Disclaimer: The characters, settings, places and languages used in this work are the property of J.R.R. Tolkien, the Tolkien Estate and Tolkien Enterprises. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Notes: I'm not giving a Spoiler warning this time. For one, if you're reading this and haven't seen RotK, you've probably got the wrong page by accident. Otherwise you've read this far without being out off by spoiler warnings, so it's not going to make any difference now! Although… the end of RotK is actually given away completely in this chapter. All right – SPOILERS FOR ROTK. Just in case you were ignoring me till now.
Mostly based on the book, but with touches from the film. This is why the Elves weren't at Helm's Deep.
Originally written for the www.haldir-lives.org Fan Fic Challenge. Huge thanks to Kissaki and everyone else at www.galadhrim.net (formerly www.haldir-lives.org).
Many thanks to KittyE and Amy for your reviews, and to everyone else who has reviewed so far. This is the penultimate chapter, so get your reviews in now so I can thank you personally next time I update!
Chapter IX
The Shadow had lifted. Eagles had flown overhead, carrying the wonderful news: the Ring-bearer had fulfilled his Quest, the Ring had been destroyed in the Mountain of Fire, Sauron was defeated and Barad-dûr thrown down. There had been much rejoicing in the forest of Lothlórien, though the Lady had seemed sad and solemn, and it was rumoured that the power of Nenya had already begun to fade, though it's potency still endured for the time being. Under the bright sun, the Elves who had died in the assaults upon Lórien were buried in the clearing. Orophin was buried to one side of the white bridge, near the newly repaired gate.
Haldir stood and watched over his youngest brother's grave. It was a mere mound of freshly dug earth that the grass would soon cover. Despite the victory, both in Lórien and in the wider world, Haldir felt that he was a failure. His father had left Lothlórien in the Second Age to join Gil-galad's army in the Last Alliance. His last words to Haldir had been a request that he protect his mother and two younger brothers from the darkness that existed in the world, something that Haldir had solemnly promised to do. Though Haldir had been powerless to prevent his mother from dying of heartbreak when her husband did not return from the Battle of Dagorlad, Haldir had never forgotten his promise. But now it was worthless, and yet another of his family had died.
Nearby, Rúmil stood with Lord Celeborn. Both were watching Haldir with concern.
"He has hardly spoken for days, my Lord. I too am grieved about my brother's death, but Haldir seems to feel responsible for it. I fear he may let himself die from heartache if he does not let something other than Orophin occupy his thoughts."
"What do you wish me to do, Rúmil?" Celeborn asked. "You said you have tried to draw him into a conversation, but have had little luck. How can I succeed when his own brother cannot?"
"You at least, Lord Celeborn, he will not ignore, nor will he walk away if you approach him" replied Rúmil. "His sense of duty seems to be intact. He may say little, but he may listen more, for you command his attention in a way his little brother cannot. Also, you have matters of importance to talk to him about. You plan to attack Dol Guldur and throw it down. Perhaps it is time to include Captain Haldir in the discussion on how this may take place. It would prevent him from dwelling on our poor brother's death."
"Hmm, I do not know if that is wise Rúmil," said the Lord of Lórien. "Haldir was wounded in the last assault, and his arm may not have recovered enough for him to take a very active part in the storming of Sauron's old stronghold. Besides, most of the arrangements are made. We march on Southern Mirkwood tomorrow. Perhaps he would be better if allowed a little time to himself here, rather than accompanying us to yet another battle."
"With respect, my Lord, I must disagree." Rúmil argued. "Haldir may be ignoring events around him at the moment, but the march to Dol Guldur will not go unnoticed by him. He will be greatly angered, and hurt, that he was not involved from the start, and he will not be stopped from joining his fellow warriors. And who could deny a command to the hero of the Third Assault on Lórien?"
Celeborn smiled. He had no wish to leave Haldir behind, and Rúmil had spoken so earnestly that the Lord found it impossible to refuse his request. However, he knew that the most difficult one to persuade had not yet been approached.
"Very well, Rúmil, I will speak with Haldir. But I do not guarantee success. His sorrow runs deep, and his guilt is deeper still."
Rúmil watched as Celeborn approached Haldir, who had not moved from the foot of Orophin's grave.
You'd think he had turned to stone, thought Rúmil to himself, as he walked back to his talan, shaking his head in sorrow.
* * *
"You have stood idle here long enough, Haldir. It is time for you to eat, and rest, for you shall need your strength."
Haldir tore his gaze from the ground and looked blankly at Celeborn. Lord Celeborn was shocked to see how gaunt the Elf looked, as though he had fasted for weeks, rather than mere days. Haldir's once bright eyes were now a dull blue, though they still glistened with tears on occasion. He looked at once both young, like a lost child, and old, an ancient creature who had seen too much sorrow in the world.
"My Lord." Haldir bowed, and Celeborn acknowledged this courtesy with a nod.
"Haldir, I do not think you have yet heard of my plans to destroy Dol Guldur, and rid Mirkwood of its evil. I leave tomorrow, with all the Galadhrim who are left, save a few who will guard Caras Galadhon. I plan to use a fleet of small boats to cross the Anduin, and storm the fortress from the east. Both Galadriel and I will lead the attack, but we should like you to come, as Captain of the Galadhrim. Your brother, Rúmil, will be there also. Will you not put your grief out of your mind, Haldir, and join us in ridding Mirkwood of Dol Guldur?"
Haldir was silent, for so long that Celeborn began to think Rúmil had been mistaken in his assumption that Haldir would not ignore him. But then the march warden raised his head, and Celeborn thought he could discern a spark in the Elf's eyes once more.
"Yes, my Lord. Of course, I would be proud to fight alongside you, and Lady Galadriel. What time do we leave tomorrow?"
Celeborn smiled, and motioned to Haldir to walk with him. Celeborn gave Haldir all the details of his plans as he led him away from Orophin's grave and into Caras Galadhon.
* * *
Later that night, Rúmil entered his brother's room to find him lying on his bed, resting. He smiled and, not wishing to disturb his brother's rest, Rúmil went to leave. But Haldir had only been dozing, and he called out to his brother.
"Come in, Rúmil. I need to talk to you."
"It's good to hear you talking again, Haldir," Rúmil replied, sitting down on a chair beside Haldir's bed. "What did you want to talk about?"
"The attack on Dol Guldur tomorrow."
"I thought Lord Celeborn told you all the details."
"Yes," Haldir nodded. "He explained his plan fully enough. That is not what I wished to say. Brother, you are the last family I have. I do not wish to lose another brother in the same way I lost Father, and Orophin. I would have you stay behind tomorrow, and guard Caras Galadhon."
"What?!" Rúmil jumped up, and glared at Haldir. "You want me to stay behind, after all I have done in defence of our home? My exploits in battle are exalted just as yours are brother, I have proved myself capable in a fight, and this is how you, Captain of the Galadhrim, chose to reward me?! Do you forget that I have been made a captain also? I am not equal to you, neither in age, nor rank, nor in my ability as a warrior, but I am superior to many of the warriors who will go to Mirkwood tomorrow. And yet I am expected to linger here, like a dented helm discarded and forgotten!"
"Do not be ridiculous Rúmil!" Haldir was now also on his feet, and the two brothers looked fiercely at each other. "I would like nothing better than to fight alongside you, if only I could be assured of your safety. But I am not a skilled enough warrior to protect you, and if I lost you, I…" Haldir's voice faded, and Rúmil found his anger fading also. Unaware that he was mirroring his late brother's actions, Rúmil first put a hand on Haldir's shoulder, and then pulled him into a strong embrace.
"Haldir," said Rúmil, stepping back, "no one could have saved Orophin, or any of the experienced warriors who have died. You were very nearly lost yourself. But Orophin would not wish for you to lose yourself in this grief. You will feel better if you go tomorrow. Avenge his death at Dol Guldur by helping to destroy that dark place and the orcs who inhabit it, but let me do the same. For have I not also lost a brother?"
Haldir stared at Rúmil, tears running unnoticed down his cheeks. He nodded, realising that it was not his place to stop Rúmil from going to battle, if that was what he wished.
"You are wrong about one thing, brother," Haldir said. "I will not feel better tomorrow. Dol Guldur is no longer important, not to me. The only thing I wish to do now is to sail West, and seek the Elvenhome. Lady Galadriel has said she will go soon, and I will go with her. Only there will I find peace, in the Undying Lands, with you at my side."
"But Haldir," Rúmil replied, after a few moments of stunned silence. "I have no wish to seek the Undying Lands, not yet at least. In time, perhaps I would go, but I am not yet wearied of Middle-earth, and my heart could not bear to leave this land."
Rumil bowed his head sadly, hating to let his brother down. "When you go, it will not be with me by your side."
Haldir had no words to reply to this with. Rúmil's wish to stay in Lórien without him was unexpected, but one that Haldir understood. He sobbed and hugged Rúmil tightly. Haldir now faced the choice of leaving his brother behind in Middle-earth and going to Valinor alone, or staying in Middle-earth with him and watching Lothlórien fade.
Haldir did not know how he could face either path without breaking his heart.