Disclaimer: Don't own Star Trek, Simmons is Starseeker's, Jones and Smith are mine. MINE!
Golden Tiger: Wow. I think that was almost well rounded. Thank you for your kind words. ^_^
EmpressLeia: Yeah, finishing your cliffhanger would be pleasant…good luck cleaning your screen, heehee.
Ruanek: yep, Twilight Zone.
Keridwen: Hello? You alive out there? Well, if you're not still sobbing in the corner, allow me to comment: You left McCoy in the cell for over TWO MONTHS, but I'M devil spawn? I am seeing a double standard here… : )
Starseeker: Oh no. Not you of course…although currently the Enterprise, the turbolift, and Kirk's life force are all plummeting! BAD!
Well, well. The cliffhanger seems to have ticked a few people off…devil spawn, pure evil…if I could just explain to my friends why it's FUN to be called these things…I mean, you meant it as warmly as possible, right? Right? Guys? Wait, wait, no violence! See! See! I'm posting! Read, don't kill!
Chapter Twenty-One:
The Intruder
When last we saw them, security guards Jones, Simmons, and Smith were about to rush into a room and attempt to capture an intruder. Whoever he was. As we return to the story…
The doors slid open, and Smith, Jones and Simmons rushed in. Unfortunately, They didn't quite take into account that the doorway, just possibly, wasn't as wide as it, perhaps, should be for this sort of maneuver. Jones, on the right, managed to bang into Smith, in the middle, and Simmons, on the left, veered to avoid the tangle and crashed into the side of the doorway. After a brief bit of pushes and accusations, they sprawled very untidily across the entryway. Had the light brigade gone in like this, no one would've written a poem about it. As it was, our gallant security men were pretty much at the mercy of whoever happened to be on the other side.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't Kirk's valiant boys in red," the intruder said cheerfully, grinning at them.
"I'm going to arrest you," Smith's muffled voice came from the pile, "just as soon as Jones gets his foot off my head."
"Oh. Sorry," Jones said, trying to extricate himself.
Simmons pulled himself out of the pile, never having gotten quite as mixed up as the other two. He reached for his phaser, and encountered empty air.
"Looking for this?" the intruder asked pleasantly, tossing a phaser from hand to hand.
Two more were on the floor near his feet. The guards had, quite sensibly, drawn their phasers when they charged. Unfortunately, they had dropped them when they crashed. Simmons sighed. This had just gotten a lot harder.
Jones and Smith, by now, though not without trouble, had managed to sort themselves out. They looked at Simmons. He looked back. Smith nodded, and they jumped for the intruder.
"Wait, wait! I can explain!" the intruder shrieked as he went down. They didn't listen.
Jones and Simmons got hold of the phasers, while Smith grappled with the intruder, who, frankly, wasn't much of a fighter. Jones and Simmons reacted out of instinct, and fired wildly. Things looked promising. Except that none of the three of them had coordinated their attacks with particular care.
When the dust settled, Smith and the intruder were both lying unconscious on the floor. Jones and Simmons stared at the bodies.
"Do you know what we just did?" Simmons asked, shocked.
"Yeah," Jones said bleakly. "We just stunned our mission leader."
"No, not that! We stopped the intruder! US! Alone! Without the Captain, or Mr. Spock, or any commanding officer!"
Jones thought about that. "Saaay…"
"Has this ever happened before? To ANY security guards?!"
"I seriously doubt it." Jones beamed. "I think we just made history!"
"Wait till the Captain hears about this!"
* * *
In due time, all the crewmembers from shore leave returned to the ship, including the commanding officers. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy were greeted in the transporter room by Simmons and Jones (Smith was in Sickbay, having only just woken up from being stunned), who had startling news.
Kirk blinked. "You caught an intruder?!"
Jones and Simmons beamed. "That's right, Captain!"
"All on your own?"
They nodded.
"You didn't bring one of the bridge crew up to help?"
They shook their heads.
"Completely on your own? No help? You stopped an intruder?" Kirk seemed to be having trouble grasping the idea.
"We sure did, sir!" Simmons said proudly.
"Fascinating," Spock mused.
"It's definitely new," McCoy commented.
"And no one got killed?" Kirk persisted. "No one died?"
"No, sir!" Jones paused to think about it, and winced. "Well, we did knock Smith out, but no lasting damage."
"You stopped an intruder. Without help. Three security guards. And no one died." Kirk put a hand to his forehead and said faintly, "Someone get me a chair, I need to sit down. The whole ship's turned upside-down on me."
Spock seemed disturbed by this statement. Well, actually, he didn't seem disturbed, being Spock, but he was disturbed. Mildly. "Captain, the artificial gravity has not in any way—"
"Spock…"
"Yes, Captain?"
"Don't, Spock."
"Yes, Captain."
"Well…congratulations," Kirk said finally. "We'll mention it in your records."
"Thank you, sir!" they chorused.
"So Captain, did you handle the 'blonde trouble?'" Jones asked.
Kirk had to think about that for a moment. "The blonde…oh! Um…that's… confidential! Yeah. Confidential. What say we go look at the intruder?"
Still in the haze of glory from their recent triumph, Jones and Simmons were nothing if not agreeable. "Yes, sir."
"He's in the brig," Simmons volunteered.
"I would imagine so. Want to come, Spock, Bones?"
"No thanks, Jim. I should go down to Sickbay, make sure the cat's been fed," McCoy said.
"How about you, Spock?"
"No, thank you. I need to return to my quarters for a shower. I seem to have sand in my hair," Spock said, completely straight-faced.
McCoy's face was somewhat less straight. "Spock…sand…hair…" He burst into laughter.
Spock regarded him calmly. "Doctor, perhaps you should prescribe something for these fits you keep taking."
McCoy shook his head, and walked out of the transporter room, still laughing, mumbling something about sandy hair.
"Most inexplicable," Spock commented. "I should also be going." And he too exited.
"Well that leaves us to go to the brig," Kirk said.
"Yes, sir!"
"So have you figured out yet who it is you nabbed?"
"Well, he says his name is…"
* * *
"Harry Mudd." Kirk shook his head. "Why am I not surprised?"
They were down in the brig, standing in front of one of the cells, where Harcourt Fenton Mudd was indeed being held.
"Captain Kirk! DE-lighted to see you!" Harry said cheerfully.
"What do you think you're doing on my ship?"
Harry ignored the question. "So pleasant to talk to someone in authority. These subordinate officers simply will not listen to my explanations regarding—"
"Harry. What are you doing here?!"
"At the moment? Sitting in one of these cells. I'm sure we can change that though, if you just let me—"
"I have doubts, Harry."
"But you have no right to hold me! You don't have any charges on me!" Harry protested.
"You beamed aboard without authorization," Kirk pointed out.
"Aside from that! You can't accuse me of any—"
"You tried to hack into the computer system!"
"But I didn't do it."
"Only because you caused a security breach and the computers blocked you out."
"Well, if you're going to nitpick regarding details…I still didn't break into the computer."
"Well…technically no. But—"
"In which case I demand to be released!" Harry's attempt at bravado was somewhat lost behind the flickering forcefield.
Kirk considered. "All right, Harry. IF I find out you didn't do anything illegal while on board my ship, and IF it turns out beaming aboard without authorization doesn't warrant time in the brig, and IF there are no outstanding warrants for your arrest, THEN I'll let you out."
Harry beamed. "That's princely of you, Kirk, just princely."
* * *
Later, on the bridge:
"You're kidding me," Kirk said bleakly.
"I am a Vulcan. I—"
"Don't kid. We know, Spock!" McCoy snapped.
"You're sure the Federation isn't charging him with anything?" Kirk asked, for at least the second time.
"I told you, Captain," Spock said patiently. "I have looked up the record of 'Mudd, Harcourt Fenton,' on the computer and all charges have been dropped."
"Wish I knew who he bribed to pull that off," Kirk muttered.
"And beaming aboard without authorization isn't enough to keep him in the brig?" McCoy asked. For the third time.
Spock sighed inwardly. Why did humans have to hear things two or three times to believe them? A most illogical penchant of the species. "No, Doctor, beaming aboard without authorization does not result in time in the brig, as he has not, apparently, done anything detrimental since beaming aboard. He will, however, be fined 143 credits for failing to receive authorization to come aboard."
"We know he was trying to hack into the computer though," McCoy pointed out.
"It does seem extremely likely that, given what we know of Mr. Mudd and what he was attempting to access in the computer system, he was intending to give himself a false identity as a member of Starfleet, with access to a Starfleet bank account. Technically, though, he did not do any of these things."
"And since he didn't, technically, hack into the computer and he didn't, technically, start the fight with our security guards, I, technically, have no reason to keep him in the brig. And since we left orbit three hours ago, we're stuck with him." Kirk sighed. "Bones, what have you got for headaches?"
"A few things. Why, have you got one?"
"No, but I'm anticipating a real head-splitter."
Everyone happy now? No cliffhanger! For now anyway…Bwahahahahah!
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