Standing with your spotlight on me,
Not enough to feed the hungry,
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now...
In this sea of lonely,
The taste of ink is getting old,
It's four o'clock in the fucking morning,
Each day gets more and more like the last day...
Still I can see it coming,
While I'm standing in the river drowning,
This could be my chance to break out,
This could be my chance to say goodbye...
At last it's finally over,
Couldn't take this town much longer,
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be,
Now I'm ready to be free!!
So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this...
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this...
-- from 'The Used - The Taste Of Ink'
---
Todd carried his bag over his shoulder with a sullen and sad look on his face. The lengthening shadows framed the relatively small boy in a sheen of golden sun. His mind seemed almost lost but almost found as he walked the distance from the Brotherhood house to the X-Mansion. Todd liked being on his alone again, even as much as he feared going into the danger room and fighting with the new recruits and dealing with Scott...
Todd could feel the almost unbearable sadness in his heart begin to rise and float a little away from the raw surface of his heart. For th first time in a long time, he was able to look at the world and not see everything as blackness. He could see the other side of the tunnel...and it looked so fucking good. He didn't delude himself, however. Todd pondered the many hard roads he'd have to cross as a member of the X-Men now as he saw the distance to the Mansion grow smaller and smaller. He knew gaining their trust was going to be easily the most difficult of tasks, not to mention the thinking he was doing about getting his underacheving self into shape. Todd realized he wanted to remake himself from the ground up and the realization of this fact made him stop and look at himself in a plate glass window for a long moment. He saw the old Toad, bitter, twisted, confused and angry. He hoped he never had to look at that side of himself ever again...but he also knew that he could not, he dared not forget the struggles that he had gone through to get himself on the other side. He had to remember.
Todd touched the glass softly and gave his old self one last look. It was hard...but then leaving an old friend is always hard. Todd knew this most of all. He hefted his bag back onto his back and continued his solitary journey to the mansion. Soon he reached the gate and hopped over them with considerable ease. He proceeded to the front pathway but was cut off by a streaking Kitty Pryde, who seemed to be more then a little out of breath. Todd watched her run and quickly surmised that all was not well with the brown haired mutant.
"Todd! Todd! You came back!" Kitty exclaimed as she gave Todd the biggest hug she could given her current condition. Todd blinked and hesitated for just a moment before tentatively hugging Kitty back. "You decided to come back! I'm, like, so glad!"
"Um, Kitty, did someone give you something to make you go out of yourself?" Todd asked as he peeled himself from Kitty's grasp, regretting that he did so even as he did but knowing it was the right thing...for the moment.
"No, Todd, I'm just glad you came back. Now we'll be able to finish our conversation! We kind of got interrupted this morning," Kitty said, her eyes unusually bright and shining. She seemed as if she had magically reverted to an age when she could hug boys like that and not feel like she was trying to hit on them. Todd liked Kitty like this; she seemed like the sweet loving younger sister he never got the chance to have. He hoped it wasn't a phase. "I mean, like, you're the first person I've been able to just talk to in the house for a long time and not feel like someone was making me out to be some kind of an idiot."
"I really made you feel like that?"
"Yeah! Todd, you might not have known it...but I did see more of the side you like to hide," Kitty said, a now smug smile crossing her lips. Todd's confused look more then gave her the courage and the confidence to go on, two things she never truly had in spades despite all her claims to the contrary.
"What side do you mean, Kitty?"
"The sweet side. The side that releases birds caught by Duncan and his asshole friends. The side that sits and watches over the flowers on the west side of the school so they don't get picked by horny boys trying to get their way into their dates pants," Kitty said softly earning a deep rosy blush from Todd's cheeks in recognition of the words she was speaking. Kitty had, in the interim of the day, realized now why she had wanted to have Todd rejoin the X-Men for the first time. Kitty Pryde was a developer of people and in Todd she saw someone beautiful inside a wrapping paper shell of ugly. She wanted the beautiful young man she knew was inside of that shell, much as she wanted the beautiful boy that was once inside of Lance. Kitty smiled and stepped into Todd's personal space again, touching his cheek softly. Todd nuzzled his cheek against her hand and stared at her for a long moment.
"You've seen me do all that?" Todd asked softly, not really comprehending that someone might actually appreciate the side of him that wasn't, by nature, an asshole. Kitty nodded and Todd looked off into the distance for a moment. Then he smiled softly and shook his head. "You really are a sneaky girl, you know that?"
"Like, yeah," Kitty replied with a big smile, drawing out the final syllables of the word with exxagerated silliness. Todd laughed a little and put his bag down.
"Well, I'm here. Now what, yo?" Todd asked.
"We get to go inside and watch Scott go ballistic on first sight of you as the newest member of the X-Men. Like, Kurt really, really needs to stop gossiping so much," Kitty said with a wry smile. Todd cocked his head slightly and looked at Kitty with a puzzled expression.
"Scott and Kurt know I was thinking about joining? How? Did you tell them, yo?" Todd asked, his face just slightly beginning to shade over. Kitty touched Todd's hands and smiled softly.
"No, I didn't, Todd. Kurt happened to overhear us earlier today when we went on our walk and one thing lead to another. Before long, the entire house knew that you were thinking of joining. Despite Jean and Scott bitching about your smell, the entire house seemed to be ok with you joining. Storm had a lot to do with that," Kitty said, her face relieved and soft. Todd relaxed a little and picked his bag back up.
"Lead on, Kitty," Todd said as he started walking to the main door. Kitty followed and soon they were in a surprisingly deep conversation as to why Todd tended to smell so much. They reached the door and walked in. Storm and Professor Xavier were there waiting for them. "Welcome to the Mansion, Todd." Professor Xavier said. "I see you've made a decision."
"Yeah. I'm an X-Man now, I guess." Todd smiled sheepishly and flashed the awesome brilliance in his face that he had been hiding for so long. "Feels kinda weird being here without malicious intent, yo."
"Well I can't speak for everyone here...but I'm glad you're here, Todd," Storm said gently. Charles nodded and gestured to Kitty. "Will you show Todd to his new room?"
"Sure, Professor. Where will he be in?"
"He'll be in Room 5 on the main floor." Charles wheeled off with a nod at Todd and the newest X-Men was left with Storm and Kitty, the house echoing with subtle yells from deep inside. Todd looked around, obviously trying to get use to the new place he was in. Storm smiled at Todd and moved closer.
"Todd, how long will you be staying?" She asked.
"As long as Logan doesn't kill me. I'm mad scared of him, yo."
"You don't have to be scared of me. Just respect that my word is law around here," Logan said as he appeared from a side hallway. Todd nearly hopped onto a nearby wall but his arm was held by Kitty who could see the fear in his eyes. "I'm not nearly as mean as everyone makes me out to be," He said with a wry grin. Storm rolled her eyes and sighed as she Todd trying to escape Logan's gaze by any means necessary.
"Logan, must you scare the boy on his first day?"
"Well it's not like he's going to take long to know. Eventually Scott's gonna come home from his 'walk' and then it'll be fun to watch these two go at it," Logan replied, chuckling to himself slightly. Todd stopped his squirming and looked dead level at Logan.
"What do you mean, yo?"
"Kid, to put it baldly, Scott doesn't want you here. He's gotten rather full of himself, in recent days," Logan remarked, "And since he and Jean have gotten together, they seem to be sucking the life out of the house as a whole. Both of them hate Lance and Pietro, for obvious reasons, and since they have some clout here, it was funny to watch them flip out when they found out you might be joining us."
"Like, that's awful!" Kitty exclaimed softly.
"Sure it is. But I can't really blame them for being cautious. I just think they need to go off and get laid or something. They're very tense, those two." At that Storm smacked Logan in the head and looked at him sternly. Logan just grinned and shook his head. "But the rest of the house is eager for you to join. If you can call Kurt nearly ready to pull his hair out eager."
"Fuzzy and I have had issues but we'll work out our differences," Todd said, his voice still a little bit shaky. "It's not like I hate him or anything...we're just rivals."
"Whatever. I just want you to know that while you're here, you'll be expected to do three things: Go to class regularly, do chores around here, and go to training sessions with the main team. We're going to ease you in gradually but soon you'll be running a session a day like everyone else. Which reminds me, where were you during session today, half-pint?" Logan asked, looking at Kitty.
"The Professor said I could do a solo session today since I was helping Amara put out that fire that started in rec room 3," Kitty said, "And I plan to do my session in about an hour. Can I show Todd what I do as a bit of a primer?"
"Well...alright. Get him settled in and then do your session. I don't want you slacking off just cause that little firecracker can't control herself sometimes." Logan grumbled and walked off. Todd watched him go and sighed.
"He's...different then before, yo."
"As well he should be, Todd," Storm said with her eyes giving Logan a bit of a wry glare. "You've only seen him on the battlefield. But at home, he's much less tense and rageful. Not nearly enough to make him calm...but still. He's also been getting much more towards his age as of late, which concerns me...dirty pervert..." Storm muttered as she saw both kids giggling slightly. "Anyway, Todd, have Kitty show you your room then I'll give you something to eat if you like. Dinner won't be on for a while and I know you're probably hungry."
"Actually, I just kind of want to get to my room and take a shower, yo. It's been a long day," Todd replied. Storm smiled and nodded.
"Well when you want to come talk, I'll be in the kitchen. It's Rahne's night to cook so she and I will be doing a dish from my homeland tonight." At that she left and Kitty and Todd were once again, alone. Kitty looked at Todd and Todd smiled back at her nervously.
"So...you gonna show me my room now or what?"
"Sure. Follow me." Kitty tugged on Todd's arms and the two of them went off into the mansion's inner workings. Soon they got to the upper rooms where the students lived. Kitty stopped at the end of the hall at room 5 and opened the door. The room was small, as it was a single, but spacious. A desk and a full sized bed were in the middle of the room and a large closet sat on the other side. All in all, a room for a student. Todd put his bag down and turned around to look at Kitty.
"Well...before I go off and take a shower...um..."
"Yes, Todd?" Kitty chirped brightly, showing off the brilliant smile that SHE possessed. Todd gulped and looked down for a moment.
"Um...Well, I...Fuck it!" At that he leaned over and kissed Kitty on the cheek. She smiled and hugged him close to her, surprising him a little but he didn't stop kissing her. She kissed him back and soon their lips met for the first time. It was a short kiss to be sure but it was their first real kiss and they both liked it so much that they didn't want to let go. Todd finally pulled back and smiled at her, now chock full of confidence. "Thanks for letting me know that I'm not as ugly as everyone says I am. Both inside and out, yo."
"It's my pleasure, Todd. And you're not."
"Not what?"
"...ugly..." At that Kitty finally got the worst of her embarassment and ran from the room, blushing furiously as the impact of what she had done finally came to her senses. Todd watched after her and sighed, a smile on his face. For once he didn't feel like celebrating loudly; all he wanted to do was smile and smile and smile. After a moment, he turned to his bags and began to unpack.
***Mystique walked up the main path to the Brotherhood mansion after a long day of life on the edge of sanity to see her entire team minus Todd sitting in the living room, looking surprisingly sad and serious. Her eyes quickly scanned the scene and she wondered what was going on. "Lance? What's going on?"
"Todd's gone, Mystique," Lance muttered darkly. Lance looked down at the table in the middle of the room and frowned deeply. Beside him, Wanda just seemed to have a lost look on her face, much unlike her normal self. Pietro seemed the least affected by this, Mystique saw, as he sat in a chair near the doorway with a smug expression on his face. Fred, however, looked like he was going to cry and weep at the first bad word. He stood against the wall and looked out the window sadly and silently.
"Gone where?"
"He's left the house for good, Mystique. He's joined the X-Men. He's left us and we want him back."
"Speak for yourself, Lance," Pietro said dismissively. "I say, let the X-Geeks have him. He annoyed the piss out of me way too much. And he never got me my bean sprouts."
"Pietro...I'm about this fucking close to kicking your ass if you don't shut up. Don't you have any fucing loyalty to Todd? He worked his ass off for us and all we did was forget about him!" Lance yelled.
"Lance, don't get all high on your horse now. You're just as guilty as we all are because you yelled at him just as much. Don't make this all out to be my fault," Pietro acidly replied.
"Silence, all of you!" Mystique said calmly but sharply. All of them turned to look at her, save Fred who still looked out the window. "Why he left is not important. What is important is that we get him back here and make sure he doesn't tell anything about us. We are not to be discovered by that little slimeball. I've worked too hard to be humiliated and defeated by a worthless little scum like him."
At that moment, Fred, who had not said a word since before things began, proceeded to walk towards Mystique. He said not a word but grabbed her by the neck and proceeded to lift her up into the air. Despite the shouts from the others, he gripped her neck in one of his big hands and slammed her into a nearby wall. The expression on his face could be called pure rage, in the simplest form possible. Mystique was so shocked by Fred's speed and actions that it was all she could do to wriggle and try to get free. Fred felt her body go limp as he began to really tighten down on her jugular vein.
"Fred, stop it! You'll kill her!" Lance screamed.
"That's the fucking idea," Fred calmly said. But he did loosen his grip to allow her the ability to breathe. "What's stopping me from killing you Mystique is this: While I'm here, you will not disturb Todd from what he has to do. You will not lead us on any mission to attack the X-Geeks over him and you will not say one more derisive thing about my little buddy ever again."
"Fred, put her down," Wanda said calmly. Fred did so but not without a bit of a shove. "Good. Now listen to me: We're all upset about Todd leaving but we can't do anything about it now. We have to wait and then see if we can get him back. He's family...and sometimes family just needs to spend time apart."
"Wanda, what's gotten into you?!" Pietro shrieked. "He was your biggest pain in the ass! He annoyed you to no end! Why are you defending him?!"
"I'm defending him because I made a mistake. I pushed away the only person in this house besides Lance who cared about me. I don't make mistakes often...but letting Todd go was a mistake. I see that now," Wanda said, her voice dropping right off the table to show the real regret in her heart. She did, in fact, miss Todd. What he said to her as he left had affected her deeply and once she had gotten past the anger and rage at her minor humiliation, she had to recognize that he was right. She didn't love herself and she didn't want to before. But now...now she was thinking that Todd's leaving was going to hurt more then she ever wanted it to.
"Fuck this! I'm tired of this shit. I'm going out," Pietro said as he zipped off out the door. Mystique emerged from her little mini-coma at that point and looked at Fred who glaed down at her with dead, cold, and angry eyes.
"...you'll pay for that, Fred," Mystique hissed.
"Oh and you're going to hurt me, Mystique? I'm the Blob! No one hurts the fucking Blob except you when you drove my little buddy away...you bitch...you fucking whore bitch..." At that Fred broke down and started crying like a little boy. Wanda went over to him and lead him away, very much unlike her but she could feel the anger radiating off of Fred's massive frame. That left a very shaked Mystique to deal with an extremely pissed off Lance.
"Like the big man said, we're not going to the X-Geeks to get him back. He deserves some happiness and we couldn't give it. So we're letting him go. For now." Lance helped Mystique to her feet and lead her to the couch. Mystique glared at Lance as he sat down and wondered what the hell had happened in the house while she was gone.
"Lance, what makes you think that Magneto is going to care about what happens to that little boy? Magneto is going to want him because he knows about him and the Acolytes and the little things in this house. He won't be safe so long as Magneto is around. Don't you see that?" Mystique asked, her human side beginning to finally re-emerge.
"We're not working for the big man anymore. Not like this. At least I'm not," Lance muttered darkly. Mystique looked at him impassively but curiously.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, it's over. At least as it's concerned with the X-Geeks. I'm not fighting them anymore because my friend thought they were better then the home he was in. Mabye he's right. But I know this: I'm not hurting my friend anymore, even if he is on the other side now. And Magneto can come down here and tell me I'm wrong if he damn well wants to. I'm through caring about the X-Geeks. I care about us." Lance set his jaw and finally asserted his leadership for once. Mystique saw that despite her fear and servitude to Magneto, the entire team except Magneto would follow Lance in this. She sighed and nodded her assent to all that Lance had said. Lance sighed grimly and looked down at his hands.
"He said he didn't have a family here...Mystique, did we fail him?"
"...I don't know, Lance," Mystique answered for the first time as an independent being in a long time. "I just don't know. I do know that Magneto is going to pitch a fit when he hears about this."
---A/N:More notes after yet another shocking chapter:
1. Logan is slightly OOC here...but he's a slightly different Logan
then in the comics...so why not make him a little less staticky and more sleazy
on the front end? But trust me, all you loyal fans, the anti-social blade wielding
maniac you know and love will be back. Just...different. :D
2. Schmoopy scenes are what I tend to write only when there is good reason
to, but I couldn't resist the Todd/Kitty kissing scene. Anyone have any thoughts
about that?
3. Thank you again to everyone who takes the time to review. You're the
reason why I write this. The next chapter is going to be flashback laden as
I explain Mystique, Lance, Kitty, Todd and Pietro's reactions in this chapter.
Lots of plot justification is coming. :D Also, keep giving me ideas for pairings.
The vote is between Todd/Kitty and Todd/Wanda but I need to pair Lance with
someone later on and there will be a minor subplot with Mystique. Give me ideas!