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Part Seven
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"Holy fuck! Where did this come from!?" I whispered to myself and jumped over the nearest chair as quickly as I could. Dear mother, the thing was huge! I mean, really, really huge. The kind you can only put inside a cookie jar. "Martin!" I whispered again. I had to whisper, this was stupid, I know but the fear can turn you into a jackass and I was afraid that if I raised my voice the black hairy thing could listen and come after me.
I looked at the general direction of the bathroom, hoping Martin had heard me but not hearing a single sound I knew he hadn't. Good Lord, what am I going to do? I couldn't scream; the thing would listen. Dumb, I know, I was over a chair in my kitchen but still, the thing could, couldn't it? It was moving to my direction, dread started rising up more and more and it wouldn't stop moving.
I'm going to die. I twitched as this chill ran up my spine. Time seemed to be ticking really slowly. I mean, I wanted to open my mouth and scream, yet I wanted to just stay there, quite and wait until Martin could give me the grace of his presence. I'm going to die. My heart was beating for dear life and for a minute, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. This wasn't healthy for me. I ran a hand over my forehead and felt the cold liquid forming there. Holy shit. Am I sweating? Am I tensing up so badly that it's actually causing me to perspire? Jesus Christ.
"Martin?" I breathed out a big sigh of relief when my voice came out as a yell. He had to hear me now. "Martin?" Using the opportunity that my voice was working I called him again. I mean, my voice could disappear anytime.
... Man, that was really bad.
"Yeah?" I heard his voice before he had passed completely through the kitchen door. Seeing me up over a chair, dread all over my face, he narrowed his eyes with curiosity and confusion. "What are you doing up there?"
"Shhh!" I hissed and waved my hand. "Keep your voice down!"
"Sam...?" He smiled confusedly and walked towards me and as he came closer I let a yell escape from my mouth. He jumped back with a start, and I swear I could hear his heart from where I was. "Holy shit! Are you trying to kill me?"
"You were going to step on it!" I whispered and pointed to the floor, where the big hairy thing was.
He looked down and after a few seconds he looked up with that big, amused smile over his lips. "Oh my God! You're tensing up so badly because of a spider??" I'm sure he didn't laugh only to keep my humiliation from being complete.
"It's not just a spider! Look the size of it!" I put my hand on the back of the chair to keep me from falling down and near to that repulsive thing.
He shook his head and smiled at me again. "You're pathetic, you know that right?"
"I don't care! Just take this thing away!"
He sighed dramatically as if he was about to go for a fight and walked to my cupboard and took a cup from there and then a spoon from the drawer. He put the cup over the spider (what made me realize it wasn't soooo big) and the spoon under it, so when he lifted the cup, that little black hairy and disgusting thing wouldn't escape. I swear if Martin comes to my direction waving his hand in front of me like 'duh, I'm going to throw it on you, duh' I'll have to go all Jack Chan on him... but he didn't, to my lucky, he didn't and Martin, my hero on a white horse and shinning armor, threw it in the garbage.
He turned to me and leaned back on the counter with a big smile plastered on his face. "I learn something new about you every day."
"I just don't like spiders, all right?" I whined, yes I actually whined, and very carefully I came down from the chair, looking around just to make sure the mother or father or siblings of that little hairy thing weren't around to ask for their revenge.
"Oh yeah, I'm pretty aware of it." He laughed a sweet, charming laugh that couldn't stop myself from smiling and in the middle of my smile I made a face. That was really good, I was pathetic and my ego was incredible hurt. Nice way to go.
"Now close it and throw it away."
"Me?"
"Yeah! I'm not going to get anywhere near this thing."
He sighed and did as I said, then left my apartment to throw the garbage away. He came back a while back and his smile was still on. Damn him.
* * *
I walked down the path with Viv right beside me. It was chilly but the degree wasn't so low like before. Even if I didn't like the cold, I was glad because it was becoming warmer. All I wanted was the spring to come and bring with it the sun, the warmth, the love... Yeah, well, err... wasn't spring the age of love?
"You seem extremely happy lately."
"Humm?" I looked at her startled. I guess I didn't hear any of what she was saying for the last five minutes.
She turned her head to me and smiled that smile of hers. "And very aerie too. Is it because of Martin?"
I shrugged not really knowing what to say. Was it so obvious? First was Danny, then Jack and now Viv? Were my feelings showing up so badly? Was it this obvious that people started noticing and seeing? But I didn't know if I should be careful or not, I mean, should I hide it or just let it up in the front?
The desire of him being by my side grew stronger and bigger, not that I was complaining, because that was all wonderful, it just wouldn't stop growing and I thought it was impossible. I wanted him. I wanted him to be mine. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, to feel his lips against my own. I wanted him to always be by my side. I wanted the joy he always brought when he was around to always be with me.
"That's all right if you don't want to talk about it. I just wanted to say that he makes you happy. I can see it on your face."
I stopped and looked surprised at her, but thankful and pleased. A smiled started creeping over my face without asking me so and I couldn't stop it from forming. I was delighted. "I'm not with him. There's nothing between us..."
"... Yet. And still, he can light up your face like that."
"I can't tell."
"Yes, you can." She said quietly and we resumed walking. "How long are you feeling like this?"
I shrugged again and wondered, trying to remember when I started feeling differently towards him. I think it was after I got shot, when the wound made me fragile and needy. "Some time after I got shot, I think."
She didn't say anything back, only nodded and put her hands inside her pockets, to warm them. "You smile more and I noticed you two are spending more time together."
"We've been hanging out a lot." I nodded and looked at the ground as I walked. "I'm really getting to know him better."
"He's a good guy. I think he's really good for you."
"Thanks, Viv, but we're not like that."
"Because you chose so." I looked confused at her and squinted my eyes. She smiled and took a deep breath. "He feels something for you, Samantha and if you don't tell him, he will find out sooner or later." She tilted her head and added, "And it'd be better sooner, wouldn't it?" She then smiled wittily. "You're already very happy."
I smiled too and before I could help it, a laugh escaped from my mouth. "Jesus, and we're not even together."
She raised both eyebrows as she looked intensely at me, her face with a expression that was trying to show me her point. And I got it. I understood what she was saying. Her words were slowly registering in my brain. Martin and I weren't more than friends, good friends because we were becoming good friends, although his presence or the mere mention of his name was enough to shine my day and make it brighter. Was enough to make me feel as if I had done something good. Thinking better, it could be that I did something good and the world was just thanking me for it.
Whatever this 'it' could be...
* * *
"I hate you!" I shouted right in the middle of the FBI bullpen. I shouldn't have shouted but I just wanted to say it loud enough so Martin would hear me. Well, but now the entire floor knew my deepest feelings for Martin. Dumbass...
As soon as he heard my words he turned his head slightly and smiled. God, I just wanted to wipe that smile off with my fists. "Same here." he said and resumed walking. Was he mocking me? Was he actually making of me? I had to clench my teeth and focus on the people looking weirdly at me to keep myself from jumping on him and punching on the face. If I wasn't risking to lose my gun and badge I'm sure I would have shot him by now.
Dumbass...
And I don't even know why we started fighting... Really. I just remember I was peacefully sitting at my desk, drinking my so loved coffee when Martin, my formerly hero on a white horse and shinning armor, came. First I felt as if it was the best moment of the day but then, for a reason I have not idea why we started arguing. But it's normal, isn't it? I mean, we were almost all day together, seeing each other more times than real couple and it's normal to have fights once in a while. Right? Well, it doesn't matter... I want to believe it's normal because then this fight will have a explanation as to why it happened.
And why the hell, looking at him sitting at his desk is making me feel funny? No, it's not funny; it's regret I think... Damn it. I didn't want to feel regretted. I wanted to feel that want to punch and beat him. Because it wasn't my fault, it was all his fault that we started fighting... all his...
Wasn't it...?
I bit my lip and let my fists hand loosely by my sides. Should I go to him and say I'm sorry? No! No! Do not; did you hear me? Do not say you're sorry for something you didn't do. But.. But he wasn't the only one fighting.. Even if I wasn't the one who started it, I had to be blamed for half if because I continued the fight...
And I was still in the middle of the bullpen... I sighed and slowly walked to my desk, which unfortunately at that moment, was near Martin's... If I said I was sorry then it would be every thing all right... no.... not going to.
I silently sat without even glancing at him. I could feel his scent right under my nose.. Why, oh why when I wanted to keep my distance and not even look at him this damn smell of his was so strong? Why every time I wanted to feel it I couldn't because he was too far away but now that I actually didn't, his smell was stronger than ever? It must be the world punishing me; it could only be that. I think I was the one who started the fight and continued it and now I was being castigated
Damn it! Damn the world, damn Martin and damn this wonderful smell of his...
* * *
I started shaking imperceptibly when he approached and rested his back on my desk. I wanted to look up at him but my stupid ego was too afraid to do so. Part of me just wanted him to go away while the other part was jumping up and down with excitement.
After a moment of silence he let out a big puff of air. "This is stupid."
I bit my lip and finally looked up. I couldn't keep this up anymore. I had stayed almost all day avoiding him and not looking at him. I couldn't not look at anymore. I needed to see him. I missed him. I turned my chair so now I was facing Martin and the second I did so, our eyes met and I forgot everything that had happened that day. I forgot my stupid burst out and our stupid fight.
"I don't even know why we started fighting but we stayed without talking to each other all day, anyway."
"Yeah." I breathed out a tiny chuckle and looked down at my hands. It was stupid indeed.
"So.. humm, do you want to make up?"
"Yeah." I smiled grateful and slowly looked up back at him, meeting his gaze.
"I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry for it, anyway. I don't want to fight with you."
"I don't know why either." I chuckled. "But I'm sorry too."
"Se, we're good?"
"We're good."
He looked at me with that big, cute smile on his lips and I had to smile back. I wave of happiness and relief suddenly came rushing inside of me, making me feel a sense of peace. And it was good, really good. I think it was because we had just made up and there was not feeling of uneasy between us, or that feeling of want to punch him inside of me.
I was stupid.. I mean, I was the one who started that ridiculous fight (well, hours after that I finally accepted that I was the one to blame...) and he was the one to come up and say sorry. God, I wanted to kick myself. Sometimes I was really a jerk...
Martin grabbed a pen from my desk and started playing with it, turning it around in his hands. Then, suddenly he looked up with a gleam in his eyes. "Do you have plans for next Saturday?"
I narrowed my eyes at him. Was he really saying that? I mean, next Saturday was Valentine's Day... he couldn't possible be asking me out. Could him? "Hum...no. I think."
"So why don't we do something?"
"On Valentine's Day? Don't you have a date or something?"
He started laughing and let go of my pen. "Of course not. Why do you think I am asking? I just thought that, why don't we, two big losers who don't have dates on Valentine's Day, go out to show that we are not these big losers?"
I smiled at that. We were really losers... everyone would be out, even Danny and we would be stuck home. What a big Valentine's Day. "Sure. Why not?" I shrugged trying to be nonchalant. He was asking me out on Valentine's Day and even if it was just not to pass it alone, he was still asking me. On Valentine's Day. I brought my head back down to look at, humm.. Whatever I was looking before.
"What do you say about... sailing?"
My head snapped up when my poor brain, tired of the early fight registered his words. "Are you kidding me?"
"No, seriously." He nodded looking intensely at me. "So what do you say?"
"I don't know..." Sailing? He should be really nuts.. Go out in the water with this weather. "Have you ever gone sailing in your life?"
"Yeah. When I was a kid my dad used to take to sail once in a while. And the papers say it's going to be sunny. Cold, of course but at least it will have some sun."
I stared at him for a long, long while. Until, finally I decided. "All right. I am going."
* * *
'All right. I am going.' Where the hell I was with my head?? I should have never ever said these words. I should have said no, I should have said... I don't know... anything. But just not agreed with this. I mean, I would stay alone with Martin in the middle of a lake, where I had no place to go if I wanted to be away from him if I needed to. Why would I even want to be away from him, for God's sake? You never know, do you?
You know, it's like when you need some object you can't find no matter what and when you stop looking this same object just pops in front of you as if magically. And it's like that. I have no reason to need to be away from Martin but stuck in the middle of a lake when you have no place to go is exactly when you need to go somewhere. It's dangerous. Dangerous, dangerous, dangerous.
I should have said no...
Damn it.
* * *
Danny threw himself on the nearest chair and let his head rest over the conference table. I heard him mumbling whispered words that I couldn't understand and looked at me. "What?"
"What what?"
"You are staring at me."
"You are the one who almost broke the chair and was mumbling incoherent words."
He sighed and sat up straight. "Well, I just don't have a date to Valentine's Day anymore." He muttered and sighed again. Ha, poor Danny and here I thought he was getting lucky this time. Martin and I weren't the only losers around, after all.
I chuckled as I bent my head down to resume my reading. It was a big surprise to me. For the first time Danny didn't have a date. And he seemed really annoyed about it. And I had a date, yup; I had a date. Not a date, date, but still a date. With Martin. It doesn't matter what we were going to do or why, we still were going out on Valentine's Day.
"And what is this smile all about?" He asked suddenly, breaking my not so concentration on my task at hand.
I looked up a bit startled by being interrupted like this. "Humm?"
"This smile." He gave me a smile of his own. "You're smiling like a schoolgirl. Are you going out this Valentine's Day?"
I tilted my head and shook slightly, raising an eyebrow at him. "Not going to tell."
His smiled widened, turning into a big smirk. He got up and pulled back the chair nearest me then sat. He put his elbow on the table and rested his head on his hand, staring at me. "So, who is he?"
"Who is he...?"
"Of course. If you weren't going out then you would have said 'no' but you spoke in a way like 'ooo, I'm getting lucky..' and now I'm curious."
"I'm not getting luck, Danny." Nope, I wasn't. I would be luck if I even survived through the day without having a heart attack.
"Yeah, right." He scoffed and started chuckling.
"I'm not! Martin and I are going sailing, that's all." As soon as the words left my mouth I covered it with my hand and widened my eyes. Damn it Danny! I didn't want to tell people, especially him, about that and now the always so annoying Danny made me say and he would bug me for the rest of my life.
"Oh my God! Martin?? Why didn't you tell me? And sailing?"
I closed my just as I let out a big sigh. Me and my big mouth. "There's nothing between me and Martin. Nothing!" But it didn't mean I didn't want that there was something between us...
"And you are going out with him on Valentine's Day because..."
I looked down at the paper I was reading before and re-resumed reading. "Because we're a couple of losers who don't have a date.." I murmured and Danny started laughing.
"Just because you don't want to."
I shot him my evil look and stuck my tongue out at him. God, this guy can be really annoying sometimes... He laughed again and didn't stop staring at me. I pretended to read my so interesting paper and didn't look back at Danny. But soon his staring started to feel uncomfortable and creepy. "Can you stop, please, staring at me?" I asked without looking at him.
Neither Danny didn't hear my plead or didn't care because he just kept staring and changed the issue. Well, my issue because he went back to Martin.. "Since when Martin knows how to sail, anyway?"
I brought my eyes up and met Danny's full of curiosity. "I found out today when he asked me."
"You never knew he sailed and agreed to go?" And then Danny started laughing once again. Goddamn it...
"So what? At least I have a date..."
He stopped laughing right away and looked at me faking a very faked hurt expression. "Ouch." he put a hand over his chest. "You hurt me Samantha."
I rolled my eyes and, again, looked at my so loved, nice and interesting paper. "My pleasure."
He let his hand drop and sighed dramatically. Didn't catch my attention. "All right, I am going." He got up and when I thought I was finally of Danny and his so constant interrogation, I heard his voice, very amused voice. "Just don't go get wet. I don't trust to go sailing with someone I never knew sailed."
* * *
Part Seven
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"Holy fuck! Where did this come from!?" I whispered to myself and jumped over the nearest chair as quickly as I could. Dear mother, the thing was huge! I mean, really, really huge. The kind you can only put inside a cookie jar. "Martin!" I whispered again. I had to whisper, this was stupid, I know but the fear can turn you into a jackass and I was afraid that if I raised my voice the black hairy thing could listen and come after me.
I looked at the general direction of the bathroom, hoping Martin had heard me but not hearing a single sound I knew he hadn't. Good Lord, what am I going to do? I couldn't scream; the thing would listen. Dumb, I know, I was over a chair in my kitchen but still, the thing could, couldn't it? It was moving to my direction, dread started rising up more and more and it wouldn't stop moving.
I'm going to die. I twitched as this chill ran up my spine. Time seemed to be ticking really slowly. I mean, I wanted to open my mouth and scream, yet I wanted to just stay there, quite and wait until Martin could give me the grace of his presence. I'm going to die. My heart was beating for dear life and for a minute, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. This wasn't healthy for me. I ran a hand over my forehead and felt the cold liquid forming there. Holy shit. Am I sweating? Am I tensing up so badly that it's actually causing me to perspire? Jesus Christ.
"Martin?" I breathed out a big sigh of relief when my voice came out as a yell. He had to hear me now. "Martin?" Using the opportunity that my voice was working I called him again. I mean, my voice could disappear anytime.
... Man, that was really bad.
"Yeah?" I heard his voice before he had passed completely through the kitchen door. Seeing me up over a chair, dread all over my face, he narrowed his eyes with curiosity and confusion. "What are you doing up there?"
"Shhh!" I hissed and waved my hand. "Keep your voice down!"
"Sam...?" He smiled confusedly and walked towards me and as he came closer I let a yell escape from my mouth. He jumped back with a start, and I swear I could hear his heart from where I was. "Holy shit! Are you trying to kill me?"
"You were going to step on it!" I whispered and pointed to the floor, where the big hairy thing was.
He looked down and after a few seconds he looked up with that big, amused smile over his lips. "Oh my God! You're tensing up so badly because of a spider??" I'm sure he didn't laugh only to keep my humiliation from being complete.
"It's not just a spider! Look the size of it!" I put my hand on the back of the chair to keep me from falling down and near to that repulsive thing.
He shook his head and smiled at me again. "You're pathetic, you know that right?"
"I don't care! Just take this thing away!"
He sighed dramatically as if he was about to go for a fight and walked to my cupboard and took a cup from there and then a spoon from the drawer. He put the cup over the spider (what made me realize it wasn't soooo big) and the spoon under it, so when he lifted the cup, that little black hairy and disgusting thing wouldn't escape. I swear if Martin comes to my direction waving his hand in front of me like 'duh, I'm going to throw it on you, duh' I'll have to go all Jack Chan on him... but he didn't, to my lucky, he didn't and Martin, my hero on a white horse and shinning armor, threw it in the garbage.
He turned to me and leaned back on the counter with a big smile plastered on his face. "I learn something new about you every day."
"I just don't like spiders, all right?" I whined, yes I actually whined, and very carefully I came down from the chair, looking around just to make sure the mother or father or siblings of that little hairy thing weren't around to ask for their revenge.
"Oh yeah, I'm pretty aware of it." He laughed a sweet, charming laugh that couldn't stop myself from smiling and in the middle of my smile I made a face. That was really good, I was pathetic and my ego was incredible hurt. Nice way to go.
"Now close it and throw it away."
"Me?"
"Yeah! I'm not going to get anywhere near this thing."
He sighed and did as I said, then left my apartment to throw the garbage away. He came back a while back and his smile was still on. Damn him.
* * *
I walked down the path with Viv right beside me. It was chilly but the degree wasn't so low like before. Even if I didn't like the cold, I was glad because it was becoming warmer. All I wanted was the spring to come and bring with it the sun, the warmth, the love... Yeah, well, err... wasn't spring the age of love?
"You seem extremely happy lately."
"Humm?" I looked at her startled. I guess I didn't hear any of what she was saying for the last five minutes.
She turned her head to me and smiled that smile of hers. "And very aerie too. Is it because of Martin?"
I shrugged not really knowing what to say. Was it so obvious? First was Danny, then Jack and now Viv? Were my feelings showing up so badly? Was it this obvious that people started noticing and seeing? But I didn't know if I should be careful or not, I mean, should I hide it or just let it up in the front?
The desire of him being by my side grew stronger and bigger, not that I was complaining, because that was all wonderful, it just wouldn't stop growing and I thought it was impossible. I wanted him. I wanted him to be mine. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, to feel his lips against my own. I wanted him to always be by my side. I wanted the joy he always brought when he was around to always be with me.
"That's all right if you don't want to talk about it. I just wanted to say that he makes you happy. I can see it on your face."
I stopped and looked surprised at her, but thankful and pleased. A smiled started creeping over my face without asking me so and I couldn't stop it from forming. I was delighted. "I'm not with him. There's nothing between us..."
"... Yet. And still, he can light up your face like that."
"I can't tell."
"Yes, you can." She said quietly and we resumed walking. "How long are you feeling like this?"
I shrugged again and wondered, trying to remember when I started feeling differently towards him. I think it was after I got shot, when the wound made me fragile and needy. "Some time after I got shot, I think."
She didn't say anything back, only nodded and put her hands inside her pockets, to warm them. "You smile more and I noticed you two are spending more time together."
"We've been hanging out a lot." I nodded and looked at the ground as I walked. "I'm really getting to know him better."
"He's a good guy. I think he's really good for you."
"Thanks, Viv, but we're not like that."
"Because you chose so." I looked confused at her and squinted my eyes. She smiled and took a deep breath. "He feels something for you, Samantha and if you don't tell him, he will find out sooner or later." She tilted her head and added, "And it'd be better sooner, wouldn't it?" She then smiled wittily. "You're already very happy."
I smiled too and before I could help it, a laugh escaped from my mouth. "Jesus, and we're not even together."
She raised both eyebrows as she looked intensely at me, her face with a expression that was trying to show me her point. And I got it. I understood what she was saying. Her words were slowly registering in my brain. Martin and I weren't more than friends, good friends because we were becoming good friends, although his presence or the mere mention of his name was enough to shine my day and make it brighter. Was enough to make me feel as if I had done something good. Thinking better, it could be that I did something good and the world was just thanking me for it.
Whatever this 'it' could be...
* * *
"I hate you!" I shouted right in the middle of the FBI bullpen. I shouldn't have shouted but I just wanted to say it loud enough so Martin would hear me. Well, but now the entire floor knew my deepest feelings for Martin. Dumbass...
As soon as he heard my words he turned his head slightly and smiled. God, I just wanted to wipe that smile off with my fists. "Same here." he said and resumed walking. Was he mocking me? Was he actually making of me? I had to clench my teeth and focus on the people looking weirdly at me to keep myself from jumping on him and punching on the face. If I wasn't risking to lose my gun and badge I'm sure I would have shot him by now.
Dumbass...
And I don't even know why we started fighting... Really. I just remember I was peacefully sitting at my desk, drinking my so loved coffee when Martin, my formerly hero on a white horse and shinning armor, came. First I felt as if it was the best moment of the day but then, for a reason I have not idea why we started arguing. But it's normal, isn't it? I mean, we were almost all day together, seeing each other more times than real couple and it's normal to have fights once in a while. Right? Well, it doesn't matter... I want to believe it's normal because then this fight will have a explanation as to why it happened.
And why the hell, looking at him sitting at his desk is making me feel funny? No, it's not funny; it's regret I think... Damn it. I didn't want to feel regretted. I wanted to feel that want to punch and beat him. Because it wasn't my fault, it was all his fault that we started fighting... all his...
Wasn't it...?
I bit my lip and let my fists hand loosely by my sides. Should I go to him and say I'm sorry? No! No! Do not; did you hear me? Do not say you're sorry for something you didn't do. But.. But he wasn't the only one fighting.. Even if I wasn't the one who started it, I had to be blamed for half if because I continued the fight...
And I was still in the middle of the bullpen... I sighed and slowly walked to my desk, which unfortunately at that moment, was near Martin's... If I said I was sorry then it would be every thing all right... no.... not going to.
I silently sat without even glancing at him. I could feel his scent right under my nose.. Why, oh why when I wanted to keep my distance and not even look at him this damn smell of his was so strong? Why every time I wanted to feel it I couldn't because he was too far away but now that I actually didn't, his smell was stronger than ever? It must be the world punishing me; it could only be that. I think I was the one who started the fight and continued it and now I was being castigated
Damn it! Damn the world, damn Martin and damn this wonderful smell of his...
* * *
I started shaking imperceptibly when he approached and rested his back on my desk. I wanted to look up at him but my stupid ego was too afraid to do so. Part of me just wanted him to go away while the other part was jumping up and down with excitement.
After a moment of silence he let out a big puff of air. "This is stupid."
I bit my lip and finally looked up. I couldn't keep this up anymore. I had stayed almost all day avoiding him and not looking at him. I couldn't not look at anymore. I needed to see him. I missed him. I turned my chair so now I was facing Martin and the second I did so, our eyes met and I forgot everything that had happened that day. I forgot my stupid burst out and our stupid fight.
"I don't even know why we started fighting but we stayed without talking to each other all day, anyway."
"Yeah." I breathed out a tiny chuckle and looked down at my hands. It was stupid indeed.
"So.. humm, do you want to make up?"
"Yeah." I smiled grateful and slowly looked up back at him, meeting his gaze.
"I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry for it, anyway. I don't want to fight with you."
"I don't know why either." I chuckled. "But I'm sorry too."
"Se, we're good?"
"We're good."
He looked at me with that big, cute smile on his lips and I had to smile back. I wave of happiness and relief suddenly came rushing inside of me, making me feel a sense of peace. And it was good, really good. I think it was because we had just made up and there was not feeling of uneasy between us, or that feeling of want to punch him inside of me.
I was stupid.. I mean, I was the one who started that ridiculous fight (well, hours after that I finally accepted that I was the one to blame...) and he was the one to come up and say sorry. God, I wanted to kick myself. Sometimes I was really a jerk...
Martin grabbed a pen from my desk and started playing with it, turning it around in his hands. Then, suddenly he looked up with a gleam in his eyes. "Do you have plans for next Saturday?"
I narrowed my eyes at him. Was he really saying that? I mean, next Saturday was Valentine's Day... he couldn't possible be asking me out. Could him? "Hum...no. I think."
"So why don't we do something?"
"On Valentine's Day? Don't you have a date or something?"
He started laughing and let go of my pen. "Of course not. Why do you think I am asking? I just thought that, why don't we, two big losers who don't have dates on Valentine's Day, go out to show that we are not these big losers?"
I smiled at that. We were really losers... everyone would be out, even Danny and we would be stuck home. What a big Valentine's Day. "Sure. Why not?" I shrugged trying to be nonchalant. He was asking me out on Valentine's Day and even if it was just not to pass it alone, he was still asking me. On Valentine's Day. I brought my head back down to look at, humm.. Whatever I was looking before.
"What do you say about... sailing?"
My head snapped up when my poor brain, tired of the early fight registered his words. "Are you kidding me?"
"No, seriously." He nodded looking intensely at me. "So what do you say?"
"I don't know..." Sailing? He should be really nuts.. Go out in the water with this weather. "Have you ever gone sailing in your life?"
"Yeah. When I was a kid my dad used to take to sail once in a while. And the papers say it's going to be sunny. Cold, of course but at least it will have some sun."
I stared at him for a long, long while. Until, finally I decided. "All right. I am going."
* * *
'All right. I am going.' Where the hell I was with my head?? I should have never ever said these words. I should have said no, I should have said... I don't know... anything. But just not agreed with this. I mean, I would stay alone with Martin in the middle of a lake, where I had no place to go if I wanted to be away from him if I needed to. Why would I even want to be away from him, for God's sake? You never know, do you?
You know, it's like when you need some object you can't find no matter what and when you stop looking this same object just pops in front of you as if magically. And it's like that. I have no reason to need to be away from Martin but stuck in the middle of a lake when you have no place to go is exactly when you need to go somewhere. It's dangerous. Dangerous, dangerous, dangerous.
I should have said no...
Damn it.
* * *
Danny threw himself on the nearest chair and let his head rest over the conference table. I heard him mumbling whispered words that I couldn't understand and looked at me. "What?"
"What what?"
"You are staring at me."
"You are the one who almost broke the chair and was mumbling incoherent words."
He sighed and sat up straight. "Well, I just don't have a date to Valentine's Day anymore." He muttered and sighed again. Ha, poor Danny and here I thought he was getting lucky this time. Martin and I weren't the only losers around, after all.
I chuckled as I bent my head down to resume my reading. It was a big surprise to me. For the first time Danny didn't have a date. And he seemed really annoyed about it. And I had a date, yup; I had a date. Not a date, date, but still a date. With Martin. It doesn't matter what we were going to do or why, we still were going out on Valentine's Day.
"And what is this smile all about?" He asked suddenly, breaking my not so concentration on my task at hand.
I looked up a bit startled by being interrupted like this. "Humm?"
"This smile." He gave me a smile of his own. "You're smiling like a schoolgirl. Are you going out this Valentine's Day?"
I tilted my head and shook slightly, raising an eyebrow at him. "Not going to tell."
His smiled widened, turning into a big smirk. He got up and pulled back the chair nearest me then sat. He put his elbow on the table and rested his head on his hand, staring at me. "So, who is he?"
"Who is he...?"
"Of course. If you weren't going out then you would have said 'no' but you spoke in a way like 'ooo, I'm getting lucky..' and now I'm curious."
"I'm not getting luck, Danny." Nope, I wasn't. I would be luck if I even survived through the day without having a heart attack.
"Yeah, right." He scoffed and started chuckling.
"I'm not! Martin and I are going sailing, that's all." As soon as the words left my mouth I covered it with my hand and widened my eyes. Damn it Danny! I didn't want to tell people, especially him, about that and now the always so annoying Danny made me say and he would bug me for the rest of my life.
"Oh my God! Martin?? Why didn't you tell me? And sailing?"
I closed my just as I let out a big sigh. Me and my big mouth. "There's nothing between me and Martin. Nothing!" But it didn't mean I didn't want that there was something between us...
"And you are going out with him on Valentine's Day because..."
I looked down at the paper I was reading before and re-resumed reading. "Because we're a couple of losers who don't have a date.." I murmured and Danny started laughing.
"Just because you don't want to."
I shot him my evil look and stuck my tongue out at him. God, this guy can be really annoying sometimes... He laughed again and didn't stop staring at me. I pretended to read my so interesting paper and didn't look back at Danny. But soon his staring started to feel uncomfortable and creepy. "Can you stop, please, staring at me?" I asked without looking at him.
Neither Danny didn't hear my plead or didn't care because he just kept staring and changed the issue. Well, my issue because he went back to Martin.. "Since when Martin knows how to sail, anyway?"
I brought my eyes up and met Danny's full of curiosity. "I found out today when he asked me."
"You never knew he sailed and agreed to go?" And then Danny started laughing once again. Goddamn it...
"So what? At least I have a date..."
He stopped laughing right away and looked at me faking a very faked hurt expression. "Ouch." he put a hand over his chest. "You hurt me Samantha."
I rolled my eyes and, again, looked at my so loved, nice and interesting paper. "My pleasure."
He let his hand drop and sighed dramatically. Didn't catch my attention. "All right, I am going." He got up and when I thought I was finally of Danny and his so constant interrogation, I heard his voice, very amused voice. "Just don't go get wet. I don't trust to go sailing with someone I never knew sailed."
* * *