use me, rated pg-13. kanae-centric (garbage challenge). post-series. 529 words.
(your arms look so powerful when they hold me down)
The apple tasted like the worms I couldn't see, but knew were wriggling through it all the same. Apples are all filled with worms these days, after all. I can't stand them, but my mother keeps bringing them to me all the same. I think maybe it's because she believes that I'm making it all up, that if I am forced to eat the apples I'll know that the worms are all just in my imagination and that I should stop making up such wild, stupid stories.
She doesn't know that the worms are real, that I am glad I can still taste them even if they make this weak body sick because it reminds me of the world I know exists beyond the borders of this one.
I've only been here a few weeks now but I know that I'll be here for much longer. They don't know what to do with me, after all. Me, the pretty girl who is so quiet and so docile until its night-time…and then I am the girl who walks the corridors and laughs and cries and wails that the sky is falling, a demented Chicken Little.
The sky is falling, though. Like the apples my mother brings me that I can't see are filled with worms until I bite into them, I can't see that the sky is falling until it's night and all the holes are revealed. They're not stars, after all. I used to think they were, but I know now that they're just the beginnings of cracks, the cracks that will grow and grow and let the sky fall down on all of us one day. One day soon.
He taught me that, you know. Both things, that apples are filled with worms and that the stars in the sky are just holes like eyes. I used to be engaged to him, but I'm not anymore. He probably would have broken the engagement anyway, after I came here, but he turned away from me even before my mother had me brought to this sterile white room where the only colours are the red apples she always brings me and the blue sky seen through the mesh window. I wish he hadn't turned away from me.
He used me, I know that. He never loved me, he just used me for some reason that I don't know even now. I don't care, though. He made me feel real, because he showed me the way that the world really is...pretty surfaces with ugly depths, all just waiting to fall apart and be remade.
I want him to remake me.
She could have been something, they say. Such a pretty girl, with such a bright future ahead of her…but I don't see a future, not anymore. I just see apples filled with worms and the sky cracking like an old mirror and all I can do is laugh. Laugh and laugh because no man wants me now, not in this state…and even in this state it doesn't matter because there's only one man that I want anyway.
I want him to use me. At least then maybe I'd feel real again.