Chapter 4 – Wherein two people give horrible advice
Kakashi was so happy that he could hardly contain himself. If there was one thing he loved, it was Come Come Paradise. And, if there was another thing he loved, it was teasing his dear students. Sakura and Naruto were fairly easy to tease, but Sasuke required a bit more work. Today, however, Kakashi had managed to get a hold of some information that he was sure would drive Sasuke nuts.
Just his luck that Sasuke was looking for a little bit of extra training anyway. Kakashi could say that this fell into the category of mental endurance.
First he tried a couple of subtle comments about Hyuuga Hinata – personality, looks, possible bedroom behavior. Sasuke was the sort of serious character who was sure to become upset when his girlfriend was being slandered.
But instead of the fun he was expecting, all Kakashi got were a few blank looks and what-kind-of-idiot-am-I-dealing-with-today stare from Sasuke. Once or twice Sasuke even smirked a little, as if he agreed with Kakashi.
The Copy-Ninja decided to change tactics.
"So, how's it going with you and Naruto?" He asked. That was enough to stop Sasuke in his tracks. The black-haired boy looked at him suspiciously.
"Fine," he said.
"Ah," said Kakashi. "And, how do he and Hinata get along?"
This earned an extra-hard kick against the broken stump Sasuke was aiming against.
"Fine," he said.
"Ah," said Kakashi, in a considerate tone of voice. "Sometimes it's hard, when your old best friend and your new girlfriend don't see eye-to- eye..." he stopped when he realized that Sasuke was looking at him in total bewilderment. "Aren't you and Hinata-chan dating?"
"Where did you hear that?"
"Ah – a little bird told me."
Sasuke turned to kick the stump again, so hard a sizable chunk of wood flew off into the trees.
"Who would say that?" he asked. "What else did they tell you?"
"Oh – nothing much. But Sasuke-kun, if I were you..."
Sasuke waited.
"You can't have your cake and eat it too, if you know what I mean."
"No," said Sasuke, as he began a fresh assault on a new tree, "I don't."
Kakashi walked toward the schoolyard with a spring in his step. Something was going on here, he thought, he just hadn't figured out quite what yet. It was true that he liked to tease his students. And, he had tried to help Naruto, a little. But the best solution was just to let the three of them work it out for themselves – and sit laughing in the background while they did it. Kakashi knew that Naruto often spent his afternoons goofing around behind the school with the new genins, and he was hoping to find him there.
Sure enough, Naruto was in the process of showing his sexy-no-jutsu to Konohamaru and some of the other recent graduates whom Kakashi didn't recognize. When the play let up for a moment he waved to get Naruto's attention and motioned him over.
"I thought about your problem," he said, "and I spoke to Sasuke, but..."
"You did what?" Naruto yelled.
"Talked to Sasuke. But I don't think he quite got my message. Anyway..."
"I can't believe you did that!" Naruto said. He walked in a small circle, trying to think. "He must be angry that I told you... it was private, too..."
"Don't worry," Kakashi said, "I only spoke to him in the most general terms. And only about he and Hinata-chan dating, not about," he coughed, "the rest of it."
Naruto sighed. "Well, that's better, I guess. Anyway, have you thought of a solution?"
Kakashi beamed. "No." He said. "It's your problem." "What?" "Sorry." The copy ninja shrugged cheerfully. "Think of it as one of the glorious trials of springtime, that will help you to grow into a better man..." Naruto sighed. "Yeah, yeah," he said. "Stop hanging around Gai-sensei so much."
"What was that about?" Konohamaru asked carefully, coming up on Naruto as Kakashi left. He had never seen Naruto-niisan looking so distracted before. "Ah, nothing," Naruto said. "Hey, Konohamaru?" "Yeah?" "Have you ever had a girl you liked?" Konohamaru blushed a little. "Yeah." "And what if that girl went and ended up with somebody else?" "Huh?" It didn't take too long before Naruto had spilled his story again, leaving out Kakashi's theory about the threesome. This time, however, his listener had some practical advice.
"Fight." Konohamaru told him.
"What?"
"Well..." the boy leaned in conspiratorially, "You said that you liked one of them too, right?"
Naruto squinted at him. "So?"
"It must be Hinata-san, right? If you like Hinata, go tell her. The whole way they went to you first thing to tell you they were dating sounds weird. It's like maybe she was hoping you'd be jealous."
"I don't know," Naruto said.
"Trust me," Konohamaru said cockily. "Girls do stuff like that all the time. Plus, won't you regret it if they end up married or something?"
Naruto sighed.
"Or," Konohamaru said, warming up to his topic, "If you don't want to confess, you could try going to Sasuke and challenging him."
"What?" Naruto asked. "Why?"
"It's like confessing but less direct. Tell him he's not good enough for Hinata-san. It doesn't matter if you win or lose – if you win and they break up, she really didn't like him that much in the first place. Even if you lose," Konohamaru winked. "She might be happy you fought for her."
"Yeah," Naruto said, thinking back to the chuunin exams many years before. He and Hinata had become friends after that incident. "Konohamaru, you're pretty smart for a thirteen-year old."
Konohamaru smiled proudly.
Kakashi was so happy that he could hardly contain himself. If there was one thing he loved, it was Come Come Paradise. And, if there was another thing he loved, it was teasing his dear students. Sakura and Naruto were fairly easy to tease, but Sasuke required a bit more work. Today, however, Kakashi had managed to get a hold of some information that he was sure would drive Sasuke nuts.
Just his luck that Sasuke was looking for a little bit of extra training anyway. Kakashi could say that this fell into the category of mental endurance.
First he tried a couple of subtle comments about Hyuuga Hinata – personality, looks, possible bedroom behavior. Sasuke was the sort of serious character who was sure to become upset when his girlfriend was being slandered.
But instead of the fun he was expecting, all Kakashi got were a few blank looks and what-kind-of-idiot-am-I-dealing-with-today stare from Sasuke. Once or twice Sasuke even smirked a little, as if he agreed with Kakashi.
The Copy-Ninja decided to change tactics.
"So, how's it going with you and Naruto?" He asked. That was enough to stop Sasuke in his tracks. The black-haired boy looked at him suspiciously.
"Fine," he said.
"Ah," said Kakashi. "And, how do he and Hinata get along?"
This earned an extra-hard kick against the broken stump Sasuke was aiming against.
"Fine," he said.
"Ah," said Kakashi, in a considerate tone of voice. "Sometimes it's hard, when your old best friend and your new girlfriend don't see eye-to- eye..." he stopped when he realized that Sasuke was looking at him in total bewilderment. "Aren't you and Hinata-chan dating?"
"Where did you hear that?"
"Ah – a little bird told me."
Sasuke turned to kick the stump again, so hard a sizable chunk of wood flew off into the trees.
"Who would say that?" he asked. "What else did they tell you?"
"Oh – nothing much. But Sasuke-kun, if I were you..."
Sasuke waited.
"You can't have your cake and eat it too, if you know what I mean."
"No," said Sasuke, as he began a fresh assault on a new tree, "I don't."
Kakashi walked toward the schoolyard with a spring in his step. Something was going on here, he thought, he just hadn't figured out quite what yet. It was true that he liked to tease his students. And, he had tried to help Naruto, a little. But the best solution was just to let the three of them work it out for themselves – and sit laughing in the background while they did it. Kakashi knew that Naruto often spent his afternoons goofing around behind the school with the new genins, and he was hoping to find him there.
Sure enough, Naruto was in the process of showing his sexy-no-jutsu to Konohamaru and some of the other recent graduates whom Kakashi didn't recognize. When the play let up for a moment he waved to get Naruto's attention and motioned him over.
"I thought about your problem," he said, "and I spoke to Sasuke, but..."
"You did what?" Naruto yelled.
"Talked to Sasuke. But I don't think he quite got my message. Anyway..."
"I can't believe you did that!" Naruto said. He walked in a small circle, trying to think. "He must be angry that I told you... it was private, too..."
"Don't worry," Kakashi said, "I only spoke to him in the most general terms. And only about he and Hinata-chan dating, not about," he coughed, "the rest of it."
Naruto sighed. "Well, that's better, I guess. Anyway, have you thought of a solution?"
Kakashi beamed. "No." He said. "It's your problem." "What?" "Sorry." The copy ninja shrugged cheerfully. "Think of it as one of the glorious trials of springtime, that will help you to grow into a better man..." Naruto sighed. "Yeah, yeah," he said. "Stop hanging around Gai-sensei so much."
"What was that about?" Konohamaru asked carefully, coming up on Naruto as Kakashi left. He had never seen Naruto-niisan looking so distracted before. "Ah, nothing," Naruto said. "Hey, Konohamaru?" "Yeah?" "Have you ever had a girl you liked?" Konohamaru blushed a little. "Yeah." "And what if that girl went and ended up with somebody else?" "Huh?" It didn't take too long before Naruto had spilled his story again, leaving out Kakashi's theory about the threesome. This time, however, his listener had some practical advice.
"Fight." Konohamaru told him.
"What?"
"Well..." the boy leaned in conspiratorially, "You said that you liked one of them too, right?"
Naruto squinted at him. "So?"
"It must be Hinata-san, right? If you like Hinata, go tell her. The whole way they went to you first thing to tell you they were dating sounds weird. It's like maybe she was hoping you'd be jealous."
"I don't know," Naruto said.
"Trust me," Konohamaru said cockily. "Girls do stuff like that all the time. Plus, won't you regret it if they end up married or something?"
Naruto sighed.
"Or," Konohamaru said, warming up to his topic, "If you don't want to confess, you could try going to Sasuke and challenging him."
"What?" Naruto asked. "Why?"
"It's like confessing but less direct. Tell him he's not good enough for Hinata-san. It doesn't matter if you win or lose – if you win and they break up, she really didn't like him that much in the first place. Even if you lose," Konohamaru winked. "She might be happy you fought for her."
"Yeah," Naruto said, thinking back to the chuunin exams many years before. He and Hinata had become friends after that incident. "Konohamaru, you're pretty smart for a thirteen-year old."
Konohamaru smiled proudly.