Title: Good Intentions: Testing the Limits
Author: Ash
E-Mail: ashj@sympatico.ca
Livejournal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/ashjay/
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, no matter how much I might want to, and someday I'll learn to accept that.
Feedback: Would be appreciated.
Summary: When Willow tries to help Buffy feel safe, she has the best of intentions. That should have been a warning sign right there.
Dedication: To Em, Gabrielle, and Lady Darkstar.
Part Thirteen
Willow's life was becoming blurred, hard to hold on to, a mismatched patchwork quilt of fear and smiling and crying and math classes and blood and...
"Willow?" Buffy said, "Could you pass me the protractor?"
"Sure," Willow said, and smiled as she passed it over.
"Great. Now, could you do the problem for me?"
Blink and Willow smiled again, a little too slow, a pause there for Willow to think 'what would Willow do?' and decide that the Willow-that-used-to-be would have found it funny.
"No," Willow said. "That would defeat the purpose of practice questions."
"But I'm the Chosen One! And also stupid, apparently." Buffy pointed out, looking bitterly down at the paper. "Doesn't that get me special treatment?"
"Which one?"
"The stupid one?" Buffy tried.
"No," Willow said.
"The Chosen One... um, one?"
"No," Willow said, smiling again.
"Fine," Buffy said, settling down in her chair with a sulky expression. "But when I get kicked out of school, and have to get a job at the malls selling shoes to Cordelia, I'm *not* slaying any more school monsters. Not unless they give me class credit for it." Her expression brightened and she sat up straight. "Hey, do you think that - "
"No," Willow said emphatically.
"But-" Buffy started.
"Just... no," Willow said, and this time she really did smile. "Nice try, though."
Buffy made a noise like 'hmph' and bent over her paper.
Maybe I should tell her, Willow thought unexpectedly. Maybe it doesn't have to be this way.
Out of the corner of her eye, Willow could see Buffy scribbling something on her notebook that looked suspiciously like a stick figure version of the demon they'd found that afternoon in the girl's washroom on the second floor.
She looks so young, Willow thought. She is so young. And everything about Angelus hurts her; you can see it in her eyes.
Buffy was now adding a round head being crushed in the demon's jaws, a scowling head with X-ed out eyes and long dark hair.
Heh, Willow thought, momentarily distracted.
Buffy smiled at the drawing, and Willow's heart sank. She's happy, Willow thought. With all that's going on, she's still happy some of the time. That's a fragile thing. I could take that from her. I could be the thing that breaks her.
I can't tell her.
And the day blurred again.
Six hours later, Willow was blinking into the driving rain, flat on her back on the muddy ground with no breath in her lungs and a stick poking into her back.
Buffy extended a hand to her. "You okay?" Buffy asked.
Willow nodded numbly. She took Buffy's hand and let her friend pull her to her feet, trying very hard not to stare.
Buffy was death in a tank top, blood and dirt matting in her wet hair and trickling across her forehead, angry red scratches sharp as tattoos on her arms where the demon had clawed her. The demon itself was a barely identifiable shape lying on the ground behind her, bleeding green and gold that melded with the rain and washed away.
You know, Willow thought dazedly, maybe Buffy isn't all that fragile.
Maybe I could tell her.
Maybe that's just the concussion talking.
"C'mon, Wills," Buffy said cheerfully, taking her arm. "Let's go tell the guys that we came, I slew, and now they get clean up duty."
"Well, I didn't really do anything -" Willow started to say, and then caught herself. Hey, she was being pursued-caught? controlled? something anyway, something not good-by a bloodthirsty demon, and in that situation even she didn't feel like talking herself into clean up duty.
Willow smiled at Buffy, another real smile, a banner day, and said, "You're right. They can do the cleaning up."
Buffy grinned back at her. "I knew you'd see the light. And while they do the icky, wanna come over to my house? We can watch movies, do our nails, sharpen my weapons, talk, you know - girl stuff."
Talking could be good, Willow thought. Unless it led to *talking*, in which case all of my friends will die and I'll suffer horribly. Which would be less good.
The sun was going down.
"Sorry," Willow said, meaning it, "I have to get home. It's getting dark."
"Now, why can't everyone in Sunnydale feel that way? It would make my job *so* much easier." Buffy said. "Okay, you head home. I'll just tell the guys where the body is, and then I'll come over."
No, Willow thought wildly.
"N-" Willow said wildly.
"And I'd better hurry!" Buffy cut in as the headlights of a passing car washed over them, briefly illuminating the corpse thinly veiled by the sheets of rain. "The police are pretty oblivious, but I don't want to push their stupidity too far! See you soon!"
"No, but, but..." Willow called after Buffy's quickly disappearing back. But then Buffy was gone, and Willow was alone with the corpse, and the corpse was the least of her problems.
I hate my life, she thought.
She turned and started to walk towards her house, walking slowly despite the rain running down her neck and into her shoes. Her mind turned over scenario after scenario of how the evening could go. Most of them ended with her dead. Some ended with Buffy dead.
One, hopelessly optimistic, ended with Angelus taking up a new hobby, maybe crossword puzzles, and forgetting about Willow entirely. Willow liked that one. She could buy him a 250,000 piece puzzle with a picture of a black cat at midnight, and by the time he'd finished that the rest of them would have died of natural causes.
Oh god, Angelus wasn't going to like this.
Willow frowned. "No," she said aloud, her voice lost in the thunder that crashed overhead. "I'm *not* going to think like that. Angelus' mood is not my top priority." She walked faster, feeling a sudden need to move, to escape; to escape from her thoughts, from the rain, and from the part of her that had accepted it all as inevitable.
I hate my life, she thought again.
This is not my life.
I'm not going to let it be.
*****
Buffy sprinted away through the rain, leaving Willow behind. She could hear her saying "But... but..."
Picking up her pace, she was out of earshot in a matter of seconds. Don't hear you, Willow, she thought triumphantly. Too bad. You're having company tonight.
Willow had been being way too antisocial every since... Buffy's mind stopped there, shying away from the memory of Willow lying on the floor, all pale skin and dark circles. Better to think of Willow smiling as Buffy forced her to eat more pizza, blushing when Buffy teased her about Oz. Yes. That would make things better.
She turned a corner and caught sight of the rest of the gang crouched surreptitiously behind a Dumpster. It would have been a more effective hiding place if the axe hadn't been poking out on top. It was a very large axe.
Buffy waved at them and ran over, "It's all over, folks," she said cheerfully. "We came, we found, we slayed."
"You killed it?" Giles said, frowning.
"Yep!" Buffy said. "Smile, will you? It's a happy thing!"
"Yes, of course, but..." Giles' voice trailed off, and he looked down at the axe in his hands.
Xander clapped him on the shoulder. "There, there," he said, "I'm sure you'll get to use your Axe of Greyskull on some other demon."
"Maybe Skeletor will show," Oz added.
"It's the Axe of Grizkill!" Giles snapped, "And it's specially made for this type of demon. As it happens, they're very rare."
"And getting more so," Buffy put in brightly.
"Yes," Giles said, still looking put out, "How did you, er, dispatch it without the axe?"
Buffy shrugged. "I beat it to death with a hockey stick."
"Ouch," Xander said, wincing, "It's the penalty box for you, missy,"
"Missy?" Cordelia said witheringly.
"As fun as this is, guys," Buffy said, "Willow's waiting for me. You guys get cleanup."
"Where *is* Willow?" Cordelia said, her voice strident. "If *I* have to do this..."
"She helped me," Buffy said firmly. "She went home, and now I'm going over there." She turned to repeat her successful unequivocal-statement-and-run procedure, but paused. "Oh yeah. The body is in the park."
She disappeared into the gathering darkness, leaving behind some very wet and bitter friends.
Hoisting the axe, Giles sighed. "Right then. Off we go."
Once out of sight, Buffy slowed to a walk. She couldn't really get much wetter, and she didn't want to draw any attention.
As she drew closer to Willow's house, Buffy could feel that there was a vampire nearby. It was a strange feeling - like a cross between pins and needles and stepping out of a hot bath into cold air. Not pleasant.
She slowed down and looked around casually. With malicious optimism she hoped that it was the same vampire that had attacked Willow. Now what had Willow said he looked like? Oh yeah - short, stocky and balding...
Her sharp eyes searched the area, looking for anyone lurking suspiciously. Sucking blood from someone would be also be a tip off. She saw no one.
This is not to say that there was no one there.
From the shadows under the balcony, Angelus watched Buffy looking for him.
I do hope my new toy hasn't done anything foolish, he thought. Something like telling the Slayer about the *special* relationship we have. His lips parted in a wolfish grin. I'd have to punish her.
Looking out from her window, Willow saw Buffy come to a stop in the middle of the road.
Oh no, she thought, *please* just have lost something, please leave, or come in, but don't, don't, *please* don't -
As she watched, Buffy surreptitiously slid a stake from her shoulder bag, palming it.
No, Willow thought, and she was on the balcony now, rain pouring down her face, her hands tight and painful on the railing, please.
It felt like a dream, like she knew what was going to happen, so much so that she didn't even flinch when a dark figure separated from the darkness underneath her balcony and moved towards Buffy. Willow didn't need to see his face.
Willow's hands gripped the wood and she was surprised that it didn't splinter, and Angelus was almost behind Buffy now. A dream still, a nightmare now, moving towards a certain disaster.
I should scream, Willow thought numbly, warn her, but... If he knows, he'll... If I don't, she'll die! I don't want her to die. I don't want to die.
No decision at all, really.
---------
Tell me what you think?
Note: You may have noticed I'm no longer using my hotmail account. This is because it insists that it's full even though it erased all the e-mails in it. All of my e-mail, people. My comments! *sobs* So, if you didn't hear from me, that's why. (I assume some people commented on the last chapter, you notice. I'm arrogant like that. ;)
Anyway, I may not have gotten to read your comments, but I thank you for them anyway, and hope to hear from you again. I'll reply, I swear! Probably at too much length, probably with bouncing. Almost certainly with grinning. *g*
See?
I'm a person of my word.
Secondary note: I've been nominated for my fanart for this story at: http://awards.shadesofgrey.us/ It's nifty. You should go nominate people, because, as I recently found out, getting nominated is *fun*. Spread the joy!
Ash
Author: Ash
E-Mail: ashj@sympatico.ca
Livejournal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/ashjay/
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, no matter how much I might want to, and someday I'll learn to accept that.
Feedback: Would be appreciated.
Summary: When Willow tries to help Buffy feel safe, she has the best of intentions. That should have been a warning sign right there.
Dedication: To Em, Gabrielle, and Lady Darkstar.
Part Thirteen
Willow's life was becoming blurred, hard to hold on to, a mismatched patchwork quilt of fear and smiling and crying and math classes and blood and...
"Willow?" Buffy said, "Could you pass me the protractor?"
"Sure," Willow said, and smiled as she passed it over.
"Great. Now, could you do the problem for me?"
Blink and Willow smiled again, a little too slow, a pause there for Willow to think 'what would Willow do?' and decide that the Willow-that-used-to-be would have found it funny.
"No," Willow said. "That would defeat the purpose of practice questions."
"But I'm the Chosen One! And also stupid, apparently." Buffy pointed out, looking bitterly down at the paper. "Doesn't that get me special treatment?"
"Which one?"
"The stupid one?" Buffy tried.
"No," Willow said.
"The Chosen One... um, one?"
"No," Willow said, smiling again.
"Fine," Buffy said, settling down in her chair with a sulky expression. "But when I get kicked out of school, and have to get a job at the malls selling shoes to Cordelia, I'm *not* slaying any more school monsters. Not unless they give me class credit for it." Her expression brightened and she sat up straight. "Hey, do you think that - "
"No," Willow said emphatically.
"But-" Buffy started.
"Just... no," Willow said, and this time she really did smile. "Nice try, though."
Buffy made a noise like 'hmph' and bent over her paper.
Maybe I should tell her, Willow thought unexpectedly. Maybe it doesn't have to be this way.
Out of the corner of her eye, Willow could see Buffy scribbling something on her notebook that looked suspiciously like a stick figure version of the demon they'd found that afternoon in the girl's washroom on the second floor.
She looks so young, Willow thought. She is so young. And everything about Angelus hurts her; you can see it in her eyes.
Buffy was now adding a round head being crushed in the demon's jaws, a scowling head with X-ed out eyes and long dark hair.
Heh, Willow thought, momentarily distracted.
Buffy smiled at the drawing, and Willow's heart sank. She's happy, Willow thought. With all that's going on, she's still happy some of the time. That's a fragile thing. I could take that from her. I could be the thing that breaks her.
I can't tell her.
And the day blurred again.
Six hours later, Willow was blinking into the driving rain, flat on her back on the muddy ground with no breath in her lungs and a stick poking into her back.
Buffy extended a hand to her. "You okay?" Buffy asked.
Willow nodded numbly. She took Buffy's hand and let her friend pull her to her feet, trying very hard not to stare.
Buffy was death in a tank top, blood and dirt matting in her wet hair and trickling across her forehead, angry red scratches sharp as tattoos on her arms where the demon had clawed her. The demon itself was a barely identifiable shape lying on the ground behind her, bleeding green and gold that melded with the rain and washed away.
You know, Willow thought dazedly, maybe Buffy isn't all that fragile.
Maybe I could tell her.
Maybe that's just the concussion talking.
"C'mon, Wills," Buffy said cheerfully, taking her arm. "Let's go tell the guys that we came, I slew, and now they get clean up duty."
"Well, I didn't really do anything -" Willow started to say, and then caught herself. Hey, she was being pursued-caught? controlled? something anyway, something not good-by a bloodthirsty demon, and in that situation even she didn't feel like talking herself into clean up duty.
Willow smiled at Buffy, another real smile, a banner day, and said, "You're right. They can do the cleaning up."
Buffy grinned back at her. "I knew you'd see the light. And while they do the icky, wanna come over to my house? We can watch movies, do our nails, sharpen my weapons, talk, you know - girl stuff."
Talking could be good, Willow thought. Unless it led to *talking*, in which case all of my friends will die and I'll suffer horribly. Which would be less good.
The sun was going down.
"Sorry," Willow said, meaning it, "I have to get home. It's getting dark."
"Now, why can't everyone in Sunnydale feel that way? It would make my job *so* much easier." Buffy said. "Okay, you head home. I'll just tell the guys where the body is, and then I'll come over."
No, Willow thought wildly.
"N-" Willow said wildly.
"And I'd better hurry!" Buffy cut in as the headlights of a passing car washed over them, briefly illuminating the corpse thinly veiled by the sheets of rain. "The police are pretty oblivious, but I don't want to push their stupidity too far! See you soon!"
"No, but, but..." Willow called after Buffy's quickly disappearing back. But then Buffy was gone, and Willow was alone with the corpse, and the corpse was the least of her problems.
I hate my life, she thought.
She turned and started to walk towards her house, walking slowly despite the rain running down her neck and into her shoes. Her mind turned over scenario after scenario of how the evening could go. Most of them ended with her dead. Some ended with Buffy dead.
One, hopelessly optimistic, ended with Angelus taking up a new hobby, maybe crossword puzzles, and forgetting about Willow entirely. Willow liked that one. She could buy him a 250,000 piece puzzle with a picture of a black cat at midnight, and by the time he'd finished that the rest of them would have died of natural causes.
Oh god, Angelus wasn't going to like this.
Willow frowned. "No," she said aloud, her voice lost in the thunder that crashed overhead. "I'm *not* going to think like that. Angelus' mood is not my top priority." She walked faster, feeling a sudden need to move, to escape; to escape from her thoughts, from the rain, and from the part of her that had accepted it all as inevitable.
I hate my life, she thought again.
This is not my life.
I'm not going to let it be.
*****
Buffy sprinted away through the rain, leaving Willow behind. She could hear her saying "But... but..."
Picking up her pace, she was out of earshot in a matter of seconds. Don't hear you, Willow, she thought triumphantly. Too bad. You're having company tonight.
Willow had been being way too antisocial every since... Buffy's mind stopped there, shying away from the memory of Willow lying on the floor, all pale skin and dark circles. Better to think of Willow smiling as Buffy forced her to eat more pizza, blushing when Buffy teased her about Oz. Yes. That would make things better.
She turned a corner and caught sight of the rest of the gang crouched surreptitiously behind a Dumpster. It would have been a more effective hiding place if the axe hadn't been poking out on top. It was a very large axe.
Buffy waved at them and ran over, "It's all over, folks," she said cheerfully. "We came, we found, we slayed."
"You killed it?" Giles said, frowning.
"Yep!" Buffy said. "Smile, will you? It's a happy thing!"
"Yes, of course, but..." Giles' voice trailed off, and he looked down at the axe in his hands.
Xander clapped him on the shoulder. "There, there," he said, "I'm sure you'll get to use your Axe of Greyskull on some other demon."
"Maybe Skeletor will show," Oz added.
"It's the Axe of Grizkill!" Giles snapped, "And it's specially made for this type of demon. As it happens, they're very rare."
"And getting more so," Buffy put in brightly.
"Yes," Giles said, still looking put out, "How did you, er, dispatch it without the axe?"
Buffy shrugged. "I beat it to death with a hockey stick."
"Ouch," Xander said, wincing, "It's the penalty box for you, missy,"
"Missy?" Cordelia said witheringly.
"As fun as this is, guys," Buffy said, "Willow's waiting for me. You guys get cleanup."
"Where *is* Willow?" Cordelia said, her voice strident. "If *I* have to do this..."
"She helped me," Buffy said firmly. "She went home, and now I'm going over there." She turned to repeat her successful unequivocal-statement-and-run procedure, but paused. "Oh yeah. The body is in the park."
She disappeared into the gathering darkness, leaving behind some very wet and bitter friends.
Hoisting the axe, Giles sighed. "Right then. Off we go."
Once out of sight, Buffy slowed to a walk. She couldn't really get much wetter, and she didn't want to draw any attention.
As she drew closer to Willow's house, Buffy could feel that there was a vampire nearby. It was a strange feeling - like a cross between pins and needles and stepping out of a hot bath into cold air. Not pleasant.
She slowed down and looked around casually. With malicious optimism she hoped that it was the same vampire that had attacked Willow. Now what had Willow said he looked like? Oh yeah - short, stocky and balding...
Her sharp eyes searched the area, looking for anyone lurking suspiciously. Sucking blood from someone would be also be a tip off. She saw no one.
This is not to say that there was no one there.
From the shadows under the balcony, Angelus watched Buffy looking for him.
I do hope my new toy hasn't done anything foolish, he thought. Something like telling the Slayer about the *special* relationship we have. His lips parted in a wolfish grin. I'd have to punish her.
Looking out from her window, Willow saw Buffy come to a stop in the middle of the road.
Oh no, she thought, *please* just have lost something, please leave, or come in, but don't, don't, *please* don't -
As she watched, Buffy surreptitiously slid a stake from her shoulder bag, palming it.
No, Willow thought, and she was on the balcony now, rain pouring down her face, her hands tight and painful on the railing, please.
It felt like a dream, like she knew what was going to happen, so much so that she didn't even flinch when a dark figure separated from the darkness underneath her balcony and moved towards Buffy. Willow didn't need to see his face.
Willow's hands gripped the wood and she was surprised that it didn't splinter, and Angelus was almost behind Buffy now. A dream still, a nightmare now, moving towards a certain disaster.
I should scream, Willow thought numbly, warn her, but... If he knows, he'll... If I don't, she'll die! I don't want her to die. I don't want to die.
No decision at all, really.
---------
Tell me what you think?
Note: You may have noticed I'm no longer using my hotmail account. This is because it insists that it's full even though it erased all the e-mails in it. All of my e-mail, people. My comments! *sobs* So, if you didn't hear from me, that's why. (I assume some people commented on the last chapter, you notice. I'm arrogant like that. ;)
Anyway, I may not have gotten to read your comments, but I thank you for them anyway, and hope to hear from you again. I'll reply, I swear! Probably at too much length, probably with bouncing. Almost certainly with grinning. *g*
See?
I'm a person of my word.
Secondary note: I've been nominated for my fanart for this story at: http://awards.shadesofgrey.us/ It's nifty. You should go nominate people, because, as I recently found out, getting nominated is *fun*. Spread the joy!
Ash