Disclaimer: Tolkien owns everything...including me. :-)
Warnings: This is a parody. You know what parody is, right? You're not supposed to read it seriously. If you don't have any sense of humour don't read it. It also includes slash material. If you don't approve idea of slash in any case you are going to dislike this fic.
Author's notes: This is my first fiction in here so be nice to me, will ya?:-) I'm not a native English speaker but I'll do my best to use the language properly. LizzyTygrestick's story "A Wild Goose Chase" gave me this idea. This is not an attempt to be a serious piece of art.:-)
Legolas' pov
On that day I was still a very very young elf. I was also very very very very bored. Mirkwood has always been a boring place for elflings. Nothing to do except wander around in the forest. Trees were nice to chat with but sometimes I wished I had had more lively company to play with. I couldn't compete with trees in running - it took them 100+ years to get themselves moving. Other elves were about 50 years older than me so I was mostly alone.
On the afternoon I went to walk in the woods, again. The sky was boringly blue. I wished it had been black. Some thunder and lightning would have been exciting. I had my bow with me although I knew there wouldn't be any orcs to shoot at. If there had been my father would have already locked me into my room.
"You're too young..." That was his favourite line. The rest of it could be anything you could think of.
"To drink. To have sex. To shoot orcs." All fun was forbidden to me. My father was probably born old.
Suddenly a voice coming ahead of me disturbed my bored brains. I knew that voice only too well. It was my father. I stopped to listen if he was talking to me but realized a moment later that he didn't know I was there. He was too occupied in conversing with his companion, Lord Elrond.
When did he get here? I didn't remember Elrond arriving but then again he was visiting here so often I wouldn't have necessarily paid any attention to that. I wondered if Elladan and Elrohir were with him too. I could have used their company but then I heard something that made me listen more carefully
"He is so stubborn. I fear all the time that he will get into trouble." My father said. Curse it, he was talking about me!! It couldn't mean anybody else.
"Were we any different at his age? Remember that time your parents held a party in here? We were forbidden to join them so we held a party of our own. Remember what happened?" Elrond sounded slightly amused
"Oh that!! How could I forget…we stole some wine and got ourselves so drunk that…" Father's sentence came abruptly to a halt. It was obvious he was bothered by that thought of the past. Elrond continued where he had left of
"We couldn't remember how we ended up in bed together." He said that like he was talking about commonly known things in every day life. What in the Valar's name??!!! My father had woken up in bed with Lord Elrond!!!??? I wondered if my mother knew about this.
"I thought I was in bed with Celebrían, the elf-girl of my dreams. So I touched her silky hair and body, her perfect thighs…only to discover that she had…something you don't expect girls to have." Elrond went on saying. I had a real problem to breathe after hearing that and my mind was busy building up an image of my father with Elrond…yikes!
"Must you remind me!?" Father asked and sighed. Elrond was laughing and said teasingly.
"It wasn't that bad, was it?"
"No, but I never forget the look on my mother's face when she entered the room and saw us there on the bed, all naked." My father said thoughtfully. So there was that secret my grandmother always threatened to tell everybody when she wasn't pleased with her son!
"Do you think we really…?" I heard Elrond ask after a brief silence.
"No! No, I don't think we really…!" My father said almost too quickly and after that started talking about weather. I listened to them no more. I was so much in a hurry to return back home and share my news with my brothers. This proved to be a worthy knowledge we had a lot of use in the future.
The End