Author's note: So, people, that's the last part. I'm absolutely clueless as to Sam's life and past so everything in here is completely made up. Any mistakes (especially grammar) you'll have to forgive me.
All right, Broni, this chapter is for you. Here they will finally kiss.
Enjoy and please, review :) (no flames, though, unless it's really necessary)
~*~*~*~*~
Part Eight
~*~*~*~*~
"Hey there, sail boy."
He stopped undoing the knot and looked up at me with a smile already on his lips. "Hey there."
I gave him a smile, because you know, it's hard not smile when Martin gives you one of his smiles. Really hard. Specially when it's one that makes you melt. "I brought the food." I lifted the paper bag so he could see it.
He raised both eyebrows and tried to restrain his laugh. "MacDonald's?"
"Hey, you said I should bring the food. You didn't tell me what you wanted to eat." I raised my eyebrow, just because. "And I brought beers" He narrowed his eyes in a very inquiry-y kind of way. "Just in case. We never know... I mean I'm going to stay with you for a whole day."
"Don't forget you're going to be here too. These beers could come very in hand to me." He replied and stretched one hand to hold the box with the beers and with the other he helped me to get inside the boat.
The boat was shaking... it was making moves I didn't like... and the wind was blowing very hard. And I didn't know if Martin could sail. "Thanks." I muttered and used my now free hand to put a lock of hair that the wind had blown on my face, behind my ear.
"And what is this sweatshirt, anyway?" He asked with a hint of laugh in his voice.
"Danny gave it to me. I just thought it'd be a good occasion to use it." I said looking down at his so cool present. Very Danny-like. "It could be the only one..."
"Isn't it a little too... big...?"
I laughed as I put down the bag with the food and then stood to look at him. "Don't you think I didn't notice it when I put it on?"
"I'm sure you did." He said laughing too.
"I think he tried this on a fat person because he hadn't idea how fat I am..."
"And you are really, really fat."
I giggled and joined him on the side of the boat where he was finishing undoing the knots to finally put the boat out sea, or, err, whatever they call it... With all the wind sail wouldn't be a problem but what was scaring me was that if it started raining we'd have no place to hide and I'd kill Martin for that.
* * *
"Can you repeat again?" I scoffed with a hint of annoyance in my voice and bit my hamburger. I really like MacDonald's. I raised an eyebrow when he didn't answer and waved my hand at him.
"I never said I STILL knew how to sail." He threw his arms up in frustration and finally gave on trying to do whatever he had to do with that sail and sat beside me.
The second he did that my body tensed up. My heart skipped a beat and soon started beating quicker than it should. And I really got scared about my heart. I started shifting trying to get a little away from him. Why, God, had he sit this close? I could feel the warmth of his body right onto mine and, truth be told, it was a bit irritating... I closed the box with my half eaten hamburger and put it away. I didn't want to eat anymore; my stomach was too wild to keep any food in there.
Why he had to sit this close? I could feel his smell right into my nose. Not that it was a bad thing, because, God, he really smelled good, but right now it was causing me an effect that I couldn't control. I don't mind sitting this close, but not when emotions like this were running through me. Especially when the person who it belongs to was right there. And somebody, tell me this, how exactly was I supposed to act?
"Last time I sailed I was nine years old. How do you want me to remember so much stuff?"
Ok, conversation. Yes, that's right, talk; it'll make everything easy. "Aren't you the golden boy?"
He laughed and grabbed a cookie. "Says who?"
I smiled and looked down at my hands. Golden boy... yeah... I saw the box with beers beside me and they seemed really tempting. I grabbed it and opened, then give one to Martin and took one to myself. "Here... We're gonna need it." And, as he took the beer, his hand had to touch mine. Fucking electricity... "I told you it'd be a good idea..."
"For the first time I'm glad you're right." He chuckled and just when he brought the beer to his mouth I slapped him, making him split his beer. "Hey!" He scolded but he was smiling.
I took a sip of my own beer and we kept silence for a while. Until I broke it. "So, did you like to sail with your father?"
He looked at me with that big mysterious smile and shook his head. "I hated."
"You hated and still, you asked me?" I was perplexed, how could him? He didn't know how to sail plus he didn't like it??
"It's not that I hated sailing, I hated doing it with my father. He had no patience to teach me." His voice held a hint of sadness and I wondered if it was a good idea that we had brought this issue up. "So, did you use to do things with your father?"
I froze in the middle of taking a sip of my beer. I slowly brought it down and bt my lips as my finger played with hem of the glass. "No." I whispered and tried to keep a tear from falling. I never had a father to begin with...
"Sam?" He asked concerned and turned to me. "What is it?"
"Nothing... I just don't want to talk about it."
"You sure? I'm here to listen if you want."
I bit my inner cheek, wondering back and forth if I should tell him something... I never felt this intimate with someone; God, I had never even felt like I feel towards him. One part of me wanted to just open up and let him know about my life but the other, the one always protective didn't want to. This part was small, but always won. I was sick of it. I had to let my other part be the winner sometime. "My father left me when I was five."
"Sam, if you..." He started speaking but I cut him off. I couldn't let him speak or I would lose my courage to say to him what I was about to say.
"I woke up one morning and he had left. Just like that. Without saying bye, without a letter. Nothing. He was just gone. It is funny because I remember of him being always so kind and loving. My hero..."
"Sometimes this happens..." He whispered.
"My mother and I lived by ourselves, taking care of the house and each other. It was wonderful. Just the two of us until one day she met that guy, Rob and married him. I was twelve and anything in that age was enough to screw everyone's life. I hated him. My mom changed since then. She was just another person. She didn't..." Suddenly tears started falling from my eyes and I just couldn't stop them. The pain inside me for remembering that was becoming too much. "She never kissed me or hugged me again. Rob took over our house, our lives. He was the one who always told what to do there. It was my house but mom always stood by him."
I didn't want to tell him that. To tell how miserable my life was, how unhappy I was. I didn't want to tell him anything, but his presence, his warmth, his smell, it made me want to open up, to get rid of the pain by telling someone about all the bad things that happened.
"I started drinking and smoking and going out with boys.. I was thirteen the first time I had sex." I covered my face and started crying louder and harder. I regretted everything I had done, everything I had said. I felt Martin's hand on the back of my neck, his fingers gently mapping unknown figures there. His touch gave me strength and I looked up at him again. I was still crying, but I looked at him. "I got pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl when I was sixteen. I had to give her away. I didn't want to but I had..."
Rob said that if I kept the baby he would throw me out of home. It wasn't his house but mom stood by him, like she always did. I had to choose. I couldn't keep my baby and live in the streets. I hadn't even finished school and I'd not be able to find a job to support us. I told them the house was mine. When dad bought it he put it in my name so no one could take it from us and it was mine. I told Rob that but he threatened my baby. He said that if the baby stayed one day I could wake up and find her gone, just like my father, or worse, not breathing, because I was too young to take care of her and I could let something slip.
I had to give her away...
He didn't work; he was an alcoholic and treated me as if I was nothing. But he treated my mom as if she was a queen, he did everything for her and she'd never believe if I told her something bad about Rob. She worked all day to keep us and wanted me to work too because she couldn't handle everything alone. I told her to fuck off and to tell her man to do something instead of watching TV all day and she slapped me on the face. She had never touched me before and never asked sorry for what she did.
When I was 18 Rob and her were caught in a car accident and he died. I was happy, really happy because I wouldn't have to handle him anymore and my mom would be back to what she was, but she didn't. She blamed me for Rob's death because they had to stop by the drugstore to buy me some stuff - I had gone to a party the previously night and thrown myself in the pool even with we were in the winter and got a pneumonia. She said it was my fault because if I hadn't done that I wouldn't be sick and they wouldn't have to stop by the drugstore, where a drunk man was driving by. It wasn't my fault but I felt like it.
Since then I stopped being the way I was and started studying. All I wanted was to go to college and be away from her. To have my own life and never again need her or anyone.
I told Martin all of that, in between sobs and cries, I told him that and why family to me was something painful. Just because I didn't have one.
I looked up at him, searching his eyes and the warmth they gave to me. The strength I always found in them. He was all I needed that moment.
He tilted his head as he stared at me. He then leaned towards me, wrapping his strong arms around me with a hug. I held onto him and buried my face in his neck. His smell made me feel like no other, the essence of it was the same of the last time he hugged me like that. The pleasure was great, but so was the pain inside my body. I blinked, involuntarily allowing the more tears to come crashing down. I felt the hot and salty drops roll down my cheeks and onto my lips. They kept falling and I couldn't stop them. The pain was too much, plus the warmth and the comfort of his body was causing a strange effect on me. I was hurting too much; more than I imagined and more than I could handle.
Him whispering soft and comforting words in my ears brought me back to reality and the unusual situation we were in. Suddenly being in his arms was just too much to bear with so I pulled away.
"Sam." He whispered my name as if it was a forbidden or maybe a holy word. "Look at me." He asked but I didn't.
I was going to turn and face him eventually but I didn't have to due to him doing it for me. He placed his soft fingers under my chin and gently moved my face. As our eyes locked and melt together, Martin moved his fingers to my face and let his hand rest on my cheek, and soon his other hand had followed and he cupped my face, his thumbs softly brushing my tears away.
The power of his gaze was too strong and I felt the need to look away. I didn't really want to, but I had said too much already, I had opened up too much. I felt the necessity for some space, his closeness was disturbing and making me lost my breath. My chest felt heavy and the air was coming in too little amounts. I needed to breath. Funny, I never knew I was claustrophobic.
I stood, his hands falling from my face, the warmth of them already missed. I walked to the other side of the boat, crossing my arms as I did so. It was so chilly; the wind was so sharp and cold. I missed the warmth his closeness provided, the safety I felt by being near him. I needed some space and to be alone, or so I thought because turned out to be that I needed him more than I wanted him away. That being without him was much harder and difficult than having his smell and warmth with me.
I bit my lip as I thought about what to do. Since when had I become so dependent of him? I inquired myself, even thought I knew I wasn't of much help. I think deep down I always depended of him, even if I wasn't aware of it. I was a bit hurt that he didn't follow me, even knowing he was giving me the space I silently asked for. Part of me still wanted him to have followed me.
I turned so I was facing him. Seeing I had finally looked at him, he stood and walked towards me. Before I could do or say anything he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me again. After a while he pulled back and stared at me.
"It's all right." He leaned in and whispered in my ear, one hand stroking my hair and the other on the small of my back. "Cry it all out. I'm here for you and will be as long as you want me." Them he pulled away again but just enough to look at me. His words soothed me, comforted me and sent a welcoming warmth to my heart.
My body shivered with delight as our eyes locked, making me wonder for the millionth time how it would be to kiss him. I could feel emotions rushing through my body. I stared into his eyes, I read something in them that I couldn't quite make out, just before he leaned in and placed a small kiss on my lips.
It was amazing, nothing I had experienced before. It was a nice, simple butterfly kiss, but yet something much more.
He pulled away and gave me a warm smile and I returned it. I looked back in his eyes and that was when I realized it, it was all clear. His lips against mine for a brief moment was all I needed, it made my feelings for sure, it sealed it. I knew now, I knew how it felt like, how the feeling felt like. It felt good, much more than good. I knew now how love felt like. I knew I was in love.
Because I've fallen in love with him.... I've fallen in love with Martin.
* * *
I had never felt so safe in my life. I had slept with many guys and been held by a lot, but I had never felt so safe like I did being in Martin's arms. I always felt safe in Jack's arms and I thought it was a wonderful thing and that I'd never feel as strongly for someone else. Boy I was wrong. With Martin it was different, it was good, comfortable, warm. It felt like home. It was a feeling like if it was a cold day and you were wrapped in a fluffy blanket with hot cocoa and marshmallow in front of the fireplace.
I felt similar thing with Jack, he was the closet thing to home. But we had slept together and with Martin it felt like home and we hadn't even slept together yet. We were just there, laying on the floor of the boat, his arms around me and a blanket covering us, while we were mute just staring at the sky. It was starry and seemed it'd be sunny tomorrow.
I had a big smile plastered over my face and goose skin on my arms as Martin ran a his fingers over my hand, softly caressing it. I snuggled more into him and breathed in deeply to feel his smell better. Even after a whole sailing he still smelled good.
"Cold?"
"Mmmm." I shook my head and as I linked our hands my eyes slowly closed. He tightened his arms around me and placed a small kiss, that I barely felt, on the top of my head, then let his face rest there.
"It's late." He whispered and his breath was warm and right on my head. "We should go."
"Mmmm" I nodded, agreeing with him, but didn't move. This was so good and I was so comfortable I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to move. I just wanted to stay there, in his arms.
"It's really late."
"It's Sunday tomorrow."
"And this means...?"
"We can stay the night." After that he kept quite and I think he had silently agreed with me. I pulled away and put both my hands over his chest so I could look at him. Even in the darkness I could see his blue eyes shinning and his face relaxed. There was no light over us except the stars and moon.
Some locks of my hair had loosened from the ponytail and as I moved over him, they fell over my face. Very gingerly Martin's hand reached out and put the locks behind my ear, then let his hand rest on my cheek. His hand was warm and gently against my skin. I tilted my head, leaned it in his touch then I turned it and kissed the palm of his hand.
I put one hand above another and rested my chin over them. I stayed like that, staring at Martin as he did the same. One of his hands was on my back, caressing it and the other was playing with a rebel lock of my hair.
Suddenly I felt like telling him a very important thing and before I could stop myself, my mouth opened and words came out. "Can I tell you something?" I whispered. Looking in his eyes, I wanted to tell him right there, tell him I love you with every single ounce of my soul and heart. Tell him I wanted him to be with me, tell him I fell for him. I wanted to tell him everything, even if it couldn't be formed into words.
"Anything." He whispered back, his mouth so close to mine I could feel his warm breath onto my lips. His hand was playing with a lock of my hair, the other was on my back, caressing it, his eyes were deep into mine and I felt myself falling in them.
I took in a deep breath and slowly opened my mouth and then, I let it all out with my breath. "I love you."
His hand stopped moving on my back, he stopped playing with my hair, but the stars were still up in the sky and his eyes were still on mine, They shone in a way I never thought it was possible. I think it was the moon reflecting in his eyes or maybe it was just the power of my words. Whatever it was, it made his eyes even more beautiful than they were.
I saw his mouth opening at the same time it turned into a smile. "I love you too." He whispered the words out, very slowly and carefully.
I smiled a big happy smile and let out a big breath of relief, one I didn't know I was holding. Martin brought his hands to my face as I leaned in and touched his lips with my own. It was amazing, the kiss, the sensation of his hands on me, the situation... I pulled away just enough to breathe and kissed him again.
.......
He made me feel... so goddamn good. He sent my heart skipping away in pure happiness, and gave this electrifying shock that went throughout my entire body with just a simple touch from him. He made me actually know that there was something actually pleasant out there, something worthy; and not by words, but just by the simple presence of him being there. The way he looked at me with that look, that nobody had ever given to me before, in his eyes, actually made my heart flutter. He gave me these things, these feelings, that were so unknown before... And it's beautiful. It's amazing. It's wonderful.
........
And we stayed like that.... just making out under the stars....
THE END
All right, Broni, this chapter is for you. Here they will finally kiss.
Enjoy and please, review :) (no flames, though, unless it's really necessary)
~*~*~*~*~
Part Eight
~*~*~*~*~
"Hey there, sail boy."
He stopped undoing the knot and looked up at me with a smile already on his lips. "Hey there."
I gave him a smile, because you know, it's hard not smile when Martin gives you one of his smiles. Really hard. Specially when it's one that makes you melt. "I brought the food." I lifted the paper bag so he could see it.
He raised both eyebrows and tried to restrain his laugh. "MacDonald's?"
"Hey, you said I should bring the food. You didn't tell me what you wanted to eat." I raised my eyebrow, just because. "And I brought beers" He narrowed his eyes in a very inquiry-y kind of way. "Just in case. We never know... I mean I'm going to stay with you for a whole day."
"Don't forget you're going to be here too. These beers could come very in hand to me." He replied and stretched one hand to hold the box with the beers and with the other he helped me to get inside the boat.
The boat was shaking... it was making moves I didn't like... and the wind was blowing very hard. And I didn't know if Martin could sail. "Thanks." I muttered and used my now free hand to put a lock of hair that the wind had blown on my face, behind my ear.
"And what is this sweatshirt, anyway?" He asked with a hint of laugh in his voice.
"Danny gave it to me. I just thought it'd be a good occasion to use it." I said looking down at his so cool present. Very Danny-like. "It could be the only one..."
"Isn't it a little too... big...?"
I laughed as I put down the bag with the food and then stood to look at him. "Don't you think I didn't notice it when I put it on?"
"I'm sure you did." He said laughing too.
"I think he tried this on a fat person because he hadn't idea how fat I am..."
"And you are really, really fat."
I giggled and joined him on the side of the boat where he was finishing undoing the knots to finally put the boat out sea, or, err, whatever they call it... With all the wind sail wouldn't be a problem but what was scaring me was that if it started raining we'd have no place to hide and I'd kill Martin for that.
* * *
"Can you repeat again?" I scoffed with a hint of annoyance in my voice and bit my hamburger. I really like MacDonald's. I raised an eyebrow when he didn't answer and waved my hand at him.
"I never said I STILL knew how to sail." He threw his arms up in frustration and finally gave on trying to do whatever he had to do with that sail and sat beside me.
The second he did that my body tensed up. My heart skipped a beat and soon started beating quicker than it should. And I really got scared about my heart. I started shifting trying to get a little away from him. Why, God, had he sit this close? I could feel the warmth of his body right onto mine and, truth be told, it was a bit irritating... I closed the box with my half eaten hamburger and put it away. I didn't want to eat anymore; my stomach was too wild to keep any food in there.
Why he had to sit this close? I could feel his smell right into my nose. Not that it was a bad thing, because, God, he really smelled good, but right now it was causing me an effect that I couldn't control. I don't mind sitting this close, but not when emotions like this were running through me. Especially when the person who it belongs to was right there. And somebody, tell me this, how exactly was I supposed to act?
"Last time I sailed I was nine years old. How do you want me to remember so much stuff?"
Ok, conversation. Yes, that's right, talk; it'll make everything easy. "Aren't you the golden boy?"
He laughed and grabbed a cookie. "Says who?"
I smiled and looked down at my hands. Golden boy... yeah... I saw the box with beers beside me and they seemed really tempting. I grabbed it and opened, then give one to Martin and took one to myself. "Here... We're gonna need it." And, as he took the beer, his hand had to touch mine. Fucking electricity... "I told you it'd be a good idea..."
"For the first time I'm glad you're right." He chuckled and just when he brought the beer to his mouth I slapped him, making him split his beer. "Hey!" He scolded but he was smiling.
I took a sip of my own beer and we kept silence for a while. Until I broke it. "So, did you like to sail with your father?"
He looked at me with that big mysterious smile and shook his head. "I hated."
"You hated and still, you asked me?" I was perplexed, how could him? He didn't know how to sail plus he didn't like it??
"It's not that I hated sailing, I hated doing it with my father. He had no patience to teach me." His voice held a hint of sadness and I wondered if it was a good idea that we had brought this issue up. "So, did you use to do things with your father?"
I froze in the middle of taking a sip of my beer. I slowly brought it down and bt my lips as my finger played with hem of the glass. "No." I whispered and tried to keep a tear from falling. I never had a father to begin with...
"Sam?" He asked concerned and turned to me. "What is it?"
"Nothing... I just don't want to talk about it."
"You sure? I'm here to listen if you want."
I bit my inner cheek, wondering back and forth if I should tell him something... I never felt this intimate with someone; God, I had never even felt like I feel towards him. One part of me wanted to just open up and let him know about my life but the other, the one always protective didn't want to. This part was small, but always won. I was sick of it. I had to let my other part be the winner sometime. "My father left me when I was five."
"Sam, if you..." He started speaking but I cut him off. I couldn't let him speak or I would lose my courage to say to him what I was about to say.
"I woke up one morning and he had left. Just like that. Without saying bye, without a letter. Nothing. He was just gone. It is funny because I remember of him being always so kind and loving. My hero..."
"Sometimes this happens..." He whispered.
"My mother and I lived by ourselves, taking care of the house and each other. It was wonderful. Just the two of us until one day she met that guy, Rob and married him. I was twelve and anything in that age was enough to screw everyone's life. I hated him. My mom changed since then. She was just another person. She didn't..." Suddenly tears started falling from my eyes and I just couldn't stop them. The pain inside me for remembering that was becoming too much. "She never kissed me or hugged me again. Rob took over our house, our lives. He was the one who always told what to do there. It was my house but mom always stood by him."
I didn't want to tell him that. To tell how miserable my life was, how unhappy I was. I didn't want to tell him anything, but his presence, his warmth, his smell, it made me want to open up, to get rid of the pain by telling someone about all the bad things that happened.
"I started drinking and smoking and going out with boys.. I was thirteen the first time I had sex." I covered my face and started crying louder and harder. I regretted everything I had done, everything I had said. I felt Martin's hand on the back of my neck, his fingers gently mapping unknown figures there. His touch gave me strength and I looked up at him again. I was still crying, but I looked at him. "I got pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl when I was sixteen. I had to give her away. I didn't want to but I had..."
Rob said that if I kept the baby he would throw me out of home. It wasn't his house but mom stood by him, like she always did. I had to choose. I couldn't keep my baby and live in the streets. I hadn't even finished school and I'd not be able to find a job to support us. I told them the house was mine. When dad bought it he put it in my name so no one could take it from us and it was mine. I told Rob that but he threatened my baby. He said that if the baby stayed one day I could wake up and find her gone, just like my father, or worse, not breathing, because I was too young to take care of her and I could let something slip.
I had to give her away...
He didn't work; he was an alcoholic and treated me as if I was nothing. But he treated my mom as if she was a queen, he did everything for her and she'd never believe if I told her something bad about Rob. She worked all day to keep us and wanted me to work too because she couldn't handle everything alone. I told her to fuck off and to tell her man to do something instead of watching TV all day and she slapped me on the face. She had never touched me before and never asked sorry for what she did.
When I was 18 Rob and her were caught in a car accident and he died. I was happy, really happy because I wouldn't have to handle him anymore and my mom would be back to what she was, but she didn't. She blamed me for Rob's death because they had to stop by the drugstore to buy me some stuff - I had gone to a party the previously night and thrown myself in the pool even with we were in the winter and got a pneumonia. She said it was my fault because if I hadn't done that I wouldn't be sick and they wouldn't have to stop by the drugstore, where a drunk man was driving by. It wasn't my fault but I felt like it.
Since then I stopped being the way I was and started studying. All I wanted was to go to college and be away from her. To have my own life and never again need her or anyone.
I told Martin all of that, in between sobs and cries, I told him that and why family to me was something painful. Just because I didn't have one.
I looked up at him, searching his eyes and the warmth they gave to me. The strength I always found in them. He was all I needed that moment.
He tilted his head as he stared at me. He then leaned towards me, wrapping his strong arms around me with a hug. I held onto him and buried my face in his neck. His smell made me feel like no other, the essence of it was the same of the last time he hugged me like that. The pleasure was great, but so was the pain inside my body. I blinked, involuntarily allowing the more tears to come crashing down. I felt the hot and salty drops roll down my cheeks and onto my lips. They kept falling and I couldn't stop them. The pain was too much, plus the warmth and the comfort of his body was causing a strange effect on me. I was hurting too much; more than I imagined and more than I could handle.
Him whispering soft and comforting words in my ears brought me back to reality and the unusual situation we were in. Suddenly being in his arms was just too much to bear with so I pulled away.
"Sam." He whispered my name as if it was a forbidden or maybe a holy word. "Look at me." He asked but I didn't.
I was going to turn and face him eventually but I didn't have to due to him doing it for me. He placed his soft fingers under my chin and gently moved my face. As our eyes locked and melt together, Martin moved his fingers to my face and let his hand rest on my cheek, and soon his other hand had followed and he cupped my face, his thumbs softly brushing my tears away.
The power of his gaze was too strong and I felt the need to look away. I didn't really want to, but I had said too much already, I had opened up too much. I felt the necessity for some space, his closeness was disturbing and making me lost my breath. My chest felt heavy and the air was coming in too little amounts. I needed to breath. Funny, I never knew I was claustrophobic.
I stood, his hands falling from my face, the warmth of them already missed. I walked to the other side of the boat, crossing my arms as I did so. It was so chilly; the wind was so sharp and cold. I missed the warmth his closeness provided, the safety I felt by being near him. I needed some space and to be alone, or so I thought because turned out to be that I needed him more than I wanted him away. That being without him was much harder and difficult than having his smell and warmth with me.
I bit my lip as I thought about what to do. Since when had I become so dependent of him? I inquired myself, even thought I knew I wasn't of much help. I think deep down I always depended of him, even if I wasn't aware of it. I was a bit hurt that he didn't follow me, even knowing he was giving me the space I silently asked for. Part of me still wanted him to have followed me.
I turned so I was facing him. Seeing I had finally looked at him, he stood and walked towards me. Before I could do or say anything he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me again. After a while he pulled back and stared at me.
"It's all right." He leaned in and whispered in my ear, one hand stroking my hair and the other on the small of my back. "Cry it all out. I'm here for you and will be as long as you want me." Them he pulled away again but just enough to look at me. His words soothed me, comforted me and sent a welcoming warmth to my heart.
My body shivered with delight as our eyes locked, making me wonder for the millionth time how it would be to kiss him. I could feel emotions rushing through my body. I stared into his eyes, I read something in them that I couldn't quite make out, just before he leaned in and placed a small kiss on my lips.
It was amazing, nothing I had experienced before. It was a nice, simple butterfly kiss, but yet something much more.
He pulled away and gave me a warm smile and I returned it. I looked back in his eyes and that was when I realized it, it was all clear. His lips against mine for a brief moment was all I needed, it made my feelings for sure, it sealed it. I knew now, I knew how it felt like, how the feeling felt like. It felt good, much more than good. I knew now how love felt like. I knew I was in love.
Because I've fallen in love with him.... I've fallen in love with Martin.
* * *
I had never felt so safe in my life. I had slept with many guys and been held by a lot, but I had never felt so safe like I did being in Martin's arms. I always felt safe in Jack's arms and I thought it was a wonderful thing and that I'd never feel as strongly for someone else. Boy I was wrong. With Martin it was different, it was good, comfortable, warm. It felt like home. It was a feeling like if it was a cold day and you were wrapped in a fluffy blanket with hot cocoa and marshmallow in front of the fireplace.
I felt similar thing with Jack, he was the closet thing to home. But we had slept together and with Martin it felt like home and we hadn't even slept together yet. We were just there, laying on the floor of the boat, his arms around me and a blanket covering us, while we were mute just staring at the sky. It was starry and seemed it'd be sunny tomorrow.
I had a big smile plastered over my face and goose skin on my arms as Martin ran a his fingers over my hand, softly caressing it. I snuggled more into him and breathed in deeply to feel his smell better. Even after a whole sailing he still smelled good.
"Cold?"
"Mmmm." I shook my head and as I linked our hands my eyes slowly closed. He tightened his arms around me and placed a small kiss, that I barely felt, on the top of my head, then let his face rest there.
"It's late." He whispered and his breath was warm and right on my head. "We should go."
"Mmmm" I nodded, agreeing with him, but didn't move. This was so good and I was so comfortable I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to move. I just wanted to stay there, in his arms.
"It's really late."
"It's Sunday tomorrow."
"And this means...?"
"We can stay the night." After that he kept quite and I think he had silently agreed with me. I pulled away and put both my hands over his chest so I could look at him. Even in the darkness I could see his blue eyes shinning and his face relaxed. There was no light over us except the stars and moon.
Some locks of my hair had loosened from the ponytail and as I moved over him, they fell over my face. Very gingerly Martin's hand reached out and put the locks behind my ear, then let his hand rest on my cheek. His hand was warm and gently against my skin. I tilted my head, leaned it in his touch then I turned it and kissed the palm of his hand.
I put one hand above another and rested my chin over them. I stayed like that, staring at Martin as he did the same. One of his hands was on my back, caressing it and the other was playing with a rebel lock of my hair.
Suddenly I felt like telling him a very important thing and before I could stop myself, my mouth opened and words came out. "Can I tell you something?" I whispered. Looking in his eyes, I wanted to tell him right there, tell him I love you with every single ounce of my soul and heart. Tell him I wanted him to be with me, tell him I fell for him. I wanted to tell him everything, even if it couldn't be formed into words.
"Anything." He whispered back, his mouth so close to mine I could feel his warm breath onto my lips. His hand was playing with a lock of my hair, the other was on my back, caressing it, his eyes were deep into mine and I felt myself falling in them.
I took in a deep breath and slowly opened my mouth and then, I let it all out with my breath. "I love you."
His hand stopped moving on my back, he stopped playing with my hair, but the stars were still up in the sky and his eyes were still on mine, They shone in a way I never thought it was possible. I think it was the moon reflecting in his eyes or maybe it was just the power of my words. Whatever it was, it made his eyes even more beautiful than they were.
I saw his mouth opening at the same time it turned into a smile. "I love you too." He whispered the words out, very slowly and carefully.
I smiled a big happy smile and let out a big breath of relief, one I didn't know I was holding. Martin brought his hands to my face as I leaned in and touched his lips with my own. It was amazing, the kiss, the sensation of his hands on me, the situation... I pulled away just enough to breathe and kissed him again.
.......
He made me feel... so goddamn good. He sent my heart skipping away in pure happiness, and gave this electrifying shock that went throughout my entire body with just a simple touch from him. He made me actually know that there was something actually pleasant out there, something worthy; and not by words, but just by the simple presence of him being there. The way he looked at me with that look, that nobody had ever given to me before, in his eyes, actually made my heart flutter. He gave me these things, these feelings, that were so unknown before... And it's beautiful. It's amazing. It's wonderful.
........
And we stayed like that.... just making out under the stars....
THE END