A/n-Ok sorry for another long wait. This is probably my last chapter. The song is Jimmy Eat World, Hear you Me. It's a long chapter, but I hope you all like it.
~*~*A month or so later~*~*
Friday, 2:07 pm
Work was becoming easier, by now she knew everyone's name, knew where every room was, and had all the floors memorized except for the mysterious floor six which she never went on.
Things were also going pretty normal for Carter. Heather was just another med student ...well actually she was great. Everything she said was perfect; she knew all the procedures, and even how to handle herself in traumas, even in the stab victim last week, just like any other patient. Outside of work his work was dull, and life was again, normal.
So the day started out slow, by noon there was only one person who needed the trauma room. So it was seemed out of the sorts to see Heather running through the halls.
"Dr Carter!!" She yelled behind him. "Carter" she sighed as she finally met up with him.
"Everything ok Heather?" He looked at her as she gasped for air.
"Yeah it's just… umm," she looked around. "Can we talk?" She nodded towards an empty exam room.
"Uh alright," he followed her into the room, "What's up?"
"Can I have the next 2 days off?" She asked bluntly, and clapped her hands together.
Carter laughed, "No your a med student...my med student, you work when I work and I'm working this weekend." He set his charts on a metal table and began to sort through them.
"No really, it's important."
Carter looked up from his piling charts, "How important?"
"Very important."
"What's so important that you can't wait until after your rotation for?" He sat on the bed and took a sip of his coffee, he found this very amusing.
"It's not any of your business.... I mean I've tried but I can't get out of this," she looked at his doubtful face. "Come on Dr. Carter, please."
"Tell me what's so important and maybe I'll consider," he lied. There was no way a med student was getting a weekend off if he couldn't.
Heather sighed, "You're going to regret me telling you."
"Somehow I doubt that," he gave Heather a small smile
"Fine," she said putting her charts down. "Every year my mom has this service thing for Lucy's birthday...her birthdays on Saturday. I've been trying to get out of it but she won't hear of it, if I could just get off for this, fly home, I will never ask for a day off again."
Carter looked into her eyes and took his charts and stood up, and began to walk out of the room. He stopped at the doorway and barely turned his head to look as his med student. "You'll be back Monday, 5am?"
Heather nodded, "Yes, thanks Dr. Carter."
And with those last words Carter walked out of the room. He set his charts down at admit and walked outside. It was pouring down rain so he kept close by the building. He rested his head against the hospital wall and sighed. Although it seemed like she was gone, she never left him alone.
~*~*~*~
Saturday 4:24 pm
"Mom no please don't shove that in my face!" She hated this argument. They had it almost every year, "Lucy would have hated this in the first place," she said clamping her necklace around her neck.
"But Heather," she stood up and took her hands, "Everybody needs to know how you feel about your sister."
"Mom!" She moved her hands back. "First if all, that isn't anybody's business. And I was her sister, there's not much more to say about that," she rolled her eyes.
"You still are her sister Heather!" She scolded her, "If you're not going to do it for her then do it for me."
"No mom!! I'm not doing it for anybody. You are giving a speech, Becky is giving a speech, and even Aunt Maggie is. Good for you guys, but I'm not!" She said sternly. Lucy would have hated the fighting more then anything.
Barbra sighed, "Fine." She said, "I'm going to the church to set up, will you finish up here?"
Heather rolled her eyes, "Yeah it'll all be ready for after the service."
Barbra walked out, shutting her door on the way.
Heather sat on her bed and looked around the room. It was a small room, always had been. She stood up and walked over to Lucy's side of the room. She picked up some pictures of her and her friends on Lucy's high school graduation. Heather laughed and set them down. She looked above her bed and there were all of her dance trophies. She was an amazing ballerina. It was the weirdest thing growing up, Lucy strived to be best at school and stayed up late hours studying and studying. For Heather on the other hand, school was easy. The first time she started to actually study was in pre-med. And even then Heather's grades topped Lucy's. Heather never even wanted to go to med school. Her dream was to be a dancer...have her sister's dancing skills. But that never happened. When Heather got the complete scholarship to Duquesne, she took it. And from there it was history.
She looked one last time at Lucy's, neater, part of the room. Then headed out the door and began to get the kitchen ready for the after service tonight.
*****
There's no one in town I
know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
******
~*~*~*~*
Saturday, 6:22 pm
Heather watched as her mom walked down from the alter and into the pew in front of her. Heather sighed and looked around the church. It was covered in lilies and pictures of her sister. She dried her eyes and glanced at her mother for the signal to leave. Heather took her purse and began to walk to the back of the church towards the door. She tried to keep her glance from everybody she hated those sympathetic looks. But something caught her eye. She looked up and saw the back of a head and the dark hair seemed really familiar. She watched as the mysterious man escaped out of the side exit. "Who was that?" she asked herself.
~*~*~*~*
Saturday, 6:25 pm
He so much as sprinted out of the church and into the back parking lot. He saw Heather…crying. He saw the painful tears of which Lucy's own mother had let fall down her face…. and he couldn't take it. He looked down at the program, and there was a picture of Lucy. He stroked her picture, along her face. And the only words that were going through his mind at that moment were, "It's all your fault…all your fault." And with his conscience reminding him of that, he felt his eyes burn as tears welled up. He slammed his head against the back of the car over and over as if somehow that would realize the pain in his back, along with his headache. He knew that wouldn't take away the pain, the only thing that could…the only thing he craved about every morning and fell asleep wishing he was in that trance of numbness. He stood up straight and sighed, making a mental note to go to a meeting when he was back home.
Just as he was about to turn around to open his car he saw Heather walking in the distance in the other parking lot. John watched her as she hugged, what must have been her relatives…. friends…or even Lucy's friends. And just then he noticed how easy she made things look. Her own sister was dead…killed, and she moved on…she was completing Lucy's work.
He pulled his keys out of his pocket and listened to the clinking and the clanking as he opened the car door. As he sat in and started his car he saw a yellow paper in the passenger seat. He picked it up and read, in his own writing, Heather's home address, and phone number. Then, he remembered something about a dinner at Barbra Knight's house…. He looked at the note, then into the reflection in the view mirror, "Well." He said to himself, "You wanted peace and here it is." He fumbled with the paper and bit his lip as he put his foot to the gas and drove off.
******
What
would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
*******
~*~*~
Saturday 7:43pm
Heather sat on the counter in the kitchen and sighed. She rubbed her temples and let tears fall from her face, and onto her dress. She looked up from her hands and around the empty kitchen. And she heard laughing from the living room, crying also. Becky, Lucy's friend, was probably telling stories of Lucy from high school, or dance class, or the mall…movies.
The laughing and crying was interrupted by a knock on the door. Heather jumped off the counter and walked into the living room. "I'll get it," she sighed as she walked to the door. It was probably one of her cousins or a friend. She opened the door and saw two dark eyes looking at her and a small smile grew along his face.
"Hey," he said.
"Oh my god Carter!" She whispered and looked behind herself to make sure nobody
was seeing this. She stepped outside, and shut the door behind her. "What are
you doing here?!"
"Well Heather, don't be too flattered but I'm not here for you…" He said as he removed his coat and slung it over his arm left arm.
"Well yeah I kinda got that," she studied him for a little longer. "Oh my god you were at the church!"
"Yes I was at the church, you want to go inside?" He asked reaching for the door handle.
"No!" She grabbed his arm and pulled it down, "John you can't just come here!"
Heather was interrupted by the door being opened, "Heather, who is this?"
Carter turned around and faced Barbra for the first time in four years. "Hello Mrs. Knight," he said to her in a soft voice.
Barbra's blue eyes widened and she looked at Carter astonished, "Dr. Carter." With tears in her eyes she walked over to John and shook his hand, "Thank you so much for coming."
Carter squeezed Barbra's hand and gave a small smile, "I'm glad to be here."
"How did you know about this?" Asked Barbra as she took Carter's coat out of his arms and into her own.
"It's getting a little chilly in here, let's go inside," Heather began to walk inside.
Carter didn't move and stood there looking at Heather, "Heather told me."
"Heather, how do you even know this man?" Barbra asked confused.
"Can't we just talk later?"
Barbra nodded and walked with Carter into the house. She took him by the arm and directed him into the living room full of relatives and friends, "Everybody this is Dr. Carter."
Everyone looked at Carter like they had known who he was. Just by the simple mention of his name, everyone knew the story, knew he was. Carter didn't speak just nodded.
Heather walked behind Carter and stood in front of him to somehow protect him from the pain it would cause him being here, "Mom Carter just came, let him relax or something."
"Nonsense!" Barbra responded and pulled up a chair for Carter and sat on the couch, "I'm so glad you are here."
Carter looked at Heather before taking a seat, "Me too," he lied.
Heather sat across the room. Carter watched as she curled her legs up on the chair and laid her head on the side of chair. Her eyes closed and she sighed as she blocked every word of what everyone was saying.
*****
May
angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
****
~*~*~*~*
Sunday 12:07am
Carter laid on the pullout. Somewhere throughout the events of the night Barbra convinced him to stay the night. But he couldn't sleep. He felt so guilty, all the stories that were told of Lucy. All of her friends crying, even Heather crying, he could have prevented if only he paid more attention. And still it being four years later her last words to him, still haunted his mind, "Just forget about it Carter!" Something he could never forget. He sighed and rolled over onto his stomach on the bed. He hated when he got like this. He caused his back to hurt just by remembering. And the pullout wasn't helping tonight. He moved his hand under his shirt and rubbed over the scar. He groaned from pain and closed his eyes into the white sheets of the pullout. Then, he heard the creaking of wooden floors in the kitchen. He stood up and saw Heather, looking through cabinets in a pair of scrubs.
"I'd thought you'd sleep in something a lot more classy then scrubs," he said softly as he took a few steps into the kitchen.
"Jeez!!" She jumped back and placed her hand over her heart, "God Carter what the hell are you doing other then freaking the hell out of me?!"
Carter smiled and took a seat at the breakfast buffet, "Sorry couldn't sleep. Looks like the same for you though."
Heather pulled out a bag of pretzels and set them on the counter and began to crunch on them as her gaze was taken by the floor, "Hell of a night huh?"
"You could say that," he said as he reached across and took a pretzel.
Heather, whose eyes will still looking only at the floor, "Great lie though."
"What lie?" He asked as she set the pretzel down and dusted his hands off.
"It didn't hurt…." Her voice trailed away and she looked finally looked at Carter.
Carter opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't think of anything to say.
"It's okay," she said as she still nibbled on the pretzel, "I would have done the same. I'm glad you did, it makes her feel a lot better."
Carter sighed and held his head up with his hand, "I didn't know what to say, I've done enough at that point, just something…no it was nothing." His rambling faded.
Heather's turned her whole body and faced Carter as those words left his mouth, "What do you mean you've done enough at that point?"
Carter shook his head and Heather.
"Do you think we blame you for this?" She questioned as she grabbed two sodas from the fridge.
"If you don't you should," he said in a sorrowful voice as he took the soda from Heather and opened it.
"Why?" She asked and took a seat next to him.
"Because it was my fault, I was the resident, I should have been supervising more," he said shaking his head and looking off into the kitchen.
"John look at me," she ordered and watched his dark eyes as the moved and look at her's. "I never blamed you. Nobody does,"
"She does," he said as a tear streamed down his face and his voice cracked.
"No… Carter, she wouldn't blame you for this. He would have found a way to do this if you were with her all the time or not," she took his hand in her's and gave it a light squeeze.
"Well you have to blame somebody or you would be under the covers in dream land about now."
"That's not the reason I can't sleep."
"Then what is it?" He asked, still holding her hand.
"The last time I slept in that room, Lucy was in the next bed and jabbering away about some resident named Carter." She said with a small smile and a twinkle in her blue eyes.
Carter smiled, "I thought you did this every year."
"I did but I slept on the pullout," she said as she nodded to the living room.
"Sorry."
"No please take it. It's uncomfortable as hell," she sipped her soda.
"So was she saying how much she hated me or how much I annoyed her?" He asked sighing.
"Neither," she said with a small twinge of a smile, "She was how much of a good guy you were. How much of a good teacher you've been. How much of a surprising decent guy you were for helping her with Corinna, while finding her, and even afterwards. And something about how loud you were in exam 6." She said cocking her eyebrow at him.
Carter busted out laughing, "Oh my god exam six," he laughed again and stared at his soda, "I haven't thought about that in forever."
Heather watched his reaction, "You want to tell me what it was about then?"
Carter, still all smiles looked at her, "Ahh it was nothing, just a good memory."
"So how did Corinna turn out to be?"
"She is now a healthy girl who is the best ballerina in her class, Lucy saved her." He said still smiling.
"So did you."
"Not like her, she was fighter Heath. Until her last day, she always fought the good fight," he shook his head from his thoughts and stood up.
Heather looked at him, "So are you really okay being here?"
"Yeah I'm alright." He said crunching his soda can and tossing it into the trash, "Thank you Heather."
Heather smiled, "Thanks Carter," She stood up and also, threw her soda can away.
"Try not to be so hard on her," Carter advised Heather.
"So hard on who?" She leaned against the sink.
"Your mom." He said looking at her, "She's been through a lot. She'll never be the same but it gets better."
"How do you even know?" She asked with a confused face.
"My brother died when I was younger, I just know."
Heather tilted her head and she walked over to Carter, "Oh Carter I never knew. I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," he said still looking at her, "It was a long time ago, he was sick, it was his time." He placed his hand on her shoulder, "Try to get some rest okay?"
Heather looked at Carter and sighed, "You too."
And with those last words, they both walked to their beds and fell into a somewhat peaceful sleep.
*****
So
what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
*****
~*~*~*~*
Sunday 11:01am
Carter was awakened to the smell of maple syrup. He put the pillow over his eyes to try and block the sunlight piercing through the windows. But the noise from the kitchen took over and he sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes. Heather walked into the room and laughed, "Morning!" She said too cheery.
"What time is it?" He questioned as he stood up and stretched his arms.
"About 11. I was just about to wake you up. I think we're catching the same flight at 3," she told him as she walked into the kitchen and poured some pancake batter onto the skillet.
John followed and yawned, "Yeah we are."
Barbra walked into the kitchen and saw Carter and gave him a small smile, "Good Morning Doctor."
Carter smiled back, "You can call me John."
The moment was interrupted by no other then Heather, "Okay JOHN, would you like some coffee?"
"Yes, but to you Heather, I'm still Dr. Carter."
Heather rolled her eyes, gave Dr. Carter the steaming cup of coffee and put breakfast onto the table. And took a seat in between an empty chair and her mother.
"Ok I need to get this figured out, Heather, how do you know Dr, Carter?" She questioned as she took some pancakes onto her plate.
Heather looked at Carter then at her plate, "Umm you know I saw him after the thing…"
Carter eyed Heather as he sipped his coffee.
"Ok fine!" She said rolling her eyes at Carter, "Dr. Carter is my supervisor at County. He came back to County."
"You never told me that Heather," Barbra said as she looked at her youngest daughter.
"Yeah it just kinda happened, irony," she said with a small smile and placed a piece of syrup smothered pancake into her mouth
Carter smiled at her and stood up, "Is there anywhere where I can take a shower? I want to do something before I catch my flight." He stood up and set his coffee down.
"Yeah first door on the left, help yourself," Heather called behind him as he walked into the bathroom and got himself ready for what was going to be a moving day.
******
May angels lead
you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
********
~*~*~*~
Sunday 11:59am
Carter walked out of the shower about an hour later. He didn't need that long but he didn't want to get out. He was staling. But he was going to do it. He walked out of the bathroom and took a big deep breath. He just noticed the smell of the house. It smelt like pumpkin. And as he walked around down the hall he looked at the pictures on the wall. A smile grew along his lips as he looked at one picture. He picked it up carefully and looked at it. There was Lucy, must have been about 5 or 6. It was Halloween and there was this little petite blond haired, blue-eyed girl wearing blue scrubs and a lab coat. A plastic stethoscope was tied around her neck and she smiled into the camera so endearingly and sweet. And next to a smaller girl, with long darker blonde hair, dressed in a pink ballet tutu and staring at her older sister with big also blue eyes as she watched everything Lucy did. Carter laughed and hung the picture back up with ease. As he walked down the hallway he noticed how home-y this house felt. He could definitely see little Lucy running around here with her blue eyes full of questions as she explored the bugs in the backyard. He continued down the hallway and he saw Heather's bedroom door open, he walked in it and found it empty; with packed suitcases on the bed. He sighed and looked around the room wondering where Heather got off to. He looked around the other side of the room and saw a neat, made bed. He walked over to it and gave a small smile as he saw tons of Lucy's pictures on that side. He picked up a picture and looked at it closely. It was Lucy on her graduation. She smiled proud in her cap and gown and looked gorgeous.
"Ah her graduation," Barbra walked up behind him and looked at the picture. "We were all so proud of her that day. It was her first step to reaching the dream."
Carter smiled at Barbra and carefully set it down, "She looks happy."
"She was." Barbra lost herself in the vastness of all of the memories that laid in the images of these few pictures.
"Where's Heather?"
"Umm at her grave." She answered looking at him finally.
"You think I can…" he cleared his throat, "You think I can go?"
Barbra smiled at him, "I think she would love it." She wrote down directions on a piece of paper and handed it to him.
"Thank you Mrs. Knight, for everything," he hugged her, and she hugged back and rubbed his shoulders.
"Thank you for coming," she let him out of her arms and dried her tearing eyes.
He picked up Heather's bags and took them to his rental car. He walked back inside for his bags, "Heather is going to be great. Don't worry I'll make sure of that." He winked at her and walked back into the car, sat in the seat and drove away.
*********
And if you were
with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
*********
~*~*~*
Saturday 12:30pm
Carter parked the
car and walked up to the gravesite. He hated these places. There was always
such a sense of loneliness. He remembered coming to his brother's grave back
home and always making sure it was neat and tidy. He opened the iron gate and
continued to walk. L…J…K. He looked up from the ground and saw Heather
squatting next to Lucy's grave. Carter watched her for a while. She was crying.
And that made him start to shudder and cry. He cleared his throat to try and
remove the lump that's been lingering in there for days, but the only thing
that did was get Heather's attention. She turned her head and looked at Carter.
"Hey you came," she said standing up.
Carter took a few steps over to the grave, "Sorry I didn't meant to…" his voice trailed off.
"No it's ok. I'm done," she kissed her hand and touched the grave. "'Till next time Luce." And she started to walk away.
"Wait Heather!" He called behind her, "I um packed your bags in my rental car so say goodbye to your mom then I'll drive you."
"Thanks..." She again started to walk away but turned around and walked closer to him, "Were you in love?"
Carter looked at her shocked, "What?"
"Were you and Lucy in love?" She asked again her face still stained from tears.
"I uhh…" he looked at her grave, "I don't know. I spend a lot of time wondering. I think there's a chance it would have turned into love if God gave her the chance." He answered as his eyes were tilted only towards his shoes.
"Okay, don't worry, take your time." And with those last words she finally walked away.
Carter looked at the grave:
Lucy Marie Knight,
Oct 11 1974-Feb 15 2000
"Twenty-six," he sighed and looked at the grave and tuck his hand into his pocket, "Sorry it took so long, I just, I couldn't bring myself to come here. I don't even know why," he gulped and more tears fell, "I made it, I hope you knew that, I'm ok." He placed some pink roses next to the tombstone, "I know I wasn't the sensitive 90's male, but I changed over the millennium," he let out a laugh and looked at her grave, "I know it's been four years, but everybody misses you Luce. I miss you Lucy. And I never thought I would, but I haven't had a med student like you. I haven't been the same since you were around." He gave up on trying to hold it in, and bust out in sobs of crying, "I'm sorry Luce! I never treated you like I should have. I never let you know how good you really were. You were the best, and I messed up." His sobs became louder and more tears fell down his cheeks, "It should have been me Lucy… You didn't deserve this. Not you." He sighed and dried his eyes, "And for that, I swear I'll try to be half the doctor you were going to be." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a envelope and set it next to the roses, "Oh you matched, at county. Spot in psyche." He nodded, "We got it a few months after… I don't know why I held onto it. I guess its this whole mental-psychotic way of keeping you alive. Maybe you'll let me know one of these days," He sighed and leaned over and placed a kiss on the hard gray rock. "Maybe I'll come back some day. But you'll never leave me huh? Just don't let me for Luce okay? Not ever. Goodbye Lucy Knight, and thank you." Nothing else needed to be said. Carter made peace with Lucy. She died fighting. Lucy was never to be forgotten, she had changed his life too much.
Rest in peace Lucy Knight
*******
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
*********
THE END! (I think)
I really hope you liked it because I loved writing it! Thanks to mini (Anti-Social-Turtle) for taking the time to read and correct ALL of these ffs! I owe you big! And thanks to Jules who supported me all the way! I love you guys! And to everybody who read and reviewed, that means a ton! Especially since you waited so long between each chapter!