Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Somewhere in his soul Xander knew that evil was not easy to pin down. That it was morally ambiguous. That real evil was not some laughing man in a cape with large fangs.
Well, it was. But that was beside the point.
Somehow someplace as evil as the kitchen in the Ladies Night Club should not have existed, he knew that. No place could be this purely evil without the Slayer's attention coming to it.
He scrubbed the filth off the dishes and swore to himself silently that tomorrow he'd try to find another job.
Ricky walked in, wearing nothing. "Have you seen my blue strappy outfit?" He asked.
"Aaah!" Whined Xander, covering his eyes. "Ricky!"
"Sorry, man." Said Ricky. "Have you?"
"Kitchen! Food! No naked men!" Said Xander firmly.
Ricky wandered off.
Claire wandered into the kitchen. "More plates for you." She said. For somebody inflicting torture, she was a bit too cheerful for Xander's taste. "Also, some of the girls broke some glasses, so I'll need new ones out of the back."
Xander nodded and moved to get the new glasses when Claire gave a small laugh. He glared at the old woman.
"You know he just does it because you react every time, right?" She asked. "Stop shrieking and he'll stop streaking."
"I know the theory." Said Xander. "It's just the actual not shrieking when a naked man walks in the kitchen that kind of makes me lose it."
Claire nodded, waving her hands at him. "Cups!" She said.
He set off for the glasses, hurrying.
Okay, so maybe working here wasn't totally bad. Claire was fun to talk to, almost reminiscent of the banter he had with Buffy. Only without the constant threat of violence.
At the same time she was a little bit intimidating. And not in a nice 'she can kick my butt' way, like Buffy. More in a 'she'd beat me to death in a heartbeat' intimidating. Even if she couldn't do it. She was tough.
And he was Xander, lord of the putty.
Actually, that sounded really dumb. He decided to never say it out loud.
He returned to the kitchen, setting up the glasses where Claire could grab them when she came back. He glanced to the cook, a short Chinese guy who spoke about three words of American, slaving over a hot stove.
He turned back to the piles of dishes that Claire had added to while he had been gone and set into them with a sigh.
A girl opened the doors, walking in. "Hey, where's Eddie?"
"Gone. Consider me your source for all things Eddie." Said Xander.
"He owed me money." Pouted the girl.
"Except money." Clarified Xander.
She was holding a glass of some amber liquid in one hand. She flounced over, looking him up and down. "Hm. You're not one of Claire's dancers, are you?"
"Er, no. Xander Harris. I'd shake your hand but I've been working and it's disgusting." Said Xander, smiling.
"Jenny." He had a sudden flash of Jenny Calendar, dead, but suppressed it, trying to keep his smile alive. Painful associations with names was something he was already familiar with.
"I'm the new Eddie." Said Xander. "Which I already said."
"That's cool. Hopefully you'll do a lot less borrowing than the last Eddie." Said the girl. "Hey, I'm missing Ricky. Of course, if he's in that ugly green outfit--"
"Last I heard he was in the blue strappy thing." Said Xander.
"Oh, that's a good one." She said. "Can't miss that!"
He watched her go, and turned to the Chinese guy. "This is a weird job." He said. "I just talked with a girl about another naked guy, and I think I was flirting about it."
The Chinese guy grunted.
**
When he was finished working Xander went to the door. "All done, Claire!" He hollered. Ricky was standing on a table replacing a lightbulb, wearing only a thong. Xander made a face, looking away from him.
There was a knock at the door. "Would you get that, Xander?" Asked Ricky.
"Yeah, sure." Said Xander. The banging at the door got louder. "Keep your shirt on!" He yelled. Ricky chuckled.
Xander marched up to the door and yanked it open. "What?" He said.
Spike, leaning against the doorframe, grinned at him. "Boytoy. Never saw you as a stripper, myself, but whatever." He grinned. "Oh, public building." He said, stepping inside. "No invitation required."
**
A/N: Think very hard: Spike. Pre-chip. Post-Drusilla. This is JUST before he went after the Gem of Amarra. In short: RUN, XANDER, RUN! When I said this would get a tad AUish, what I meant is that I'm going. . .well. . .explore the wonderful relationship that Spike and Xander have.
X: You're evil!
S: Yes, I am. Now come here so I can kill you.
X: Aaaah!!
Yes, this will be hard for me. I rarely write evil Spike, preferring morally ambiguous Spike and good Spike. But I can write evil Spike. Just watch. And, yes, it will be fun, gosh darn it! And, yes, it will make you cry, gosh darn it!
Somewhere in his soul Xander knew that evil was not easy to pin down. That it was morally ambiguous. That real evil was not some laughing man in a cape with large fangs.
Well, it was. But that was beside the point.
Somehow someplace as evil as the kitchen in the Ladies Night Club should not have existed, he knew that. No place could be this purely evil without the Slayer's attention coming to it.
He scrubbed the filth off the dishes and swore to himself silently that tomorrow he'd try to find another job.
Ricky walked in, wearing nothing. "Have you seen my blue strappy outfit?" He asked.
"Aaah!" Whined Xander, covering his eyes. "Ricky!"
"Sorry, man." Said Ricky. "Have you?"
"Kitchen! Food! No naked men!" Said Xander firmly.
Ricky wandered off.
Claire wandered into the kitchen. "More plates for you." She said. For somebody inflicting torture, she was a bit too cheerful for Xander's taste. "Also, some of the girls broke some glasses, so I'll need new ones out of the back."
Xander nodded and moved to get the new glasses when Claire gave a small laugh. He glared at the old woman.
"You know he just does it because you react every time, right?" She asked. "Stop shrieking and he'll stop streaking."
"I know the theory." Said Xander. "It's just the actual not shrieking when a naked man walks in the kitchen that kind of makes me lose it."
Claire nodded, waving her hands at him. "Cups!" She said.
He set off for the glasses, hurrying.
Okay, so maybe working here wasn't totally bad. Claire was fun to talk to, almost reminiscent of the banter he had with Buffy. Only without the constant threat of violence.
At the same time she was a little bit intimidating. And not in a nice 'she can kick my butt' way, like Buffy. More in a 'she'd beat me to death in a heartbeat' intimidating. Even if she couldn't do it. She was tough.
And he was Xander, lord of the putty.
Actually, that sounded really dumb. He decided to never say it out loud.
He returned to the kitchen, setting up the glasses where Claire could grab them when she came back. He glanced to the cook, a short Chinese guy who spoke about three words of American, slaving over a hot stove.
He turned back to the piles of dishes that Claire had added to while he had been gone and set into them with a sigh.
A girl opened the doors, walking in. "Hey, where's Eddie?"
"Gone. Consider me your source for all things Eddie." Said Xander.
"He owed me money." Pouted the girl.
"Except money." Clarified Xander.
She was holding a glass of some amber liquid in one hand. She flounced over, looking him up and down. "Hm. You're not one of Claire's dancers, are you?"
"Er, no. Xander Harris. I'd shake your hand but I've been working and it's disgusting." Said Xander, smiling.
"Jenny." He had a sudden flash of Jenny Calendar, dead, but suppressed it, trying to keep his smile alive. Painful associations with names was something he was already familiar with.
"I'm the new Eddie." Said Xander. "Which I already said."
"That's cool. Hopefully you'll do a lot less borrowing than the last Eddie." Said the girl. "Hey, I'm missing Ricky. Of course, if he's in that ugly green outfit--"
"Last I heard he was in the blue strappy thing." Said Xander.
"Oh, that's a good one." She said. "Can't miss that!"
He watched her go, and turned to the Chinese guy. "This is a weird job." He said. "I just talked with a girl about another naked guy, and I think I was flirting about it."
The Chinese guy grunted.
**
When he was finished working Xander went to the door. "All done, Claire!" He hollered. Ricky was standing on a table replacing a lightbulb, wearing only a thong. Xander made a face, looking away from him.
There was a knock at the door. "Would you get that, Xander?" Asked Ricky.
"Yeah, sure." Said Xander. The banging at the door got louder. "Keep your shirt on!" He yelled. Ricky chuckled.
Xander marched up to the door and yanked it open. "What?" He said.
Spike, leaning against the doorframe, grinned at him. "Boytoy. Never saw you as a stripper, myself, but whatever." He grinned. "Oh, public building." He said, stepping inside. "No invitation required."
**
A/N: Think very hard: Spike. Pre-chip. Post-Drusilla. This is JUST before he went after the Gem of Amarra. In short: RUN, XANDER, RUN! When I said this would get a tad AUish, what I meant is that I'm going. . .well. . .explore the wonderful relationship that Spike and Xander have.
X: You're evil!
S: Yes, I am. Now come here so I can kill you.
X: Aaaah!!
Yes, this will be hard for me. I rarely write evil Spike, preferring morally ambiguous Spike and good Spike. But I can write evil Spike. Just watch. And, yes, it will be fun, gosh darn it! And, yes, it will make you cry, gosh darn it!