would be a lot better in daylight." I muttered loud enough for him to hear.
He chuckled and I almost could feel his breath on my ear. I closed my eyes so I could pretend he was with me, whispering sweet things in my ear, wishing me happy birthday. "Hey, I would do that but calling in the middle of the night is much more fun."
"To you, you mean."
"Whatever. Jesus, you're really cranky. You sure aren't a morning person."
"Please, Martin." I rolled my eyes. Really, he was too retarded sometimes. "It's not even morning yet."
"I just wanted to be the first person to wish you happy birthday."
"Probably the only one..." The words came out barely above a whisper. It wasn't mean for him to hear, they just escaped from my mouth.
"Don't say that, Sam." He softly said. "There are a lot of people who love you. You seriously need to work on your tiny ego. You should think more of you." His words were soothing, but I think he was trying to scold me. "I do."
I rubbed my eyes and let my hand rest over them for a silent second. Did he have an idea how much his words meant to me? Did he say these things half hearted because he knew my actual fragile state or he really meant?
"Are you listening to me?"
I breathed in deeply before answering. "Yes." I just, sometimes I felt as if the world was about to break. It occurred especially on Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving... birthdays. Any date you celebrate with your family I felt as if I would fall apart.
"You're not alone, Sam."
I chuckled silently, sadly... "Are you reading my mind now?" I asked quietly.
"No. I just know you enough to know how lonely lonely." His word hung in the air for a few seconds, neither of us saying a word, but then he broke the silence. "And you need to know you're not."
His words soothed me, warmed my heart and send a welcoming feeling of home and peace to my mind, body and being. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." And again there was silence between us. It was good, though. Just knowing he was in the other end, hearing his breath was enough to calm me. I started playing with the tip of my blanket, twisting it around my finger. "I better let you sleep now. Happy birthday."
"Thank you."
"Bye."
"Bye." I said back and before I hang up I stared at the phone for a while, holding it tenderly in my hand.
* * *
End of part four. If you want more, review!
Author's note: Big speculation here. I have no idea when Sam's birthday is nor how old she is so I just chose an age randomly and also the month in which she was born; though I don't exactly state the month here but since I'm posting this fic now it's obvious which month I'm talking about.
Also, thank you all the nice and encouraging words. Reviews are always wlecome :]
Martin and Sam forum @ destinedto.proboards26.com
~*~*~*~*~*~
Part Four
~*~*~*~*~*~
'If she's not helping you, so stop seeing her.'
It ran in my head over and over again. Martin and I had gone to eat and we talked, really talked. He made me open up in such a way no one had never done before. I felt so at easy; I just opened myself up and told him everything that was in my mind, everything that was bothering me. Well, not really everything... I left my mixed feelings for him out of our conversation. I couldn't tell him anything about it before I had my head in place again and everything sorted out.
'If she's not helping, so stop seeing her.'
He said that after hearing all my ramblings, everything I had to say about Lisa and he came to the conclusion that she wasn't making me feel any better. Maybe he was right, maybe I should juts stop seeing her, but then Jack'd annoy me for the rest of my life. And why would I need a therapist if I had Martin anyway? He was as good as any shrink, maybe better because he didn't judge me.
Lisa didn't judge me either... She listened the way a therapist should, there was nothing wrong with that. She just made me think about things I don't want to, bringing memories and feelings I wasn't ready to face yet. But that was what they were for, therapists, I mean; they make you think about these same things you don't want to and face them to finally get rid of it.
Maybe she wasn't pushing me down, maybe she was making me use these same bad things as a stairway to reach the top, to reach the far away exit.
Maybe I shouldn't stop seeing her after all.
* * *
A Few Days Later...
"Sam?"
I looked up and met Danny's smiling face. Very, very suspicious... "Yes?"
"What's the thing you want the most?"
"Excuse me?" I narrowed my eyes staring at him confusedly.
"I was wondering... everyone has something they want the most. You?"
"Me what?" God, I was sounding retarded... Duh, I knew exactly what he meant but I was still confused as to why he was asking me that.
"Sam..." He whined. Danny Taylor whined, right there in front of me. How I wish I had one of those cell phones you can take pictures. This would be one of those Kodak moments. "Stop pretending you're stupid. It doesn't suit you."
I turned on my chair so I was facing him fully. He was leaned in my desk, his hand on it supporting his weight. I tilted my head and squinted my eyes at him. "Why do you ask?"
"I'm curious."
I kept staring at him for a long, long moment, just waiting to see if I'd win and he would finally say or do something more relevant. But he didn't. "My life is fully complete, I have everything I need and want." Jesus, where that speech came from? Seriously, that was dumber than my faked being stupid. It seemed I had learned the text and repeated it to him as if I was in a conference.
He tried so hard to restrain a laugh, but it was impossible for soon he started laughing. "Oh God. I never can talk seriously with you, can I?" He straightened his body and winked at me. "It seems I have to figure it out myself, then." He patted my shoulder and went away. Just like that. He was gone and I didn't know what was all that about...
* * *
Martin and I... we were getting awfully closer lately. Since the day he turned me down on my offer to get a drink we started to deviate away from each other, what was too bad. Fortunately some time ago I had the courage to ask him again and since then we were really hanging out a lot.
There was friendly talk during cases, having drinks after work as often as we could, staying late at the FBI talking about nothing in particular. They were small things but it was things like that that pulled you closer to someone. Getting to know someone was the right start of a healthy and long term relationship and, saying it or not, that was exactly what I wanted.
I loved to hang out with him. We talked so easily, my nervousness kind of went away as I listened to him talking, as I heard the soft melody of his voice. He made open up and talk to him like anyone had ever done before.
But that you already know.
It's hard not to talk about the person you have a crush on. It's hard to keep them out of your mind, even if for a moment. Especially if this someone was a person so perfect like Martin. I know... I know there isn't such a thing as perfect, but to me, he was.
He made me feel so good about myself; he made me feel as if I'm the most important thing in the world. As if nothing bad would happen to me, he made me actually know that there was something pleasant out there, something worthy; and not by him saying so, just by the simple presence of him being there. The way he looked at me with that look that nobody had ever given to me before, just made my heart flutter. He gave me these things, these feelings, that were so unknown before. And I wish I knew what all this is about.
He just got through me and managed to find a spot inside me. And I just let him. I let him crawl inside my body, take control of everything - mentally, psychologically, physically - and I was fine with it, really. The only thing annoying me was all these mixed feelings. I needed to know exactly what I was feeling for him. It wasn't lust, I was sure of it, and even if it was, it would be easier because it'd be only physical attraction. But it wasn't. I cared for him. I really did and I didn't want to harm our building friendship with sex.
I had feelings for him, feelings which ran deep and made me wish I was with him and think about him every waking moment. It's confusing, but so is love. See, it popped up again... not that I don't mind, I don't. It's just... I just thought it was too soon for that, to soon to be love.
It's so confusing... but it's something you have to experience and I was confused myself, this whole love thing was a bit disturbing, complicated. It couldn't be love at first sight - if it was even love - because, well, it wasn't first sight. Unless... unless when I first saw him I didn't notice these feelings because I was too focused on Jack but now that I'm not with him, that I found a new perspective I noticed, I was feeling what I could have felt long before.
... My God... what was I musing about? I had that part covered... I knew I felt something for him before; I just didn't bother to look into it more closely.
I was losing my mind. I couldn't be in love with him, I just couldn't. We just started being good friends, I couldn't mess everything up with love. Not that it's a bad thing but... What if he didn't feel the same, what if what he felt for me was just lust? I didn't feel like having another failed sex relationship in my list. I wanted him to always be there, not just a bed partner, but to be there for me.
.....
.....
Wasn't that what he had said to me a while back?
* * *
"The guy was nuts." I exclaimed just after putting my glass of merlot down. Good wine, nothing better than this with someone you like. Humm, err...
"Was he? Or it was just you, too drunk, too helpless, too cocky?" He asked with an eyebrow up there, his voice clearly joking.
I mock gasped and put a hand over my chest, right where my heart was palpating and put on a fake hurt façade. "I never was, and I do repeat, never was and never will be cocky."
He chuckled, though he was trying really hard to keep it to himself. "Yeah, right."
I was perplexed. He, Martin Fitzgerald was calling me cocky, right on my face. I'm not cocky. Am I? "Do you seriously think I am cocky?" This time my voice sounded too serious and I think I worried him. The truth was that I needed to know what he thought of me, his opinion was really important.
I met his eyes when he looked at me and saw he was really surprised by my sudden change of attitude. He put his glass of scotch down and reached to touch my hand. I felt a jolt of fire running from where his skin touched mine to the rest of my body. The butterflies he gave me came, my heart fluttered and my breath caught in my throat.
"Sam, I was joking." He squeezed my hand. "You're one of the most wonderful women I've ever met. You shouldn't take things so seriously."
My eyes went from his to where our hands were joined. He was radiating warmth from his skin and I felt it like fire, plus my own fire by the sensation of his touch. I wanted to put my other hand over his and touch him too, but I fought against it. I bit my lip trying to keep myself from doing exactly it. His thumb was softly caressing me, playing with my skin. His touch was wonderfully soothing.
"I don't." I finally managed to say, my eyes going back to him. I cleaned my throat quietly to make my voice steadier. "Your opinion is... important to me."
He shone a beautiful, sweet smile at me. Me and only me. "Thanks." He took his hand away slowly, the feel of his warmth already missed by my body.
"Why?"
"It makes me feel especial." He smiled at me; I smiled back at him. It was funny because he was the one who made me feel special.
* * *
"I've changed." I stated to Lisa.
"Have you?" She asked but didn't sound surprised.
"Yes."
"And how's that?"
I got up from the couch and started pacing. Keep moving is a good thing to do if I don't want to look at her in the eye. "I'm having... feelings, I'm feeling differently towards someone I thought I'd never even give a chance before."
"Really? Why do you think this happened?" Even if I was walking around, Lisa always kept her eyes on me. I didn't like that, to be watched. I felt his eyes on my and it was creep, it felt uncomfortable.
I shrugged, nothing better to do, as I touched a very unfamiliar object on her desk. "I don't know... I didn't really expect it, but things happen that you don't expect to."
"That's true." She nodded that way you can't tell if she's thinking you're silly or if you're completely right. "Why having some kind of relationship with him never crossed your mind? Was he that bad?"
I chuckled and closed my eyes to recall the early months of two years ago. Instead of discovering the reason I thought bad of Martin, images of him filled my head, his face haunted me. "I don't know." I said quietly, slowly shaking my head. It was a lie, of course I knew why a relationship with him was out of question: Jack. I couldn't tell her that. "He's wonderful. He's nice and kind. He always was. I'm not sure why I despised him."
"Does he know how you feel?"
"I don't think so."
"Why not? He doesn't feel the same way?"
"He used to feel something for me. I don't know about now. And I don't know what exactly I feel for him." I stopped pacing and sat again on the couch. She was staring at me; she never stopped doing so. I hate that.
"You are scared then."
"Basically." I said resolute. My hands weren't shaking or twisting, they were on both my side, over the couch. I wasn't feeling nervous and my voice was strong and correct. Talking about him was making me feel good, much different from my nervous attitude every time I talked with Lisa.
Talking about Martin was comfortable, I felt like I was telling a friend about my crush and it felt good. Felt very good to take all this weight from inside me.
* * *
I walked towards my desk with a mug of warm coffee in my hands. Just as I set my mug down Martin came behind me. I felt him rather than heard him coming. His smell was the first thing that I noticed.
"It took you a while."
I whirled to face him resting my back on the edge of my desk. I had that big smile on my lips and a warm feeling in my heart. After the talk with Lisa I was feeling much better and it was the first time because I always felt bad. This time all I could feel was pleasure. "Same as always." I said, now resting my hands on the desk on each side of me. "Didn't know you were counting."
He smiled at that and crossed his arms on front of his chest. "I wasn't." He tilted his head to the side and his eyes glistened. He locked eyes with me and I felt warmth building within me. All the butterflies were there; the feelings came again. It was hard to breath normally.
I smiled shyly and bend my head down, tearing my eyes from his. Though I wasn't seeing him, I could feel his smell. The ringing of his cell phone made me look back at him.
"I have to go." He said putting his cell back in his pocket. "They found a person I was looking for."
"OK."
"See you later." He said and turned to go.
I watched him walking away from me, each step further away. The joy he brought me was now gone, but I can still smell his scent, his wonderful scent.
"Is my distinct impression that you two were flirting or am I wrong?"
"What?" I focused my eyes and noticed Danny standing right where Martin was.
"You two were impudently flirting." The words came out of his mouth too amused, I noticed.
"No. We weren't."
"All right." He chuckled out the words, visibly not believing me. He crossed his arms just like Martin had done and stared at me. "Come on, Sam, tell me. What's going on?"
"Nothing's going on." I crossed my arms, too, and stared back at him.
"Ok, all right." He un-crossed his arms and smiled. "I'm not going to push you. I won't win this anyway." He joked and before I could answer he left.
I watched as he walked, wondering if it was too obvious. Were my feelings for Martin showing so badly? Oh God, I hope not, I don't want Martin to find out like this. I want to tell him, I want a perfect moment to tell him everything. If I tell him.
* * *
I slowly opened my eyes, trying to get used to the darkness of my room as I tried to find out where the sharp sound was from. I knew it was from somewhere near my ear, but as sleepy as I was it was a little difficult to process.
I groaned when the word telephone registered in my head. If it was Jack I swear I'd be in a kick ass mood. I took my hand from under the covers and reached out trying to find the damn object without looking at it. When my hand finally found the cold thing I pushed the 'talk' button and put it to my ear. "What?" I asked a bit too rudely.
"Hey, birthday girl."
I single tingle ran through my entire body. His voice warmed me and woke me fully. It was as lovely and sweet as ever. "Martin?" I asked even knowing it was him, just to make sure of it as my hand searched for the clock.
"Who else could be?" He asked playfully.
I found the clock and saw it read 12:01 pm. Why the hell was Martin calling me at this time? Didn't he know normal people need sleep? "Martin, it's midnight. For the sake of your life, you better have a good explication as to why you're calling me at this hour."
He busted up laughing and even through the phone the sound was amazing. "Oh my God, I can't believe you forgot about your own birthday."
My own birthday? What the hell was he... I sat with a start, running a nervous hand through my messed up hair. "Humm... no...?" I dumbly half stated half asked as my other hand searching for my cell phone so I could see what day was. When I found it, I turned the light on my bed stand and brought my cell phone in front of me. Oh. My. God.
"That's really good. You're lucky to have someone who does remember."
"Of course I didn't forget. If you didn't notice, you called me in the middle of the night, when I, the person in question, was peacefully sleeping. How did you want me to think straight?"
He laughed again and I smiled hearing him. He remembered my birthday, he did. This was so stupid... just by the fact he remembered and called me just when it happened. "Well, you don't turn 33 more than once."
"Thanks for remembering me."
"You're welcome."
I rearranged my pillows and sat with my back on them, relaxing as I did so. "Thanks Martin. It means a lot that you called me." I whispered trying to fight back the tears, knowing that someone cared about me so much. "Though it would be a lot better in daylight." I muttered loud enough for him to hear.
He chuckled and I almost could feel his breath on my ear. I closed my eyes so I could pretend he was with me, whispering sweet things in my ear, wishing me happy birthday. "Hey, I would do that but calling in the middle of the night is much more fun."
"To you, you mean."
"Whatever. Jesus, you're really cranky. You sure aren't a morning person."
"Please, Martin." I rolled my eyes. Really, he was too retarded sometimes. "It's not even morning yet."
"I just wanted to be the first person to wish you happy birthday."
"Probably the only one..." The words came out barely above a whisper. It wasn't mean for him to hear, they just escaped from my mouth.
"Don't say that, Sam." He softly said. "There are a lot of people who love you. You seriously need to work on your tiny ego. You should think more of you." His words were soothing, but I think he was trying to scold me. "I do."
I rubbed my eyes and let my hand rest over them for a silent second. Did he have an idea how much his words meant to me? Did he say these things half hearted because he knew my actual fragile state or he really meant?
"Are you listening to me?"
I breathed in deeply before answering. "Yes." I just, sometimes I felt as if the world was about to break. It occurred especially on Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving... birthdays. Any date you celebrate with your family I felt as if I would fall apart.
"You're not alone, Sam."
I chuckled silently, sadly... "Are you reading my mind now?" I asked quietly.
"No. I just know you enough to know how lonely lonely." His word hung in the air for a few seconds, neither of us saying a word, but then he broke the silence. "And you need to know you're not."
His words soothed me, warmed my heart and send a welcoming feeling of home and peace to my mind, body and being. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." And again there was silence between us. It was good, though. Just knowing he was in the other end, hearing his breath was enough to calm me. I started playing with the tip of my blanket, twisting it around my finger. "I better let you sleep now. Happy birthday."
"Thank you."
"Bye."
"Bye." I said back and before I hang up I stared at the phone for a while, holding it tenderly in my hand.
* * *
End of part four. If you want more, review!