Chapter Forty-one: One Step At A Time

Summary: Forty-first chapter. Eight to go. That about sums it up.

Arabella walked back down the corridor to the infirmary with Lupin walking next to her and Dumbledore behind them. Ever since they had left the Headmaster's office she had been trying to think of how she was going to explain things to Harry. Likely he wasn't going to be any happier about the decision than she was.

As Lupin pushed the infirmary door open for her, the first sound that greeted her was the last she expected.

Laughter.

She turned a questioning gaze to Lupin, then suddenly hurried into the ward.

A torturous hope had seized her. One that had been flittering about inside her for days. As she stepped around the white curtain, her hand came automatically to her mouth as a soft cry escaped her lips.

Laying on his bed, Sirius had been deeply in conversation with his godson. But on site of Arabella coming around the corner of the drape, he suddenly turned his gaze to her, a warm smile crossing his lips.

"'Bella?" He barely croaked out enough sound for her to hear him.

Harry quickly abandon his chair next to the bed as Arabella flew past him, straight into Sirius' arms. Again the soft 'omf' could be heard as Sirius, for the second time that day, had the wind knocked out of him.

Right on cue, Arabella suddenly pulled back, gushing apologies and asking if she had hurt him. Sirius simply smiled at her and lifted his shaking hands until he held her face in them, then drew her down into a silencing kiss.

Lupin immediately raised a hand over Harry's eyes.

Harry quickly pulled it down as he turned to look up at his former teacher.

"Are you kidding?" He stated. "I see this all the time."

Slowly Arabella pulled back from the kiss, her hands gently caressing the sides of Sirius' face. Her face wet with tears.

"Well," Dumbledore stated as he stood at the foot of Sirius' bed, "this is certainly an unexpected, but very pleasant surprise. How do you feel, Sirius?"

Sirius laid back on the bed. "Tired."

"Strange thing to hear from a man whose been asleep for the past week."

"So I've been told." Sirius replied, smiling weakly at Harry.

Just then Madam Pomfrey came bustling into the infirmary, a stern look on her face.

"What is all this noise about?" She demanded. "I could hear the lot of you all the way...." But she stopped abruptly at the sight of her patient looking up at her.

The nurse quickly shoved past Lupin and Harry and directed her attention to the parchment above Sirius' bed. She looked it over as the others looked on in silence.

"How do you feel?" She asked finally, looking down at Sirius.

"Tired." Sirius answered again.

"Well, that's to be expected." She stated with a pleased smile as she looked back at the group gathered about the bed. "Well, where as the worst of this now seems past, I am still recommending rest for my patient. A half hour is all there will be for this morning. You can come back this afternoon after lunch."

Harry and Arabella were still saying their goodbyes and promising to come back right after lunch as Madam Pomfrey hustled them out of the infirmary a half-hour later.

Sirius' recovery, though steady, was almost agonizingly slow. Not only for him, but for his three near-constant companions as well. Every day he received several visits from Arabella, Harry, and Lupin. All of who did their best to keep him in good spirits.

While most of his injuries healed to some degree, the one that seemed to defy Madam Pomfrey's best efforts was his right leg. Beyond question the worst of the injuries, it healed to little more than a deformed mass of flesh that vaguely resembled the leg it had been.

After having to listen to Sirius rant for several days of how sick he was of being in bed, Madam Pomfrey agreed to allow him to try and take a short walk, careful not to over stress the injured leg or himself.

"All right now, Sirius," Madam Pomfrey stated firmly, "just a short walk. One foot in front of the other. Let's give it a try shall we?"

Harry and Arabella had come down to the infirmary just then to visit. But Arabella stopped Harry at the door as they watched in anticipatory silence of Sirius taking his first steps in so many days.

Sirius hung tightly onto the bed rail, but as he took the first step, he let go of it, determined to show the head nurse he could walk fine. The first step was on his god leg, and he managed, past a slight wobble, to hold himself up.

Sirius gave the head nurse a triumphant, 'told-you-so' smile.

"That's fine." She replied, trying to sound encouraging. "Now the other."

Sirius carefully pulled the other leg forward. But as soon as he tried to put his weight on it, the leg suddenly collapsed under him and he fell to the floor with a slight cry of pain.

Arabella just grabbed hold of Harry's shoulder as he rushed forward to help his godfather. Madam Pomfrey was already helping a disgruntled Sirius back to his feet as he struggled, with little success, to get there on his own.

Staring at the sight before him, watching his godfather being all but carried back to his bed, Harry abruptly dodged Arabella's grip and ran out the door and back down the hallway.

"Harry!" Arabella called, going after him.

Upstairs in their rooms, Arabella found Harry standing before the large wardrobe in his room. She could see from the back his shoulders were shaking and could hear his breathing coming short and fast. Assuming he was crying and might want to be left alone, Arabella pulled back her own desire to run to him and hold him in her arms. Wanting to protect him from the things she knew he would eventually have to face.

"Harry?" She asked softly instead. "Are you all right?"

A nod was her only answer.

"You're sure?" Arabella couldn't help but want to give him every chance to know she was there if he wanted her to be.

But Harry only nodded his head again.

Arabella sighed softly to herself. He was fifteen. He wanted to handle things more and more on his own. To stop running to her for comfort and depend more on his own resources to carry him through. It was a hard stage for her to accept in his life. Especially since she hadn't had the chance to comfort him much when he would have accepted it and had so desperately needed it as a child.

"All right." She stated somberly. "I'll be in the infirmary if you need me."

Harry only nodded again.

As soon as his godmother left the room, Harry turned back to the door. His shoulders still shook, and his breathing was still short and fast. But there were no tears on his face. All that showed there was the unmistakable rage that was burning in him.

They had been responsible for this. Voldemort and his deatheaters, Harry told himself as the anger gripped him ever tighter. They were the reason Sirius was hurt. The reason he had lost his magic. The reason he may now never walk again. They were the ones to blame and they were the ones who had to pay.

And Harry knew just who could help him get the revenge he craved.

Down in his own rooms, Lupin sat peacefully in front of a glowing fire as he read a book on protection spells Arabella had past on to him. But a loud, determined knock at his door nearly startled him out of the chair. The knock sounded again before he was even on his feet. A third one sounded just as he made it to the door.

Expecting to see Filch, Hagrid, or even Peeves standing there for whatever reason, Lupin was utterly surprised to see a very uncharacteristically angry Harry standing at his door.

"Can I talk to you?" Harry asked, his voice conveying his emotions as clearly as his expression.

Lupin stepped aside. "Of course." He replied as Harry brushed rapidly by him half-way through the invitation to come in.

Lupin followed Harry into the room where he had been sitting moments before. As soon as he entered Harry started talking.

"A few days ago Professor Dumbledore told Sirius they had found a spell that would stop Voldemort. That may even kill him. But the trick of it was that I had to speak the spell. Do you know what I'm talking about?"

Lupin observed his former student for a few moments before answering. He had in all of his association with the boy never seen Harry this angry about anything.

"I know the spell you're talking about, if that's what you mean?" Lupin replied, trying not to allow himself to be drawn into Harry's mood.

"I want you to teach it to me." Harry stated directly.

"What?"

"I want to learn the spell. I want to go with the ministry when they attack the Deatheaters in their lair and I want to kill Voldemort..., and as many of his rotten snakes as I can find. I want them all dead. Every last one of them."

Lupin stared at Harry, shocked at the sheer hatred in his tone. Even the day Harry had confronted Sirius, thinking him the traitor who had allowed Voldemort to kill his parents, Lupin didn't remember the boy being this beyond control.

"And what, might I ask," Lupin questioned cautiously, "has brought on this sudden desire for revenge?"

"Sudden?" Harry nearly yelled the word at him. "They killed my parents! They are responsible for why my life was a living torture for eleven years. They are responsible for every single misery in my life for the past fifteen years. They are responsible for what happened to Sirius." Harry abruptly stopped in his tirade and turned to the floor. Lupin watched as the anger was quickly caught and buried deep within the boy as he slowly raised his eyes to Lupin again. "It's time for a little revenge." Harry said in a very low and dangerous tone.

"I see." Lupin replied quietly. "So, you're going to kill every single Deatheater by yourself? And Voldemort?"

"I'm not going to fail again."

"Fail? I've never considered in one encounter that you've had with Voldemort that you've 'failed', Harry."

"I didn't kill him."

"Nor could you have. You weren't strong enough."

"Well, this time I'm going to make sure that I am, that I can, and that I do. He's not going to escape this time. None of them are. If they do, all they do is hurt the people I care about. And I've had enough of it."

"How do you know Voldemort is going after people you care about?"

"Pettigrew told me."

"Peter?"

"I saw him....the night they took Sirius." Harry's resolute manner almost faltered at the memory of that night. But he quickly steeled himself up again. "He told me Voldemort's plan was to kill everyone I cared anything about. And then he'll come after me. When he thinks I'll be to discouraged to fight anymore."

"Good plan."

"No, it's not." Harry stated defiantly. "I'm not going to crawl under some rock and hide. If Voldemort's going to threaten those I love, then I'm not going to run. I'm going to stand and fight."

"I didn't mean his plan to kill those you care about , Harry, because that isn't his plan at all."

Harry was ready to reply, but stopped short. "What do you mean? Pettigrew said...."

"I don't think going about killing everyone you know is very practical or at all Voldemort's style."

"Killing people? I think that is pretty much his 'style'."

"Everyone you know? That'll take a while, Harry. In fact, as much as I hate to say it, it seems dear old Peter no more had a change of heart than Voldemort will. I think Peter is still very much Voldemort's loyal servant and was doing exactly what Voldemort told him to do."

Harry thought for a moment. "You think Voldemort told Pettigrew to tell me all that stuff? Why?"

"So you would do exactly what you're doing, Harry. Running off blindly into a fight with him. He's not hoping to discourage you, Harry. He's hoping to make you angry. Just as you are now. Because it's not in your discouragement that you'll be careless. It's in your anger."

Harry thought for a moment. "He's still going to try and kill those around me." Harry said slowly. "Sirius, Arabella, maybe even you. I can't let that happen."

"You can't let it happen? No offense, Harry, but when did I become your charge? Believe me, if Voldemort is planning on attacking those close to you, he'll have a time of it. We can protect ourselves fairly well."

"Like Sirius did?"

"Sirius was without his magic, Harry. He was as disadvantaged as he could have been."

"Then he needs me to help him."

"He has Arabella and myself to protect him, Harry."

Harry felt his anger building again, threatening to break free once more. Lupin was just running him about in circles, keeping him off the subject. But Harry wasn't going to be that easily distracted.

"Will you teach me the spell?" He asked pointedly.

Lupin studied his former student for a moment. As clearly as Harry could feel it, Lupin could see the anger building in him again, tensing his tall frame from head to toe. Teaching the boy the spell would be a pleasant diversion. Knowing what he would use it for would be a catastrophe.

"No." Lupin replied just as determinedly. "And I say that not as your teacher, Harry, but as your friend. If you try to use this spell in anger against Voldemort, you will lose. And I will not be responsible for that."

Harry just managed to grab hold of the anger boiling up inside of him before it lashed out at Lupin. Instead he simply clenched his fists tightly at his sides.

"Fine." He replied shortly as he turned and stormed out of the room.