Before I begin writing third chapter, I just want to clear a few things up. Now that I've had any questions from reviews, I just sort of feel obligated to tell this to people. I know this will probably sound tacky coming from me, a trying-to-recover-but-with-no-luck cutter, but suicide is not the best answer. If you're so low that you have to kill yourself, then you have to go up, not down.
Also, if I finish this the right way, I will do a story describing what events happened before this, what lead up to Ellie's suicide. I may, though, just describe in letters what happened.
When you review, which you of course you will, please specify which would be more effective, telling things from Ellie's POV, how messed up she is, or all her friends together trying to come up with a solution. I may do both; starting with Ellie's and then moving on to write the letters.
Enough of that, on with the story.
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Eleanor Elizabeth Nash, more commonly known as Ellie, passed away.
When they told me I stopped breathing. Ellie, I cried for you. Ellie, I couldn't eat I couldn't sleep I couldn't breathe. I couldn't go on. But I had to. I don't know what I'm going to do without you every day, with your black for me to tease. I'd always criticize you on your outfits and you'd always tell me to join Queer Eye. That's still my favourite show, I loved how you would join Dylan and I and ohh and ahh over Carson and the other guys.
Ellie, I miss you. Every second of every day. I can hardly get through class with starting to write notes to you, and then realizing you're not there, it almost breaks my heart. I'm so sorry this had to happen. I'm sorry there was no way out for you.
They've hired a set of grief counselors to help us talk about you, but I talk to Miss Suave. She's also helped me a lot with some issues that I've had, particularly regarding Dylan and I, and I know you were talking to her. She's told me a lot of stuff you said, even though we all know she's not supposed to. She says this is the first time she's done something like this, talked to kids about. suicide.
Aww, I feel so bad. All this time I had a great time with Dylan and told you all about it, and I thought you were happy too. It's been so long since I actually cried. Ell, you almost want me to feel like giving up as well. Now I know what it feels like to have loved and lost somebody. I miss you. Please excuse the smudging of the ink; Mom and I are both crying.
She misses you too. She says that, without you, I wouldn't' have had the courage to come out. You helped me so so so much this past year, I wish you were still here and I could help you, dry your tears.
At your funereal, they played all your favourite songs. Dylan, Paige, Ashley, Craig, Manny, Emma, Terry, Jimmy, Miss Suave, Spinner, Sean (even though I knew you wouldn't want him there! He came anyway, that little fucker.). We were all there. We had an assembly at school for you, it took up most of your morning classes. We spent our morning, mourning.
Ell, you've messed up all of us.
Oh, and I'm sure you've already heard. But if you haven't, well, I don't want to be the one to tell you, but your mother killed herself. I'm sorry. She said nothing was worth it anymore.
On the brighter side, Manny and Craig are going to name their baby (if it's a girl) after you. We can have another Ellie, not that we'd be replacing you! How could we!!
You're immortal to me. I'm permanently in debt to you. Wipe away my tears, make everything OK.
Love you,
Marco Del Rossi