Transfiguration class came to an end, and Narcissa quickly stopped in her
reverie and picked up her books. Out of the corner of her eye, she could
see James Potter approaching her desk, his face a little bit.what was that?
Shyness? James Potter? Narcissa's eyes bolted from him to Lily Evans
(accidentally called Lily Potter in the last chapter), and widened.
He loves her! she realized. She crushed the urge to giggle a little bit. Lily was always complaining about James, always saying he was a no-account talent who thought he was better than everyone else. But Narcissa knew, somewhere deep down, Lily liked James, though she would never admit it. She'd been rebutting his advances ever since early fifth year. But James kept trying. He never gave up.
If he feels half for her what I feel for Remus, she thought, the poor thing must be in agony.
Her mind snapped to attention. Remus! Where was he?
She turned around wildly, but everyone was leaving class. For a second, she thought she caught a glimpse of shaggy, light brown hair.but no, it wasn't him. She turned back to Lily. "I have to go, um, look up something in the library," she lied quickly.
Lily wasn't even paying attention. "No," she was snapping at James. "Does that thick head of yours absorb anything? I said no!"
"C'mon," James pleaded, "Just one date at Hogsmeade, Lily. Please?"
"After everything you did to Snape? I know he's a nasty git and all, but you didn't need to do him the way you did."
"That was last year," James said, frustrated, "Can't you just let bygones be bygones?"
Narcissa looked from James to Lily, one's pleading eyes to the other's stony expression. She had an idea. It was a small one, but, maybe.
"No," Lily snapped, "I can't." She buckled her book sack and turned to leave, bumping into Narcissa. "I thought you'd already left," she groused. "Come on."
"Wait a minute," Narcissa said, "I've got something to say."
Lily stared at her, annoyed. James was looking frustrated still, but a bit intrigued.
"It's obvious that his feelings are genuine," Narcissa said, thrusting a hand out to indicate James, "He's been pursuing you for the past year and a half. And maybe he really is sorry that he used to beat up on Snape."
Lily snorted.
"The point is," Narcissa raised her voice, "I think you should give him a chance. Just one date, Lily, like he said. And if you hate him, fine, don't date him again. But if you do." Her voice trailed off. She couldn't exactly imagine Lily ever giving in to James Potter and agreeing to go steady with him. But maybe.well, she didn't know.
James and Lily were both staring at Narcissa in shock. But blind hope was beginning to blossom on James' usually cocky face. Lily looked as if she'd just been dumped with ice water.
"Oh, bloody hell fine," she muttered. "This Saturday, all right?" She turned to Narcissa and said, "I've gotta get going, I have ten inches on moonstones to write for tomorrow." Without another word, she pushed past the two of them and left the classroom.
Narcissa looked at James. A look of stupid happiness was on his face. She smiled at him.
"How did you do that?" James asked her in shock, "I'd give anything to see how you did that. She never would give me the time of day, not ever. But you - "
"I'm not doing it for free, if that's what you were thinking," Narcissa said quickly, "I need your help, James, soon, if possible."
"Are you kidding? Anything!"
"Good," Narcissa hesitated, "I need you to get Remus to meet me somewhere. But he has to think that it's someone he has to see, like Dumbledore or someone. He won't come out if he thinks that I'm meeting him."
James looked confused, "All right, I guess."
"And another thing," Narcissa went on, "Don't let anyone see us, all right? Otherwise we'll both be in big trouble, and I can't risk that."
"All right. Where do you want me to have him meet you?"
Narcissa thought for a moment, "Outside on the west grounds," she said, "That's enough out of the way that no students could been peeking from windows, unless they were in the Astronomy tower. And nobody will be there after five." She nodded, "Make it at five on the west grounds."
"You got it," James sprinted out of the classroom, almost bumping into someone on his way out. He didn't even notice his victim, but bounded down the hall as if he was on silver wings. The person jumped back to his feet and slunk inside the classroom, staring at Narcissa with a look of absolutely rage.
"That's great," he spat, "Phenomenal. Blow up Potter's head even more, why don't you, Narcissa Black?"
Narcissa stared at him, "Don't you make me feel badly, Severus," she replied, tossing her head, "James' feelings for Lily were genuine. I couldn't just keep them battling each other forever. Besides, it was giving me a headache, all that fighting." She tossed her book sack over her shoulder, "Excuse me. I have somewhere to go."
Severus blocked the door with his hand, "I thought we were friends," he hissed at her. Narcissa suddenly felt very cold.
"You're friends with my.with Lucius." She fought down the impulse to say my fiancé. "I don't owe you anything, Severus Snape!" She pushed past him and began to walk down the hall quickly, out of sight. I must drop my books off before I meet Remus, she thought.
Severus watched her leave, watching her blonde hair shake like a waterfall down her back. "You will owe me something, Narcissa," he said sinisterly, "You will."
* * *
An hour later, Narcissa hid herself behind a gargoyle outside on the patio of the west grounds. She watched the glass door, waiting for someone to emerge from it.
She checked her watch. 5: 07. Could it be that James had double-crossed her? Had he not given Remus the message? Her heart clenched. Could Remus have seen right through her act?
The door opened. Narcissa stiffened.
Remus stepped outside, wearing a blue shirt and a pair of faded khakis instead of his uniform. Narcissa's heart skipped a beat. He was so handsome, in that dark blue that exactly matched his eyes. She took a deep breath.
Remus looked confused. "Dumbledore?" he asked softly, as if he was afraid of being laughed at.
Narcissa took a deep breath and stepped out from behind the gargoyle. "Dumbledore's not here," she replied, "I asked James to send you."
Remus' eyes widened. "Narcissa, I told you I couldn't see you anymore. It's not safe for you." He looked at her as if he couldn't bear to turn away, and Narcissa doubted it had anything to do with the apple-green sundress she had chosen to wear. She walked towards him and brushed his hand with hers. Remus stiffened.
"Narcissa.I love you, but I just can't," he pleaded, "Don't you see? Anything that happens to me will happen to you, if I'm found out. Can you imagine what your fiancé would say if he found out you were traipsing around with a - " His voice broke off and he continued in a whisper, "With a werewolf?"
"Remus - "
"No, don't say anything. I already know. He'd break your engagement, and your family would hate you for it. I couldn't do that to you, Narcissa," Remus turned away, "Not for an infatuation that will surely fade in time."
He started to walk back to the door, and his hand was on the knob when he heard her cry.
"Remus, it isn't what you think!"
He paused and looked back at her.
"Then what is it, Narcissa?"
She clasped her hands together, not knowing what to say. She had never said she loved anyone in her life. How would she manage to do this?
And then she thought of James, who loved Lily so much that he would pursue her for a year and a half, begging her right and left to give him a chance, to see past that boasting exterior to someone who really could love, who really could give other people a chance. And of Lily, who was too proud to admit that she really admired James, and couldn't tell him so. She had given them a chance. She would find a way to give herself a chance.
Remus.
He was so handsome, so sad, so hurt. Life had been cruel to him; she could no longer be. She stepped towards him and whispered, softly, from somewhere in the bottom of her heart:
"I love you, Remus."
His blue eyes widened, "What?"
"I love you," she replied simply, "I love you."
He was silent. Staring at her.
"I know it doesn't make sense," she said, "And I know I've always said that nothing can come of this, that I can't break my promise to Lucius Malfoy. But." She hesitated, and then went on, her voice even stronger, "But I can't live a lie anymore. I can't say I love someone when I don't. And I love you, Remus. Not Lucius Malfoy. Not anyone else. Just you."
He didn't move.
"I know none of this seems real," Narcissa said desperately, "I know just a week ago I was telling you I couldn't love you, couldn't be with you any more than a friend could be with someone. But." she touched the letter in her pocket, "Things have changed, and so have I. And I know you don't want to see me anymore," she whispered, "But I just want you to know, Remus. I'm not worried about getting hurt. All I care about is you. I love you, Remus."
Remus looked at her as if he couldn't make sense of it all. Narcissa felt that tiny spring of hope inside of her dying. She closed her eyes as if to shield herself from embarrassment, from pain. The only person she had ever really loved was going to let her go. She wouldn't give him the chance.
"Well.that's all, I guess," she said softly. She walked by him, towards the door, and opened it slightly.
"Wait a minute," Remus said, touching her arm.
"What is it?" she asked, not turning.
"Did you mean it?" he asked her, his voice barely above a whisper.
She smiled slightly, tears blurring her vision.
"Every word."
And Remus shut the door, and pulled her into his arms. Narcissa's eyes widened. Through her tears she could see his face, that beautiful face that had haunted her dreams for the past few days. She didn't know what to say.
Neither, apparently, did Remus. His fingers trembling, he reached for her face and touched her cheek, brushing away a tear on one side, then the other. She was shaking all over, and Remus held her close, as if he could stop the shaking. He tipped her face up.
"Look at me," he whispered, "Please."
Narcissa flicked those beautiful sapphire eyes up to him as they filled with tears. She blinked furiously, as if she was trying to be rid of them. Remus felt his heart would melt if he ever looked at anything so beautiful again.
And then he kissed her.
Narcissa felt her insides explode into a million fireworks as she clung to him, willing the kiss to never end. She felt as if she would be happy if life stopped here, and she stayed forever in the arms of Remus Lupin, spending the rest of eternity just being held by someone who loved her.
Finally, Remus pulled away and looked at her again. Were those tears in his eyes? Narcissa reached up - it was her turn to brush the tears away. Remus laughed softly. "Sorry," he whispered, "I just.it was my first kiss."
"Mine too," Narcissa laughed shakily. Remus laughed with her and held her, rocking her back and forth slowly. The sun was setting behind them. Soon they would have to go in, or they would be breaking school rules. But Narcissa didn't care. She didn't care if someone came up behind her and struck her dead right now. Nothing mattered as much as this.
"I love you, Narcissa," Remus whispered.
She had never heard those words before. She didn't think she could handle this much happiness.
"I love you, too," she whispered back.
* * *
They stayed in each other's arms for a long time, not caring that the sun was setting behind them, not caring that they were out of bounds. Nothing mattered to them anymore, except each other. But if Remus had been more cautious, he would have been looking around for intruders. And Narcissa would have thought of someone who had a grudge against her. And both of them would have seen a solitary silhouette against the brilliant sky.watching them from the Astronomy tower.
He loves her! she realized. She crushed the urge to giggle a little bit. Lily was always complaining about James, always saying he was a no-account talent who thought he was better than everyone else. But Narcissa knew, somewhere deep down, Lily liked James, though she would never admit it. She'd been rebutting his advances ever since early fifth year. But James kept trying. He never gave up.
If he feels half for her what I feel for Remus, she thought, the poor thing must be in agony.
Her mind snapped to attention. Remus! Where was he?
She turned around wildly, but everyone was leaving class. For a second, she thought she caught a glimpse of shaggy, light brown hair.but no, it wasn't him. She turned back to Lily. "I have to go, um, look up something in the library," she lied quickly.
Lily wasn't even paying attention. "No," she was snapping at James. "Does that thick head of yours absorb anything? I said no!"
"C'mon," James pleaded, "Just one date at Hogsmeade, Lily. Please?"
"After everything you did to Snape? I know he's a nasty git and all, but you didn't need to do him the way you did."
"That was last year," James said, frustrated, "Can't you just let bygones be bygones?"
Narcissa looked from James to Lily, one's pleading eyes to the other's stony expression. She had an idea. It was a small one, but, maybe.
"No," Lily snapped, "I can't." She buckled her book sack and turned to leave, bumping into Narcissa. "I thought you'd already left," she groused. "Come on."
"Wait a minute," Narcissa said, "I've got something to say."
Lily stared at her, annoyed. James was looking frustrated still, but a bit intrigued.
"It's obvious that his feelings are genuine," Narcissa said, thrusting a hand out to indicate James, "He's been pursuing you for the past year and a half. And maybe he really is sorry that he used to beat up on Snape."
Lily snorted.
"The point is," Narcissa raised her voice, "I think you should give him a chance. Just one date, Lily, like he said. And if you hate him, fine, don't date him again. But if you do." Her voice trailed off. She couldn't exactly imagine Lily ever giving in to James Potter and agreeing to go steady with him. But maybe.well, she didn't know.
James and Lily were both staring at Narcissa in shock. But blind hope was beginning to blossom on James' usually cocky face. Lily looked as if she'd just been dumped with ice water.
"Oh, bloody hell fine," she muttered. "This Saturday, all right?" She turned to Narcissa and said, "I've gotta get going, I have ten inches on moonstones to write for tomorrow." Without another word, she pushed past the two of them and left the classroom.
Narcissa looked at James. A look of stupid happiness was on his face. She smiled at him.
"How did you do that?" James asked her in shock, "I'd give anything to see how you did that. She never would give me the time of day, not ever. But you - "
"I'm not doing it for free, if that's what you were thinking," Narcissa said quickly, "I need your help, James, soon, if possible."
"Are you kidding? Anything!"
"Good," Narcissa hesitated, "I need you to get Remus to meet me somewhere. But he has to think that it's someone he has to see, like Dumbledore or someone. He won't come out if he thinks that I'm meeting him."
James looked confused, "All right, I guess."
"And another thing," Narcissa went on, "Don't let anyone see us, all right? Otherwise we'll both be in big trouble, and I can't risk that."
"All right. Where do you want me to have him meet you?"
Narcissa thought for a moment, "Outside on the west grounds," she said, "That's enough out of the way that no students could been peeking from windows, unless they were in the Astronomy tower. And nobody will be there after five." She nodded, "Make it at five on the west grounds."
"You got it," James sprinted out of the classroom, almost bumping into someone on his way out. He didn't even notice his victim, but bounded down the hall as if he was on silver wings. The person jumped back to his feet and slunk inside the classroom, staring at Narcissa with a look of absolutely rage.
"That's great," he spat, "Phenomenal. Blow up Potter's head even more, why don't you, Narcissa Black?"
Narcissa stared at him, "Don't you make me feel badly, Severus," she replied, tossing her head, "James' feelings for Lily were genuine. I couldn't just keep them battling each other forever. Besides, it was giving me a headache, all that fighting." She tossed her book sack over her shoulder, "Excuse me. I have somewhere to go."
Severus blocked the door with his hand, "I thought we were friends," he hissed at her. Narcissa suddenly felt very cold.
"You're friends with my.with Lucius." She fought down the impulse to say my fiancé. "I don't owe you anything, Severus Snape!" She pushed past him and began to walk down the hall quickly, out of sight. I must drop my books off before I meet Remus, she thought.
Severus watched her leave, watching her blonde hair shake like a waterfall down her back. "You will owe me something, Narcissa," he said sinisterly, "You will."
* * *
An hour later, Narcissa hid herself behind a gargoyle outside on the patio of the west grounds. She watched the glass door, waiting for someone to emerge from it.
She checked her watch. 5: 07. Could it be that James had double-crossed her? Had he not given Remus the message? Her heart clenched. Could Remus have seen right through her act?
The door opened. Narcissa stiffened.
Remus stepped outside, wearing a blue shirt and a pair of faded khakis instead of his uniform. Narcissa's heart skipped a beat. He was so handsome, in that dark blue that exactly matched his eyes. She took a deep breath.
Remus looked confused. "Dumbledore?" he asked softly, as if he was afraid of being laughed at.
Narcissa took a deep breath and stepped out from behind the gargoyle. "Dumbledore's not here," she replied, "I asked James to send you."
Remus' eyes widened. "Narcissa, I told you I couldn't see you anymore. It's not safe for you." He looked at her as if he couldn't bear to turn away, and Narcissa doubted it had anything to do with the apple-green sundress she had chosen to wear. She walked towards him and brushed his hand with hers. Remus stiffened.
"Narcissa.I love you, but I just can't," he pleaded, "Don't you see? Anything that happens to me will happen to you, if I'm found out. Can you imagine what your fiancé would say if he found out you were traipsing around with a - " His voice broke off and he continued in a whisper, "With a werewolf?"
"Remus - "
"No, don't say anything. I already know. He'd break your engagement, and your family would hate you for it. I couldn't do that to you, Narcissa," Remus turned away, "Not for an infatuation that will surely fade in time."
He started to walk back to the door, and his hand was on the knob when he heard her cry.
"Remus, it isn't what you think!"
He paused and looked back at her.
"Then what is it, Narcissa?"
She clasped her hands together, not knowing what to say. She had never said she loved anyone in her life. How would she manage to do this?
And then she thought of James, who loved Lily so much that he would pursue her for a year and a half, begging her right and left to give him a chance, to see past that boasting exterior to someone who really could love, who really could give other people a chance. And of Lily, who was too proud to admit that she really admired James, and couldn't tell him so. She had given them a chance. She would find a way to give herself a chance.
Remus.
He was so handsome, so sad, so hurt. Life had been cruel to him; she could no longer be. She stepped towards him and whispered, softly, from somewhere in the bottom of her heart:
"I love you, Remus."
His blue eyes widened, "What?"
"I love you," she replied simply, "I love you."
He was silent. Staring at her.
"I know it doesn't make sense," she said, "And I know I've always said that nothing can come of this, that I can't break my promise to Lucius Malfoy. But." She hesitated, and then went on, her voice even stronger, "But I can't live a lie anymore. I can't say I love someone when I don't. And I love you, Remus. Not Lucius Malfoy. Not anyone else. Just you."
He didn't move.
"I know none of this seems real," Narcissa said desperately, "I know just a week ago I was telling you I couldn't love you, couldn't be with you any more than a friend could be with someone. But." she touched the letter in her pocket, "Things have changed, and so have I. And I know you don't want to see me anymore," she whispered, "But I just want you to know, Remus. I'm not worried about getting hurt. All I care about is you. I love you, Remus."
Remus looked at her as if he couldn't make sense of it all. Narcissa felt that tiny spring of hope inside of her dying. She closed her eyes as if to shield herself from embarrassment, from pain. The only person she had ever really loved was going to let her go. She wouldn't give him the chance.
"Well.that's all, I guess," she said softly. She walked by him, towards the door, and opened it slightly.
"Wait a minute," Remus said, touching her arm.
"What is it?" she asked, not turning.
"Did you mean it?" he asked her, his voice barely above a whisper.
She smiled slightly, tears blurring her vision.
"Every word."
And Remus shut the door, and pulled her into his arms. Narcissa's eyes widened. Through her tears she could see his face, that beautiful face that had haunted her dreams for the past few days. She didn't know what to say.
Neither, apparently, did Remus. His fingers trembling, he reached for her face and touched her cheek, brushing away a tear on one side, then the other. She was shaking all over, and Remus held her close, as if he could stop the shaking. He tipped her face up.
"Look at me," he whispered, "Please."
Narcissa flicked those beautiful sapphire eyes up to him as they filled with tears. She blinked furiously, as if she was trying to be rid of them. Remus felt his heart would melt if he ever looked at anything so beautiful again.
And then he kissed her.
Narcissa felt her insides explode into a million fireworks as she clung to him, willing the kiss to never end. She felt as if she would be happy if life stopped here, and she stayed forever in the arms of Remus Lupin, spending the rest of eternity just being held by someone who loved her.
Finally, Remus pulled away and looked at her again. Were those tears in his eyes? Narcissa reached up - it was her turn to brush the tears away. Remus laughed softly. "Sorry," he whispered, "I just.it was my first kiss."
"Mine too," Narcissa laughed shakily. Remus laughed with her and held her, rocking her back and forth slowly. The sun was setting behind them. Soon they would have to go in, or they would be breaking school rules. But Narcissa didn't care. She didn't care if someone came up behind her and struck her dead right now. Nothing mattered as much as this.
"I love you, Narcissa," Remus whispered.
She had never heard those words before. She didn't think she could handle this much happiness.
"I love you, too," she whispered back.
* * *
They stayed in each other's arms for a long time, not caring that the sun was setting behind them, not caring that they were out of bounds. Nothing mattered to them anymore, except each other. But if Remus had been more cautious, he would have been looking around for intruders. And Narcissa would have thought of someone who had a grudge against her. And both of them would have seen a solitary silhouette against the brilliant sky.watching them from the Astronomy tower.