Chapter Forty: Recovery
Summary: Fortieth chapter. Nine to go. That about sums it up.
Down in the infirmary Harry and Arabella were greeted by a very tired but amiable looking Lupin.
"How is he, Remus?" Arabella asked as Harry took a place at his godfather's bedside.
"He slept very peacefully." Lupin answered. "He had a coughing spell or two during the night. Madam Pomfrey said the fact he isn't having them so often could be a good sign."
"But he still hasn't woken up." Arabella commented, giving a apprehensive look at the still form on the bed.
"It takes time, Arabella." Lupin placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Madam Pomfrey is optimistic that he's made it this far. He'll make it the rest of the way. We just have to be patient with him. You know Sirius. All in his own good time."
Arabella managed a slight smile and nodded.
Just then Madam Pomfrey came bustling into the ward. She quickly looked over the piece of parchment above Sirius bed before writing a few notes in his chart.
"Is there any change at all?" Arabella inquired hopefully of the nurse.
"It's hard to say." Madam Pomfrey explained. "Whereas he may not seem any better, nor is he any worse. For what he's been through, I would call that reason for hope."
Arabella turned briefly to Lupin, who gave her a small smile which she returned, before turning back and nodding her head to Madam Pomfrey.
"I'll be back to check on him in a little while." Madam Pomfrey replied.
Arabella took the seat that Lupin had been sitting in, concern etched across her features again as she wrapped her hand about Sirius'. Harry quickly took the seat next to her.
The two of them stayed with Sirius the rest of the day. Later that morning Lupin brought them both breakfast, as well as lunch that afternoon. But at supper time Arabella insisted that Harry go with Lupin to have dinner in the great hall, assuring him that she would take a break as soon as they returned.
Arabella sat talking to Sirius the entire time Harry and Lupin were gone. Something she had gotten in the habit of doing when she sat so many long nights by herself in the silence of the hospital ward. She gently rubbed his hand between her's as she talked about anything that she could pull from her memory. Anything he might remember as well. Anything that might reward her with a response, no matter how small. After nearly a half hour had past, Arabella felt a slight tug at her hand. She looked up suddenly.
"Sirius?" She said, getting to her feet as she leaned over him. "Sirius?"
But the face was as motionless as before. Not even the eyes moved under the closed lids.
Arabella started to sit back down, convincing herself she had just imagined feeling him pulling at her hand when the body next to her suddenly shook slightly.
Arabella jumped back to her feet.
"Sirius?"
"Arabella, what is it?" Lupin had just come back into the infirmary with Harry.
Arabella looked over the body laying on the bed. It shook again as a slight tremor ran through it.
"I'm not sure." Arabella stated. "Remus, something is wrong."
Harry quickly ran to his godfather's side as Remus took his place behind Arabella.
"Maybe it's just the start of another coughing spell." He suggested. "Madam Pomfrey said he would be prone to them on and off."
Arabella shook her head as her expression grew more grave. "I don't think so, Remus."
Sirius' body gave another shudder, then suddenly he began gasping for breath.
Arabella seized him by the face as she leaned over him. "Sirius!" She yelled at him, "Sirius!"
Sirius only continued to gasp for breath, giving no indication he heard her or knew she was there.
Harry had grabbed hold of Sirius' hand and was calling his name as frantically as his godmother.
Arabella turned a panic stricken face to Lupin. "He can't breath, Remus. Go and get Madam Pomfrey. Hurry!"
Remus ran out the doors of the infirmary, returning what seemed like an impossibly long moment later with Madam Pomfrey in tow, hastily explaining to her what had happened.
Harry and Arabella quickly stood back as Madam Pomfrey raised her wand and quickly cast several spells in rapid-fire succession. When Sirius' body relaxed after one of the spells, she quickly stopped and hastily checked him over as he lay still drawing very shallow breaths.
After a few minutes a very exhausted Madam Pomfrey turned back to Arabella and Harry.
"I won't lie to either of you." She said gravely. "It's not a good sign. He's grown weaker under the strain of trying to stay alive. And it's not a fight he's winning."
"But...but he was improving." Arabella pleaded.
Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "He was 'alive', Arabella, and fighting to stay that way. Every day he survived was a reason to hope. And there's no reason to give up on that hope. He survived this. Now we'll have to wait and see how he does through the night."
Arabella slowly walked around the bed and sank into the chair by Sirius' side. Harry quickly took his usual place in the chair next to her, wrapping one hand tightly about her's. But she barely felt his reassuring hold on her hand, or the hands that wrapped themselves over her shoulders.
"We'll all stay with him tonight, Arabella." Remus promised her. "And things will be better in the morning. You'll see."
Arabella sat motionless in the chair, staring at Sirius' still form as tears ran in streams down her cheeks.
They took turns that night sitting watch over Sirius. Arabella and Harry were relieved every hour by Lupin, who would sit with Sirius while the two got a brief rest. Each time they changed places they gave each other a short run-down of any noted changes, which were few.
By morning there had been no significant noticeable change. Madam Pomfrey's face was completely expressionless as she looked over the parchment at the head of Sirius bed.
"It's not good, is it?" Arabella said in a tone that didn't give any clear indication if she was asking a question or making a statement.
"I wish I could tell you something positive." She said, looking at the two exhausted, worried faces before her. "But from what I can see there's been no change at all. But at least he is still fighting."
Arabella sighed quietly and nodded. She turned to Harry and gently caresses a hand over his drooping head.
"Harry, why don't you go on up to the rooms and get some sleep, all right?"
Harry quickly pulled about in his chair. "I'm fine." He stated, keeping his red rimmed eyes wide open behind his glasses.
Arabella gave him a small smile. "You're half asleep." She noted, nodding to the door. "Go on and let Remus take you upstairs. You sleep for a few hours and then it'll be my turn. I'll sleep out the afternoon and we can both stay here tonight again, all right?"
Harry considered the offer, then slowly nodded. "But you'll let me know if anything happens?" He asked as he got to his feet.
"First to know." She promised.
Harry walked over to the door to the infirmary where Lupin was waiting for him.
Up in their rooms, Harry strip off his cloths and fell into his bed. He reached over and set his alarm clock for eleven o'clock. That would give him time to get up, get a shower, get changed, and be down to the infirmary in time to give Arabella the afternoon to sleep herself.
Within minutes Harry's breathing fell into the rhythmic pattern of sleep.
Standing at the door to his room for a few minutes, Lupin listened to him peacefully sleeping. As quietly as he could, he tip-toed over to Harry's nightstand and shut off the alarm on the clock, then quietly crept back to the doorway, silently shutting the door after him.
"So, is he asleep?" Arabella asked as Lupin came back into the infirmary.
"Out like a light the minute his head hit the pillow." Lupin assured her.
Arabella shook her head as she managed a small smile. "The poor dear was asleep on his feet." She said quietly. "He needs a good, long sleep."
"He'll be none too happy when he wakes up, Arabella. And finds out what we did."
"Fine. He can be as mad as he wants. At least he'll get some sleep first. And if anything happens, I'll call him straight away."
"Just remember your promise." Lupin stated. "I'm not getting in trouble with Harry for nothing. I'll be back at one, then it's off to bed with you too."
Arabella nodded warily. "I'll remember, Remus." She replied. "Just get yourself off to bed and get a good few hours."
Lupin leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I'll see you at one."
Arabella nodded again as she turned back to the still form on the bed. She listened as the infirmary door behind her closed, then settled in for the next few hours.
Harry woke up feeling like he had slept the whole day out. He slowly stretched out over the cover of the bed as he rolled over to look at the clock next to his bed, wondering how much longer he had to sleep before the alarm went off.
Five o'clock!
Harry sat bolt upright in the bed.
How could it be five o'clock? Why hadn't the alarm gone off? He jumped out of bed and grabbed some clean cloths and flew out of the apartment.
Minutes later he was running into the infirmary, but stopped short when he saw Lupin sitting in one of the chairs by Sirius' bed.
Lupin turned to the door opening.
"Ah, Harry. How do you feel? Have a good sleep?"
"Why didn't someone come and get me?" He stated, trying to keep his voice low. "I was suppose to come and relieve Arabella in the afternoon."
"But that would have defeated the purpose, Harry." Lupin said with a calm smile. "You needed to get some sleep. A lot of sleep. So after you fell asleep, I turned off your alarm clock."
Lupin saw the anger flare up in Harry's eyes and braced himself for the fifteeyear-old's fury.
"You had no right!" Harry seethed. "You think I didn't want to be here with Sirius? You think I wanted to sleep rather than sit with him?"
"No, I don't." Lupin replied, his features shifting to a stern expression. "Which is exactly why I did what I did. Because you wouldn't have done it for yourself. You would have sat here until you collapsed from exhaustion, Harry. I know you well enough to know that much. And that wouldn't have done you or Sirius any good."
"You still had no right!" Harry stated firmly.
"Maybe he didn't." A soft voice said from behind him. "But I did."
Harry turned sharply to his godmother.
"It's my duty to take care of you, Harry. Especially when you can't see what you're driving yourself too. You're still a young boy. You still need a good proper sleep...."
"Oh! It's fine for you to sit up all day and all night, but not me?"
"She didn't, Harry." Lupin put in. "Arabella let me take over for her this afternoon while she slept."
"We weren't trying to trick you, Harry." Arabella said gently. "We were trying to look out for you."
Harry gave her a piercing stare. But it faltered as he stared up into her worried face and he quickly dropped his eyes to the floor. Slowly he turned around and took his place in his chair next to Sirius' bed.
Arabella turned to Lupin and shooed him out the door. As soon as it closed she turned back to her godson, trying to think of how to make things right with him. She had done what she did for his own good. But that explanation didn't seem to help dispel his anger very much.
Slowly she walked up behind him and rested her hands on his shoulders. He didn't make any attempt to shrug her off, and Arabella took that as a good sign.
"You know we only did what we thought was best for you, Harry." She said in the kindest voice she could. "Because we were concerned."
Harry nodded slowly. "I know." He replied in a very small voice.
"Do you forgive us?" She asked, gently rubbing his shoulders. The tension was still there, as was the anger.
But Harry nodded again. "I just wanted to be here." He said in the same small voice. "What if something had happened?"
"Then I would have called you. I wouldn't keep something like that from you, Harry. Not ever. Please try not to be so angry at me. I was only trying to do what I promised your parents I would. Look out for you."
Harry nodded again, laying his hand over one of her's as it rested on his shoulder.
For the next several hours they both sat next to Sirius' bedside. At seven Lupin came up so that they could take a break by having dinner in the great hall.
As they were just hurriedly finishing their desserts, both eager to get back to the infirmary, Dumbledore came up behind them.
"So, has there been any change, Arabella?" He asked.
Arabella slowly shook her head. "But he hasn't gotten any worse either, Headmaster." She replied, trying to sound hopeful.
Dumbledore favored her with a kind smile, but the concerned expression in his features remained evident.
"I wondered," he stated in a voice that didn't quite fit with the small smile he gave her, "if you and Remus Lupin might join me in my office."
Arabella looked questioningly up at him. But nothing in Dumbledore's expression gave her the slightest clue what he wanted to discuss with her and Lupin.
"Remus is sitting with Sirius right now." Arabella informed the Headmaster.
"Well, I'm sure Harry can go and relieve him for a short while."
Harry nodded quickly as he got up from his seat. "I'll tell him you want to see him, Professor." He stated as he hurried off.
Lupin was none too please leaving just Harry with Sirius, but saw absolutely no way around it. Getting several assurances out of Harry to call if he needed help, Lupin left the infirmary and headed for Dumbledore's office.
In Dumbledore's office, shortly after Lupin arrived, the Headmaster wasted no time in getting to the point of the meeting.
"Madam Pomfrey told me of the episode the other night." He explained. "As well did she tell me how very close we came to losing Sirius."
"But we didn't." Arabella put in quickly. "And he's better now."
Dumbledore stared at her for a moment. It was the type of stare one gave to someone who was desperately fighting not to see the truth in something.
"He's not 'better', Arabella." Dumbledore stated kindly. "Nor does Poppy feel that he will ever get there...if he remains here."
Arabella sat up suddenly in her chair. "What?"
"Arabella, this is a school infirmary. Now, where as Poppy is a very fine nurse, she hardly has the facilities here to handle situations....such as Sirius'."
"What are you suggesting, Professor?" Lupin asked before Arabella could reply.
"I think the time has come to consider moving Sirius to St. Mungo's. Where he can receive proper treatment."
Arabella was now on her feet.
"No!" She stated firmly. "How can you even think that? Putting him there?"
"For his own good, Arabella." Dumbledore replied, trying to calm her back down.
"His own good? To put him in the midst of a pack of strangers? What if someone there knows him!? We have no way of knowing who may or may not...."
"Sirius would be kept isolated, Arabella. In a room to himself, and only seen by a small group of doctors. One's who are...sympathetic to what we are trying to do. They wouldn't reveal Sirius to anyone. He would be perfectly safe."
"You can't promise that." Arabella rebuffed. "There's no way to be absolutely sure no one may find out by accident. Moody said if anyone sees him...if they hear of one report of someone having seen him outside of Azkaban, he goes straight to the Dementors. The answer, Headmaster, is 'no'." She stated determinedly.
Dumbledore looked at her for a minute. She was bound and determined to protect him. Just as Sirius would have done for her. Sadly, the decision no longer rested with her.
"I'm afraid there is no choice, Arabella." He said softly. "The right to make this decision went to family."
"Family?" Arabella questioned. But light suddenly dawned in her eyes. "No. What position is he in to make any decision for Sirius?"
"That of his brother."
"Orion doesn't understand...."
"Orion understands the danger all too well , Arabella, I assure you. And he didn't make this decision lightly. But Orion has no more desire to see his brother die than anyone else in this room."
Arabella started to protest, but stopped herself. She knew, despite everything between them, Orion did love Sirius. Sirius was, and would always be, his mischievous, joke-loving, prank-playing little brother. And she knew that Orion did indeed likely understand the terrible danger to his brother.
Arabella slowly sat back down, staring at her hands.
"When?" She asked finally in a low voice.
"Probably in the morning. They're already preparing for him at St. Mungo's. He'll be kept isolated in a room to himself. Only seen by certain doctors. The story's already in place that he's a patient with a rare disease that is highly contagious." Dumbledore smiled slightly. "Always liked that one." He muttered.
"Harry and I will be able to see him?" She asked stoically. "To visit him?"
Dumbledore looked solemnly at her. "You'll be able to see him, Arabella." The Headmaster explained. "But in order to keep up the story of his condition, you won't be able to go into the room. Not until he 'recovers'. Then you are free to visit as often as you like."
Arabella caught herself before she protested again. If Sirius was to be safe they all had to play to the story that had been set up. And visitors would certainly be restricted for a man with a highly contagious disease.
Instead she simply nodded.
Meanwhile, Harry stood in the dim light of the infirmary, staring at his godfather. It took him a moment to realize that this was the first time since they had found Sirius and brought him back to the castle that he had been alone with his godfather. Nor did he find it a very pleasant sensation. To him it seemed that each time he saw Sirius, he looked a little bit paler. A little bit more worn. It was hard to see the characteristically vibrant, animated face so still. To see the body that had been so full of life and determination laying nearly motionless now in the bed.
Slowly Harry sat down on the one side of his godfather's bed. Gently he picked up the pale hand, surprised at how cold the skin was against his own. Protectively he clasp the hand to his chest, trying to warm the skin as he held it pressed against him, wrapped in his own hands.
"Please don't die, Sirius." Was the first thing he could think to say to his godfather. The only thing he could think to say that seemed important to him right then. But suddenly a hundred different things seemed to come to him. All things he wanted to say to Sirius. Things that, as was his greatest fear, he might never get to say to him again. Carefully, he leaned closer to him. Close enough to see Sirius' features illuminated in the dim light.
"Everybody thinks it's so great to be me, you know?" He whispered. "Ron, his brothers, the other kids at school. But it's not. It's horrible being me. To have to live without parents. Without a real family. Just someone who cared about you. Even just a little. I would give anything to live Ron's life. Even just for a day. To come home and have my parents there, waiting for me. To have my mom cook me a meal. Have my father sit at the table and actually talk to me. To sit around at night with a family like theirs. I always swore I'd give up anything to have that. Even my magic...if I could just have that for one day.
But then, just when I was giving up hope of ever having anyone," Harry smiled slightly as he looked down at his godfather, "suddenly you came into my life. A godfather I never even knew existed. For twelve years I lived thinking no one ever cared about me or ever would. And then to find out that for twelve years someone was thinking about me. I'd never felt anything like that in my life, Sirius. Someone who wanted me. Just the way I was. Someone who loved me. Actually wanted to take care of me, not just shelter me as a burden they couldn't get rid of." Harry's voice grew hard. "I lay awake sometimes, and I think what my life would have been like if Dumbledore had given me to you that night. I'd have grown up knowing who I was...what I was. I'd have known the truth about my parents. Not a bunch of lies." He lowered his voice again. "I would have known what it was like to be loved. If Pettigrew hadn't framed you...you and Arabella would have gotten married, wouldn't you? And even if my mom and dad weren't there, I would have at least had the next best thing to real parents. If I couldn't have my real mom, I think Arabella's about as near to perfect as I could hope for." Harry lowered his voice again as he wiped his hand over his eyes. "And if I couldn't have my real dad, I wouldn't want anyone but you, Sirius. Next to my dad, I think you're the best person I could have for a father.
But Voldemort doesn't even want me to have that. First he killed my real mom and dad. Now he's trying to kill you and Arabella. I never got to tell you, I met Pettigrew in the forest that night. And he told me what Voldemort's plan was. He said....he said Voldemort was going to kill everyone close to me before he came after me. But mostly...he was going to kill you. Just because I cared about you."
Harry's voice grew very solemn.
"And I'm sorry, Sirius." He said quietly. "I'm sorry I came into your life and messed everything up for you. You'd have been so much better off, you and Arabella, if you'd have just never known me. You'd have been married. Had kids of your own. Had a family and a life. Had everything you wanted. And instead, what'd you get? Twelve years in Azkaban and then more trouble...and me.
I know you say it doesn't matter. And I know you and Arabella love me." Harry smiled again. "And I can never think of a way to ever repay you two for that. Just to let me know what that felt like for once in my life. Now I'd give everything down to the last knut in my dad's vault if I could just wake up one night and find myself laying on the sofa back in Arabella's cottage, with you and Arabella sitting there while we watched television. I loved that more than anything. And you always looked so happy. It was great to see you that happy, Sirius.
And I'm not five, Sirius. I knew what was making you that happy. It was Arabella. Just being with her again. And it's not a lost cause, you know? She's just crazy about you. So you see, you can't leave. You can't leave Arabella. She needs you." Harry paused as he blinked, tears brimming over and running down his cheeks as he kissed the hand he held tightly claps in his. "I need you." He whispered as he tried in vain to stop his tears.
Harry woke up unsure of where he was. He could feel something brush against his head and he reached up to swat at it. His hand connected with an object much too large to be a bug.
It took a few more seconds for him to realize the his pillow was moving. A slow steady up and down motion. Something moved in front of his face, brushing a bit of hair out of his eyes that had fallen there as he slept. Harry pulled himself up, groaning slightly from the pain in his back and side. But as soon as he looked up, all thoughts of the minor discomforts vanished.
Staring back at him were the deep blue eyes of his godfather, a small smile playing across his face.
Without thinking, Harry launched himself at his godfather.
"Sirius!" He cried as a smile lit across his face.
Sirius responded with a slight 'omf' as the air got knocked out from behind his very bruised ribs.
Harry pulled back almost immediately.
"Ohmagod! Sirius, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just...." Harry stammered, then stopped. He found he didn't know what to say. Instead he simply fell back into his godfather's embrace, being much more careful this time not to throw all of his weight on him.
Two weak, struggling arms circled around him, holding him as tightly as they could.