Mulder leaned against his car and watched her. He knew as soon as he
spotted someone walking along the beach in the darkness, that it was her.
Her red hair caught a few rays of light from the street lights behind him
and shone like a beacon lighting his way to her.
Scully had told Mulder, years ago, how the ocean was a source of tranquility for her. In her younger days she would walk along the water for hours trying to resolve a problem that plagued her mind. Mulder felt a pang of regret when he realized that, this time, he was the problem.
Scully didn't look up at the sound of approaching footsteps nor at the sound of someone sitting down next to her. She knew Mulder would seek her out. She could feel the heat of his body as he whispered his greeting.
"Hey."
"Hey." Scully replied still not looking at him.
"I listened to the tapes Scully. All of them." Mulder stopped took a deep breath and turned to look at her. "I understand, now, why you did what you did. I would have done the same thing."
Only then did Scully look at him. From past experience, she knew that, in his own way, Mulder had just apologized to her. She said nothing but gave him a slight nod and a weak smile.
Mulder leaned towards her, giving her a slight shove with his shoulder. "I don't suppose this means we can have great make-up sex, does it?"
Scully smiled more acknowledging his attempt at humor. "Sorry Mulder, I think we've hurt each other too much this time for that." She saw his shoulders slump and reached out to stroke his face. "I hope you realize how hard it is for me to turn you down Mulder." She ran her thumb over his bottom lip, causing his eyes to immediately fill with desire. "Especially when I think about all the things this mouth of yours could do to me."
Mulder took her hand in his and turning her palm upright, gave her a small demonstration of what she was missing. Scully closed her eyes savoring the sensation briefly before reprimanding him. "Mulder..."
He dropped her hand and tried his best to look guilty. "Sorry."
Scully shook her head and looked back over the water. "Mulder, I wish this all could be resolved by a good roll in the sack, but it can't." She looked at him and Mulder saw the hurt in her eyes. "Some of what Spender said has made me think. About you, the X-files, our relationship."
Mulder wanted to interrupt her but she silenced him with a raised hand. She needed to get everything out in the open even if it hurt him and her. Their feelings had remained silent long enough.
"Since the beginning, our relationship has revolved around you. Your quest, your desires, your sister. Over time, your quests became mine. So much so, that I'm not sure where you leave off and I begin." Scully stroked his face again briefly. "Mulder, you throw 150 percent of yourself into everything you do and you expect everyone to do the same."
She dropped her hand and looked back over the ocean. The moon was higher now and basked them both in its silvery light. "I'm not sure if I can handle the responsibility of those expectations or even if I want them." Scully glanced over at Mulder and saw he was desperately trying to keep from talking. He didn't have to speak, his eyes told her everything she needed to know. He was terrified she was going to leave him.
"You're offering me not only your body but your soul. I don't want to commit to you unless I can do the same. It wouldn't be fair to you, or me."
"Are you leaving me?" Mulder blurted the words out before he could stop himself.
Scully smiled at him. "I need time to work this all through Mulder. To make sure the path I've chosen is the right one for me. I need put myself first Mulder."
Mulder opened his mouth to argue with her but quickly closed it. He knew Scully had always put his needs before hers. "What do you want from me, Scully?"
"A little time and a little space."
Mulder nodded and stood up offering her a hand to help her up. She took it and he hoisted her to her feet. He wanted to seek the comfort of her arms, but kept his distance dropping her hand quickly. "Will you be alright to drive back to Alexandria Mulder?"
"Yeah, it isn't that far." Mulder tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice. He hoped that she would invite him to stay. He walked her to the door of her cabin not quite sure if he should kiss her goodnight or not. He took the safe route and simply wished her a good night before turning and heading back towards his car.
Once inside, he gripped the wheel leaning forward so his head rested between his two hands. Only then, did he feel the full impact of Scully's words. As much as he hated to admit it, she was right. He was a selfish bastard and even though he loved her and would do anything for her, there was very little chance of him changing.
Mulder was ready to give his heart and soul to Scully fully and completely and wanted nothing less from her. Did she have it in her to relinquish so much of her closely guarded life to him?
He wasn't sure.
Mulder took a deep breath and leaned back scrubbing his face with his hands trying to rid himself of his paranoid thoughts. He had no control over Scully's decision about whether or not she would give herself completely to him, but he could help bridge the huge gap that had sprung up between them.
Neither he nor Scully was very good about expressing how they truly felt about the other. Each opting to count on their silent communication skills to do it for them. Mulder had breached their code of silence once, only after being shot full of painkillers.
Mulder got out of his car and quickly walked over to Scully's door hoping he wouldn't loose his nerve. He knocked gently and a moment later Scully opened the door. She didn't seem too surprised to see him. Mulder smiled, she knew him too well.
"Um...Scully...I wanted to tell you...." Mulder looked down at his shoes for a second or two before meeting her eyes. They were darker than normal and filled with tenderness and understanding. "I love you Scully."
Scully stood at looked at him her eyes filling with tears. Mulder hoped they were tears of happiness. She smiled weakly and reached up and stroked his cheek. "I know." She looked at him for a moment longer before turning and going back inside.
Mulder sighed knowing the gap was a little smaller now.
End of story
Scully had told Mulder, years ago, how the ocean was a source of tranquility for her. In her younger days she would walk along the water for hours trying to resolve a problem that plagued her mind. Mulder felt a pang of regret when he realized that, this time, he was the problem.
Scully didn't look up at the sound of approaching footsteps nor at the sound of someone sitting down next to her. She knew Mulder would seek her out. She could feel the heat of his body as he whispered his greeting.
"Hey."
"Hey." Scully replied still not looking at him.
"I listened to the tapes Scully. All of them." Mulder stopped took a deep breath and turned to look at her. "I understand, now, why you did what you did. I would have done the same thing."
Only then did Scully look at him. From past experience, she knew that, in his own way, Mulder had just apologized to her. She said nothing but gave him a slight nod and a weak smile.
Mulder leaned towards her, giving her a slight shove with his shoulder. "I don't suppose this means we can have great make-up sex, does it?"
Scully smiled more acknowledging his attempt at humor. "Sorry Mulder, I think we've hurt each other too much this time for that." She saw his shoulders slump and reached out to stroke his face. "I hope you realize how hard it is for me to turn you down Mulder." She ran her thumb over his bottom lip, causing his eyes to immediately fill with desire. "Especially when I think about all the things this mouth of yours could do to me."
Mulder took her hand in his and turning her palm upright, gave her a small demonstration of what she was missing. Scully closed her eyes savoring the sensation briefly before reprimanding him. "Mulder..."
He dropped her hand and tried his best to look guilty. "Sorry."
Scully shook her head and looked back over the water. "Mulder, I wish this all could be resolved by a good roll in the sack, but it can't." She looked at him and Mulder saw the hurt in her eyes. "Some of what Spender said has made me think. About you, the X-files, our relationship."
Mulder wanted to interrupt her but she silenced him with a raised hand. She needed to get everything out in the open even if it hurt him and her. Their feelings had remained silent long enough.
"Since the beginning, our relationship has revolved around you. Your quest, your desires, your sister. Over time, your quests became mine. So much so, that I'm not sure where you leave off and I begin." Scully stroked his face again briefly. "Mulder, you throw 150 percent of yourself into everything you do and you expect everyone to do the same."
She dropped her hand and looked back over the ocean. The moon was higher now and basked them both in its silvery light. "I'm not sure if I can handle the responsibility of those expectations or even if I want them." Scully glanced over at Mulder and saw he was desperately trying to keep from talking. He didn't have to speak, his eyes told her everything she needed to know. He was terrified she was going to leave him.
"You're offering me not only your body but your soul. I don't want to commit to you unless I can do the same. It wouldn't be fair to you, or me."
"Are you leaving me?" Mulder blurted the words out before he could stop himself.
Scully smiled at him. "I need time to work this all through Mulder. To make sure the path I've chosen is the right one for me. I need put myself first Mulder."
Mulder opened his mouth to argue with her but quickly closed it. He knew Scully had always put his needs before hers. "What do you want from me, Scully?"
"A little time and a little space."
Mulder nodded and stood up offering her a hand to help her up. She took it and he hoisted her to her feet. He wanted to seek the comfort of her arms, but kept his distance dropping her hand quickly. "Will you be alright to drive back to Alexandria Mulder?"
"Yeah, it isn't that far." Mulder tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice. He hoped that she would invite him to stay. He walked her to the door of her cabin not quite sure if he should kiss her goodnight or not. He took the safe route and simply wished her a good night before turning and heading back towards his car.
Once inside, he gripped the wheel leaning forward so his head rested between his two hands. Only then, did he feel the full impact of Scully's words. As much as he hated to admit it, she was right. He was a selfish bastard and even though he loved her and would do anything for her, there was very little chance of him changing.
Mulder was ready to give his heart and soul to Scully fully and completely and wanted nothing less from her. Did she have it in her to relinquish so much of her closely guarded life to him?
He wasn't sure.
Mulder took a deep breath and leaned back scrubbing his face with his hands trying to rid himself of his paranoid thoughts. He had no control over Scully's decision about whether or not she would give herself completely to him, but he could help bridge the huge gap that had sprung up between them.
Neither he nor Scully was very good about expressing how they truly felt about the other. Each opting to count on their silent communication skills to do it for them. Mulder had breached their code of silence once, only after being shot full of painkillers.
Mulder got out of his car and quickly walked over to Scully's door hoping he wouldn't loose his nerve. He knocked gently and a moment later Scully opened the door. She didn't seem too surprised to see him. Mulder smiled, she knew him too well.
"Um...Scully...I wanted to tell you...." Mulder looked down at his shoes for a second or two before meeting her eyes. They were darker than normal and filled with tenderness and understanding. "I love you Scully."
Scully stood at looked at him her eyes filling with tears. Mulder hoped they were tears of happiness. She smiled weakly and reached up and stroked his cheek. "I know." She looked at him for a moment longer before turning and going back inside.
Mulder sighed knowing the gap was a little smaller now.
End of story