"Carter?"
I look at him; he's staring out of the window yet again.
"It's nothing," he says
"It has to be something, why would you say?" I state
He sighs and looks me in the eye
"In Africa..."
"Yeah..."
"It was after a long day we finally had a lull in all the patients and Gillian said that I could have a break"
I remain silent...what the hell could this be? Why is my stomach doing flip-flops?
"So I went out to the river...there was one just where we were you see..."
"And..and...Kirsty came out to talk, it was her break too"
Oh.... no....don't let this end up how I think.
"We were both going on about how bad the day has been etc etc"
"Who's Kirsty?" I ask, I need to know.
"Um...she's another doctor, but she's from England" He adds like that's going to make this any better
"And..." He pauses taking a sip of his drink
"Well, She had been, I don't know.... I think she liked me then.... well.... we were both feeling pretty crap...."
I lean my head on my hand, still looking at him with, hopefully a blank expression on my face.
"You want to hear this?" His voice breaks
"I think I need too" I reply quietly
"Okay, well one thing lead to another.... and...." He shrugs
"It's okay I get it" I reply again quietly a whisper
"It's okay really that you know, you go away thinking that well, we've basically spilt up and you go find another single female do you?" I mean you don't even wait five minutes"
"It's not like oh 'lets not worry my still hanging-on-the-edge-girlfriend won't mind" I say sarcastically my voice raising
"But Abby, I've been honest with you"
"And you think that's okay do you?"
"No but, Abby, it was a spur of the moment thing, it meant nothing, nothing at all."
"It meant nothing did it? What just like this relationship has been to you"
"Don't you dare say that Abby this relationship has been the best thing that's ever happened to me"
"Well you've done so well in showing it, by screwing some English girl, who just happened to fancy you" I spit
I grab my coat and prepare to leave I can't take much more of this.
"Abby, don't go, can't we just sort this out?"
"I think we have" I say calmly as possible, I'm going to lose my head in front of a growing audience.
"Screw all what I have just said to you about, wanting to get back with you in the future, because as sure as hell, I've changed my mind"
"Abby?"
And with that I leave as quickly as I can. Things can't get much worse than this.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*
Look at me now Just sitting here by myself And I think you found someone else No more have to find A way to put the bottle down And why can't you see That I'm drowning in a puddle of misery
So here I am I wanna be by myself And I think you're fucking someone else now i'm gonna have to find a way To take the knife out of my back And how could you leave me Stranded in a closet full of bones
I'm always afraid That you're gone Away from me I'm always afraid That you're lost in somebody I'm always afraid That you're gone Away from me I'm always afraid That you're lost
Maybe you could let me stay Maybe just for one more day You could help me stay the same Maybe things won't ever change Maybe we could taste the rain You could push me out the way
Now I sit here by myself Think about somebody else How could you let them take you away from me There's somebody else There's somebody else
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*
I told Susan, two days later, beacuse I took two days off sick, mainly yeah, I couldn't bare to see Carter again and I was felling pretty crap because of a certain 'thing' he managed to give me and I haven't told him about the baby yet. It's really gonna hit him like a tonn of bricks.
Anyway, Susan again, god she is such a great friend, let me cry on her shoulder and scream swear and rip Carter to the ground that day. I really don't know what I'd do without her. But she's not treating carter the same, well at least she still speaks to him unlike me. But he's just carrying on with his life as though nothings happened. Although Sus told me that the other day he was busy looking at me when we both we were on opposite sides of admit, me talking to Chuny and him doing nothing I suppose.
But the thing is that all of that happened a week ago, but this weekend on the Saturday, this happened...
"Abby"
"Hey Susan" I smile genuinely today; I'm in a relatively good mood.
"Um shall I put your coat away, um I think Haleh wanted you in exam one..." she looks kinda worried
"No its okay Haleh can wait two minutes can't she?"
"Well actually no she can't"
"Sus..." I push past her and head to the lounge
"Abby" she says warningly as I put my hand on the door
"What" I sigh
"Don't go in there"
"Oh come on Susan that's lame" I laugh opening the door
"Yeah but ab..."
"Wh....what?! Carter!?" I nearly yell but my voice raises at least an octave.
There he is in the arms of none other than.............Kirsty. Her head is facing the lockers whereas his is right at me.
"Oh..Um hi" he stutters breaking free of Kirsty's death grip.
"Hello Carter" I emphasise his second name.
She turns around and smiles at both Susan and me.
"John?" She asks in her perfect well-spoken British accent...John? Her just saying his first name just makes me want to go and scream at her.
"Um yeah, this is Abby..."
"Oh.... this is Abby.... hello" She says as if I'm something bad on her shoe
I catch carter looking at me.
"Hi" I say forcefully
"And Susan"
"Hello" She says nicely
We all stand in complete silence. So I decide I'm going to leave.
"Nice meeting you Kirsty, make the most of your stay here, it may not last very long" I say as sarcastically as I can and shooting Carter the most 'Screw -you' look as I can manage at the moment, and storm out of the room, Susan on my heel.
"Abby?" she calls after me, I heading straight for the exit
"Susan, he can have her...I don't care"
At this moment, and I don't notice this, Carter comes out of the lounge, Kirsty following, they are both watching me yelling at Susan, who I think has noticed them too.
"Abby" I think she was gonna tell me they were there
"No.really.... I might never get over this, but I know there isn't a hope in hell of us ever getting back together. Okay, just leave me right now because if he even bothers speaking to me ever ever again, I swear I will leave county, I'm not joking, I am being entirely serious.
And then I leave. I'm amazing at that aren't I?!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~* So you're with her And not with me I hope she's sweet And so pretty
So you're with her And not with me Oh how lucky one man can be
Now how do you feel? When you see her sweet smile baby Don't think of me When she lays in your warm arms Don't think of me
And it's too late and too bad
Don't think of me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*
That was then, this is now, Monday. My life is never boring is it? I wish sometimes I was normal and that I didn't have to put up with the other half, etc etc. But hey that's not meant to be huh?
Today I'm going to go to work and not let it bother me, and this time I really mean it. Another reason is I'm having my first scan today...something to look forward too. I want to see my little baby. It's so weird, I mean me having a baby...but I think I'm enjoying it so far though apart from being ill, but hey I'm not gonna complain.
I get into work a little earlier today. I checked the schedules and discovered that he's not on till midday and I'm on at eleven. So I'm getting Susan to do the scan for me in complete safety!
"You ready?" she asks me as I walk up to admit
"As ready as I'll ever be" I smile
"Look abs, Carters not in till later okay so don't worry yourself, let's go see Lil' baby Lockhart!"
Okay why did I notice she used 'Lockhart' not Carter? I push that thought to the back of my mind.
We head into an empty exam room and pull all the blinds. We bathed in darkness until Susan switches on a small lamp. She then pull up the ultrasound and turns it on. She pulls up a stool and sits down all ready, but I'm standing at the counter.
"Ab?"
"Yeah?"
"You okay?"
"Yeah just fine" I sigh turning around
"You ready for this?"
"Yes...yes I am" I say going and lying on the gurney.
I pull up my baggy tee and Susan puts the ice-cold gel on my slightly protruding belly.
"Shoot, that's cold! I giggle"
"Yeah sorry about that" She smiles
She then positions the scanning part on my stomach and moves it around trying to find a picture.
"Aww" she gasps
"What?" I ask I'm facing the ceiling, my eyes closed. I want a surprise.
"Look"
I turn my head, my eyes still closed. I open them one at a time revealing the most beautiful picture I have ever seen.
"My baby" I whisper
"Yea" She whispers back
"Oh my gosh" I say
"Look at the tiny little arms and legs," she points to the screen
"Yea" All I can do is whisper
"Wait a minute." She says. She fiddles around; pressing button and things and suddenly the sound of a tiny heart beating fills the room.
"Listen to that" I exclaim
"Isn't it wonderful?"
I remain silent staring at the tiny human in my body; there are no words to describe how beautiful and moving this moment is. I'm seeing my baby for the first time.
"You want to know the sex?" Susan interrupts the sound of the heartbeat
"No" I say
"I want a surprise"
"Okay"
"Everything seems fine," she says doing all her doctoral things she has to do
"Good" I say
Minutes pass and in the end reluctantly she has to switch the machine off.
"See you soon baby" I say touching the screen
"In two months time, that's your next scan" She says But I'm not really listening, this is all too awe inspiring for me.
"Your photo's and things. She says after handing me a couple of tissues to clean my stomach and waking me from deep thought.
"Thanks" I reply taking the small folder
"You excited?"
"Definitely"
"It's hard to believe that a tiny baby growing inside of me will eventually be born"
"That's a freak of nature"
"What? Me or me having a baby?" I laugh
"Nooo! I meant actually having a baby is kinda scary you know"
"You think so, just try stepping in my shoes" I smile getting up off the gurney
"No thanks"
"Oh well, just a few more months" I sigh
"Don't you worry about it, if noone else is there for you I sure as hell will be, but I know someone will be there when this baby is born." She states
"You're trying to imply something...?"
"No just telling you" She smiles cheekily
"Anyway, I better go and start my shift otherwise I'll have Romano getting at me." I smile
"Thanks Sus"
"Anytime!"
We pull the blinds back to normal and I say my goodbyes and she carries on tidying the room. I leave opening the door, into the ER. I make my way thought he hallways and bustling people and suddenly I'm knocked by a person rushing to get somewhere.
"God I'm sorry" He says my file of scan photos and information has scattered all over the floor
I bend down to pick them up, not looking at this person, I can tell he's a doctor, but I'm too busy lost in my thoughts to see who it is.
He too bends down and helps me pick up the papers. I'm missing one scan picture. Oh crap where's it gone? I notice this doctor has stood up straight. I do the same brushing my hair out of my eyes with my hand. When I stand completely upright I look at this person, holding the lost scan picture.
"Abby?" he looks at me questionly
"Carter...um...yea...can I have that back?" I ask lamely..... Oh now I'm in for it.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxx
Review guys!!!! I love ya for it!!!!!!!!
I look at him; he's staring out of the window yet again.
"It's nothing," he says
"It has to be something, why would you say?" I state
He sighs and looks me in the eye
"In Africa..."
"Yeah..."
"It was after a long day we finally had a lull in all the patients and Gillian said that I could have a break"
I remain silent...what the hell could this be? Why is my stomach doing flip-flops?
"So I went out to the river...there was one just where we were you see..."
"And..and...Kirsty came out to talk, it was her break too"
Oh.... no....don't let this end up how I think.
"We were both going on about how bad the day has been etc etc"
"Who's Kirsty?" I ask, I need to know.
"Um...she's another doctor, but she's from England" He adds like that's going to make this any better
"And..." He pauses taking a sip of his drink
"Well, She had been, I don't know.... I think she liked me then.... well.... we were both feeling pretty crap...."
I lean my head on my hand, still looking at him with, hopefully a blank expression on my face.
"You want to hear this?" His voice breaks
"I think I need too" I reply quietly
"Okay, well one thing lead to another.... and...." He shrugs
"It's okay I get it" I reply again quietly a whisper
"It's okay really that you know, you go away thinking that well, we've basically spilt up and you go find another single female do you?" I mean you don't even wait five minutes"
"It's not like oh 'lets not worry my still hanging-on-the-edge-girlfriend won't mind" I say sarcastically my voice raising
"But Abby, I've been honest with you"
"And you think that's okay do you?"
"No but, Abby, it was a spur of the moment thing, it meant nothing, nothing at all."
"It meant nothing did it? What just like this relationship has been to you"
"Don't you dare say that Abby this relationship has been the best thing that's ever happened to me"
"Well you've done so well in showing it, by screwing some English girl, who just happened to fancy you" I spit
I grab my coat and prepare to leave I can't take much more of this.
"Abby, don't go, can't we just sort this out?"
"I think we have" I say calmly as possible, I'm going to lose my head in front of a growing audience.
"Screw all what I have just said to you about, wanting to get back with you in the future, because as sure as hell, I've changed my mind"
"Abby?"
And with that I leave as quickly as I can. Things can't get much worse than this.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*
Look at me now Just sitting here by myself And I think you found someone else No more have to find A way to put the bottle down And why can't you see That I'm drowning in a puddle of misery
So here I am I wanna be by myself And I think you're fucking someone else now i'm gonna have to find a way To take the knife out of my back And how could you leave me Stranded in a closet full of bones
I'm always afraid That you're gone Away from me I'm always afraid That you're lost in somebody I'm always afraid That you're gone Away from me I'm always afraid That you're lost
Maybe you could let me stay Maybe just for one more day You could help me stay the same Maybe things won't ever change Maybe we could taste the rain You could push me out the way
Now I sit here by myself Think about somebody else How could you let them take you away from me There's somebody else There's somebody else
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*
I told Susan, two days later, beacuse I took two days off sick, mainly yeah, I couldn't bare to see Carter again and I was felling pretty crap because of a certain 'thing' he managed to give me and I haven't told him about the baby yet. It's really gonna hit him like a tonn of bricks.
Anyway, Susan again, god she is such a great friend, let me cry on her shoulder and scream swear and rip Carter to the ground that day. I really don't know what I'd do without her. But she's not treating carter the same, well at least she still speaks to him unlike me. But he's just carrying on with his life as though nothings happened. Although Sus told me that the other day he was busy looking at me when we both we were on opposite sides of admit, me talking to Chuny and him doing nothing I suppose.
But the thing is that all of that happened a week ago, but this weekend on the Saturday, this happened...
"Abby"
"Hey Susan" I smile genuinely today; I'm in a relatively good mood.
"Um shall I put your coat away, um I think Haleh wanted you in exam one..." she looks kinda worried
"No its okay Haleh can wait two minutes can't she?"
"Well actually no she can't"
"Sus..." I push past her and head to the lounge
"Abby" she says warningly as I put my hand on the door
"What" I sigh
"Don't go in there"
"Oh come on Susan that's lame" I laugh opening the door
"Yeah but ab..."
"Wh....what?! Carter!?" I nearly yell but my voice raises at least an octave.
There he is in the arms of none other than.............Kirsty. Her head is facing the lockers whereas his is right at me.
"Oh..Um hi" he stutters breaking free of Kirsty's death grip.
"Hello Carter" I emphasise his second name.
She turns around and smiles at both Susan and me.
"John?" She asks in her perfect well-spoken British accent...John? Her just saying his first name just makes me want to go and scream at her.
"Um yeah, this is Abby..."
"Oh.... this is Abby.... hello" She says as if I'm something bad on her shoe
I catch carter looking at me.
"Hi" I say forcefully
"And Susan"
"Hello" She says nicely
We all stand in complete silence. So I decide I'm going to leave.
"Nice meeting you Kirsty, make the most of your stay here, it may not last very long" I say as sarcastically as I can and shooting Carter the most 'Screw -you' look as I can manage at the moment, and storm out of the room, Susan on my heel.
"Abby?" she calls after me, I heading straight for the exit
"Susan, he can have her...I don't care"
At this moment, and I don't notice this, Carter comes out of the lounge, Kirsty following, they are both watching me yelling at Susan, who I think has noticed them too.
"Abby" I think she was gonna tell me they were there
"No.really.... I might never get over this, but I know there isn't a hope in hell of us ever getting back together. Okay, just leave me right now because if he even bothers speaking to me ever ever again, I swear I will leave county, I'm not joking, I am being entirely serious.
And then I leave. I'm amazing at that aren't I?!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~* So you're with her And not with me I hope she's sweet And so pretty
So you're with her And not with me Oh how lucky one man can be
Now how do you feel? When you see her sweet smile baby Don't think of me When she lays in your warm arms Don't think of me
And it's too late and too bad
Don't think of me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*
That was then, this is now, Monday. My life is never boring is it? I wish sometimes I was normal and that I didn't have to put up with the other half, etc etc. But hey that's not meant to be huh?
Today I'm going to go to work and not let it bother me, and this time I really mean it. Another reason is I'm having my first scan today...something to look forward too. I want to see my little baby. It's so weird, I mean me having a baby...but I think I'm enjoying it so far though apart from being ill, but hey I'm not gonna complain.
I get into work a little earlier today. I checked the schedules and discovered that he's not on till midday and I'm on at eleven. So I'm getting Susan to do the scan for me in complete safety!
"You ready?" she asks me as I walk up to admit
"As ready as I'll ever be" I smile
"Look abs, Carters not in till later okay so don't worry yourself, let's go see Lil' baby Lockhart!"
Okay why did I notice she used 'Lockhart' not Carter? I push that thought to the back of my mind.
We head into an empty exam room and pull all the blinds. We bathed in darkness until Susan switches on a small lamp. She then pull up the ultrasound and turns it on. She pulls up a stool and sits down all ready, but I'm standing at the counter.
"Ab?"
"Yeah?"
"You okay?"
"Yeah just fine" I sigh turning around
"You ready for this?"
"Yes...yes I am" I say going and lying on the gurney.
I pull up my baggy tee and Susan puts the ice-cold gel on my slightly protruding belly.
"Shoot, that's cold! I giggle"
"Yeah sorry about that" She smiles
She then positions the scanning part on my stomach and moves it around trying to find a picture.
"Aww" she gasps
"What?" I ask I'm facing the ceiling, my eyes closed. I want a surprise.
"Look"
I turn my head, my eyes still closed. I open them one at a time revealing the most beautiful picture I have ever seen.
"My baby" I whisper
"Yea" She whispers back
"Oh my gosh" I say
"Look at the tiny little arms and legs," she points to the screen
"Yea" All I can do is whisper
"Wait a minute." She says. She fiddles around; pressing button and things and suddenly the sound of a tiny heart beating fills the room.
"Listen to that" I exclaim
"Isn't it wonderful?"
I remain silent staring at the tiny human in my body; there are no words to describe how beautiful and moving this moment is. I'm seeing my baby for the first time.
"You want to know the sex?" Susan interrupts the sound of the heartbeat
"No" I say
"I want a surprise"
"Okay"
"Everything seems fine," she says doing all her doctoral things she has to do
"Good" I say
Minutes pass and in the end reluctantly she has to switch the machine off.
"See you soon baby" I say touching the screen
"In two months time, that's your next scan" She says But I'm not really listening, this is all too awe inspiring for me.
"Your photo's and things. She says after handing me a couple of tissues to clean my stomach and waking me from deep thought.
"Thanks" I reply taking the small folder
"You excited?"
"Definitely"
"It's hard to believe that a tiny baby growing inside of me will eventually be born"
"That's a freak of nature"
"What? Me or me having a baby?" I laugh
"Nooo! I meant actually having a baby is kinda scary you know"
"You think so, just try stepping in my shoes" I smile getting up off the gurney
"No thanks"
"Oh well, just a few more months" I sigh
"Don't you worry about it, if noone else is there for you I sure as hell will be, but I know someone will be there when this baby is born." She states
"You're trying to imply something...?"
"No just telling you" She smiles cheekily
"Anyway, I better go and start my shift otherwise I'll have Romano getting at me." I smile
"Thanks Sus"
"Anytime!"
We pull the blinds back to normal and I say my goodbyes and she carries on tidying the room. I leave opening the door, into the ER. I make my way thought he hallways and bustling people and suddenly I'm knocked by a person rushing to get somewhere.
"God I'm sorry" He says my file of scan photos and information has scattered all over the floor
I bend down to pick them up, not looking at this person, I can tell he's a doctor, but I'm too busy lost in my thoughts to see who it is.
He too bends down and helps me pick up the papers. I'm missing one scan picture. Oh crap where's it gone? I notice this doctor has stood up straight. I do the same brushing my hair out of my eyes with my hand. When I stand completely upright I look at this person, holding the lost scan picture.
"Abby?" he looks at me questionly
"Carter...um...yea...can I have that back?" I ask lamely..... Oh now I'm in for it.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxx
Review guys!!!! I love ya for it!!!!!!!!