Richie made rapid progress over the weeks to come. While he was still much
more submissive than he had ever been before, he had rediscovered the word
'no' and used it often. Sometimes it seemed like he said it just because
he could. He would refuse a potato when offered one at dinner and grab it
for himself less than a minute later. Please and thank you were no where
to be found in his vocabulary for four days, but returned shortly. Richie
became increasingly interested in all the new things Duncan and Tessa had
acquired since his disappearance.
"Sir, your CD player doesn't work," Richie told Duncan in confusion. Names were an intermittent thing in Richie's vocabulary.
Duncan went to see what was wrong and laughed at what he found. "The CD player works, Rich. This isn't a CD, it's a DVD."
Richie wrinkled his nose and took the disk to examine it. "What's a DVD?"
"It's a movie. They've pretty much replaced videos."
"I thought that VCR was pretty small."
Duncan smiled. "Conner went out and got some movies he thought you might like the other night. Want to watch one?"
"On one of these, uh." Richie held up the disk.
"DVD," Duncan supplied.
"Yeah, on DVD?"
"Sure."
Richie sat glued to the flat screen TV watching the Star Wars prequels, amazed at the special effects, for the rest of the day.
The next morning he asked permission to go look around the store. Tessa went down and closed the blinds so no one could see in, then let him explore.
"Man, this computer is tiny!" Richie exclaimed looking at the flat screen monitor and streamline CPU. "What happened to the fax?"
"It's right there," Tessa pointed to the scanner/printer/fax/copier combination next to the computer.
"What does this part do?" he asked opening the scanner. Tessa told him. "You mean you just put something here," he pointed at the glass. "And push this button and whatever you put here shows up on the screen?" She nodded. "Can I try, ma'am?"
To Tessa's amusement, Richie was excited at the idea of getting to do some 'busy work' as he used to call it. She showed him what to do and he settled down typing in information, scanning, copying and e-mailing information for the day. He had periodic questions and was none to shy about getting his answers.
During the days, Richie explored his new little world and after dinner, he and Sean talked about what had happened to him. Every day he spent time scribbling in the journal Sean had given him. Sometimes answering prompts Sean had given him and sometimes just writing what he was thinking about.
One night after talking to Richie, Sean gathered Duncan, Tessa and a reluctant Conner in the living room.
"I know you're probably wondering what Richie and I have been talking about," he started. "Well, all I can tell you about that is that we are making wonderful progress. And he's ready to take the next step."
"And what would that be?" Conner asked
"Speaking openly about what happened. So this is where you all get involved. Richie's going to come out here and answer one question from each of you. This will help him to know that you're all on his side and help you all to understand some of his behaviors."
"We can ask him anything we want?" Duncan questioned.
"Well, I do suggest you start small. Nothing too deep or traumatizing." They all nodded their agreement and thought up their questions as Sean went back to get Richie.
Richie came out and curled up in the over stuffed chair, clutching a pillow like a shield. At first Duncan didn't want to make Richie go through with the process, saying he looked scared, but Sean assured him that he and Richie had been talking about this for a week and Richie had been the one to decide when to do it.
Duncan went first. "What do you want to do the most that you haven't done yet?"
"Go outside," Richie said softly. "Master wouldn't let me outside if I wasn't right next to him. He said I would get lost. I think he thought I would try to run away."
Tessa was next. "Were you scared?"
"At first."
"Keep going," Sean told him when he didn't continue.
Richie took a deep breath and stared at the coffee table. "I was really scared when it happened. I was terrified while they kept me in Time Out."
"What's Time Out?" Sean asked.
"Time Out was when they put you in this little cell in the basement. And they would chain you to the wall and leave you there. It was a punishment. It was really dark; you never knew when they were coming for you; hell, you never knew IF they were going to come for you. I was down there for a long time; they beat me a lot while I was in there." He looked up at Sean, who gave him a kind nod, permission to stop talking about it.
"Are you happy?" Conner asked him.
"Excuse me, sir?"
"Are you truly happy now that you are home?"
Richie thought for a minute. "No..."
"Conner, what the hell kind of question was that?" Duncan barked.
"I was just asking him."
"You have to give him more time!" Tessa insisted.
"That's not what I meant," Conner defended. Duncan and Tessa didn't seem to hear.
"You're not going to kill him, so stop trying!"
"He's just a child!"
"I know he is."
"If you can't be constructive, just stay out of it!"
Richie looked at Sean. "They didn't let me finish," he said quietly.
"Tell them."
"They're mad."
"Not at you."
"You didn't let me finish," Richie said. The others kept arguing.
"Louder."
"I wasn't finished," he insisted a little louder. "I wasn't done yet!" Still no response. "WILL YOU SHUT UP SO I CAN FINISH?!" he finally screamed. All eyes were on him. "You didn't let me finish," he said in a small, unsure voice.
"Go ahead," Sean prompted.
"I'm not happy," he admitted. "But I'm not happy because I remember. And since I will always remember, I'm never going to be truly happy. That's all I meant. But I am happy to be home and away from him.and I don't want to die."
"Richie, no one is going to kill you," Duncan assured him. "I'm not going to let anyone dangerous near you until you are ready to defend yourself. You have my word on that."
Richie didn't respond to the offered comfort but looked at Sean. "Am I done?"
"Yes, you did well. I know it's hard for you, but this is what you need." Richie nodded his acceptance. "Why don't you go write for a while?"
. . . . . .
Richie looked at the prompt Sean had written at the top of the page in his journal. 'My first memories after the kidnapping.' Sighing, Richie settled at his desk and picked up a pen. He felt like he was writing the obligatory 'My Summer Vacation' essay on the first day of school. With large, awkward letters he started to write what he could remember.
"I remember waking up on a plane and getting beaten whenever I moved. The first thing they did to me when I got to the Manor was take me in a room and strip me. The whole time it was silent and I was blindfolded so I never knew what was going to happen until it did. The first room I got to see was Master's office. The first person I saw was Mamma. Then Master came in with the kidnappers and they starting talking about money. I was sold for thirty thousand dollars and the promise that I would be there whenever they wanted me. Then Mamma and two children took me to the back shed and shot me. I didn't realize I was immortal for a long time.
They kept me in a place called Time Out, a small prison in the." He looked up as the door opened. It was Sean.
"Do you mind if I snoop?" Richie shrugged and handed him the notebook. "This is really good. You've got a lot in here. But remember, don't just tell me what happened; tell me how it made you feel."
"Okay." Richie turned back to the journal. He abandoned what he had been writing before.
"You want to know how I felt? I was scared out of my fucking mind. And sore as hell cause all they did was yell and beat me. THE END."
. . . . . .
"Where is everybody?" Richie asked fumbling into the kitchen the next morning.
Duncan looked up from the stove where he was frying some bacon. "They all went out; it's just you and me today."
"Just us?"
"Yes. Oh, Sean left you a note on the table."
Richie picked it up and read it. 'Be yourself. Answer his questions. Be truthful. Be brave. You can do this. - Sean'
"This is some kind of bonding thing, isn't it?" he asked Duncan.
"Afraid so, tough guy," Duncan told him bring him a plate of homemade waffles and bacon. "Do you want some juice?"
"Yes, please."
Duncan got two glasses of juice and sat down. They shared a quiet breakfast and did the dishes side by side, just like they had before the kidnapping.
"Aren't you supposed to be asking me questions?" Richie asked suddenly. Duncan shrugged. Sean had told him to ask some questions and make sure Richie answered them, but the calm, familiar, relaxed mood was too pleasant for him to want to disturb it. "So what are we going to do, today?"
"Well, I guess we could play some board games or watch some movies."
"If you want to." Richie speak for I don't want to but don't want to make you mad.
"What else could we do?" Duncan pretended to ask himself so Richie would have an opportunity to voice his opinion.
"Go out?" he piped up hopefully.
Duncan gave him a sad smile. "Sorry, tough guy, that's not an option. We can't risk you being seen."
"Why not?"
"Because your face was on the news every night for a long time. The whole coast was looking for you. If someone sees you ten years later looking exactly same, we'd have problems."
"Was it really that long?"
"Afraid so."
"How much did I miss?"
Duncan took Richie down to the office and logged him into TheNewYorkTimes.com. Richie read until the doorbell rang. He heard Duncan come down the stairs and hid behind the door peaking around the corner to see who was there. It was the pizza delivery boy.
"You can come out," Duncan teased him after he closed the door.
With a shy expression, Richie stepped around the corner. "I never could hide from you. Is that for me?" he asked gesturing to the pizzas in Duncan's hands.
"One of them. I thought we could have a picnic."
Richie shifted uncomfortably and looked down at the floor. "I'm not allowed outside," he reminded him.
"I came up with a solution."
He took Richie up to the roof where he had spread a blanket and left some sodas. Richie immediately plopped down on the blanket and stretched out. It wasn't quite fall yet, so the sun was warm and the air was still. Duncan sat next to Richie and opened the pizzas. One was cheese, olive, tomato and onion; the other pepperoni, sausage, pepper and mushroom.
"Dig in."
Richie stared at the pizzas and bit his lower lip. He was obviously restraining himself, waiting for Duncan to make the first move. Duncan reached in and picked up the biggest slice of the one he ordered for Richie and handed it to the boy. Richie took it, but still waited for Duncan to eat first. Once Duncan took a bite of his pizza, Richie started on his in frenzy. He was picking up his third slice as Duncan was finishing his first.
"Hungry, Rich?" Duncan teased.
"Starving," Richie answered gnawing on his crusts.
"Are you serious?"
"What?"
"Are you really that hungry?"
"Yeah."
"Why didn't you get something to eat or tell me? I would have made you something."
"You told me to read those papers on the computer."
Duncan put his slice down. "Richie, if you didn't want to do that. I didn't mean to force you into it. I just thought that would answer your questions better than I could." Richie looked at him at a loss for what to say. "If I ever tell you to do something and you don't want to do it, you can say no."
"You've already told me that."
"Then why don't you do it?"
"It was interesting. I liked reading about what happened."
"That's good. But next time you get hungry, just get something to eat. You know where everything is."
"Okay." Richie went back to his lunch.
"So what did you read about?"
"A bunch on this group called the talbin, I think.some war."
"Oh, you mean the Taliban."
"Yeah, them. What was that all about?"
"Did you read about September eleventh?"
Richie thought for a minute. "Is that where they crashed the planes in New York?"
"Yes. The Taliban is who was responsible for it. We went to war to catch their leader."
"Did we get him?"
"It took some years and a lot of lives, but we did."
"That's good."
"What else did you read?"
"I missed a lot of Super Bowls."
"Yeah."
"Lots of World Series'."
"Yeah."
"All sorts of stuff."
"You did miss a lot," Duncan agreed. "But it's nothing you can't find out about."
"I guess not." Richie picked at a pepper on his pizza.
"What's wrong?"
"It's not the same. It's one thing to read about World War I and stuff. but, Mac, I was alive when all this happened. And I missed it cause I was too busy trying to get people to feed me scraps off the table."
"Did he not feed you?" Duncan asked, suppressing his anger. Sean had told him to get Richie talking about what happened.
"Yeah, he did.not a lot, but he did."
"You are really skinny. Tessa mentioned that those jeans are four inches smaller in the waist than the pants she used to get for you."
Richie shrugged. "Don't look at me; I just did what he told me to."
"Did you really rely on people feeding you from the table?"
"Not always. It depended."
"On what?"
"Who I was serving."
"How?"
Richie sighed deeply and remembered Sean's instructions. "Like when you were there. If I had gotten in trouble, it would have been up to you if I was punished or not. It was up to you if I could eat. It was up to you if I got to sleep."
"Actually, that nap was a must."
"All part of that damn baby routine, huh?"
"Actually, I asked him about that," Duncan said. "He was scared of you, Rich."
He snorted. "Yeah right."
"I'm serious. He said that you would be the one to ruin him given the chance."
"We all would have, Mac."
Duncan smiled at the sound of his name. "Rich, he knew that if he gave you the same treatment as the other children, he wouldn't be able to keep his control over you."
"Nice try," Richie said studying the grease stain on the lid of the pizza box. "But I know I'm no different from any of the others."
Duncan gave him an encouraging smile. "I think one of these days, Rich, you're going to see that you're not."
"He just thought I was cute."
"He thought you would give him a lot of trouble."
"Yes, sir."
"Richie, he told me himself the last dinner we had there. Do you remember that?"
Richie sighed and picked up another piece of pizza. "All I remember about that night is you giving me a huge hunk of ham and roll."
"I know you weren't supposed to listen to what the, uh."
"The masters?"
Duncan cringed at the ease with which Richie used to word. "What they said. But you can't tell me you never overheard bits."
"If I did, I made myself forget."
"Well, that's okay. But I promise, Rich, that's what he said."
"He did not," Richie suddenly accused. "He would have never said he was scared of me to you."
"Well, maybe not in so many words," Duncan admitted sheepishly. "But Richie, he did say that if he treated you like the others he wouldn't have the control anymore. See, Rich, even he knows you're stronger than that."
"If you say so," Richie gazed at the sky line.
Duncan sighed deeply. They had been doing a lot better when they weren't talking about the Manor. "Let's change the subject."
"To what?" Richie demanded. "This is what Sean wanted isn't it?" His old temper was back. For the first time since his rescue, Richie was actually showing his anger. "I'm supposed to sit here and confess everything that happened to me? Tell you what I think about it? Sit here and cry and tell you how I feel? Well, I won't. I'm sick of crying about it! I'm sick of saying how I feel! I'm sick of reliving it so you can understand me! I just want to pretend it never happened!"
"You can't do that, Richie," Duncan told him. "I want to, too. But we can't. It doesn't work like that. You have to understand it and we have to understand it before we can ignore it. And it will probably be years before we get that far."
Richie looked at him for a few minutes. "It's not fair," he finally said, his voice breaking.
"No, it's not," Duncan agreed softly.
"Why does it always happen to me?"
"It happened to a lot of kids, Rich."
"I hated it there."
"I know you did."
"I just wanted to go home."
"We wanted you home."
"But I feel like an alien."
"It will get better."
"I don't know anything about what happened while I was there."
"You can learn it all, Rich."
"It's not the same."
"I know."
"No, you don't." Richie looked at him. "You have no idea what it's like. You have no clue how lost I am. You can never understand, because this would never happen to you."
"What does that mean?"
"This would have never happened to you. Even if by some miracle they got you there, they never would have done to you what they did to me."
"You don't know that, Richie."
"Yeah, I do," he insisted. "You would have never given in. You would have never let them get away with treating you like a dog. You would have fought them and won and gotten yourself and every other slave off that island and everything would end up perfect."
"You think I could do all that?"
"I know you could."
Duncan sighed. "I think this is something we should talk about with Sean. But I can tell you this right now. Truly and honestly. If what happened to you, happened to me at eighteen, I would still be there scared out of my mind. Or I would have messed up so badly I'd be dead."
"Yes, sir."
Duncan tried to smile as he ruffled Richie's hair in attempt to lighten the heavy mood. "Well, lets get this cleaned up. The others will be home soon."
Richie looked up at Duncan. "I'm not done. I want to stay."
"Okay. But promise me you won't get too close to the edge and as soon as you're done, you'll pick up your trash and come inside."
"I promise."
With that, Duncan picked up his pizza box and soda can and left Richie alone outside for the first time in nearly ten years.
"Sir, your CD player doesn't work," Richie told Duncan in confusion. Names were an intermittent thing in Richie's vocabulary.
Duncan went to see what was wrong and laughed at what he found. "The CD player works, Rich. This isn't a CD, it's a DVD."
Richie wrinkled his nose and took the disk to examine it. "What's a DVD?"
"It's a movie. They've pretty much replaced videos."
"I thought that VCR was pretty small."
Duncan smiled. "Conner went out and got some movies he thought you might like the other night. Want to watch one?"
"On one of these, uh." Richie held up the disk.
"DVD," Duncan supplied.
"Yeah, on DVD?"
"Sure."
Richie sat glued to the flat screen TV watching the Star Wars prequels, amazed at the special effects, for the rest of the day.
The next morning he asked permission to go look around the store. Tessa went down and closed the blinds so no one could see in, then let him explore.
"Man, this computer is tiny!" Richie exclaimed looking at the flat screen monitor and streamline CPU. "What happened to the fax?"
"It's right there," Tessa pointed to the scanner/printer/fax/copier combination next to the computer.
"What does this part do?" he asked opening the scanner. Tessa told him. "You mean you just put something here," he pointed at the glass. "And push this button and whatever you put here shows up on the screen?" She nodded. "Can I try, ma'am?"
To Tessa's amusement, Richie was excited at the idea of getting to do some 'busy work' as he used to call it. She showed him what to do and he settled down typing in information, scanning, copying and e-mailing information for the day. He had periodic questions and was none to shy about getting his answers.
During the days, Richie explored his new little world and after dinner, he and Sean talked about what had happened to him. Every day he spent time scribbling in the journal Sean had given him. Sometimes answering prompts Sean had given him and sometimes just writing what he was thinking about.
One night after talking to Richie, Sean gathered Duncan, Tessa and a reluctant Conner in the living room.
"I know you're probably wondering what Richie and I have been talking about," he started. "Well, all I can tell you about that is that we are making wonderful progress. And he's ready to take the next step."
"And what would that be?" Conner asked
"Speaking openly about what happened. So this is where you all get involved. Richie's going to come out here and answer one question from each of you. This will help him to know that you're all on his side and help you all to understand some of his behaviors."
"We can ask him anything we want?" Duncan questioned.
"Well, I do suggest you start small. Nothing too deep or traumatizing." They all nodded their agreement and thought up their questions as Sean went back to get Richie.
Richie came out and curled up in the over stuffed chair, clutching a pillow like a shield. At first Duncan didn't want to make Richie go through with the process, saying he looked scared, but Sean assured him that he and Richie had been talking about this for a week and Richie had been the one to decide when to do it.
Duncan went first. "What do you want to do the most that you haven't done yet?"
"Go outside," Richie said softly. "Master wouldn't let me outside if I wasn't right next to him. He said I would get lost. I think he thought I would try to run away."
Tessa was next. "Were you scared?"
"At first."
"Keep going," Sean told him when he didn't continue.
Richie took a deep breath and stared at the coffee table. "I was really scared when it happened. I was terrified while they kept me in Time Out."
"What's Time Out?" Sean asked.
"Time Out was when they put you in this little cell in the basement. And they would chain you to the wall and leave you there. It was a punishment. It was really dark; you never knew when they were coming for you; hell, you never knew IF they were going to come for you. I was down there for a long time; they beat me a lot while I was in there." He looked up at Sean, who gave him a kind nod, permission to stop talking about it.
"Are you happy?" Conner asked him.
"Excuse me, sir?"
"Are you truly happy now that you are home?"
Richie thought for a minute. "No..."
"Conner, what the hell kind of question was that?" Duncan barked.
"I was just asking him."
"You have to give him more time!" Tessa insisted.
"That's not what I meant," Conner defended. Duncan and Tessa didn't seem to hear.
"You're not going to kill him, so stop trying!"
"He's just a child!"
"I know he is."
"If you can't be constructive, just stay out of it!"
Richie looked at Sean. "They didn't let me finish," he said quietly.
"Tell them."
"They're mad."
"Not at you."
"You didn't let me finish," Richie said. The others kept arguing.
"Louder."
"I wasn't finished," he insisted a little louder. "I wasn't done yet!" Still no response. "WILL YOU SHUT UP SO I CAN FINISH?!" he finally screamed. All eyes were on him. "You didn't let me finish," he said in a small, unsure voice.
"Go ahead," Sean prompted.
"I'm not happy," he admitted. "But I'm not happy because I remember. And since I will always remember, I'm never going to be truly happy. That's all I meant. But I am happy to be home and away from him.and I don't want to die."
"Richie, no one is going to kill you," Duncan assured him. "I'm not going to let anyone dangerous near you until you are ready to defend yourself. You have my word on that."
Richie didn't respond to the offered comfort but looked at Sean. "Am I done?"
"Yes, you did well. I know it's hard for you, but this is what you need." Richie nodded his acceptance. "Why don't you go write for a while?"
. . . . . .
Richie looked at the prompt Sean had written at the top of the page in his journal. 'My first memories after the kidnapping.' Sighing, Richie settled at his desk and picked up a pen. He felt like he was writing the obligatory 'My Summer Vacation' essay on the first day of school. With large, awkward letters he started to write what he could remember.
"I remember waking up on a plane and getting beaten whenever I moved. The first thing they did to me when I got to the Manor was take me in a room and strip me. The whole time it was silent and I was blindfolded so I never knew what was going to happen until it did. The first room I got to see was Master's office. The first person I saw was Mamma. Then Master came in with the kidnappers and they starting talking about money. I was sold for thirty thousand dollars and the promise that I would be there whenever they wanted me. Then Mamma and two children took me to the back shed and shot me. I didn't realize I was immortal for a long time.
They kept me in a place called Time Out, a small prison in the." He looked up as the door opened. It was Sean.
"Do you mind if I snoop?" Richie shrugged and handed him the notebook. "This is really good. You've got a lot in here. But remember, don't just tell me what happened; tell me how it made you feel."
"Okay." Richie turned back to the journal. He abandoned what he had been writing before.
"You want to know how I felt? I was scared out of my fucking mind. And sore as hell cause all they did was yell and beat me. THE END."
. . . . . .
"Where is everybody?" Richie asked fumbling into the kitchen the next morning.
Duncan looked up from the stove where he was frying some bacon. "They all went out; it's just you and me today."
"Just us?"
"Yes. Oh, Sean left you a note on the table."
Richie picked it up and read it. 'Be yourself. Answer his questions. Be truthful. Be brave. You can do this. - Sean'
"This is some kind of bonding thing, isn't it?" he asked Duncan.
"Afraid so, tough guy," Duncan told him bring him a plate of homemade waffles and bacon. "Do you want some juice?"
"Yes, please."
Duncan got two glasses of juice and sat down. They shared a quiet breakfast and did the dishes side by side, just like they had before the kidnapping.
"Aren't you supposed to be asking me questions?" Richie asked suddenly. Duncan shrugged. Sean had told him to ask some questions and make sure Richie answered them, but the calm, familiar, relaxed mood was too pleasant for him to want to disturb it. "So what are we going to do, today?"
"Well, I guess we could play some board games or watch some movies."
"If you want to." Richie speak for I don't want to but don't want to make you mad.
"What else could we do?" Duncan pretended to ask himself so Richie would have an opportunity to voice his opinion.
"Go out?" he piped up hopefully.
Duncan gave him a sad smile. "Sorry, tough guy, that's not an option. We can't risk you being seen."
"Why not?"
"Because your face was on the news every night for a long time. The whole coast was looking for you. If someone sees you ten years later looking exactly same, we'd have problems."
"Was it really that long?"
"Afraid so."
"How much did I miss?"
Duncan took Richie down to the office and logged him into TheNewYorkTimes.com. Richie read until the doorbell rang. He heard Duncan come down the stairs and hid behind the door peaking around the corner to see who was there. It was the pizza delivery boy.
"You can come out," Duncan teased him after he closed the door.
With a shy expression, Richie stepped around the corner. "I never could hide from you. Is that for me?" he asked gesturing to the pizzas in Duncan's hands.
"One of them. I thought we could have a picnic."
Richie shifted uncomfortably and looked down at the floor. "I'm not allowed outside," he reminded him.
"I came up with a solution."
He took Richie up to the roof where he had spread a blanket and left some sodas. Richie immediately plopped down on the blanket and stretched out. It wasn't quite fall yet, so the sun was warm and the air was still. Duncan sat next to Richie and opened the pizzas. One was cheese, olive, tomato and onion; the other pepperoni, sausage, pepper and mushroom.
"Dig in."
Richie stared at the pizzas and bit his lower lip. He was obviously restraining himself, waiting for Duncan to make the first move. Duncan reached in and picked up the biggest slice of the one he ordered for Richie and handed it to the boy. Richie took it, but still waited for Duncan to eat first. Once Duncan took a bite of his pizza, Richie started on his in frenzy. He was picking up his third slice as Duncan was finishing his first.
"Hungry, Rich?" Duncan teased.
"Starving," Richie answered gnawing on his crusts.
"Are you serious?"
"What?"
"Are you really that hungry?"
"Yeah."
"Why didn't you get something to eat or tell me? I would have made you something."
"You told me to read those papers on the computer."
Duncan put his slice down. "Richie, if you didn't want to do that. I didn't mean to force you into it. I just thought that would answer your questions better than I could." Richie looked at him at a loss for what to say. "If I ever tell you to do something and you don't want to do it, you can say no."
"You've already told me that."
"Then why don't you do it?"
"It was interesting. I liked reading about what happened."
"That's good. But next time you get hungry, just get something to eat. You know where everything is."
"Okay." Richie went back to his lunch.
"So what did you read about?"
"A bunch on this group called the talbin, I think.some war."
"Oh, you mean the Taliban."
"Yeah, them. What was that all about?"
"Did you read about September eleventh?"
Richie thought for a minute. "Is that where they crashed the planes in New York?"
"Yes. The Taliban is who was responsible for it. We went to war to catch their leader."
"Did we get him?"
"It took some years and a lot of lives, but we did."
"That's good."
"What else did you read?"
"I missed a lot of Super Bowls."
"Yeah."
"Lots of World Series'."
"Yeah."
"All sorts of stuff."
"You did miss a lot," Duncan agreed. "But it's nothing you can't find out about."
"I guess not." Richie picked at a pepper on his pizza.
"What's wrong?"
"It's not the same. It's one thing to read about World War I and stuff. but, Mac, I was alive when all this happened. And I missed it cause I was too busy trying to get people to feed me scraps off the table."
"Did he not feed you?" Duncan asked, suppressing his anger. Sean had told him to get Richie talking about what happened.
"Yeah, he did.not a lot, but he did."
"You are really skinny. Tessa mentioned that those jeans are four inches smaller in the waist than the pants she used to get for you."
Richie shrugged. "Don't look at me; I just did what he told me to."
"Did you really rely on people feeding you from the table?"
"Not always. It depended."
"On what?"
"Who I was serving."
"How?"
Richie sighed deeply and remembered Sean's instructions. "Like when you were there. If I had gotten in trouble, it would have been up to you if I was punished or not. It was up to you if I could eat. It was up to you if I got to sleep."
"Actually, that nap was a must."
"All part of that damn baby routine, huh?"
"Actually, I asked him about that," Duncan said. "He was scared of you, Rich."
He snorted. "Yeah right."
"I'm serious. He said that you would be the one to ruin him given the chance."
"We all would have, Mac."
Duncan smiled at the sound of his name. "Rich, he knew that if he gave you the same treatment as the other children, he wouldn't be able to keep his control over you."
"Nice try," Richie said studying the grease stain on the lid of the pizza box. "But I know I'm no different from any of the others."
Duncan gave him an encouraging smile. "I think one of these days, Rich, you're going to see that you're not."
"He just thought I was cute."
"He thought you would give him a lot of trouble."
"Yes, sir."
"Richie, he told me himself the last dinner we had there. Do you remember that?"
Richie sighed and picked up another piece of pizza. "All I remember about that night is you giving me a huge hunk of ham and roll."
"I know you weren't supposed to listen to what the, uh."
"The masters?"
Duncan cringed at the ease with which Richie used to word. "What they said. But you can't tell me you never overheard bits."
"If I did, I made myself forget."
"Well, that's okay. But I promise, Rich, that's what he said."
"He did not," Richie suddenly accused. "He would have never said he was scared of me to you."
"Well, maybe not in so many words," Duncan admitted sheepishly. "But Richie, he did say that if he treated you like the others he wouldn't have the control anymore. See, Rich, even he knows you're stronger than that."
"If you say so," Richie gazed at the sky line.
Duncan sighed deeply. They had been doing a lot better when they weren't talking about the Manor. "Let's change the subject."
"To what?" Richie demanded. "This is what Sean wanted isn't it?" His old temper was back. For the first time since his rescue, Richie was actually showing his anger. "I'm supposed to sit here and confess everything that happened to me? Tell you what I think about it? Sit here and cry and tell you how I feel? Well, I won't. I'm sick of crying about it! I'm sick of saying how I feel! I'm sick of reliving it so you can understand me! I just want to pretend it never happened!"
"You can't do that, Richie," Duncan told him. "I want to, too. But we can't. It doesn't work like that. You have to understand it and we have to understand it before we can ignore it. And it will probably be years before we get that far."
Richie looked at him for a few minutes. "It's not fair," he finally said, his voice breaking.
"No, it's not," Duncan agreed softly.
"Why does it always happen to me?"
"It happened to a lot of kids, Rich."
"I hated it there."
"I know you did."
"I just wanted to go home."
"We wanted you home."
"But I feel like an alien."
"It will get better."
"I don't know anything about what happened while I was there."
"You can learn it all, Rich."
"It's not the same."
"I know."
"No, you don't." Richie looked at him. "You have no idea what it's like. You have no clue how lost I am. You can never understand, because this would never happen to you."
"What does that mean?"
"This would have never happened to you. Even if by some miracle they got you there, they never would have done to you what they did to me."
"You don't know that, Richie."
"Yeah, I do," he insisted. "You would have never given in. You would have never let them get away with treating you like a dog. You would have fought them and won and gotten yourself and every other slave off that island and everything would end up perfect."
"You think I could do all that?"
"I know you could."
Duncan sighed. "I think this is something we should talk about with Sean. But I can tell you this right now. Truly and honestly. If what happened to you, happened to me at eighteen, I would still be there scared out of my mind. Or I would have messed up so badly I'd be dead."
"Yes, sir."
Duncan tried to smile as he ruffled Richie's hair in attempt to lighten the heavy mood. "Well, lets get this cleaned up. The others will be home soon."
Richie looked up at Duncan. "I'm not done. I want to stay."
"Okay. But promise me you won't get too close to the edge and as soon as you're done, you'll pick up your trash and come inside."
"I promise."
With that, Duncan picked up his pizza box and soda can and left Richie alone outside for the first time in nearly ten years.