Idiot Savant
~ Mage Kitty
A/N: Guess what? I HAVE A WRITER'S BLOCK! Isn't that lovely? *sighs* Only for this fic, though. Thank Frond for that. Though I did figure out the Pen name for the challenge issuer! Abigail Nicole! Whoo! I feel special! She gets the credit for the idea and stuffy. Bwhahaha. I'll do the review things now…
Cyborgirl0016: Yeah, he remembers Holly. Or partially… dun dun duh!
alex: Cleaning silver? What fun… And you're welcome ^^
Laughing Dragoness: Hello! *waves cheerily* I'm too happy, but snowday, snowday, snowday! I update now, obviously ^^
bluecocoagir: He fainted from the recall of his memories. It was too much for his poor mind, so his mind temporarily shut down. Yes, I know he's a genius, but still… He has so much going on in his mind, he couldn't hold onto consciousness. Plus there is also the fact that he didn't precisely get his memories back cleanly, for lack of a better word. *snickers evilly*
Wolfrat: Thanks, and I will ^^
Spectra16: Hello. Thank you ^^ I bet it will all go downhill from here. Considering that I have even less of an idea what I'm doing than usual…
That Aerin: You're welcome ^^ Isis is terrible fun to write, lol ^^ Partially because the only things that she's got in common with me is rambling and messiness. AHH! HORNY TOASTERS! Must run. And send my ladle and Spiff Axe Thing with Pokey Lance End after the toasters… heh heh… Me and Krymsan spend too much time fighting over MSN. For absolutely no reason. Heh heh…
blue-elf3001: I will. And I had a Merry Christmas. Though I had to do much work.
the-evil-but-niceish-one: Underscores are too hard to make. Oh yes, Isis tends to ramble, doesn't she? Lol, she sounds like me. For the rambling and messiness. Lol. Rambling is fun ^^ And ranting ^^
iridedragons4sport: *grins* Stay away from me with the Herbal Essences crap. It's smelly. I don't like smelly… And besides, my brother used to use that shit. My BROTHER!
scarletswitchblade: *laughs* I'm like your version of idiot savantry then, lol ^^ Hey, what are siblings for if not to annoy/insult you. Though my brother is very bad at insulting me. Even if he tells me that I can't write/draw, he can't at all so his opinion doesn't count, lol ^^ Artemis' super intelligence area? Well, it won't be physics; that's too useful. It has something to do with Isis. I'm just not saying what, lol ^^ I like the way I jogged his memory as well. I don't even know how I thought of that. *laughs* It's better than Mulch giving him his memories, lol ^^ Well, Mulch giving him his memories straight out. Yeah, I did have some spelling mistakes. I'm too lazy to read it over before I post it, and I catch most of my mistakes as I write them… I think I've changed them, though I don't know if I re-uploaded it. You know how it is, laziness ^^
TeenTypist: I don't think I'm up for writing this either. Though I obviously murdered it and made it a humour fic, lol… I think it would work better if it is more serious than everything else I write. It probably will, but, hey! Artemis has got split personalities! That's too much of a humorous (ish) scenario for me to pass up, lol ^^ And you should learn this about me. I very, very, very, very rarely update what most people would call 'soon', lol.
artemisrox: Yes, Foaly's keeping an eye on Artemis; he'd be an idiot not to. Holly's not going up, not immediately. That's too rash of a decision. If Artemis shows signs of planning on exploiting the Fairies again, then they'll send up Holly. Artemis has three personalities, 1) Evil Super Criminal Mastermind, 2) Average Teenaged Boy, 3) Average Teenaged Boy with Knowledge of the Fairies. Oh, and he'll only be good at one thing. Though I refuse to tell what. BWHAHAHA! And I don't know if Mulch is going to be in it. I've never written anything with Mulch even mentioned. So I don't know if he's going to be in it.
Maru: Yes, this is my most least humorous fic. Currently, it is very crap in the humour department. I can do better, I know that. But humour is soooo hard to write with Artemis and manage to keep him in character! *sulks* Of course I'm going to update this! This is the most amount of reviews I have ever gotten for one chapter of one fic. I'll try to make it funnier, but it isn't going to happen unless I add a comic relief. And Isis is kinda stupid at points, but she isn't a comic relief at all. I really do need a proper genre thing. I really hate the genre general…
Spasmodic dust bunny: It is a good idea, isn't it? Unfortunately, it's not mine, lol ^^ Yes, Isis is great. I do believe that she's my best OC yet. And I am continuing. 16 reviews for the first chapter? Who the hell wouldn't?
Abigail Nicole: *grins* Thank you ^^ Ah, a year ago, you must have loved this place, lol ^^ I ended up writing a Fairy centric fic to be a) different/weird and b) Holly's my fave, lol ^^ Well, I've ran out of things to say… Read on!
Well, I've ran out of reviews to answer. No more stalling. Write… Hmmm… Have to do Disclaimer.
Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis.
*~*~*~*~* Chapter One: *~*~*~*~*~*
"Hello?" Isis asked into the phone which she just got a few hours ago.
"Hello honey! How's Éire treating you?" A voice came clear out the speaker.
"Mother, get your head out of the past, its Ireland now a days. Ireland's been treating me fine. I can adapt to pretty much everywhere, considering that you and Dad dragged me across the whole bloody world in your quest for knowledge," Isis rolled her eyes. Parents.
"Do you have the speaker phone on, dear? You're voice sounds weird," Isis' mother sounded overly concerned.
"Oh yes, worry about me after I leave your nest. As long as I was in the same country as you, it would be fine. But, no, now that I'm an adult, you must worry over something like my voice being weird," Isis sighed and her mother began to drone on, rather how Isis was a few hours ago with that Artemis Fowl. Isis sighed again when she thought of the teenager.
"What's the matter, dear?" her mother broke off her monologue to ask a question.
"Do you think that it's a bad thing when a rich genius faints during his first session with you?" Isis asked.
"Probably. Who is the kid?" Isis' mother asked.
"Artemis Fowl. The Second," Isis said.
"Definitely a bad thing. The Fowls have been criminals for generations upon generations. My advice? Leave the country, change your name, and become a drifter," Isis' mother said frantically.
"Mother… That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. Who'd be afraid of some teenager?" Isis rolled her eyes, "He's just a little cocky from being spoiled so much."
"That Fowl boy has been seen all over the world. In an hour!" Isis' mother said in a low voice.
"Yeah. And that language you can't translate is the Fairy language," Isis groaned.
"It is! I tell you, the language is the Fairy language!" Isis' mother said excitedly.
"Mother, the Fay Folk don't exist," Isis said weakly.
"You are such a bad liar. I know you believe in the Tuathe De Danae," Isis' mother scolded.
"Yes. Sure I do," Isis said weakly. Her mother was right. Isis did always have a soft spot for the Little People. Why do you think she mentioned the language? But she honestly didn't believe that the Fairies would leave a bit of their writing just lying around. Okay, so it took her parents more than a decade to track down that little sheet of parchment, but still.
"You must admit, the parchment excites you," Isis' mother said knowingly.
"Not really. Why would there be a bit of paper written by the Fairies in our realm? It doesn't make sense. I still think that it's a hoax," Isis leaned forward in her chair and stared at the phone with hard eyes, trying to will her expression to her mother.
"It can't be a hoax! It's written with nearly modern writing tools and it was carbon-dated for a time before the Egyptians began to make their own written language! You very well know what this means, Isis!" her mother was practically bouncing in a mixture of amazement and excitement.
"Maybe someone invented a time machine in the future and took the writing back," Isis rolled her eyes.
"Now that is the most ridiculous of your arguments, darling," the mother rolled her eyes; Isis could almost hear it, "You've got to do better than that.
"I'm telling you; it's not the Fairy language. I'll be laughing when you discover that it isn't," Isis grinned.
"Well I've got to go. This is costing me a fortune every second. Quit your job; that Fowl boy is going to kill you!" the mother warned.
"Mother, call after six. Or are you in one of those places that don't have that discount? Probably. And I highly doubt Artemis will kill me; he's just an average teenager with an attitude and intelligence problem. I'll be fine," Isis smiled.
"I'll talk to you later then. Bye!" Isis' mother said.
"See yah," Isis said, then the phone went dead. She glanced over at the file marked 'Artemis Fowl'. She turned away. She looked back, then sighed, "No, I don't want to read some other doctor's report on the kid. I'll form my own opinion without their ideas biasing my mind. That's probably what screwed them all. They were so scared of a teenager that they just messed it all up for themselves. Not me. I'm going to do better! Though I'll probably end up getting no better results; some of the others were really famous and good. I stand no chance. Maybe I could outstare the kid," Isis paused then shuddered, "No way. He's got a way of reading your mind. Must put up mental barriers."
Isis then shoved everything off her desk and sat on it and crossed her legs in the lotus position. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breathes, then entered the meditation, something that she was taught when she was seven.
A half hour later, the phone rang, snapping Isis' inner calm. In her hasty attempt to uncross her legs, she ended up on her stomach on the floor, nose pointed at the phone. Cursing, she picked up the phone and growled 'hello'.
"Dr. Yannitsos? I'm calling to inform you that you will have another meeting with Artemis Fowl this evening," a bored voice said.
"That's all fine and dandy. What time? Oh, never mind that. How long from now?" Isis asked tiredly.
"Five minutes," the voice said.
"Five... Five minutes! Why didn't you call earlier? My office is a mess!" Isis frantically began shoving papers into random drawers.
"Mr. Fowl just woke up a few minutes ago," the bored voice sounded boreder.
"Then why are they sending him to me? I'm not a medical doctor!" Isis exclaimed.
"I don't know and I don't care," the voice stated blandly.
"What are you -" the line went dead and Isis cursed again, "Stupid useless people."
"I agree with you on that statement very much. The staff here are… lacking, to say the least," Artemis had entered the room without Isis knowing, so Isis jumped and gasped a bit.
"Don't do that, okay?" She pressed a hand to her racing heart, "Do you want me to have a cardiac arrest or something?"
"You are a member of the staff," Artemis pointed out. Isis just scowled at him.
"Do you have any idea why they sent you to me?" Isis asked, feeling a little annoyed at the genius. Maybe it was just because she just got off the phone with her mother, but Isis was definitely feeling way too nervous and jumpy around him, "There went my inner calm," Isis muttered quietly to herself.
"No, I have no idea. I highly doubt you are a medical doctor, but even then, I am not in need of any help from doctors. Of any kind," he said coldly. Isis was forced to stand still and take deep breaths, an ineffective measure against Artemis.
Isis was torn between being curious or being angry. Curiosity won the contest, "What has gotten into you, Artemis? At least this morning you were the slightest inch polite."
Artemis didn't answer; he just sat down in a chair and gazed expressionlessly at Isis, "Let's just get this over with."
"How can we? I have no idea why you are here!" Isis glared and impatiently pushed her dark hair out of her eyes.
"Make something up. You are the physiatrist," Artemis didn't blink.
"Fine then. Why the hell did you fucking faint when I began singing Deck the Halls?" Isis wasn't happy.
"I don't know," Artemis said automatically.
"LIAR!" Isis yelled. Her temper was quite short and Artemis was rubbing her the wrong way.
"I'm not lying. I don't know," Artemis shrugged.
"I wonder what will happen if I begin to sing Deck the Halls?" Isis asked. Without waiting for an answer, she began to sing, "Deck the halls with boughs of Holly, fa la la la la la la la la," to Isis' amazement, Artemis blinked, shook himself a little, and slouched down in his chair, sitting more like a normal teenaged boy. To her further amazement, Artemis began to hum along with her. She stopped singing and stared at Artemis, watching as he continued to hum.
"What?" Artemis asked, "I'm not doing anything wrong."
"No, you aren't. You're just acting like a normal teenager and you were bitching at me a few minutes ago!" Isis stared at him in shock, her anger evaporated.
"I was? Sorry then," Artemis smiled and shrugged. Isis raised her eyebrows. From what she gathered about Artemis' personality, smiling was a rarity, if not impossible, "I do believe that it's your turn to ask a question, if we are continuing from where we left off, Dr. Yannitsos."
"Er, yes… Just call me Isis, okay? Uh, why are you being so nice?" Isis asked, dying to know the answer.
"Why not? Was a rude before?" Artemis asked, puzzled, "Wait, that's not my question!"
Isis laughed, "An eviller being would treat it as your question, Artemis, but I'll let it slide.
"Do you believe in Fairies?" Artemis asked.
Isis gawped and stared blankly, "Wha?"
"Since you let my mistake slide, I'll let yours. We're even. Do you believe in Fairies?" Artemis repeated.
"Uh," Isis laughed embarrassedly, "Yeah, actually I do. I know it's childish and all, but still…"
"I don't think it's childish," Artemis smiled, genuinely happy.
"Do you believe in Fairies?" Isis asked, eyes narrowed. She wanted to know why he asked her that question.
"Yes. Which sort of Fairies do you believe in?" Artemis asked.
Okay, this conversation is weird. Who would have known that Artemis Fowl the Second believes in the Fair Folk! Isis mused, "The Tuathe De Danae, mainly. Why did you ask me if I believed in Fairies?"
"I was curious. You seem like the person who would," Artemis continued smiling.
"I don't know whether to take that as a complement or an insult," Isis groaned.
"It's a compliment. What is your favourite language?" Artemis asked.
"I don't know. My parents taught me so many when I was little. I'm fluent in too many to count, though most are useless. How important is money?" Isis asked.
Artemis blinked, straightened up in his chair and answered in a deadpanned voice, "Aurum Est Potestas."
"Gold is Power," Isis said softly.
*~*~*~*~*
A/N: I was done this a day ago. I just had to check the spelling of the Fowl's, or rather, Artemis' motto. Have a good day, ya'll! Oh yes. I spelt it all right asides from Potestas. Stupid word. BWHAHAHA! I figured out why the symbol for gold is Au. Comes from the Latin word Aurum meaning gold. It's amazing that a fantasy book can tell you stuff about science that your science teacher doesn't know, lol ^^ And if I spelt Éire wrong, forgive me. I forgot how to spell that. And Tuathe De Danae. *rolls eyes* Must I forget every bit of useless knowledge right when I need it? This is still evilly short, I know, but it is better than before. And I still don't think it's getting funnier. Mih, when I can switch between Artemis', then it will be funny/amusing. Well, switch rapidly. BWHAHAHA!
Oh yes… I figured something out that it semi-funny and doesn't fit in any of my fics. So I'll put it here.
Chix Verbil is Verbil about Chix.
BWHAHAHAHAHA! Isn't that brilliant? And I figured it out all by myself, Mommy!
Yeah, and the acronym for this fic (IS) is a word, and it's half of Isis name. Well all of it pretty much. Totally a coincident. I have too much time on my hands…
~ Mage Kitty =^.^=