Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.
Author's note: Thanks to every one who has reviewed so far, sorry this chapter has taken longer to post than I thought it would, it's not that it wasn't written it's just that I really couldn't be arsed to put it up, but here it is, at last.
I should be putting up chapter five some time during the week, and six maybe next weekend, but I have mock exams for the next two weeks, which means either I'll be revising most of the time, or getting fed up with revising and going on the net- time will tell.
I'm not to sure about this chapter, it's one of about three I'm not happy with, I'm not sure if they're totally in character (if they ever are), but I think they're more out of character than usual- however this could just be me aiming to achieve writing perfection (god! I'm starting to sound like Seven, I'll shut up now before I turn into her!) Enjoy!
Chapter 4: Past experience
Obi watched as they took another body from the room. Although they were well trained, they couldn't help but shiver at the atmosphere inside the room. They were always reluctant to enter, and eager to leave, and Obi couldn't help but admit that at times he felt like that also. He felt like that now, as if there was nothing better in the universe than leaving the room, but he knew leaving would anger her, and he didn't want to anger, he would rather die than that.
The door closed with a muffled slam, and Obi looked back into the darkness, "are you sure that all of this is necessary?" he asked, "that was the ninth one, and there aren't that many available that meet the specifications that you have given us."
Although he couldn't see it, he could feel that she hard turned round sharply and was now staring at him, her eyes piercing his soul. "There are other ways," she admitted, "but this way will be easiest."
He didn't want to argue with her, and thought it best to just do as she said. "You're regretting asking me for help aren't you?" she broke the silence. At the truth of her words he froze, but thought it best not to say anything. She chuckled gently, "good," he felt her presence move away from him.
"How's that good?" he said at last, finding his voice, and some of his confidence.
"I'd hate to think that people appreciated my help," she said in what could only be called a light hearted manner.
Thinking it best not to ask any further questions, he didn't.
~*~
San Francisco, August 23rd 2379.
Kathryn lifted her glass of wine to her lips and took a sip, then looked curiously across at Chakotay who sat opposite her, playing with the food on his plate. "Are you okay?" he looked up from his plate, "you've been quiet all evening."
He shrugged, "it's nothing," he smiled weakly, "I was just thinking."
"Thinking about what?" she asked, reaching across the table and placing her hand on his. He responded by linking his fingers with hers.
He looked up and met her gaze, noticing the determined and yet concerned look on her face, he realised that she wasn't going to give up on the topic very easily. He sighed, this was one of a few occasions where he was finding it hard to predict her reaction, so he thought it best just to come out and say it. "I received a letter the other day, from a professor at Cambridge University in London, he has invited me on a excavation in Egypt."
Kathryn smiled, "that's great," she said, "I hope you have accepted his offer."
Chakotay's face stayed sombre, "I haven't told him anything yet," Chakotay admitted, "but I was going to tell him no, I don't think it's fair to leave you to deal with this pregnancy alone."
Kathryn pulled a face, "Egypt isn't that far away," she pointed out, "it's not like it's two weeks travel away, and in an area where I won't be able to communicate with you. I think that you should accept his offer."
He still wasn't convinced, although he could see that Kathryn was, "yes, but it's still about two hours travel the civilian way, and because of the time difference I'll be working while you're sleeping and you'll be working while I'm sleeping, we'd never be able to make time for each other."
"Well how long is it for?" she asked.
"Six months, but it may be longer, it depends on how long they're allowed to excavate for."
"Well I should be on maternity leave for about two months of that, so you're not going to miss out on waking up at two in the morning ever night to see to a crying baby."
"Every night?!" Chakotay repeated with a smile.
"If we're lucky, just the once or twice a night," she smiled, "so when do you leave," she added knowing that she had won.
In part relief and part excitement of the prospect of the excavation he smiled broadly, "I think the professor said that the dig would start in about four days, but are you sure you don't mind?"
She dropped her shoulders, in disbelief that he was still having doubts about going, "of course I don't mind, not that I'm trying to get you out the house or anything, but I think I would mind if you decided to stay."
He laughed, "okay," he put his hands up defensively, "you've won, as usual," he added.
Kathryn grinned at the truth of the matter. Just before Chakotay returned to his meal, he looked up sharply realising something, "did you say you were only taking two months maternity leave?" he asked cautiously.
Immediately Kathryn dropped her eyes to avert his gaze, "I think so," she tried to be evasive.
"The doctor said that you would need more like five months," he stared at her, hoping to catch her eye.
She had to think for a while, how she was going to get out of this argument, "I think that five months is too long a time, about two of those months are supposed to be the last two of the pregnancy and I'm planning on working up until the last few weeks maybe even days if I can. And besides, there are good day care centres in the city, so there's no reason for me to prolong returning to work.
He raised an eyebrow at all of this, it was news to him, and he wasn't happy about what he was hearing. "I didn't know that we were planning on sending our child to a day care centre," he started, "or that you were planning on working your self to an early labour!"
Kathryn sighed, she should have discussed these things with him first, but she was so used to making decisions on her own that it had almost become second nature to her. "I'm sorry," she met his gaze at last, "but you know how important my work is to me."
"Sometimes I think it's too important to you," Chakotay spoke his mind.
She wanted to glare at him, wanted to be angry at the remark he had just made, but she found that she couldn't, and when asking herself why remembered Tad saying it to her before she left on the mission to the badlands over eight years before. And she felt then as she did now, sad and disappointed with herself for not getting her priorities right. "You're much more important to me Chakotay than Star Fleet," she said softly, but with a fierceness behind the words that told him that she was determined not to let him think otherwise.
"Then take extra time off," he said soothingly, "I don't want our child to be raised by strangers, I want us to be a family not a group of people that live in the same house. If you miss out on this window to bond with our child then you may not have as good a chance to do so later on."
"Chakotay I hardly think that an extra few weeks will make much difference," she was losing the decision that she had made, and made a final attempt to put down the idea of taking extra time than she needed.
"What's this really about?" he asked, sensing something deeper, and half an idea what it was. She averted his eyes again, and he made a fairly good guess, "this is about Felicity," his guess was right when he noticed her flinch at the suggestion. "You want to spend the minimal amount of time with our baby because you're worried that it will stir bad memories of you raising Felicity almost by yourself!"
"You're wrong," she said quietly, knowing that he was right, "this has nothing to do with past experience."
"It has everything to do with it!" he insisted, "Tad told me. After Justin died you took almost a year out of Star Fleet, Felicity must have been about six moths old when you returned."
A tear appeared in Kathryn's eye at this, she hadn't realised that he knew. Seeing that she was upset about this, he got up from his chair and made his way over to her, crouching beside her and putting an arm across the head of her chair. "You can tell me anything," he said soothingly.
She looked down at him, and a faint smile appeared on her lips knowing the truth to his words. Swallowing hard she nodded, "after Justin died I didn't really think much about my pregnancy, I knew I was pregnant, but I didn't really take it on board, it just didn't seem real. And then it all came as a shock when Felicity was suddenly born. She scared me, when I saw her I didn't see Justin inside her I just kept remembering the shuttle accident and losing Justin and my father. I couldn't return to work because I no longer saw the point to it, and so I was constantly there, at home with Felicity, a constant reminder of what had happened."
"And you're worried that if you spend too much time with our baby then you'll come to feel the same way?" he tucked some loose strands of hair behind her ear and kissed her neck before returning to her gaze, watching a stubborn tear run down her cheek. "Did you feel that way about Tad?"
She shook her head, "no, it was different with Tad," she saw the look he was giving her and smiled despite her self, "and it'll be different with our baby."
He nodded, "I think maybe you had post natal depression after you had Felicity, which contributed to your negative feelings, and for some reason it was never picked up on. We'll check and make sure that you don't have it again after this little one is born, but until then, if you insist on working, I want you to cut back on the hours that you're doing."
"Yes sir," she smiled, "you'd better send that reply to the professor, four days isn't a lot of time to prepare."
"After seven years in the delta quadrant of being given mere minutes notice to an attack- four days in an eternity," Chakotay joked lightly.
~*~
End of chapter 4
Author's note: Thanks to every one who has reviewed so far, sorry this chapter has taken longer to post than I thought it would, it's not that it wasn't written it's just that I really couldn't be arsed to put it up, but here it is, at last.
I should be putting up chapter five some time during the week, and six maybe next weekend, but I have mock exams for the next two weeks, which means either I'll be revising most of the time, or getting fed up with revising and going on the net- time will tell.
I'm not to sure about this chapter, it's one of about three I'm not happy with, I'm not sure if they're totally in character (if they ever are), but I think they're more out of character than usual- however this could just be me aiming to achieve writing perfection (god! I'm starting to sound like Seven, I'll shut up now before I turn into her!) Enjoy!
Chapter 4: Past experience
Obi watched as they took another body from the room. Although they were well trained, they couldn't help but shiver at the atmosphere inside the room. They were always reluctant to enter, and eager to leave, and Obi couldn't help but admit that at times he felt like that also. He felt like that now, as if there was nothing better in the universe than leaving the room, but he knew leaving would anger her, and he didn't want to anger, he would rather die than that.
The door closed with a muffled slam, and Obi looked back into the darkness, "are you sure that all of this is necessary?" he asked, "that was the ninth one, and there aren't that many available that meet the specifications that you have given us."
Although he couldn't see it, he could feel that she hard turned round sharply and was now staring at him, her eyes piercing his soul. "There are other ways," she admitted, "but this way will be easiest."
He didn't want to argue with her, and thought it best to just do as she said. "You're regretting asking me for help aren't you?" she broke the silence. At the truth of her words he froze, but thought it best not to say anything. She chuckled gently, "good," he felt her presence move away from him.
"How's that good?" he said at last, finding his voice, and some of his confidence.
"I'd hate to think that people appreciated my help," she said in what could only be called a light hearted manner.
Thinking it best not to ask any further questions, he didn't.
~*~
San Francisco, August 23rd 2379.
Kathryn lifted her glass of wine to her lips and took a sip, then looked curiously across at Chakotay who sat opposite her, playing with the food on his plate. "Are you okay?" he looked up from his plate, "you've been quiet all evening."
He shrugged, "it's nothing," he smiled weakly, "I was just thinking."
"Thinking about what?" she asked, reaching across the table and placing her hand on his. He responded by linking his fingers with hers.
He looked up and met her gaze, noticing the determined and yet concerned look on her face, he realised that she wasn't going to give up on the topic very easily. He sighed, this was one of a few occasions where he was finding it hard to predict her reaction, so he thought it best just to come out and say it. "I received a letter the other day, from a professor at Cambridge University in London, he has invited me on a excavation in Egypt."
Kathryn smiled, "that's great," she said, "I hope you have accepted his offer."
Chakotay's face stayed sombre, "I haven't told him anything yet," Chakotay admitted, "but I was going to tell him no, I don't think it's fair to leave you to deal with this pregnancy alone."
Kathryn pulled a face, "Egypt isn't that far away," she pointed out, "it's not like it's two weeks travel away, and in an area where I won't be able to communicate with you. I think that you should accept his offer."
He still wasn't convinced, although he could see that Kathryn was, "yes, but it's still about two hours travel the civilian way, and because of the time difference I'll be working while you're sleeping and you'll be working while I'm sleeping, we'd never be able to make time for each other."
"Well how long is it for?" she asked.
"Six months, but it may be longer, it depends on how long they're allowed to excavate for."
"Well I should be on maternity leave for about two months of that, so you're not going to miss out on waking up at two in the morning ever night to see to a crying baby."
"Every night?!" Chakotay repeated with a smile.
"If we're lucky, just the once or twice a night," she smiled, "so when do you leave," she added knowing that she had won.
In part relief and part excitement of the prospect of the excavation he smiled broadly, "I think the professor said that the dig would start in about four days, but are you sure you don't mind?"
She dropped her shoulders, in disbelief that he was still having doubts about going, "of course I don't mind, not that I'm trying to get you out the house or anything, but I think I would mind if you decided to stay."
He laughed, "okay," he put his hands up defensively, "you've won, as usual," he added.
Kathryn grinned at the truth of the matter. Just before Chakotay returned to his meal, he looked up sharply realising something, "did you say you were only taking two months maternity leave?" he asked cautiously.
Immediately Kathryn dropped her eyes to avert his gaze, "I think so," she tried to be evasive.
"The doctor said that you would need more like five months," he stared at her, hoping to catch her eye.
She had to think for a while, how she was going to get out of this argument, "I think that five months is too long a time, about two of those months are supposed to be the last two of the pregnancy and I'm planning on working up until the last few weeks maybe even days if I can. And besides, there are good day care centres in the city, so there's no reason for me to prolong returning to work.
He raised an eyebrow at all of this, it was news to him, and he wasn't happy about what he was hearing. "I didn't know that we were planning on sending our child to a day care centre," he started, "or that you were planning on working your self to an early labour!"
Kathryn sighed, she should have discussed these things with him first, but she was so used to making decisions on her own that it had almost become second nature to her. "I'm sorry," she met his gaze at last, "but you know how important my work is to me."
"Sometimes I think it's too important to you," Chakotay spoke his mind.
She wanted to glare at him, wanted to be angry at the remark he had just made, but she found that she couldn't, and when asking herself why remembered Tad saying it to her before she left on the mission to the badlands over eight years before. And she felt then as she did now, sad and disappointed with herself for not getting her priorities right. "You're much more important to me Chakotay than Star Fleet," she said softly, but with a fierceness behind the words that told him that she was determined not to let him think otherwise.
"Then take extra time off," he said soothingly, "I don't want our child to be raised by strangers, I want us to be a family not a group of people that live in the same house. If you miss out on this window to bond with our child then you may not have as good a chance to do so later on."
"Chakotay I hardly think that an extra few weeks will make much difference," she was losing the decision that she had made, and made a final attempt to put down the idea of taking extra time than she needed.
"What's this really about?" he asked, sensing something deeper, and half an idea what it was. She averted his eyes again, and he made a fairly good guess, "this is about Felicity," his guess was right when he noticed her flinch at the suggestion. "You want to spend the minimal amount of time with our baby because you're worried that it will stir bad memories of you raising Felicity almost by yourself!"
"You're wrong," she said quietly, knowing that he was right, "this has nothing to do with past experience."
"It has everything to do with it!" he insisted, "Tad told me. After Justin died you took almost a year out of Star Fleet, Felicity must have been about six moths old when you returned."
A tear appeared in Kathryn's eye at this, she hadn't realised that he knew. Seeing that she was upset about this, he got up from his chair and made his way over to her, crouching beside her and putting an arm across the head of her chair. "You can tell me anything," he said soothingly.
She looked down at him, and a faint smile appeared on her lips knowing the truth to his words. Swallowing hard she nodded, "after Justin died I didn't really think much about my pregnancy, I knew I was pregnant, but I didn't really take it on board, it just didn't seem real. And then it all came as a shock when Felicity was suddenly born. She scared me, when I saw her I didn't see Justin inside her I just kept remembering the shuttle accident and losing Justin and my father. I couldn't return to work because I no longer saw the point to it, and so I was constantly there, at home with Felicity, a constant reminder of what had happened."
"And you're worried that if you spend too much time with our baby then you'll come to feel the same way?" he tucked some loose strands of hair behind her ear and kissed her neck before returning to her gaze, watching a stubborn tear run down her cheek. "Did you feel that way about Tad?"
She shook her head, "no, it was different with Tad," she saw the look he was giving her and smiled despite her self, "and it'll be different with our baby."
He nodded, "I think maybe you had post natal depression after you had Felicity, which contributed to your negative feelings, and for some reason it was never picked up on. We'll check and make sure that you don't have it again after this little one is born, but until then, if you insist on working, I want you to cut back on the hours that you're doing."
"Yes sir," she smiled, "you'd better send that reply to the professor, four days isn't a lot of time to prepare."
"After seven years in the delta quadrant of being given mere minutes notice to an attack- four days in an eternity," Chakotay joked lightly.
~*~
End of chapter 4