Chapter Thirty-one: Sitting In The Dark

Summary: Thirty-first chapter. Eighteen to go. That about sums it up.

The following night Arabella found herself treated to much the same strange events as the night before. She lay awake facing her side of the bed for several hours. To keep herself awake she would think up various potions, and then silently recite off the ingredients needed to make each one. Between each one she would pause and listen to the silence around her.

She wondered what trick Sirius was using to keep himself awake.

By one in the morning, half-way through a clean-all potion, she felt the weight on the other side of the mattress shift and heard the bedsprings creak as Sirius pulled himself as carefully and quietly as he could from the bed. Several minutes later, on the pretext of rolling over in her sleep, Arabella shifted her position so she had a clearer view of the room. Scanning it she quickly found the lone silhouetted figure standing at the window in the moonlight as it had been the night before.

For the next hour and a half she watched as Sirius stood as still as a stone statue, staring out of the window. But by two-thirty he abandon his vigil at the window and walked slowly across the room to one of the chairs. Seating himself slowly in it, Arabella watched him try to suppress a yawn as he laid his head against the back of the chair. But he only sat in that position for a few moments before he leaned forward with his face in his hands and began his rhythmic rocking as he had the night before. After nearly a half hour Sirius suddenly got to his feet and walked about the room several times before stopping in the bathroom. From behind the closed door Arabella could hear the water turn on for a few seconds, then shut off again. When Sirius immerged a few seconds later he was wiping a towel across his face, which he quickly hung back on it's hook before turning off the light.

Arabella watched with a slowly dawning comprehension as Sirius walked back over to the chair and quietly sat back down, this time again laying his head against the back of the chair.

'He's trying to keep himself awake.' She thought, watching him silently gazing at the dieing embers of the fire. 'But why? If he's that tired, why not just go to sleep?'

But as she watched him go through several variations of his routines that night, no answer came to her.

Morning brought with it a similar familiarity of acts. Just as the sun began to lighten the sky, Sirius returned to his side of the bed, crawling in as quietly and carefully as he could. For the next hour he lay facing his side of the bed until Arabella 'woke-up'.

Arabella tried to keep the tension out of her body as Sirius wrapped his arm about her waist, snuggling up closer to her under the covers with a seemingly contented smile.

"Sleep well?" He murmured in her ear.

"Yes." Arabella lied convincingly. "What about you?"

"Very well." He replied. "It's Saturday today, isn't it?"

"I believe so." She answered, as she pulled herself out of his embrace, got out of bed, and pulled her robe on. "Why?"

"There's a Quidditch match coming up later in the week. I thought I might try to get tickets. Harry would probably enjoy getting out of the house for an evening of watching Quidditch."

"You can't be serious?" Arabella turned abruptly back to him.

Sirius quickly sat up in the bed and patted himself down. "What! Do I look like someone else?"

Arabella couldn't help but give him a stern look. "That joke is old." She stated firmly. "And you know what I mean. It isn't safe for any of us to leave the house, Sirius. Let alone for something as...frivolous...as a Quidditch match."

"Frivolous!" Sirius cried in mock indignation. "Woman! Hold your tongue! There's nothing 'frivolous' about Quidditch."

"Fine. We're still not going."
Sirius fell back on the bed, grumbling something as Arabella disappeared into the bathroom.

A half-hour later she reemerged with her hair wrapped in a towel. Sirius was still laying in bed, although he now had a copy of the Daily Prophet in his hands.

"I see the paper owl came." Arabella commented.

"Just left." Sirius confirmed. "And if I'm not mistaken I heard Harry heading downstairs a few minutes ago."

"Well, best be off to get breakfast started then as soon as I comb out my hair."

Sirius dropped the paper on his lap and gestured to her. "Come here a minute, 'Bella."

Arabella gave him a skeptical look as she walked slowly over to the bed. "What?"

Sirius shook his head as he patted the edge of the bed. "I want to asked you something."

Arabella scanned the situation for a moment, but she couldn't detect a single gleam of mischief in his clear blue eyes as they stared up at her. Still with a touch of suspicion, Arabella seated herself next to him on the bed.

"All right." She stated, trying to sound somber. "What is it?"

Arabella suddenly found herself grabbed about the waist and tossed over to the other side of the bed. With a playful shriek and a light slap she tried to push Sirius off of her. But he paid no attention as he quickly began nuzzling into her neck and hair.

"Don't you think breakfast can wait?" He asked, wrapping his arms tightly about her and all but restraining her movement.

Arabella couldn't help but laugh. Mostly because Sirius was taking any opportunity to tickle her.

A good five minute later she managed to dislodge herself from his hold and pull herself to her feet. Turning about to face him she tried giving him a stern look.

"Sirius!" She stated. "No more! I have to get breakfast."

Sirius gave her a wicked grin. "Had mine." He stated.

Arabella huffed at him as she turned and headed out the door, closing it to his stifled laugh.

Outside the door Arabella paused as she leaned against it. She couldn't help but to smile just a little. The man she felt she knew so well was still there, with all his boyish charm and silly antics. But something was most definitely wrong, and before the sun rose the next day, Arabella told herself as she headed downstairs, she was going to find out what.

The morning progressed as it always did. Shortly after breakfast Sirius stated he was going up to his room. As this part of the routine had gotten earlier and earlier in the day, Sirius had stopped stating that he was going up to take a nap and instead now simply said he was going to his room for a short while.

Arabella watched past a concerned stare as he climbed the stairs. But at least she no longer had to wonder why he was so tired each day. Hardly a strange state for a man who didn't sleep so much as a single wink at night.

That morning Arabella spent helping Harry with his charms assignment. They had to write an essay on the historical references of three charms. Arabella had gladly offered to help with the assignment, stating that charms had been one of her best subjects in school. They had managed to make it half-way through the assignment when an ear-piercing shriek cut through the still morning air.

Arabella leapt to her feet, looking about frantically for where the sound had come from. Harry was with her, so she knew at least he was safe.

The sound rented air again.

"Sirius!" Arabella cried as she bolted for the stairs.

Another cry had her taking the steps two at a time with Harry right behind her. By the time they reached the door to Sirius' room the cries were now muffled, but no less filled terror. Arabella tried the door, but found it locked. She quickly tapped the lock with her wand.

"Aloha Mora." She cried, gratefully hearing the lock click open.

Pushing the door open Arabella quickly shoved Harry back behind her, not knowing what they might encounter. But a fourth cry from the furthest corner had her racing across the room towards it, scanning the room as quickly as she could for any sign of danger.

Harry quickly followed, oblivious to any thought of danger as he sought only to get to his godfather. To find out what was wrong.

But in the furthest corner of the room Harry and Arabella stopped short as they found themselves facing a huddled, shaking figure. It's arms wrapped about knees that were pulled as tightly against the body as they could be.

"Sirius!" Arabella quickly dropped to her knees next to him. "Sirius! What is it? What's wrong?" She pleaded, trying to make him look at her.

But Sirius ignored her, remaining tightly curled in his protective ball.

"Arabella," Harry asked in a frightened whisper, "what's wrong with him?"

Arabella shook her head as she try to determine if Sirius was hurt in anyway. "I don't know." She replied, trying to turn Sirius' face to her. "He doesn't seem hurt in any way. Just...frightened."

"Of what?"

"I'm not sure." Arabella finally managed to force Sirius to turn to her. A wild, terrified stare met her's, followed almost immediately by another ear-piercing scream as Sirius pulled away and buried his face in his arms again.

"Get away!" He screamed at her. "Can't you ever just leave me alone? I just want to be left alone!"

Arabella was taken aback by the statements. "Sirius, what is it? What's wrong? We're not going to hurt you. We want to help."

Sirius suddenly stopped trying to push himself further into the corner. Even his breathing seemed to stop for a moment. Slowly he raised his head, looking about as though he were listening to some sound.

"Arabella?" Harry asked.

Arabella quickly put her hand up as an idea came to her. "What is it, Sirius?" She asked. "What do you hear?"

"They're coming." He said in a panicked whisper. "They're coming back." He suddenly curled back into his protective ball and began to moan as though he were in pain. "No.... Please. Make them stop. Make them go away. For the love of heaven...make them go away."

"Make who go away?" Harry asked quietly over Arabella's shoulder. "What's wrong with him?"

Arabella shook her head as she began putting the pieces together. "Sirius?" she called.

But Sirius remained in his fetal position, whimpering as though he were in pain.

"Why doesn't he answer you?" Harry's concerned voice asked from behind her.

"Because he doesn't know we're here." She replied. As if to prove her theory, Arabella reached up and gently caressed her hand over the side of Sirius' head, to which he gave no noticeable reaction. "He's having a dream, Harry."

Harry looked both shocked and skeptical. "A dream?" He looked down at his godfather, cringing in the corner and shaking with fear. "Of what?"

Arabella sighed quietly. "The worse thing imaginable for him. Azkaban."

Harry's mouth fell open. "He...he thinks he's back in Azkaban?"

Arabella nodded.

Harry leapt forward. "Then wake him up! Sirius! Sirius! Wake up!"

To Harry's surprise his godfather gave no reaction that he had even heard anyone shouting at him. Instead he continued to huddle in the corner, now crying as he pulled his robes tighter about him.

Arabella turned slightly and waved Harry back toward the door of Sirius' room. "Harry, go and call Remus. Use the fire in the kitchen. Ask him to come here, please. As quickly as he can."

Harry practically flew down the stairs. A few minutes later Arabella heard muffled voices from downstairs and a sudden rush of footsteps on the stairs. Getting to her feet, she turned just as Remus Lupin came in the door.

"Harry said Sirius was in some sort of trouble." Lupin said, looking about the room. Then his eyes fell on his friend, still huddled in the corner. "Oh my." Lupin exclaimed softly. "We are in a state this time."

"He isn't even responding to us, Remus." Arabella started to explain, but Lupin put his hand up to stop her.

"And he won't. And trying to wake him up won't accomplish anything either."

"Then what can we do?"

"Leave him alone. He comes out of it by himself in a few hours."

"A few hours!" Arabella cried in disbelief. "We can't leave him like this for a few hours!"

"There's really little else you can do, Arabella." Lupin explained. "I'm sure you tried waking him up and saw how successful that was. Believe me, I've tried everything. Nothing works."

"You knew about this." Arabella stated in disbelief. "You knew!"

Lupin nodded. "In the few weeks he stayed with me I saw him go through this several times. They eventually became so bad I finally convinced him to allow me to brew up a dreamless sleep potion, which he started taking. That seemed to help some. But...for whatever reason...he must have stopped taking it. And so the dreams have returned."

"Isn't there anything at all we can do for him, Remus." Arabella asked, casting a worried glance at Sirius' huddled, shaking form.

Lupin shook his head. "Once the dream gets a hold on him, nothing gets him out of it. It's not even a true sleep in that regard. It's more like a trance. It simply has to run it's course. Just leave him where he is. At this stage, that's pretty much the way he'll stay."

Arabella cast one more look at Sirius before hesitantly directing Harry back downstairs.

Back on the sofa, Harry tried to distract himself with his essay. Anything to get his mind off the sight of his godfather. Harry had always thought of his godfather as someone who was nearly invincible. He had survived twelve years in Azkaban. Auror's, Dementors, Ministry wizards. He had managed to evade them all for the past two years. He had survived living in cave with little food or comfort. It seemed impossible to imagine that past everything he had been through, that the thing that stood the best chance of bringing him down was as simple as a dream.

But Professor Lupin had said it wasn't a simple dream. That it wasn't a dream at all.

Harry couldn't escape the look he had seen in Sirius' eyes. He had never seen anyone look so frightened. Was this what it had been like for him in Azkaban for twelve years? Was this the terror he had lived with?

It was a wonder he hadn't gone insane.

Another shriek suddenly rented the air. Arabella bolted off the sofa from where she had been sitting next to Harry and headed for the stairs. Harry followed close behind.

Lupin met them at the door, but blocked the entrance with his body.

"I'm sorry." He stated quickly. "There's going to be a bit of that. Usually goes on for an hour or so."

Arabella shoved past him. "And I'm not going to just sit down there while he goes through it, Remus." She stated firmly.

Arabella entered the room to find Sirius much as he had been when they left. She slowly crouched down on the floor and cautiously made her way over to him, afraid any sudden movement might only serve to frighten him more. She had forgotten Lupin's words that Sirius was for the most part trapped within his own mind and didn't see things around him as they truly were.

With steady movements, Arabella managed to finally seat herself next to Sirius on the floor. Comfortingly she wrapped one arm about his shoulders and pulled him tightly to her with the other, holding his shaking body against her's.

"Arabella," Lupin said in a solicitous tone, but shaking his head. "He doesn't know you're there. It doesn't matter to him."

"It matters." Arabella replied.

Lupin sighed to himself, knowing he would never win any argument against her. "Have it your way." He said finally. "He won't just 'wake up' from this, by the way. Eventually he'll fall into a normal sleep. Get him to bed if you can. He'll sleep a good ten to twelve hours after this."

Arabella nodded as Lupin directed Harry to the door. But Harry held his ground.

"No. I want to stay too."

Arabella looked up at her godson. "Harry, please, just go with Remus for me."

"Why can't I stay?"

How could she explain this to him? "Harry, Sirius worked very hard to hide this from us. He didn't want anyone to know. And now he's going to wake up and find that the secret he tried so very hard to conceal is basically public knowledge. How do you think he's going to feel?"

Harry paused for a moment, then slowly nodded his head.

"You go on with Remus. Keep him out of trouble for me. Let him help you finish your essay. He's really good with charms too."

This time Harry allowed Lupin to direct him out of the room.

Several hours later Arabella came back downstairs looking almost as ragged as Sirius had the last several days.

Lupin looked up at her. "Good Lord, girl! You look awful!"

"Thank you, Remus." She stated past a sarcastic smile. "A three hundred pound troll would be more fun to put to bed."

"He tends not to be very helpful."

"Not being helpful is one thing. Fighting is another."

"He fought with you?"

"He was insisting that he had to check the charms on the house again. I finally got him to agree to go to bed by promising I would do it for him." Arabella gave Lupin a puzzled look. "Remus, he didn't act like he remembered anything."

Lupin shook his head. "He doesn't. He could never even tell me what the dreams were about. Insists he doesn't remember them."

"But he knows he has them."

"He has vague recollections, he told me once. But he says their just like unconnected memories. The only way he knew he was going through this was I told him. He never remembers the dreams as being this bad. And after a few minutes awake he says he can't remember anything at all about them."

"Maybe that's the price they pay. He doesn't have to remember them when he's awake."

Lupin sighed. "Maybe if he did, he wouldn't have the dreams." He suggested quietly.