Chapter 2
That day I stayed inside the cave. I didn't go outside and identify my surroundings--refraining from anything that could possibly confirm my being on a different world. Riku, in his comings and goings often brought back something for me as well: fruit, mushrooms, seagull eggs... I suppose just about whatever he could scavenge from the area. That night was when the situation hit me like a punch to the gut. Dinner had been a humble one of seagull eggs, water, and scewered fish. Eating this just solidified the reality for me: I wasn't at home, I wasn't near home, and there was no one with me except for this young man sitting across from me. After the fire died away and Riku was asleep, I was left alone to my musings. It was in the quiet of the night that I began crying. Everything I didn't know how to feel that morning hit me in the dead of night. It was then that I left the cave and wandered into the new world I found myself in.
Tears spilled from my eyes as I walked into this world. It was a clear night, although humid and only one thin cloud dared to place itself within the indigo sky. This world was utterly different from the one I'd apparently left. The surf gently wafted onto the shores only a few meters away. This place merely seemed an expired habitat--a wooden tower, tall palm trees, and a segmented bridge of sorts--even shallow cliffs... I stood and gulped in deep breaths of the salty air and let the breeze muss my hair. Stepping away from my haven from this new place, I closed the distance between me and the sea staring out into its endless horizonas it stared back at me. It felt so good to be outside, and experiencing something apart from that cave.
Reaching the very edge of the water, I sat down and continued staring at the tranquil depths flowing into its own endlessness. "I have lied to myself." I voiced as I continued to stare into the ocean.
That day, all I thought of was my home... Active--living with my family, and friends. But now, I was reduced to living in a cave and never again experiencing the joy of the sun shining through my window in the morning, the thrill of running through the rain, or laughing with loved ones. I lived through a day without seeing one of them or hearing their voices... Instead I had imagined them being with me all the while. Imagining that I was still at home, still seeing them--even visualizing their faces, playing back their voices and creating conversations we would have had... I had consciously created my own fantasy all the while knowing it to be a lie.
I had lied to my eyes and told them to see what wasn't there; I'd told my ears to hear a sound that couldn't be heard; I'd made my brain respond to false stimuli. I missed them and there wasn't likely to be another chance to see them again. I felt completely solitary in a word. Completely separated from everything that I'd ever known... That realization brought me to my knees, so to speak, and I cried with abandon.