Title: Reality Television
By: Special Agent Dana Scully AKA Cassie
Category: Humour, Drama, Romance. A bit of everything.
Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Mulder, Scully, Scare Tactics or Shannon Doherty.
Summary: Scully sets Mulder up on Scare Tactics.
FBI Headquarters X-Files Office Washington D.C. 5:42 pm, Tuesday
"Hey Scully, you doing anything tonight?" Mulder asked.
"No. Why?"
"Well, do you want to come to my house? There's supposed to be a really good movie on tonight. I could make dinner to...no wait I can't cook. We can order pizza or something?" He offered. 'oh shit I hope she doesn't ask what kind of movie it is.' He thought.
"Yeah sure... what kind of-"
"Okay I know you're thinking it's gonna be an alien movie and it is but it's not cheesy!"
"Umm...okay. But I was just gonna ask, what kind of pizza? I already knew it was an alien movie. It always is."
Mulder's Apartment 8:28 pm
Mulder and Scully are sitting on the couch watching "Silent Warnings" on the SciFi channel, eating pizza.
"Mulder this movie is such a Signs rip-off! And it is too really cheesy! But I forgive you because this pizza is really good..." She took a bite into her pizza and continued, "ugh... so fattening, but soooo gooooood! I bet this pizza has five hundred calories in it."
Mulder scoffed, "The burrito I had the other day had twice as much. Okay so this movie is a Signs rip-off. And it sucks too. You wanna beer?"
"I dunno Mulder... maybe I should have water."
"Okay. Be right back." As Mulder walked into the kitchen a commercial for Scare Tactics came on. Scully thought a bit, then made a mental note to visit the SciFi website when she got home.
Scully's Apartment 11:21 pm
"...And submit! Done! Hahahaha... all I have to do is wait for the phone call!" Scully's Apartment 7:10 2 days later
"Scully."
"Yes, Dana Scully?"
"Yeah."
"This is the staff of Scare Tactics, we got an e-mail from you saying you wanted to scare your partner in the FBI, Fox Mulder. We need to know more. How should we scare him?"
Agent Scully's smile grew three times bigger that day. She answered,
"Well, he doesn't get scared often. The only time he does is when he thinks something bad has happened to me. What do you suggest?"
"Okay. We got an idea. This Saturday we'll come to your house and discuss it."
"Greeeaat. Thanks." X-Files Office 6:30 am
Scully held up the fake case file and smiled. Mulder walked in and tossed his jacket on the chair.
"Hey. Watcha got there?"
"Oh, another case. I decided we needed to take a break from all the abnormal cases, so I offered to take this normal case. No aliens."
"Fine, what's it about?"
"A couple of murders in a small town of Rupert, Idaho. Each victim had a cut throat. The way the skin was torn indicates that the killer used a kitchen knife"
"We sure do go to Idaho a lot." Mulder commented. "I guess it's not that bad, pretty place."
"Yeah. Anyways, we leave in four hours. Go pack your bags and I'll come pick you up. And I got a friend there so we won't have to stay in another crummy motel either."
"Good. Catchya later." Rupert, Idaho 3:00
"Okay this is it. Her names Mary, she's out of town for a couple of days so we'll be alone. She says to keep the house clean, Mulder, so throw away your sunflower seed shells."
She reached under the mat and pulled out a key. They walked inside and almost immediately a small dog was chewing on Mulder's pants.
"Oh yeah." Scully said, "she has a dog too. She's half miniature pinscher and half Chihuahua. Name's Cujo."
"Cujo? But she's three inches tall!"
"Exactly. But she thinks she's the toughest dog in the world. Your room is upstairs, third door to the left."
They got settled and decided to go interviewing people on the murders, but before they got the chance a knock came at the door.
"Hey I'll answer that." Scully said. "Stay here. Cujo shut up!"
She walked to the door and opened it. A man came flying in looking nervous and angry.
"Umm...can I help you? Mary's not here. She wen-"
All the sudden he pulled out a knife and grabbed Scully with the knife to her throat. Scully screamed. Mulder rushed in the room and tried to grab his gun but he had left it in his bag.
"Sit down! NOW!"
Mulder hesitated but when the man pushed harder on Scully's neck, making cry out in pain, Mulder sat down immediately.
"Scully—" "Shut the fu** up or I cut her throat! I swear!"
"K. Okay I'll shut up just don't hurt her!"
"I told you to shut up! Didn't I?! That means don't make a sound! Now she'll pay for your mistake!"
He cut Scully's throat (or so it appeared *winks*) and she fell to the floor.
"NOOOO! SCULLY! SCULLY! YOU GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
He rushed to Scully's side. He knew she was going to die (or so he though *winks again*).
"Scully... Scully... I'm so sorry... I love you."
Scully was shocked at what she heard but remained still.
"Are you scared?" The supposed killer asked.
"YES!" Mulder yelled.
"Well, you shouldn't be."
"Why the hell not?! You killed my partner! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
"Cause you're on Scare Tactics."
"W-what?"
"You're partner set you up."
"You're shittn' me!" He turned to Scully and she was sitting up with a huge smile on her face.
"You should've seen the look on you're face!" She laughed. "It was priceless!"
"Dammit Scully I'm gonna kick your ass!" Mulder exclaimed jokingly. "Where's the camera?"
The killer pointed to a small hole in the wall, and sure enough a small black camera was sticking out.
"Say hello to America, Agent Mulder!" Scully said.
Mulder looked at the camera. "You never saw ANY of this! It's all a conspiracy! This never happened so never talk about it again!"
The cameras were now on Shannon Doherty. She giggled a bit and said, "I think Agent Mulder needs some anger management! Threatening to kick your partners ass can get you kicked out of the FBI! Scare ya later!" X-Files Office 12:14, the next day
The two agents were sitting around doing nothing..
"Scully. You do know this means war." Mulder said, breaking the ice.
"Sure. Mulder, can I ask you a question?"
"What."
Scully stood up and walked over to Mulder. She squatted down by his chair and looked deep into his eyes.
"Do you really love me?"
Mulder looked at the paper on his desk. 'Omigod. What do I say? Do I tell her the truth?' He though.
"Well... umm... no I was just saying that... I mean I love you as a partner and a friend you know... so that's what I meant... not that... sorry if I scared you."
Scully had a disappointed look on her face and stood up. "Oh..." She walked over to her chair and sat down. She let a single tear roll down her face when she thought he wasn't looking.
"Scully."
She looked up. He walked over to her and put an arm on her shoulder.
"Scully... the truth is... I love you as more than a friend... I just thought you didn't love me... I thought that it would freak you out..."
"Really?" She asked, letting the tears flow freely now.
"Yes. Scully, you mean the most to me then anything in the world. Yesterday I thought I lost you. I was so scared!"
The embraced each other and cried. When they finally let go Scully said, "Duh. That's why they call it Scare Tactics." And they hugged again. That's all folks! Now I want reviews!
FBI Headquarters X-Files Office Washington D.C. 5:42 pm, Tuesday
"Hey Scully, you doing anything tonight?" Mulder asked.
"No. Why?"
"Well, do you want to come to my house? There's supposed to be a really good movie on tonight. I could make dinner to...no wait I can't cook. We can order pizza or something?" He offered. 'oh shit I hope she doesn't ask what kind of movie it is.' He thought.
"Yeah sure... what kind of-"
"Okay I know you're thinking it's gonna be an alien movie and it is but it's not cheesy!"
"Umm...okay. But I was just gonna ask, what kind of pizza? I already knew it was an alien movie. It always is."
Mulder's Apartment 8:28 pm
Mulder and Scully are sitting on the couch watching "Silent Warnings" on the SciFi channel, eating pizza.
"Mulder this movie is such a Signs rip-off! And it is too really cheesy! But I forgive you because this pizza is really good..." She took a bite into her pizza and continued, "ugh... so fattening, but soooo gooooood! I bet this pizza has five hundred calories in it."
Mulder scoffed, "The burrito I had the other day had twice as much. Okay so this movie is a Signs rip-off. And it sucks too. You wanna beer?"
"I dunno Mulder... maybe I should have water."
"Okay. Be right back." As Mulder walked into the kitchen a commercial for Scare Tactics came on. Scully thought a bit, then made a mental note to visit the SciFi website when she got home.
Scully's Apartment 11:21 pm
"...And submit! Done! Hahahaha... all I have to do is wait for the phone call!" Scully's Apartment 7:10 2 days later
"Scully."
"Yes, Dana Scully?"
"Yeah."
"This is the staff of Scare Tactics, we got an e-mail from you saying you wanted to scare your partner in the FBI, Fox Mulder. We need to know more. How should we scare him?"
Agent Scully's smile grew three times bigger that day. She answered,
"Well, he doesn't get scared often. The only time he does is when he thinks something bad has happened to me. What do you suggest?"
"Okay. We got an idea. This Saturday we'll come to your house and discuss it."
"Greeeaat. Thanks." X-Files Office 6:30 am
Scully held up the fake case file and smiled. Mulder walked in and tossed his jacket on the chair.
"Hey. Watcha got there?"
"Oh, another case. I decided we needed to take a break from all the abnormal cases, so I offered to take this normal case. No aliens."
"Fine, what's it about?"
"A couple of murders in a small town of Rupert, Idaho. Each victim had a cut throat. The way the skin was torn indicates that the killer used a kitchen knife"
"We sure do go to Idaho a lot." Mulder commented. "I guess it's not that bad, pretty place."
"Yeah. Anyways, we leave in four hours. Go pack your bags and I'll come pick you up. And I got a friend there so we won't have to stay in another crummy motel either."
"Good. Catchya later." Rupert, Idaho 3:00
"Okay this is it. Her names Mary, she's out of town for a couple of days so we'll be alone. She says to keep the house clean, Mulder, so throw away your sunflower seed shells."
She reached under the mat and pulled out a key. They walked inside and almost immediately a small dog was chewing on Mulder's pants.
"Oh yeah." Scully said, "she has a dog too. She's half miniature pinscher and half Chihuahua. Name's Cujo."
"Cujo? But she's three inches tall!"
"Exactly. But she thinks she's the toughest dog in the world. Your room is upstairs, third door to the left."
They got settled and decided to go interviewing people on the murders, but before they got the chance a knock came at the door.
"Hey I'll answer that." Scully said. "Stay here. Cujo shut up!"
She walked to the door and opened it. A man came flying in looking nervous and angry.
"Umm...can I help you? Mary's not here. She wen-"
All the sudden he pulled out a knife and grabbed Scully with the knife to her throat. Scully screamed. Mulder rushed in the room and tried to grab his gun but he had left it in his bag.
"Sit down! NOW!"
Mulder hesitated but when the man pushed harder on Scully's neck, making cry out in pain, Mulder sat down immediately.
"Scully—" "Shut the fu** up or I cut her throat! I swear!"
"K. Okay I'll shut up just don't hurt her!"
"I told you to shut up! Didn't I?! That means don't make a sound! Now she'll pay for your mistake!"
He cut Scully's throat (or so it appeared *winks*) and she fell to the floor.
"NOOOO! SCULLY! SCULLY! YOU GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
He rushed to Scully's side. He knew she was going to die (or so he though *winks again*).
"Scully... Scully... I'm so sorry... I love you."
Scully was shocked at what she heard but remained still.
"Are you scared?" The supposed killer asked.
"YES!" Mulder yelled.
"Well, you shouldn't be."
"Why the hell not?! You killed my partner! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
"Cause you're on Scare Tactics."
"W-what?"
"You're partner set you up."
"You're shittn' me!" He turned to Scully and she was sitting up with a huge smile on her face.
"You should've seen the look on you're face!" She laughed. "It was priceless!"
"Dammit Scully I'm gonna kick your ass!" Mulder exclaimed jokingly. "Where's the camera?"
The killer pointed to a small hole in the wall, and sure enough a small black camera was sticking out.
"Say hello to America, Agent Mulder!" Scully said.
Mulder looked at the camera. "You never saw ANY of this! It's all a conspiracy! This never happened so never talk about it again!"
The cameras were now on Shannon Doherty. She giggled a bit and said, "I think Agent Mulder needs some anger management! Threatening to kick your partners ass can get you kicked out of the FBI! Scare ya later!" X-Files Office 12:14, the next day
The two agents were sitting around doing nothing..
"Scully. You do know this means war." Mulder said, breaking the ice.
"Sure. Mulder, can I ask you a question?"
"What."
Scully stood up and walked over to Mulder. She squatted down by his chair and looked deep into his eyes.
"Do you really love me?"
Mulder looked at the paper on his desk. 'Omigod. What do I say? Do I tell her the truth?' He though.
"Well... umm... no I was just saying that... I mean I love you as a partner and a friend you know... so that's what I meant... not that... sorry if I scared you."
Scully had a disappointed look on her face and stood up. "Oh..." She walked over to her chair and sat down. She let a single tear roll down her face when she thought he wasn't looking.
"Scully."
She looked up. He walked over to her and put an arm on her shoulder.
"Scully... the truth is... I love you as more than a friend... I just thought you didn't love me... I thought that it would freak you out..."
"Really?" She asked, letting the tears flow freely now.
"Yes. Scully, you mean the most to me then anything in the world. Yesterday I thought I lost you. I was so scared!"
The embraced each other and cried. When they finally let go Scully said, "Duh. That's why they call it Scare Tactics." And they hugged again. That's all folks! Now I want reviews!