Well. It was about 12:30 in the morning and I was putting off doing more chemistry, being not sleepy and feeling like writing. Therefore, it has resulted in THIS. It may or may not be quite as biting sarcastic as previous chapters, being as it's so very very late, but I stuck to my plot outline. YES, this ACTUALLY has a plot outline, believe it or not. There are going to be quite a few more characters dropping by, including one who arrives in this chapter with a ridiculous name that I'm sure could be a source of great amusment, especially since it is used so seriously. Well, as serious as this sotry IS, anyway. Now, I'll shut up and get on with the story. ^_^
FANTABULOUS LEGGOSITY
Partie Quatre
Meanwhile, while Annuninomincirthwenniron and Legolas cavorted merrily in the haunting halls of Rivendell, a lone horseman rode quickly and silently across the plains of some unnamed Middle-Earthian county towards Mirkwood. The lone, unnamed, very rugged and manly horseman's paramour had disappeared three days previous without so much as a trace of a Linea Paolo slingback high-heel to mark a clue to her whereabouts, and now he was bent on locating her.
The rugged, outdoorsy man who is beginning to sound a bit like Aragorn but in all honesty isn't had suddenly been struck with the insane idea that his beloved had gone to Mirkwood. After regaining consciousness, he had instantly leaped upon his faithful donkey named Hotey (who wasn't actually a donkey at all, he just liked to call her that) and had sped off into the wild blue yonder.
Of course, like any good person heading sincerely and desperately for Mirkwood, the rugged and unnamed manly horse-guy arrived in Rivendell, only moments after Annuninomincirthwenniron had stalked in violet-eyes anger away from the poor muddled prince Legolas, who had consequently nearly choked to death on her name.
The rugged, outdoorsy, manly horseman who would probably soon be named in these next paragraphs leaped expertly from the back of his horse and gazed around the moon-bathed Rivendell and its accompanying ethereal and sickening beauty.
"Ah ha!" he cried gallantly in true pompous hero fashion. "I have arrived in Mirkwood!"
Showing how truly dense he really was.
***
Exactly 149.472859275 meters away, Annuninomincirthwenniron's dainty ears detected the sound of a familiar voice. She arose gracefully from her feather bed where she had been delicately weeping in her grievous and piteous woe, and went to the window, which just happened to look down on a certain Rivendell courtyard that contained a certain horse and its certain rider.
"SQUEEEE!!" Annuninomincirthwenniron cried, shattering the already horribly warped canon. The poor thing screeched in its final death throes, but was drowned out by the constant exalted cry of "BISHIE!! SQUEEEE!!!" from Annuninomincirthwenniron.
Exactly 2.00000006 meters away (just outside Annuninomincirthwenniron's door, coincidentally) Legolas heard the ear-splintering cry from within the chamber. Immediately, believing Annuninomincirthwenniron to be wounded, in mortal danger, or perhaps giving birth, he flung the door open and was instantly run over by a rampaging she-Elf.
By the time the squashed prince had spatula-ed himself off the floor, he heard a loud commotion in the court below. Going to the window, which also happened to look down on that certain courtyard, he saw Annuninomincirthwenniron, the one female he desired to shag above all others, fling herself into the arms of a tall, rugged, dark-haired stranger in the courtyard below.
"Whatever could this be?" Legolas cried. "My Annuninomincirthwenniron, flinging herself wantonly upon such a rugged, tall, dark, unnamed stranger such as /this/ rugged, tall, dark, unnamed stranger? It simply cannot be!"
And he fled down the stairs to check out this thing for himself.
***
The tall, dark, rugged stranger who was getting rather irked at his severe lack of proper name, caught the flying she-Elf with rather some difficulty in keeping his balance. She appeared not to notice this, however, as she locked both of her white, feminine arms about his neck in a death-grip.
"Studlymanus!" she cried, her face brimming with joy. "Far must you have ridden to have cometh upon me in yonder Elven-haven Rivendell! However dideth you seek me out?"
"Rivendell?" asked the tall, rugged, outdoorsy man who, even though he now had a name, the authoress was refusing to call him by it. "I thought this was Mirkwood."
"Oh, thou art a silly!" Annuninomincirthwenniron exclaimed. "Everyone knows the only place thou canest reach in forsooth, verily, is Rivendell!"
"I am confused by your sporadic insertion of Old English," Studlymanus said. "Do I-"
At this moment, Legolas arrived in the courtyard.
"Damn the traffic! It is especially slow near that 'Secret Bunny Room' Elrond keeps insisting does not exist," Legolas said, taking a moment to catch his breath. Both Annuninomincirthwenniron and Studlymanus turned to stare rather blankly at the Elven prince. There was a long, dull silence.
"Uh…wir wollen elf auto meiten?" Legolas offered.
"Oh! Silly Legolas!" Annuninomincirthwenniron tutted. "Where on Middle-Earth would we find eleven cars at /this/ time of night?"
The canon let out a final dying 'urk', shriveled up, and was seen no more for the remainder of the story.
"But who is this?" Legolas cried, pointing an accusing finger at the rugged, tall stranger. "And why does he insist on calling his horse a donkey?"
"Yeah, let's talk about that," the horse spoke up.
"My name is Studlymanus Handsomebastardius." Studlymanus announced with an ostentatious ambiance. "I come from the distant land of Fancifulfruityphonypsuedonyms!"
"Yes, I have heard of that land," Legolas said. "Does it not also encompass the kingdoms of Nambynuttynonsensenames and Asinineawawkwardalias?"
"The same," Studlymanus assured him.
"What brings you to Rivendell?" Legolas inquired. "The fact that my lust-object is currently dangling about your neck like a lascivious medallion seems to suggest you two perhaps know each other. Is it for her you have come here?"
"My original intent was to head towards Mirkwood," Studlymanus said. "But seeing as Annuninomincirthwenniron was here, as well as the fact I was unable to get anywhere /but/ here; yes, I did come for her to here. Or…for her to here. Or, uh, one of those."
"And why, pray tell, as I may have mentioned earlier, /is/ Annuninomincirthwenniron currently dangling about your neck like a lascivious medallion?" Legolas inquired, barely able to take the sight.
"Well, putting aside the fact that Annuninomincirthwenniron once won first place in Fancifulfruityphonypsuedonyms's Annual Dangling About Tall, Rugged, Dark Stranger's Necks Like Lascivious Medallions contests…. She is also my fiancé!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BUM BUM BUM!!! Suspense that really ISN'T!!! I just love the name Studlymanus, it is so non-canon and so ridiculous. Kind of like Annuninomincirthwenniron. There's going to be more stuff with her name later...she'll be randomly gaining accents and oublats and all kinds of things. MUAH!
A great big shout out to all my reviewers...and to anyone who is actually still thinking this is alive. HAH! I prove it! Tis VERILY FORSOOTH alive! And thanks to the suggestion of Jengo, there's going to be big MUSICAL numbers in here. Of course, they'll all be modern, totally non-compatable songs. I already have a great one picked out for Annuninomincirthwenniron. MWEE!! (BTW, the way I pronounce her name when I'm reading over what I wrote is Ah-none-in-oh-min-seer-ith-when-ear-on. Ungainly and awkward, aint it? *grin*
FANTABULOUS LEGGOSITY
Partie Quatre
Meanwhile, while Annuninomincirthwenniron and Legolas cavorted merrily in the haunting halls of Rivendell, a lone horseman rode quickly and silently across the plains of some unnamed Middle-Earthian county towards Mirkwood. The lone, unnamed, very rugged and manly horseman's paramour had disappeared three days previous without so much as a trace of a Linea Paolo slingback high-heel to mark a clue to her whereabouts, and now he was bent on locating her.
The rugged, outdoorsy man who is beginning to sound a bit like Aragorn but in all honesty isn't had suddenly been struck with the insane idea that his beloved had gone to Mirkwood. After regaining consciousness, he had instantly leaped upon his faithful donkey named Hotey (who wasn't actually a donkey at all, he just liked to call her that) and had sped off into the wild blue yonder.
Of course, like any good person heading sincerely and desperately for Mirkwood, the rugged and unnamed manly horse-guy arrived in Rivendell, only moments after Annuninomincirthwenniron had stalked in violet-eyes anger away from the poor muddled prince Legolas, who had consequently nearly choked to death on her name.
The rugged, outdoorsy, manly horseman who would probably soon be named in these next paragraphs leaped expertly from the back of his horse and gazed around the moon-bathed Rivendell and its accompanying ethereal and sickening beauty.
"Ah ha!" he cried gallantly in true pompous hero fashion. "I have arrived in Mirkwood!"
Showing how truly dense he really was.
***
Exactly 149.472859275 meters away, Annuninomincirthwenniron's dainty ears detected the sound of a familiar voice. She arose gracefully from her feather bed where she had been delicately weeping in her grievous and piteous woe, and went to the window, which just happened to look down on a certain Rivendell courtyard that contained a certain horse and its certain rider.
"SQUEEEE!!" Annuninomincirthwenniron cried, shattering the already horribly warped canon. The poor thing screeched in its final death throes, but was drowned out by the constant exalted cry of "BISHIE!! SQUEEEE!!!" from Annuninomincirthwenniron.
Exactly 2.00000006 meters away (just outside Annuninomincirthwenniron's door, coincidentally) Legolas heard the ear-splintering cry from within the chamber. Immediately, believing Annuninomincirthwenniron to be wounded, in mortal danger, or perhaps giving birth, he flung the door open and was instantly run over by a rampaging she-Elf.
By the time the squashed prince had spatula-ed himself off the floor, he heard a loud commotion in the court below. Going to the window, which also happened to look down on that certain courtyard, he saw Annuninomincirthwenniron, the one female he desired to shag above all others, fling herself into the arms of a tall, rugged, dark-haired stranger in the courtyard below.
"Whatever could this be?" Legolas cried. "My Annuninomincirthwenniron, flinging herself wantonly upon such a rugged, tall, dark, unnamed stranger such as /this/ rugged, tall, dark, unnamed stranger? It simply cannot be!"
And he fled down the stairs to check out this thing for himself.
***
The tall, dark, rugged stranger who was getting rather irked at his severe lack of proper name, caught the flying she-Elf with rather some difficulty in keeping his balance. She appeared not to notice this, however, as she locked both of her white, feminine arms about his neck in a death-grip.
"Studlymanus!" she cried, her face brimming with joy. "Far must you have ridden to have cometh upon me in yonder Elven-haven Rivendell! However dideth you seek me out?"
"Rivendell?" asked the tall, rugged, outdoorsy man who, even though he now had a name, the authoress was refusing to call him by it. "I thought this was Mirkwood."
"Oh, thou art a silly!" Annuninomincirthwenniron exclaimed. "Everyone knows the only place thou canest reach in forsooth, verily, is Rivendell!"
"I am confused by your sporadic insertion of Old English," Studlymanus said. "Do I-"
At this moment, Legolas arrived in the courtyard.
"Damn the traffic! It is especially slow near that 'Secret Bunny Room' Elrond keeps insisting does not exist," Legolas said, taking a moment to catch his breath. Both Annuninomincirthwenniron and Studlymanus turned to stare rather blankly at the Elven prince. There was a long, dull silence.
"Uh…wir wollen elf auto meiten?" Legolas offered.
"Oh! Silly Legolas!" Annuninomincirthwenniron tutted. "Where on Middle-Earth would we find eleven cars at /this/ time of night?"
The canon let out a final dying 'urk', shriveled up, and was seen no more for the remainder of the story.
"But who is this?" Legolas cried, pointing an accusing finger at the rugged, tall stranger. "And why does he insist on calling his horse a donkey?"
"Yeah, let's talk about that," the horse spoke up.
"My name is Studlymanus Handsomebastardius." Studlymanus announced with an ostentatious ambiance. "I come from the distant land of Fancifulfruityphonypsuedonyms!"
"Yes, I have heard of that land," Legolas said. "Does it not also encompass the kingdoms of Nambynuttynonsensenames and Asinineawawkwardalias?"
"The same," Studlymanus assured him.
"What brings you to Rivendell?" Legolas inquired. "The fact that my lust-object is currently dangling about your neck like a lascivious medallion seems to suggest you two perhaps know each other. Is it for her you have come here?"
"My original intent was to head towards Mirkwood," Studlymanus said. "But seeing as Annuninomincirthwenniron was here, as well as the fact I was unable to get anywhere /but/ here; yes, I did come for her to here. Or…for her to here. Or, uh, one of those."
"And why, pray tell, as I may have mentioned earlier, /is/ Annuninomincirthwenniron currently dangling about your neck like a lascivious medallion?" Legolas inquired, barely able to take the sight.
"Well, putting aside the fact that Annuninomincirthwenniron once won first place in Fancifulfruityphonypsuedonyms's Annual Dangling About Tall, Rugged, Dark Stranger's Necks Like Lascivious Medallions contests…. She is also my fiancé!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BUM BUM BUM!!! Suspense that really ISN'T!!! I just love the name Studlymanus, it is so non-canon and so ridiculous. Kind of like Annuninomincirthwenniron. There's going to be more stuff with her name later...she'll be randomly gaining accents and oublats and all kinds of things. MUAH!
A great big shout out to all my reviewers...and to anyone who is actually still thinking this is alive. HAH! I prove it! Tis VERILY FORSOOTH alive! And thanks to the suggestion of Jengo, there's going to be big MUSICAL numbers in here. Of course, they'll all be modern, totally non-compatable songs. I already have a great one picked out for Annuninomincirthwenniron. MWEE!! (BTW, the way I pronounce her name when I'm reading over what I wrote is Ah-none-in-oh-min-seer-ith-when-ear-on. Ungainly and awkward, aint it? *grin*