"My name is Lohi," Lohi muttered, walking up the stairs to her house.
"Low-ee. The stupid 'h' is silent!"
It had not been a good day for her at school. She had been sent to detention six times, plus lunch detention. Her older sister (and guardian) Nani was not going to be very happy when the school called.
"And that stupid social worker is coming today!" Lohi grabbed the door and harshly turned the knob. The door was locked.
The door was never locked, unless Nani wasn't home. But Nani had to be home. Heartbreak Hotel was playing in the background, and only Lilo, Lohi's little sister, listened to Elvis.
Not bothering to squeeze through the dog door, Lohi climbed in through her bedroom window, as she had often done in the past.
"Where's Nani?" she called, walking down the stairs.
Lilo, who was lying lifelessly on the floor, said nothing.
"Yeah, I had a bad day too. Listen, when Nani gets home, tell her I went to a basketball game, okay?"
"Yep."
"And tell her I ate dinner, too."
Lohi walked into the kitchen, only to see black smoke coming out of various pots. "Does Nani know the stove's on?" she called, turning it off.
Absentmindedly, she grabbed an apple, and began to walk back up the stairs to her room, but stopped half-way up. "Nani left you home alone?"
"Lilo! Open the door, Lilo!"
"Go away."
"Oh. She didn't," Lohi commented, half to herself, but completely amused. She hid just far enough away from the stairs to see but not be seen.
"Lilo! We don't have time for this!" Nani's head appeared through the dog door.
"Leave me alone to die."
"C'mon, Lilo! The social worker's gonna be here any minute!" Nani unlocked the door, only to find that Lilo had nailed the door shut. Luckily, Lilo had left the hammer nearby.
"Lilo! Ooh! You are so finished when I get in there!" Nani said, pulling nails out of the door. "I'm gonna stuff you in the blender, push puree, then bake you into a pie and feed it to the social worker!"
Lohi smiled. Nani had certainly inherited Dad's temper.
". . . And when he says 'Mmm! This is great! What's your secret?' I'm gonna say . . . 'Love . . . and nurturing.'"
Lohi couldn't help but laugh. What a moment for the social worker to show up!
Nani's voice continued from outside. "You must be the, uh . . ."
"The 'stupidhead,'" a deep voice answered.
"Oh! Oh," Nani said. "Oh, you know, I'm really sorry about that. And If I'd known who you were, of course I never would've, uh . . . I can pay for that."
Lohi smiled again, wondering what her sister had ruined now.
"It's a rental. Are you the guardian in question?"
"Yes. I'm Nani," she said, pronouncing in almost as if he was stupid, but not quite. "Nice to meet you, Mr. . . .?"
"Bubbles."
"Mr. Bubbles," Nani repeated, sounding unsure. "That's a strange-"
"Yes, I know," the social worker replied quickly. "Are you going to invite me in, Nani?"
"Uh, I thought we could sit out here and talk."
"I don't think so."
"Right," Nani said quietly. "Uh, this way."
"Lohi is lots quieter when she breaks into the house," Lilo told Nani as she ran by.
Nani just turned off her music, and the record scratched.
"Hey!"
But Nani kept running to the back door. "So," she panted. "Lemonade?"
Lohi moved a bit closer to the kitchen, even though she was risking being seen.
"Do you often leave your sister home alone?"
"No! Never!" Nani spotted a picture Lilo had drawn and just hung up on the fridge. "Well, except for just now," she finished nervously, crinkling up the paper behind her back. "I had to run to the store to get some . . ."
"Lohi found that on when she got home," Lilo said, meaning the stove that the social worker was eyeing.
"Lilo! There you are! Honeyface, this is Mr. Bubbles," she hesitated a little, still certain she had gotten the name wrong.
He held out his hand, but Lilo just stared at it, moving her head to one side. "Your knuckles say Cobra."
He knelt down to her size. "Cobra Bubbles. You don't look like a social worker."
Nani looked straight at Lohi. "Aw!" she muttered, and retreated up to her room where she could still hide.
"Lohi! I know you're up here!"
"Am not!" Lohi answered under her breath.
"This is Mr. Bubbles, the social worker," Nani said to the room.
"He doesn't look much like a social worker," Lohi replied, not looking up from the picture she was drawing.
"Special classification," Cobra said, looking around, obviously not knowing where Lohi was. That was how Lohi liked it.
"You ever kill anyone?" she asked, using her finger to color in Lilo's hair.
Nani groaned quietly, making Lohi smile again. Mom had always said that she and Lilo were so much alike . . .
"Are you happy?" he asked.
Lohi then came out from under the bed, moving so she was sitting on top of it. She followed only two rules in life: Suspect anyone and everyone, and get rid of social workers fast.
So she just repeated what Lilo was supposed to say as fast as she could:
"Imadjustedieatfourfoodgroupslookbothwaysbeforecrossingthestreettakelongnaps and-"
"Excuse me?"
Lohi sighed dramatically. "I'm adjusted. I eat three square meals a day, do my homework, and look both ways before crossing the street. Well, it's true, Nani. I do."
Lohi watched Cobra Bubbles' face carefully to see his reaction. He had noticed that was she and Lilo said was almost identically, but wasn't saying anything.
"Does Nani punish Lilo?" he asked.
"Of course," Lohi answered, still watching him.
"How often?"
Nani was waving a hand in the background.
"Sometimes five times a day," Lohi said, smiling to herself while Nani buried her head in her hands.
"How?"
"Well, uh, with bricks," Lohi said. "In a pillowcase."
Nani groaned, and Lohi suddenly got the feeling that Lilo had said the same thing.
Then they left her room. But they didn't move far, and Lohi could still hear them talking.
"Let me illuminate to you the precarious situation in which you have found yourself. I'm the one they call when things go wrong. And things have indeed gone wrong."
Lohi crept out of her room to see the end of the meeting. Lilo was sitting on the floor, next to her Practical Voodoo book, with four spoons wearing grass skirts. She scooped them up and put them an old pickle jar and shook it vigorously.
"My friends need to be punished," Lilo explained in monotone.
"Call me next time you're left here alone."
"Yep," was all Lilo answered, focused on the jar.
"In case you're wondering," Cobra Bubbles turned to Nani, "this did not go well. You have three days to change my mind."
He ripped open the door, nails and all, then left.
It had not been a good day for her at school. She had been sent to detention six times, plus lunch detention. Her older sister (and guardian) Nani was not going to be very happy when the school called.
"And that stupid social worker is coming today!" Lohi grabbed the door and harshly turned the knob. The door was locked.
The door was never locked, unless Nani wasn't home. But Nani had to be home. Heartbreak Hotel was playing in the background, and only Lilo, Lohi's little sister, listened to Elvis.
Not bothering to squeeze through the dog door, Lohi climbed in through her bedroom window, as she had often done in the past.
"Where's Nani?" she called, walking down the stairs.
Lilo, who was lying lifelessly on the floor, said nothing.
"Yeah, I had a bad day too. Listen, when Nani gets home, tell her I went to a basketball game, okay?"
"Yep."
"And tell her I ate dinner, too."
Lohi walked into the kitchen, only to see black smoke coming out of various pots. "Does Nani know the stove's on?" she called, turning it off.
Absentmindedly, she grabbed an apple, and began to walk back up the stairs to her room, but stopped half-way up. "Nani left you home alone?"
"Lilo! Open the door, Lilo!"
"Go away."
"Oh. She didn't," Lohi commented, half to herself, but completely amused. She hid just far enough away from the stairs to see but not be seen.
"Lilo! We don't have time for this!" Nani's head appeared through the dog door.
"Leave me alone to die."
"C'mon, Lilo! The social worker's gonna be here any minute!" Nani unlocked the door, only to find that Lilo had nailed the door shut. Luckily, Lilo had left the hammer nearby.
"Lilo! Ooh! You are so finished when I get in there!" Nani said, pulling nails out of the door. "I'm gonna stuff you in the blender, push puree, then bake you into a pie and feed it to the social worker!"
Lohi smiled. Nani had certainly inherited Dad's temper.
". . . And when he says 'Mmm! This is great! What's your secret?' I'm gonna say . . . 'Love . . . and nurturing.'"
Lohi couldn't help but laugh. What a moment for the social worker to show up!
Nani's voice continued from outside. "You must be the, uh . . ."
"The 'stupidhead,'" a deep voice answered.
"Oh! Oh," Nani said. "Oh, you know, I'm really sorry about that. And If I'd known who you were, of course I never would've, uh . . . I can pay for that."
Lohi smiled again, wondering what her sister had ruined now.
"It's a rental. Are you the guardian in question?"
"Yes. I'm Nani," she said, pronouncing in almost as if he was stupid, but not quite. "Nice to meet you, Mr. . . .?"
"Bubbles."
"Mr. Bubbles," Nani repeated, sounding unsure. "That's a strange-"
"Yes, I know," the social worker replied quickly. "Are you going to invite me in, Nani?"
"Uh, I thought we could sit out here and talk."
"I don't think so."
"Right," Nani said quietly. "Uh, this way."
"Lohi is lots quieter when she breaks into the house," Lilo told Nani as she ran by.
Nani just turned off her music, and the record scratched.
"Hey!"
But Nani kept running to the back door. "So," she panted. "Lemonade?"
Lohi moved a bit closer to the kitchen, even though she was risking being seen.
"Do you often leave your sister home alone?"
"No! Never!" Nani spotted a picture Lilo had drawn and just hung up on the fridge. "Well, except for just now," she finished nervously, crinkling up the paper behind her back. "I had to run to the store to get some . . ."
"Lohi found that on when she got home," Lilo said, meaning the stove that the social worker was eyeing.
"Lilo! There you are! Honeyface, this is Mr. Bubbles," she hesitated a little, still certain she had gotten the name wrong.
He held out his hand, but Lilo just stared at it, moving her head to one side. "Your knuckles say Cobra."
He knelt down to her size. "Cobra Bubbles. You don't look like a social worker."
Nani looked straight at Lohi. "Aw!" she muttered, and retreated up to her room where she could still hide.
"Lohi! I know you're up here!"
"Am not!" Lohi answered under her breath.
"This is Mr. Bubbles, the social worker," Nani said to the room.
"He doesn't look much like a social worker," Lohi replied, not looking up from the picture she was drawing.
"Special classification," Cobra said, looking around, obviously not knowing where Lohi was. That was how Lohi liked it.
"You ever kill anyone?" she asked, using her finger to color in Lilo's hair.
Nani groaned quietly, making Lohi smile again. Mom had always said that she and Lilo were so much alike . . .
"Are you happy?" he asked.
Lohi then came out from under the bed, moving so she was sitting on top of it. She followed only two rules in life: Suspect anyone and everyone, and get rid of social workers fast.
So she just repeated what Lilo was supposed to say as fast as she could:
"Imadjustedieatfourfoodgroupslookbothwaysbeforecrossingthestreettakelongnaps and-"
"Excuse me?"
Lohi sighed dramatically. "I'm adjusted. I eat three square meals a day, do my homework, and look both ways before crossing the street. Well, it's true, Nani. I do."
Lohi watched Cobra Bubbles' face carefully to see his reaction. He had noticed that was she and Lilo said was almost identically, but wasn't saying anything.
"Does Nani punish Lilo?" he asked.
"Of course," Lohi answered, still watching him.
"How often?"
Nani was waving a hand in the background.
"Sometimes five times a day," Lohi said, smiling to herself while Nani buried her head in her hands.
"How?"
"Well, uh, with bricks," Lohi said. "In a pillowcase."
Nani groaned, and Lohi suddenly got the feeling that Lilo had said the same thing.
Then they left her room. But they didn't move far, and Lohi could still hear them talking.
"Let me illuminate to you the precarious situation in which you have found yourself. I'm the one they call when things go wrong. And things have indeed gone wrong."
Lohi crept out of her room to see the end of the meeting. Lilo was sitting on the floor, next to her Practical Voodoo book, with four spoons wearing grass skirts. She scooped them up and put them an old pickle jar and shook it vigorously.
"My friends need to be punished," Lilo explained in monotone.
"Call me next time you're left here alone."
"Yep," was all Lilo answered, focused on the jar.
"In case you're wondering," Cobra Bubbles turned to Nani, "this did not go well. You have three days to change my mind."
He ripped open the door, nails and all, then left.