Disclaimer: Don't own Star Trek, and am also running out of interesting ways to write that…if you don't know by NOW that I don't own Star Trek, I worry.
Starseeker: No, you don't make sense. But that's okay! And how many times can you say "very good?" Well, I can't vouch for other people, but how many before I'll tell you to shut up…pretty much infinite. ^_^
Infinitys-End: Glad you enjoy, good luck with the toe. I know, I know, I've kinda ignored Uhura, haven't I? I'm sorry to everyone in general, I like her well enough, but they never did enough with her on the show and I have trouble figuring how to write her in. I'll try, okay?
Meredith: Okay, what WAS Random Guy talking about? Don't understaaaaaand…glad you read and reviewed though, even if I had to read the review twice to figure out what you were talking about. J
EmpressLeia: Uh…turkeys?
Keridwen: You know the great thing about a lack of plot? No clear ending! DEE-lighted you enjoy this! BTW, I e-mailed if you haven't checked.
Number of the week: 100. 100 reviews, and 100 pages! (Actually, 105.) I had no idea I could sustain pure insanity for this long! You guys keep writing reviews, I'll keep writing pages. You're the greatest, all of you!
Anyone know the record for reviews by the way? I'm getting curious.
And now, off to the beach!
Chapter Nineteen:
Shore Leave
The Enterprise is coming into orbit around a small Federation colony world, where they are dropping supplies:
Kirk had stopped into Sickbay. Actually, he'd been dragged in by McCoy. He'd somehow contrived to take half his annual medical exam, and skip the rest. In the midst of ranting about Spock and turbolifts, McCoy hadn't noticed when he took the report from the nurse. He'd discovered the gap a week later while going over the files, collared Kirk, and hauled him in.
Now, final tests complete, McCoy was willing to give Kirk a clean bill of health. "Except," he qualified, "you do have high blood pressure."
Kirk shrugged. "Have you ever not told me my blood pressure was too high?"
"Not once." McCoy went into lecture mode. "Now Jim, you've got to—"
Kirk interrupted him. "Spend less time on the bridge, more time relaxing, stop passing up shore leaves, try not to work myself to death, and—above all—listen to you when you warn me about things like this."
McCoy blinked. He tried to think of a good comeback, and succeeded. Arguing with Spock honed abilities like that. "Well. Clearly you've been listening. No, you've been hearing. Listening is something else entirely!"
Kirk chuckled. "I suppose. Can I skip the next hour?"
"No." An idea occurred to McCoy. "Or, you can take shore leave."
"Shore leave?"
"Shore leave. We're coming into orbit around this planet, we're dropping supplies, we're going to be here two days, that's plenty of time for shore leave. Lots of the crew are going, you should too."
Kirk considered. "Shore leave."
"It's a nice planet, I hear," McCoy commented. "Famous for their beaches."
"Beaches are nice," Kirk mused. "The surf, the sand—"
"The girls," McCoy commented innocently.
Kirk looked at him for a moment, and finally grinned sheepishly. "Okay, and the girls. Anyway, maybe I will take the afternoon off and go to the beach."
"An excellent idea," McCoy agreed.
"So where are you going?" Kirk asked.
McCoy immediately found himself in rather deep water. He hedged. "Oh, well, I, ah, haven't really decided if, er…"
Kirk pounced on that in about a second and a half. He looked at McCoy in horror. "Why, Bones! Surely you weren't planning to stay on the ship?!"
"Now, Jim—"
"You are going to work yourself into a cardiac arrest one day, and then what will the rest of us do?" Kirk lectured.
McCoy glared at him.
"You know what? I insist you come on shore leave with me. For your health."
"You're not funny, Jim."
Kirk managed to look pained. It wasn't easy. "Here I am, looking out for your welfare, and you accuse me of making jokes. I'm hurt, Bones."
McCoy rolled his eyes. "All right, so I'll go to the beach." Actually, he didn't have any real objections, but felt he ought to put up a token resistance, to maintain his reputation. "If for no other reason that to make sure you relax."
Kirk nodded wisely. "Spock would say it's the logical thing to do."
"I'm sure he would," McCoy said sarcastically. As he did, an idea struck him, and he grinned. "Saay…let's invite Spock to the beach."
Kirk was doubtful. "I don't know…Spock at the beach?"
The grin had spread into a full-fledged laugh. "Do you think Vulcans tan?"
Kirk smiled wryly. "That definitely falls under the category of things I have never thought about."
McCoy was laughing harder. "Can—can you see Spock…frolicking amongst the waves?!"
Kirk struggled to maintain a straight face. "Can't picture it." [A/N: Go ahead. Try. It's very amusing if you can manage it…]
McCoy was clutching a biobed for support. "I can!"
"We should ask him, just to see what he says," Kirk decided.
To everyone's surprise, Spock said yes. He thought it could lend a fascinating insight into human culture.
In the end, much of the crew decided to take their leave by the shore, including most of the bridge crew. Actually, all of the bridge crew. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy beamed down of course. McCoy managed to convince (or perhaps threaten into convincing) Scotty that the beach was better than reading technical manuals. Sulu had heard that there was some rare marine life, and persuaded Chekov to join him. Uhura decided she would enjoy the beach, and quite a few other crewmembers whose names no one seemed to know decided to come along for kicks. This emptied both the bridge and the senior crew, leaving one to wonder who was in command. No one knew. No one cared. What could possibly happen?
But never mind about the ship.
The crew spread out upon arrival. Most of the crewmembers who shall not be named drifted off, together or on their own, to do any variety of beach type things. Scotty wandered off, explaining he wanted to look at the boardwalk. Sulu and Chekov went to look for anyone renting scuba gear, or, barring that, surfboards. Kirk and the rest were in search of a good spot on the beach to sit.
"This looks okay," Kirk said, looking around. "Good view." He didn't mention that he was referring to the beach, not the ocean. Or rather the people on the beach. Or, to be perfectly specific…well, I'm sure you can work it all out.
"Looks all right to me," Uhura said, setting her stuff down, and sitting on the sand.
Spock seemed less pleased. "There is a remarkable lack of seaweed in this area."
Kirk blinked. "That's…bad?"
"The categorizing and researching of seaweed is a most interesting activity," Spock said seriously.
"Um…"
"Perhaps I will investigate on the other side of that ridge," Spock decided, and set off.
"Sure. You do that."
McCoy seemed equally displeased. Seaweed had nothing to do with it. He was a bit suspicious of Scotty. "The boardwalk, huh? I don't know…"
Uhura shrugged. "He wanted to look at the boardwalk. So what?"
"I think I'll go see if he found anything interesting. And so help me, if I catch him fixing the Ferris Wheel…" McCoy stomped off.
"Why don't you relax?!" Kirk called after him. "You're going to overwork yourself trying to make us relax, and…"
McCoy was ignoring him. Kirk shrugged, and settled down to do some relaxing.
* * *
Scotty came wandering over perhaps twenty minutes later, looking disgruntled. He sat down next to Uhura, frowning.
"What's the matter?" she asked. "You look like someone just kicked your engines."
Scotty sighed. "Dr. McCoy confiscat'd me technical manuals," he complained.
Kirk laughed. "You shouldn't have even brought 'em. Bones is relentless about that sort of thing. I should know."
"An' I was just gettin' to the part about the relay that crosses the transponder, connecting to the left hub of the—"
Uhura pulled him to his feet. "Come on. You can buy me an ice cream cone. I believe there's a shop somewhere on the boardwalk selling them."
"I didn't notice."
"Of course not. Let's go see."
Scotty and Uhura wandered off up the end of the beach.
* * *
Things were quiet around Kirk for a half hour or so longer.
Well, except for one brief incident. A certain gentleman was out wading, and suddenly shrieked out "SHARK!" There was a general disturbance, and another fellow shouted, "I'll save you!" rushed out with a harpoon, and, unfortunately, tripped over a minnow. He came closer to harpooning himself than the shark, and both men had to be rescued by lifeguards. Incidentally, the shark turned out to be a foot long and perfectly harmless. Everyone involved, however, agreed that the minnows proved quite vicious.
But other than that it was quiet. Then the doctor himself came into view, from over the ridge Spock had gone to investigate. McCoy came stumbling over the rise, positively shaking with laughter. Kirk regarded him. This was going to be either amusing, or problematic.
"Yes?" Kirk said calmly.
"Spock," McCoy managed between laughs, gesturing vaguely over the ridge behind him. "Spock…he…he's…b…bu…" It was no use. He had to sit down, laughing too hard to continue.
"Spock's doing something?" Kirk asked.
McCoy nodded. "He's b—bu—" He shook his head, convulsed with laughter.
"I'd love to know what's so uproariously funny," Kirk commented to the beach in general.
McCoy was, unsuccessfully, trying to catch his breath. It would be awhile. Fortunately, another source of information was approaching.
Spock topped the rise, and approached Kirk. He pointedly did not acknowledge McCoy, who was being sent into fresh waves of laughter.
"Captain, will you explain something to me please?" Spock asked, wearing a look of long-suffering dignity.
Kirk looked from Spock, to McCoy, and back again. "Well…I can try," he said doubtfully.
Spock nodded. "Thank you. Precisely what is amusing about building a scale replica of the castle of Lord Byron out of compacted sand?"
"Compacted sand…" Kirk echoed.
"Sand castle!" McCoy gasped. "He's building a sand castle!"
"Why is it you find building a castle out of sand so amusing?" Spock asked. "It is a common enough activity on beaches."
"It…it's got a moat…and towers…" McCoy told Kirk, between laughs.
"The castle of Lord Byron is well known for its moat and four towers. It is a fine example of Medieval architecture, a fascinating study."
"But you! A…a sand castle!" McCoy went on laughing.
Kirk was torn. On the one hand, Spock's activities were entirely reasonable. What was funny about building a sand castle anyway? But on the other hand…well, his mind was insisting on producing a most absurd yet amusing picture of Spock sitting in front of small sand castle with a plastic shovel and pail.
"'A scale replica…of the castle of Lord Byron…out of compacted sand,'" Kirk repeated, and grinned. "You know what it is? It's beautifully in character, yet out of character, both at the same time."
"Exactly!" McCoy approved.
Spock was puzzled. "That does not make any logical sense."
Further explanation, however, was not to be had, as Kirk, completely against his will, at last dissolved into hilarity.
"I do not understand humans," Spock said plaintively. Well, as plaintively as he's likely to get.
Poor Spock…I'll be nicer to him next time. Which will be up this weekend, God willing and the creeks don't rise. Okay, don't know where that came from…
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