Disclaimer: Still don't own Star Trek, etc. etc.
TrekkieForever: Kirk agrees. He's Kirk. He just can't be dead. : ) Sorry your family thought you were nuts. Happens to a lot of people, me included. Mine has taken to referring to FF as my 'obsession.' Go figure.
Trekker-T: Me? Mean? I'm hurt! Hey don't complain to me, complain to my chemistry teacher. Quiz last week, we had to memorize the names and formulas of cations, anions, polyatomic ions…only Spock would be interested in these things. Well, yeah, that was a little random, but I'll do my best to post. Patience is a virtue. British Star Trek Message Board? Sorry, nice try, but I've never heard of it.
Blynedda: Zaniness…I love that word.
Ruanek: You like cliffhangers…ookay…[shrug] well, why not?
Keridwen: Ooh…devious stuff…should be fascinating.
EmpressLeia: Alternate ending? I love alternate endings! Post!
Charmega: Heehee…a cute lizard…ooh, that's funny. Yes, post! Finish the story, it's been HOW many months? And I must agree, Keridwen needs to add more to Going Postal.
Rihannsu: Me? Genius? Well, if you insist…(ahem, there goes that gremlin again)
I think this makes a record high in number of notes. Kewl. On to the actual story:
Chapter 24:
Kirk-Sites
Kirk, Spock, and McCoy have been surfing the net. As we return, Kirk is about to reveal the meaning of the letters BBK:
"Well, Jim? What's the BBK?" McCoy persisted.
Kirk sighed. "Well, if you must know…" He typed and clicked, and brought up a new website.
McCoy squinted at the address. "Www.BringBackKirk.com?"
"Fascinating," Spock murmured.
"It's this really great website, I ran across it a few days ago," Kirk explained. "Apparently I got killed under a bridge or something, I'm not very clear on how or when that supposedly happened; and really, what kind of way to go is that? Anyway, these people banded together, and are trying to convince this 'Paramount' to resurrect me. Now isn't that a noble cause?"
"Well, I suppose," McCoy muttered doubtfully.
"These are people who appreciate me," Kirk said, warming to his topic. "Just look at this opening bit: 'The universe hangs in the balance. One man, thought to be dead, is the only one who can save it. The time has come to turn death into a fighting chance to live! And a legend...will return!' Isn't that great? I like the part about 'the only one.' Or this part lower down: 'We want James T. Kirk, our beloved Captain who truly made Star Trek fun and exciting, brought back.' I told you, this is a great site."
"Great," McCoy said dryly. Now, if Kirk was to die, he'd be more than happy to see him resurrected. But as he didn't seem to be dead, reading the site seemed like little more than an ego booster. And Kirk's ego had never needed any boosting, that McCoy knew well.
Spock, meanwhile, had read on. "'The idea of James T. Kirk ending up falling off a bridge and splatting on the base of a mountain has boggled the minds of Trek fans for years.' Perhaps you should give up rock climbing," he mused.
Kirk coughed, and scrolled downwards. "Yeah, well, the important thing is these people are trying to resurrect me."
"Well there's something you don't see every day," McCoy commented. "You, apparently dying under a bridge." He frowned. "Looks unpleasant."
Kirk was looking uncomfortable. "Yeah, well…"
"Fascinating," Spock said again. "Either that is a very clever fake, or you are someday going to die under a bridge, and this website, perhaps due to a temporal anomaly, has a picture."
Kirk started to look worried. "Waaait a minute. You think I might actually die under a bridge?"
"That does seem to be what this site says, Jim," McCoy pointed out.
"Well, yeah, but I figured it was a story or something, like the other ones. I mean, I can't die under a bridge! That's a horrible way to go! That's not heroic at all!"
"Don't worry, maybe they'll get you resurrected," McCoy suggested.
"I guess…" Kirk brightened up. "Well, I'll just make sure not to step on any bridges after this."
"A logical precaution. However, the picture indicates that in some time frame you have already died, and therefore it may not be possible to avoid—" Spock broke off as McCoy kicked him. Kirk was starting to look freaked again.
"Right…well, I guess we'll just have to see…" Kirk said doubtfully.
"Sure. And at least this site clearly appreciates you," McCoy said cheerfully.
"Oh definitely," Kirk agreed. "Although this is nothing compared to this other site I've been going on."
"Oh?" McCoy said cautiously.
"Yeah, I ran across this other really terrific site too." Kirk typed and clicked again, bringing up a third website.
"The…Captain Kirk Page?" McCoy said, reading the banner across the top.
Kirk swept a hand across the screen, indicating the line of text under several pictures of him. "Isn't that nice; 'Devoted to the universe's greatest starship captain: James Tiberius Kirk.' I couldn't have said it better myself."
"I could think of a few other ways to describe you," McCoy said dryly.
"Well sure, me too, but that sums it up nicely."
"That's not quite what I meant," McCoy muttered. Kirk took no notice.
"There's all kinds of excellent stuff in here," Kirk continued. "Like over here. 'Kirk Information.' Very accurate biography, detailing my life and triumphs. And over here…you can get a Kirk Fan Diploma!" He beamed at them. "Maybe you should get a couple!"
"That's okay," McCoy said quickly. There was no way in the galaxy he was hanging a "Kirk-Fan Diploma" on his wall. No way.
"Oh." Kirk seemed mildly crestfallen for a moment, but perked up quickly. "Well, under this link they have Great Kirk Moments."
"Great. Kirk. Moments?" McCoy echoed, almost as if he expected to be told that actually the title was a joke and the link led to something else entirely. He was not told this.
"Most intriguing," Spock murmured.
"Not the word I'd use," McCoy muttered.
"And then there's my favorite part," Kirk went on. "'Kirk vs. Picard.'"
He clicked, and brought up a new page.
"'The Top Infinite Reasons Why Kirk is Better Than Picard,'" they read, Kirk with delight, McCoy with incredulity, Spock with very faint surprise.
"I'm not entirely clear on who exactly Picard is, but hey, if they say I'm better, who am I to argue?" Kirk grinned. "Especially with 1495 reasons!"
"Fourteen-hundred, ninety-five…" McCoy was very glad he was sitting down. Even Spock was somewhat taken aback.
"Let's see…some of my favorites are down a ways…" Kirk said, scrolling. "Oh, here's a good one: '1440: If Kirk's ship had children on board, he'd be honored if they were nice enough to celebrate a 'Captain Kirk Day.'' I would be honored. You know what this ship needs?"
"Children?" McCoy hazarded vaguely.
"No, a Captain Kirk Day! Remind me to bring it up at the next board meeting."
"Riight."
"I doubt that would go over very well," Spock murmured, raising an eyebrow as he continued reading.
"Or down here, number 1434: 'It took THREE skilled Air Force personnel to stop Kirk during 'Tomorrow is Yesterday.' (And, I might add, they had great difficulty n doing this.)' That's very true, VERY true. Or the next one down, 1433: 'Captain Kirk had decency and compassion to allow Lt. Galloway to return to her duties in 'The Deadly Years.' That was a shame, about Galloway. But that was decent of me, wasn't it?"
"Decent," McCoy agreed, sounding strained.
"Or look at this, 1412: 'Kirk is as hip and edgy as "The Far Side."' I don't know about 'The Far Side,' but I am hip and edgy."
"Hip?" Spock said, raising his other eyebrow.
"And edgy?" McCoy said, his incredulity levels mounting by the moment.
"And then there's 1401: 'Kirk is hard to intimidate.' That says a lot."
"I don't believe this," McCoy muttered.
"Pretty unbelievable, isn't it?" Kirk agreed. "Had no idea you were serving with a living legend, did you?"
"No," McCoy said dryly.
"Here's another good one, 1392: 'Kirk is strong enough to take an enemy's sword and break it in half like a twig. ('Squire of Gothos')' Or 1389: 'Picard was never referred to by other captains as 'the one and only.' Sisko referred to Kirk this way in 'Trials and Tribble-lations.' I like that: the one and only James T. Kirk. I should get that on a plaque or something. Here, I like this one too, 1373: 'Picard broods when women reject him. Kirk does not have this brooding problem. Besides, women never reject him.' So true. 1364: 'Klingons fear, respect and want to fight Kirk as a badge of honor.' I have heard similar things many times. From the Klingons. Not to mention…"
Kirk did not seem aware that no one else was talking. McCoy had assumed a faintly glazed expression. Spock's eyebrows had vanished into his hairline several minutes ago, and were showing no signs of reemergence.
It was the line about future captains risking it all for Kirk's autograph (1028) that finally did it. McCoy looked at Spock, and attempted to convey with facial expressions that 1) Jim was clearly off his rocker so 2) they had better get him off this site as soon as possible, because 3) if they didn't he was bound to become completely insufferable and eventually someone with a less benign attitude would come along and strangle him so 4) Spock had just better follow his lead. How much of that got across, he couldn't guess. Hopefully enough.
"Jim," he said meaningfully, "I think we need to talk."
"In a minute, this one here's really good, it says—"
"Jim, step away from the computer. I think you need to spend some time in Sickbay."
"I WHAT?"
"You're ill."
"I am not, I'm fine! What is this, anyway, I—"
"You are clearly suffering from a severe case of Egolomania."
"Coupled with Ostentacity," Spock added. Apparently he'd gotten at least the general idea.
"Hey, hey, wait a minute! Can we talk about this?" Kirk demanded as they marched him out of the room. "You can't do this to me! I'm James T. Kirk!"
They ignored him. And being hauled along as he was by his first officer and chief medical officer, there wasn't a whole lot he could do. Except hope that the people on The Captain Kirk Page never got wind of this.
Sites visited:
www.BringBackKirk.com And they do indeed have a picture of Kirk dead under a bridge.
www.TheCaptainKirkPage.com Check out the list, there are 1495 reasons last time I looked. All reasons I used were taken straight off the site, though for most I left off part, specifically the part that states why whatever it is makes Kirk better than Picard. The point was to build Kirk's ego, not crush Picard.
Advise you to check them both out, they're thoroughly entertaining! Oh yeah, congrats to Rihannsu, Charmega and TrekkieForever for knowing the meaning of the cryptic letters BBK.
Next chapter up ASAP, barring any more Chemistry quizzes.