000

Chapter 3

000

Continued from one week earlier…

Calleigh arrived home and fell front-first onto her bed. She pulled on the elastic holding her very long one length blonde mane of hair and released her blond locks. Her creamy vanilla pale blonde hue was splashed across her white bed linen as she rolled over on her back and looked up at the ceiling. There was a full moon outside and the blue glow from outside entered her bedroom through the windows. She didn't feel at peace like she wanted. She thought once home she would feel better but she didn't. She felt stuck between two waves of identical speeds. She thought a flight into sleep would numb her consciousness. The best advice is found on the pillow, she recalled. Before she knew it, her eyes closed and she drifted into sleep.

The next morning, Calleigh had made her decision. She didn't want to be Hagen's easy-going girlfriend any longer. He had this big tall strapping man quality to him but not quite the sensitivity Calleigh wanted and needed. He had proven himself to be one of those guys that made her choose between him and her family. Those were the two waves crashing on her: her family and John Hagen. She was drowning. She knew the good things she saw in John weren't seen by many others specially her father. Could she blame him? Hagen's competitive arrogance to keep his arrest jacket on the right track made her skin crawl with disgust. She couldn't stand his way of taking care of things. It had to end.

000

Present time…

Calleigh was exhausted. Climbing into bed, covering her entire body with her bed linen was reassuring. Curled up into a ball and tucked under the covers, she felt isolated from the world. She didn't even mind the heat, she just stayed curled up, hands clasped at her nape, head between her bent arms, hoping her brain would stop working. Even a week after her break-up with John, she still hadn't found peace. Wishing that the world would disappear around her, slumber took over.

She dreamed.

Calleigh turned in bed. She wrestled with the unpleasant dreams she had and with her satin, chenille comforter. She awoke suddenly, bolting upright in bed. Realizing that it was only 2:31 in the morning, she curled up in the foetal position and closed her eyes, hoping sleep would return.

000

That morning, Calleigh lay in bed, awake, thinking. Her face flushed as she remembered every instant of the good dream she had after her brief awake at two thirty from the unpleasant dream concerning John.

It was just a blur, a flash, a few seconds. She remembered how she felt, how he smelled, how her body quivered from head to toe. She remembered a hand going down her side, lips on her own. Her eyes were closed and his body was hot on her bare skin. She remembered his weight on her, his touches, his caresses, his kisses. Remembered the passion, the joy, the excitement, the shivers. She remembered his chest touching hers, his red hair, the sparkle in his blue eyes, the way he took her pronto, the way he held her after, the way he expressed his pleasure, the way he made her feel. He knew exactly what she wanted. Hands clasped, hearts pounding, mouth agape, rocking together faster and deeper and harder and he said her name in a raspy voice. She remembered it. Her dream. Why was it only a dream?

She was startled when her alarm clock went off and music played instantly. It was time to face reality. The lyrics of the song playing brought a smile on her face, nonetheless.

"Do you lie awake in the morning
Trying to find a reason to call me?
Cause honey all that I've been doing
Is thinking about your smile
None of this is necessary with me baby
You see baby
Cause I like to keep it all simple
Cause you are my Satellite
So I'm trying to keep you in sight, so you might wanna sit tight
But with all this space
Can we keep it alive
Keep it alive
So I'm asking you baby
Are you coming down tonight?"

She rolled over to reach the off button on the radio clock. She already smelled the coffee brewing. That programmed machine turned out to be a great gift. Her brother was always so practical in gifts and every morning she appreciated it. She jumped into the shower with her toothbrush because somehow she saved time that way. Then, tied her hair back in a high ponytail, before deciding what she was going to wear. A floral tieback halter-top and black trousers were her choice of the day. She also picked out a pair of snip-toed mid- calf boots from her closet. Minutes later, she was sitting in front of the vanity mirror in her bedroom, she was finishing her makeup by daubing red lipstick.

She entered the kitchen and pulled on the fridge door. She peered inside and leaned forward in search of something still edible on the almost empty shelves. Between her job, her workout sessions and the very few days she had off, not to mention the ones she actually took, she barely found the time to shop and buy herself something nice, let alone, shop for food. Then again, she thought, if I had food, I'd need to cook. Time was something she didnèt have. Never did she think of herself as a housewife; she didn't enjoy cooking much and cleaning even less. Everything was time consuming and her job took all the room. A housewife? She barely thought about a family of her own. She was afraid it would turn out like the one she ran away from.

Oh great, she thought, just what I needed. Her mind insisted on the idea of wanting a family. It's true, she thought, I'm in my thirties, prime time to bear children but I need a man to make a baby. At that realization, she felt alone as ever. She took a step back, away from the fridge, and grabbing her handbag, placed an apple inside. She rummaged through her storage cupboard and a sought out a granola bar. Another snack she'd enjoy during the day. Pressured by time, she grabbed car keys before locking the door and leaving.

A few seconds later, she rushed back inside, picking up the coffee she'd forgotten from the kitchen counter mumbling 'I won't make it through the day without you'. She locked the door for a second time this morning, feeling ditzy that she sensed it as a déjà vu, and headed towards the parking garage.

Driving down the highway, she began reminiscing about her past. Over ten years ago, she was almost as lonely as she was now. She didn't have many friends because she had a passion for things that the people she knew didn't care much for. Above all, she loved to be alone and only once in a while she'd go out with friends. They didn't understand why they needed to drag her out of the house. Her girlfriends were always telling her how she could get any guy in any room but Calleigh didn't care much for boys. A few days now and then of 'socializing' were more than enough for her. She knew what was expected of a beautiful blond girl and made sure she didn't fit into the stereotypes. She didn't mind how people saw her. They thought she was shy, reserved, a pretty dumb blond. She knew one day, they'd figure out how wrong they were. She had wits and was daddy's Lamb Chop for a reason: to prevent the bottle of alcohol from making its way back into his grasp.

Besides, others, she felt, deprived her of her independence. She needed to have complete autonomy because she'd been forced to, in her childhood. Back then, her daily chores weren't cleaning her room and helping out her mom with supper; it was keeping her parents sober, her brothers fed, taking care of her family and keeping the house tidy. Maybe it was the reason why she hated doing all those things now. She couldn't count how many times she'd ran away with her brothers to find peace. Her responsibility towards them was overbearing. Maybe it was why she didn't want any children. Yet, she still thought about it and fantasized about her perfect match. A man who would be a mirror image of herself. His look would enable her to recognize herself through him. A person with whom she'd feel secure and gratified. A man that, coming into her life, would overturn everything and emancipate her strength, her beauty and her intelligence. He'd discover her secrets. The little flaws that she disliked and tried to keep from others. Those would be the things that would make him love her even more. He'd discover her vulnerability: her fear of abandonment. He'd understand her need for independence. He'd be confronted by it but she would be confronted by his flaws as well. The company would pulverize the obsession, the sense of perfection and the narcissism of zero weakness. She'd be challenged by him. She would need to open up and it would make him that much closer to her. She would trust him completely.

She'd learned once that it took five things to make an interpersonal attraction possible. Number one: proximity. She realized she had that criterion because she worked with him. Number two: a personal attraction to his physical appearance. There was no denying that. She craved to hear his voice, to see his eyes wishing they burned with the same desire hers did. Number three: similarities. They both had unfortunately come from tragic pasts. They both were sensitive, intuitive, and driven by a passion. Number four: complicity. She was more simple than him and she'd noticed he could read her. He was more complex, more sophisticated and she had a hard time reading him. Calleigh loved to be admired. To her eyes, he had an endearing shyness. Finally, number five: possess a positive image of the other. Calleigh had great admiration for him. He was the one. She was certain of it. There was no doubt in her mind. Horatio was her soul mate but the thought of unrequited love troubled her still.

000

Horatio was on his way to work as well. Stopping at a red light, he took a sip of his coffee. He glanced at the sky through his black sunglasses, the sun was high up, no clouds in sight. It was going to be a hot day in Miami. The radio told him that much. Rising up into the high nineties. The light turned green as he gulped down another sip of his coffee. The hot liquid burned his throat and added warmth to his already warm body but he desperately needed energy. It made him grateful for the air conditioning in the CSI-issued Hummer H2. Driving down his regular route, the radio caught his attention. A song he loved had begun to play. With delight, he listened to the words.

"Please forgive me
Now I see that I've been blind.
Give me love,
Love is what I need to help me know my name. "

Suddenly it struck him. He had found the meaning to this song he'd listened to so many times.

As the song ended, he mulled about the love in his life. She shouldn't feel threatened by Yelina, he thought, because Calleigh will always have a special place in my heart, he thought silently. Yelina makes me nervous. I feel as though she's so much better than me. Calleigh is even more and it's the reason why I've never made an attempt to ask her out. I've imagined me doing so but it just doesn't seem right. Such an ordinary, mundane thing to do and Cali is everything but mundane. She makes every day an incredibly enjoyable one. She makes me feel so alive. I distinctly remember her saying something once about me being handsome and that made my heart skip a beat. Yeah, it was "Hello Handsome". I couldn't get those two words out of my head for weeks after that. Calleigh is an honest person; she probably meant it and it drove me nuts for her to say it in such an easy manner when everything I'd like to tell her always stays with me.

I had no idea she found me attractive. I feel out of her league but something happened in the lab yesterday that I can't explain. I don't have anything to offer her. She's young and I feel so old.

Good thing the job keeps me busy; keeps me from thinking about my life. the sorrow, the pain, the loneliness. Working gives me the motivation and appreciation I need to go on. Alone, I have no fear of being abandoned. I'm satisfied by living in the moment but now, the penny dropped and I want more. I'm no longer satisfied.

My job is the only thing I feel confident and secure about. When it comes to Calleigh, I get lost. I can't remember who I am. Nothing matters anymore. I feel like a victim, a DB and she is the only one who can identify me. She makes me who I am now. I need her to look at my scars and tell me what happened. What has brought me to this point? To the point where I can't tell her how I feel...

000

"Cal-leigh" Horatio murmured lowly in her ear.

Calleigh froze, remembering her dream. Shaking her thoughts, she took a step back from the microscope lenses and gave him her full attention: "yeah?" she asked almost dreamingly.

She hadn't realized she was staring at his lips. He, on the other hand, noticed her gaze and was taken aback by her welcome. It was wonderfully unusual.

"You okay?" he asked in a silky voice.

She blinked and came back to reality. Embarrassed by her lack of secrecy and the smug look on Horatio Caine's face, she blushed and looked away.

Horatio lifted brow and muttered: "Alright Calleigh, what's up?"

"Nothing," she answered simply shaking her head. She avoided his eyes, which intrigued him even more. Since when did Calleigh Duquesne avoid his eyes?

He didn't budge, standing still, waiting for the truth.

She complied and explained in a low voice: "It may have something to do with me dreaming of you - "

She resented herself for having said it but no one was immune to Horatio's charm. Calleigh was impossible to be dishonest with him, not only for her in fact but for everyone. He could be very persuasive when he needed to be.

Her answer stirred a lot of emotion within him. He had to downplay immensely and he was unsuccessful.

A coy smile tugged at the side of his lips.

His eyes were focusing on her face as he asked slightly under his breath:

"Good dream?"

She knew he was toying with her and two could play at this game. She closed her eyes, teasingly, and answered suavely: "Yeah."

Was that a gulp she heard? She opened her eyes and looked at him steadily.

He desperately tried to keep his poker face. Nervously, he licked his lips then broke the silence. "I'm flattered-"

"And I'm confused - " she continued briskly.

He had to stay clam and hide everything he felt for her. This wasn't the time or the place to share his feelings with her.

"Calleigh, it doesn't necessarily mean anything. We work together, see each other all the time - your subconscious is bound to keep a picture in memory - "

If he could have, he'd kick himself furiously. He was not only ignoring his feelings, but also making hers sound futile. What the hell am I doing? He questioned his motive.

"Some picture!" she said smiling with enthusiasm as she visualized her dream, gazing over his shoulder. She knew she'd need to pry reactions out of him because Horatio was always so professional, serious and intense at work.

Horatio chuckled. She couldn't even look him in the eye. Oh Calleigh, he thought, you're too good for me.

He's probably right, she thought on her end. It was silly of her to worry about it. Yet, she couldn't risk being drawn in by his steely blue eyes.

Not wanting to push any further, they were already bordering dangerous territory, Horatio asked for the lab results he'd come for in the first place.

"Here you go - " she handed him the sheet of paper.

"Thank you," he said before looking over the results.

Calleigh slightly jumped, startled by Horatio's cell phone ringing.

"Hang on a second - " he told Calleigh as he flipped his phone on and answered "Yeah."

After a brief silence, he said into the phone "I'll be there in ten - "

He snapped his phone shut and placed it in his breast pocket where it had been previously and glanced at the sheet Calleigh had just given him.

"Striations on the bullet match Mr. Spence's gun barrel - " Calleigh informed him sensing his mind was elsewhere.

"Mmm - We got 'im - Good work, Calleigh."

Her eyes looked up at him as she smiled gleefully. The appreciation went straight to her heart.

He exhaled, happy that she finally looked him in the eye. He almost let her get the best of him but he managed to repress the smile that would ravage his serious and worried exterior.

She knew something was up.

"Can you do me a favor and file the paperwork on the Spence's case?"

"Of course. You got another case?"

"Yes, duty calls - " he said as he brushed by her to exit the lab. Upon brief reflection, he turned back in her direction and asked: "Calleigh - "

She interrupted him: "I'll be there as soon as I can - " She smiled. She knew by the look in his eye that the case he'd been called up on was important. She wanted to be there, right alongside.

"Um. No. That's not what I was gonna ask - "

"Oh," she was intrigued. "What then?"

He walked back and stood before her and exhaled "I was wondering if you'd like to - if you're not busy, if you and I could talk."

"Sure, " she answered swiftly, "But I'm not going into details if this is about my dream - " she winked at him.

"That's only fair," he breezed by towards the door and exited.

She was left smiling to herself, standing alone in the lab.

TBC...